Angelia's....Ramblings....

AND WE WAIT...

2012-02-01T07:46:00.000-08:00

I was thinking this morning about when Mr. M first joined the Army, it was 1977 and we were not yet married. He was on his way, in his words to prepare a future for us. I recall that brisk, fall day I handed him a poem by Nikki Giovanni, entitled, SIT AND WAIT, in essence I was telling him I would wait for him, I loved him that much.I recall being told by so many women, that he would probably find someone else and there were the men who were telling me, I shouldn't wait, but wait I did and come August we will be married, joyfully for 34 years.This writing thing has been much like that. The first couple of years I churned about, writing book after book, trying to make it happen. I stayed on the road in my car, going to this fair, that festival, this house, that bookstore, trying to get my work out there....The next couple of years I was tired and rested on my imaginary laurels, books still sold, but I will be honest with you, I was too tired to care, so it was really grace.But, last year I made a conscious decision to revamp what I was doing and how I was doing it. I revamped how I did business and who I did business with. I had to learn to weed the helpers from the harmers and I also had to think outside of the box.By the middle of the year I jumped out and started selling ebooks and it changed the game for me, I could get my work out to the masses without having to kill myself to do it and I could give the same product for less to more.I also had to check those I did business with, I had to learn what networking really meant and that everyone who opens their mouth to speak doesn't necessarily speak for you...Nowadays, I am doing my thing and every single day I am surprised by the love and graciousness of those who are so supportive it makes me cry...with joy and thankfulness...I JUST HAD TO WAIT...angelia

NEW Review for FAMILY, FRIENDS, FOES?

2012-01-31T04:57:00.000-08:00

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful: 5.0 out of 5 stars Warm and Fuzzy!, January 27, 2012 By Folake Taylor "Author of The Only Way is Up" (Atlanta, GA) - See all my reviews(REAL NAME) Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?) This review is from: FAMILY, FRIENDS, FOES? A Malcolm Black Novel (Kindle Edition) Yes! That's how I felt in the last few pages of this book, because it warmed me up. Like in one of my daughter's kiddie TV shows Ni Hao Kailan, this book made my heart feel super happy.Mrs Menchan has done it once again. You wonder where else she can take this story and once again, she takes it places you never imagined.I'll have to do a few quotes here:"Cinnamon Bun, you are a force. All the men who ever loved you still love you and every woman who loves them is mad about it."I definitely identify with that! Nuf said."Sho is, you are a man and you have a veddy nice dingo."Can I say Angelia Vernon Menchan shocked me nicely with this one. She pushed the limits with conversation, life experiences and changes, etc."Ma'am, I am a Christian, thus I say Merry Christmas. I have no issue with any other religion. As a very young man I studied Islam, for many years after that I didn't define my religious beliefs at all. In the last couple of years I gave my life to God and am vowing my Christian faith."Speaks for itself.'"I'm sure you will be an awesome mother. Are you planning insemination or natural?"Malcolm snorted and the young people remembered they weren't alone."If natural are you vounteering?"'Bwahahahaha!Now for one of my favorite parts of the book where she shocked me again:Without thinking Cinnamon picked up her bottle of water and splashed his face with it before walking out. Looking up, she realized (blank) had just been doused with water by his angry (blank) and that cell phone cameras were flashing. Damn.I tell ya, like I said before when I first started reading Angelia's novels, Cinnamon is the woman we all wish we could be but don't have to nerve to be at all times, though some of us manage it at times. Teehee.My heart was literally leaping for joy in the last few pages of the book at how it all unfolded beautifully.Get your copy now!

A NEW WORK STARTED IN ME...

2012-01-30T05:26:00.001-08:00

January 2012 is almost over and it has been a grand month for me. Perfect, not at all, but I learned a long time ago that perfection doesn’t exist in this life. I am sure there are some of you beating your heads about the wall now, screaming at me, “I am perfect, I want perfection, I am a perfectionist.” I pray fervently for you, I do. :}But while not perfect it has been so blessed in and amongst the trials. I turned a year older on the 19th, no sadness about aging here, just so glad to be here! I published my 14th book on the same day and this month has been a good month for Angelia Vernon Menchan books.It has also been a month of acceptance of already known truths. One of the hardest things for me is not being able to rely on a person’s word. I know there are always extenuating circumstances, but if every single time a person says they are going to do a thing, and they almost never do, then there you have it.I have had to learn to let them go away quietly, don’t make a big fuss about it, but find other venues and other ways to do a thing. I don’t even have regrets because the way I see it is, obviously the time wasn’t right for me to reap the way I am reaping in this season. So there it is. I have been on this book journey now for 6 years, today in fact was exactly six years ago that I published my first book and the road has been bumpy, not hard, not unfair, but bumpy. I had so much to learn and the biggest thing I had to learn was patience.There were so many mixed messages, with agendas. Sometimes I couldn’t see the pages of the book for the covers, you know akin to the flowers for the trees. Ha Ha Ha!Anyway, but the one thing I did learn is that every single bump provides a lesson as long as you are open to it. And I am going to say here again that I am led by God and not by man on anything and I truly believe that what God has for me, no one can block and I know what is necessary to do what I do, but I also knew to stay planted in how I was doing.The other day I was looking at the cover of my latest book designed by my husband and tears popped in my eyes, because more than one person had tried to encourage me not to use his covers, but to go with this one or that one and every single time I would almost listen, I would get this oops upside the head from God, saying literally, “What God had put together…”Nowadays Ican’t say how many compliments I get on the covers and in so many venues it doesn’t even matter. I have an ebook that has a generic cover and it sells, sells, sells because guess what, people actually want to read what I write, cover be damned. Oh what a blessing and a revelation to this woman.I am simply Rambling this morning because God has begun a new work in me and I am GRATEFUL, GRATEFUL, GRATEFUL…Be Blessed!

CHECKING OURSELVES...

2012-01-26T03:54:00.000-08:00

Last night I was in a meeting in church and it started off beautifully, our chaplain stood, giving us a wonderful devotion about unity and what we say and how we say it, felt awesome, however in short order it was as though, she hadn't said a word. The WORLD stepped in the room and took over. Suddenly it was about personal agendas, an unwillingness to concede or agreee, the old guard against the new guard, et al.Mostly, I sat quietly, at times wondering why I rush to such meetings, when I know full well, how things are going to go...And then it hit me, because I always hope and pray for better...pray that we have checked ourselves and our agendas at the door before we get there and focus on what our mission is ultimately supposed to be about, serving God and be of service to those at our church.I came to regular worship, later in my life, I had been to church, but had never been enmeshed in church culture, because I had only ever heard that things like this went on, and of course I know that it is life and goes on everywhere. However, as such, I always check myself and my agenda, I have made sure that I don't raise my hand to serve on every committee, or lead this that or the other, because I know for sure that if I do, then it becomes about who sees me doing what and who knows who I am, et al.I have been writing books for over six years and it is only now that people at my church even know it because I vowed to myself that I would not use church as a vehicle to sell books. The ones that do know beyond my close friends are those that were told by others who read my books and recommended them. It is so easy to get caught up in church as a socializing venue and lose sight that the mission of the church is bringing people to Christ, so they might be saved.I may sound a bit self-righteous, but that isn't my intent. We live in a world filled with mess, just turn on the television or walk outside. And with things being as they are, we should be able to find peace in harmony in our church and in our home.I walked out of the meeting last night, thinking, I really don't need all this. But by the time I got home, I was pretty prayed up and I checked myself, realizing that I must soldier on, praying for change and trying in my very limited way to make a bit of a difference, I know for a fact that God places us where he does, so when can do what he guides us to do.BE BLESSED!

I GOTTA ASK?

2012-01-25T04:01:00.000-08:00

Some of my best thinking happens in the shower, I wake up and immediately, I pray and read my scriptures, and by the time I make my way to the shower, I am wide awake and ready for thinking. This morning, I was going over in my mind why is it that one must ask for things, there is someone I went out on a limb for and every single time I need the person to do what they promised to do, I have to ask...what is that all about? Really...Then I thought it just must be me...some flaw in me that makes me have to ask...Last night I checked my phone and there was this message from a hometown local newspaper guy and he had received responses on a press release I had sent out and he wanted me to know that he was glad to have done it, and that he had been promoting me without me having to ask or send him anything. I told him that I would take out an ad in his upcoming release and he said, "Mrs. Menchan, you don't seem to get it that I truly support you and that if you want to run an ad, okay but you have run so many and it isn't necessary. You really don't have to ask for everything." Tears popped in my eyes, because if I were as honest with myself as I am with others I would have to admit that if feels like that sometimes. That if I don't ask or pay, it isn't going to happen.Now mind you, I know I have a do or die crew and they are all about me...but there are those times when I know deep in my gut, that unless I ask or pay, it ain't going down. Mostly, I am cool with all that because I was raised to pay my own way, not bite off more than I can chew or pay for and there are no free lunches, but sometimes, every now and then, that soft vulnerable part of me me, is poked and I feel it. And usually it is because of kind words like the ones spoken to me.Last week, I was talking on line with my super-supportive, daughter/sister/friend, Dr. Folake Taylor and she said, "Mama Deep, it seems that because we never say we are overwhelmed or need something people may think we are perfect." I told her at the time and meant it, "Baby, I will admit when I am struggling..."And I will, but it is hard as all heck to admit that to get something from those who vow to be down or on the team, I have to always ask...and sometimes I feel the burn of it...BE BLESSED~angelia!

THEY SAID, I COULDN'T, SHOULDN'T, WOULDN'T

2012-01-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

The other day I was asked the question, “Angelia, how did you know the publishing industry would become so viable for independent publishers?”I was honest and admitted that I didn’t have a clue. When I published my first book in January 2006, self-pubbers were considered to be just a step above, the low. There were many in the game who had started out publishing their own work, but their holy grail, pie in the sky was to get a deal with a publishing house.Frankly, that never occurred to me, at first, I simply wanted to write and then when I discovered that I could only write about certain things as a black woman of a certain age, I knew damn well, that wasn’t going to work for me.Did I receive flak? Heck to the yeah. There were those who thought I wouldn’t sell any books, there were others who basically said many things they thought they were covering up and then it was the comments about how narrative my work was, or how old my female characters were.Did I listen to them? I sure did to a certain extent, especially when it was about the craft of writing and how to truly self-publish, but the other stuff, I tossed over my shoulder and relied on my faith and me. The one thing I knew for sure is that if God blessed my dream of writing books, he would bless me as a traditionally published author or as a self-published. And he has, more than I can say here.One of the most interesting ways is that he often sends my naysayers my way, asking for assistance or asking to be part of it all. Do I laugh in their faces, oh no, not ever, that isn’t my way and any little thing I can do, I will because you know what, this thing isn’t at all about me. It is about the words and who they reach and what we can do with what we get.I love writing, I love publishing, I love being able to use a bit of the money I receive for causes I support, I love being able to talk to people about my journey and how green I was when I started. But the biggest thing of all, is I love owning myself, being accountable to me and my readers as an author and not feeling the need to be trendy or flowy because what I learned is that ultimately you can write the most perfectly crafted, timely book in the world, but if it doesn’t resonate with anyone, then…what!I thank God for allowing me to do this thing I do and I thank those who believed in me and those who didn’t because at the end of the day, it has worked out, and I AM COUNTING IT ALL JOY…Angelia!

WHAT IS YOUR BRAND?

2012-01-18T11:11:00.000-08:00

What's your brand, what are you known for, stand for, what are you about? Do you even know?I consider myself to be honest, fair, overly concerned, very flawed, always trying to be a better do better woman, who will cry and cuss when mad.My mama thought of me as her say anything, whip my butt if you want to but I am going to tell the truth, very loved daughter...My man says, I have the biggest heart and though I may talk a bit of trash, I am usually going to give anything to those that ask...My sons think I can do most things and they know I am going to give it to them straight no chaser, while giving them or helping them get what they need.To my family and friends I am that ride or die woman who sometimes got to much trash to talk and make them mad cause I ain't agreeing if I ain't agreeing...and those that love me for it love me for it...those that don't, well, they don't...cool!There are those who find me to be too full of myself, conceited, arrogant, over confident, brash, etc. and I am going to come out that closet and say that somedays that is the unequivocal truth and I KNOW THOSE THINGS BETTER THAN ANYONE AND STAY IN PRAYER ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME...My online family and readers call me wise, funny, the queen of honesty and truth...hah!At work they call me DivaGuru...double ha!And you know what, all of those and more define me and my brand, if you will, and over the past six years, since I entered this writing/publishing game, and a game it is, I decided I would stay me, give it the readers, the listeners and whomever else the unadulterated truth because at the end of the day, I have to live with this me...There are many who have been here with me from the beginning and I treasure them and there are some who found me to be too much of me to deal with and we parted ways, I treasure them too, because they taught me so much, mostly to stick to my guns and remain true to me, my integrity and mine and reaffirmed what I already knew that what God has for me is for me and I will have it or not have it based on that.I love writing, I love interacting, I have even developed a kinda sorta love relationship with the whole social network business and all I can say is I appreciate all the ones who stop to chat, listen or opine and I quadruple appreciate those who purchase, download and even share my books with others because it reinforces to me that the only brand I have is the ANGELIA VERNON MENCHAN brand and that works for me. To God be the glory, amen...Please Purchase my newest, officially available tomorrow:FAMILY, FRIENDS, FOES? The follwup to Mrs. Black? and The Blacks: LOVE'S Politicsebook:http://www.amazon.com/FAMILY-FRIENDS-Malcolm-Black-ebook/dp/B006VFJSN8/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1326913669&sr=8-8Book:http://www.amazon.com/FAMILY-FRIENDS-Malcolm-Black-Novel/dp/1467510394/ref=sr_1_29?ie=UTF8&qid=1326913733&sr=8-29

HAPPY DR. KING DAY

2012-01-16T04:33:00.000-08:00

When growing up in Ocala, Florida, I recall hearing so much about Dr. Martin Luther King, many people idolized him, and a few thought he was nuts, because they just were not wired to believe in the 60s that a Negro man could really make a difference in changing the hearts of a racist America.I loved sitting around listening to my aunts, grandmother and godmother talk about him and other things. These women had opinions about everything and were quite outspoken about it. My grandmother not as much as her six daughters and her friend, my godmother. Bi' mama as I called her was not worldly like them. She had always been a saved woman and didn't give in to much conversation about worldly things, but she had raised six very vocal, opionionated women and I loved listening to them. They always spoke about Dr. King with such reverence and admiration.I can clearly remember the spring day he died, I was wearing a burnt orange dress, with a white collar and was coming up to my grandmother's house and they were all crying, I had never seen that group of women cry, make people cry yes, but not cry and I knew something was way wrong...I was informed that THEY had killed Dr. King, the way THEY had killed President Kennedy. It was pure sadness and mourning on that wraparound porch.Years later, I remember the absolutely controversy about making his birthday a holiday and all the mean ugly things people said, quite openly. I was now a young mother and was saddened by the hatred. The most prevalant thing was about his personal business and how they tried to take away from the legacy by smearing his character.But what people failed to realize and still don't get is that me and many others really don't wrap our minds around what people do privately as much as we do to what they are about and what we can learn from their lives and the legacies they leave behind.What I knew is Dr. King fought for peace, equality and right-ness for all of us and that a lot of things I learned to enjoy and that my children and granddaughter take for granted was instigated and fought for by him and many like him. I don't iconize any man, but I do have admiration for those who are about fairness, justice and equality and are willing to DIE for what they believe in and for me DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, was such a man and we would all be better served to have more like him, flaws and all.BE BLESSED~angelia!

POVERTY MINDED

2012-01-06T03:31:00.000-08:00

What stands in the way of many is not so much being poor, as it is being poor in acts and mind, what I call poverty minded. Poverty mindedness, leads us to believe that we will never have anything anyway, so why not spend our money on things we know we cannot afford.Let's eat three meals out in a week and pay as much as it would cost to purchase groceries for a whole week and then have to borrow money to eat until payday....POVERTY MINDED.Let's get our paychecks and go shopping, even though we know we have bills due, because when we look good, we feel good, yet we know we will feel mighty bad when we are behind on things and creditors are calling us or our utilities are off and it is cold outside......POVERTY MINDEDLet's purchase alcohol and weed like it's groceries and wonder why we don't have anything....POVERTY MINDEDLet's purchase cell phones and designer clothing for our babies and children, although we really have no place to live, not really, but we want our children to have everything....POVERTY MINDEDLet's feel that if we cannot have the job we want, earning the money we deserve, we won't work at all, or if we do get a job, let's go in if we and when we feel like it, looking any old kind of way, and maybe they will fire us and we can collect unemployment.....POVERTY MINDED.I know some who read this will see it is judgmental and I promise to God it is not, but I have seen so many people who I love and know behave in this manner and they never get where they are going because they don't know that poverty of the mind and how we act are killing us...There really is a rather simple method to moving ahead...If you do not have a job, at all and you are offered a job that is legal, even if you dont really want that job, take it. I took a job a few years ago, that was temporary in nature that paid peanuts, much below what I had been earning and that job morphed into the excellent career I have today...honest to God and I didnt do anything that was particularly brilliant. I went to work ontime everyday, dressed and behaved appropriately, learned as much as I could about the current job and other jobs up the chain and planned and worked and learned my way to them. In ten years my salary was multiplied many times over...and I didnt sell out!So once you have that job, do what it takes to stay there and move up, and if there is no move up potential, work as if there is and always search for better employment, not leaving current employment until you have the other job. I promise you, you will improve your circumstances.Also, if you can't afford a home, you can't afford a luxury car, cars depreciate the minute you drive off the lot. So until you can afford it, dont do it. Move into a home you can pay for and drive a car you can afford and when you get chunks of money, like income tax returns, do something with them like pay off bills or save...And please, please, please don't go into debt with a bunch of ish, you wont even remember you bought.Also choose carefully who you tie yourself to, I can assure you that if you jump the broom with or live with someone who doesnt want anything or to go anywhere, it is more likely they will drag you down, than you dragging them up, especially if you loooooooves them and cant live without them.If anything I have said here is not applicable to you, please disregard, but if you know anyone who can benefit from it, toss it over your shoulder like so much salt and maybe it will season someone else...I TOLD YOU I WAS COMING STRAIGHT, NO CHASER, THIS YEAR, BECAUSE YA'LL KNOW I LOVE YOU, RIGHT...angeliaPREORDERFAMILY, FRIENDS,FOES? A Malcolm Black Book

PROVOCATIVE WOMANIST?

2012-01-04T18:03:00.000-08:00

Years ago on this very blog, Gwyneth Bolton called me a Provocative Womanist and I embraced that, because I guess anyone who is as honest as I am is provocative and I am passionate about issues that concern women, especially growing women. Because while growing women are being educated at ever increasing rates, they arent learning how to love themselves properly.Far too many educated, smart women are taking all kinds of madness to be coupled, in the pursuit of love and sex. They are laying down with men they know don't love them and who in many cases are openly involved with other women because they want to be held and loved.But baby girls, that isnt being loved, that is being sexed...and the two aren't the same thing.Even more disheartening to me is how much they are disrespecting other women, calling them the b word and literally fighting them in the streets and always feeling in competition with the next women, without realizing how much more respected we would all be if we were about listening to our sisters, being there for them, helping them in the things they don't know and learning from them the things we don't know.I watched my mom and her sisters and her friends and they were about each other. They collectively took care of the children and when one of them had a dollar all of them had a dollar. They fussed and cussed but never let the sun go down on the love they had for each other.I feel that way about my sister and my friends. We squabble and take rests one from the other, sometimes. But we pray for each other and together we laugh at our own shortcomings with each other and we don't stand for anyone bringing harm to the other.I have been in a few situation where drama crept in, and my first thing to do was try to make peace, when that doesnt work, I make haste and move on. I can love you from afar, but I dont roll with mess. We have too much to do, too many growing women,to teach, nurture, inspire and be models for and if they see us in our mess, how do they escape messiness.Even when writing fiction my goal is to CREATE provocative, flawed, women who mess up and have friends who hold them accountable and who hold the growing women the same.It is a cold world out there and sometimes, every now and then, we all need that sister, friend we can call and just be ourselves with and if we return that and they return that and on and on, it is so amazing what we can do and how we can raise these children of ours. So yes, Provocative Woman I am...PLEASE PREORDER:

YOU'LL KNOW WHEN...

2012-01-03T16:28:00.000-08:00

I have been asked so many times, when do you know?If you are in love?If you should leave, quit, stay, go...And the pat answer is, "You'll know when..."And as much as non-answer as that is, you will know, whether you do something about it or not. See, that is the dilemna in most cases, people know and they don't have the courage or in some cases, the energy to make a decision, so they feel stuck.Scenario:He knows he loves her, wants her, would like to jump the broom, but his does not say a word. Because maybe he doesnt know how, or he feels a man doesn't do that or his boys may have him feeling some kind of way about it...and he does nothing. She leaves and he knows right then and right there, that when is now, he knows, but what he does is something else altogether.################Scenario:You have been on the job for years and years and people around you have moved onward and upward, you never applied for anything, yet moan about what has been done to you. You knew when those jobs were posted you should have applied, but maybe you thought because you had been there so long, you should have been given the job, but you weren't, but you still know when.################Scenario:She has done everything she could for them. Helped them get jobs, they worked a few weeks and quit, after the first couple, she knew when. But, their love and approval was tied to how the felt about her and she felt if she didn't they wouldn't love her and even when she did, they didn't...but she knew when.#################Ever found yourself in a scenario like this, of course, most of us have. I found myself in one today, that I had washed my hands of months ago, right when I knew when. However, it lingered on and on, festering like that boil under the skin, that is infected and hurts every now and then but is bearable because of course some pain is just necessary, right?No actually not, I knew that what transpired today would occur and I should have sterilized my scalpel and lanced the boil, allowing it to drain, and then disinfected it, covered with a bandage, having it itch as it healed. But, no I was consumed with my role as caretaker and I allowed it to ooze out, dripping down my skin, slightly smelly,limping to the doctor,being chastised, given medicine and being told to, "Call me in six days, so we can see if it has healed."Well, I knew when and because I didn't act in as timely a fashion as I knew to do...I will have to live with that tiny scar. Having said that I know I will know when again and do the something similiar, and It won't be because I don't know when, but because I care, a lot...PLEASE PREORDER FAMILY, FRIENDS, FOES?A Malcolm Black Book

REFLECTIONS

2011-12-31T04:21:00.000-08:00

In less than24 hours it will be a New Year and in 20 days I will release my 14th book and will have another birthday, if God allows.2011 has been a year of many triumphs and some trials, I sold more books than ever this year, while at the same time watching relationships around me disentegrate, and seeing people I love pass over. I made many lasting contacts and I had to let many go, because we can only hold on so long until we lose ourselves.Also, for the past couple of months I have battled illness after illness, but I stay faithful and strong and every time God heals me body and spirit and I take his warnings seriously, I know that I need to take better care of ME, lose some of this weight and to do only those things that my heart are involved in. I spent way too much time volunteering and offering to do things I knew I didnt have time for or really the heart for. But, that was one of my shortcomings and I promise God to do better.Mostly, I am just so thankful and grateful that I am blessed to do what I do and that I end this year in a strong relationship with God, my husband, my sons, my sister, family and friends. God has been good to me and it is my purpose to work to show myself approved. I pray for wellness and joy for all of you in the NEW YEAR and beyond. I love you and appreciate you much!angelia vernon menchan

Preorder FAMILY, FRIENDS, FOES? A Malcolm Black Novel

2011-12-27T15:48:00.000-08:00

Malcolm and Cinnamon Black have weathered the storms of early marriage and a mayoral campaign that pulled every skeleton from the closet and threw it naked into the fray for all the world to see. Cinnamon was painted as a scarlet woman and it nearly broke Malcolm’s resolve to run for mayor. But they survived all that and Malcolm is now the first Black Mayor of Center City, Florida. Will he and his beloved first lady, Cinnamon be able to make a difference or will they be stopped at every turn by the maneuvers and dramas of FAMILY, FRIENDS and FOES? Read and you will find out, Angelia Vernon Menchan brings it once again.COMING JANUARY 19TH 2012PLEASE AND THANKS!angelia!

2011-12-24T08:07:00.001-08:00

Merry CHRISTmas, enjoy the blessings, Christ has bestowed upon us and remember the reason for the season. Love and Blessings!

Hottest Urban Fiction Reviews: Mrs. Black? By: Angelia Vernon Menchan

2011-11-21T11:17:00.000-08:00

Hottest Urban Fiction Reviews: Mrs. Black? By: Angelia Vernon Menchan: When I first entered this story the drama was flowing and I loved it, loved it well enough to want to read more.As I read more I learned th...

LOVING ONE'S OWN LIFE...

2011-11-17T07:08:00.001-08:00

I love my life, always have, even when it wasnt necessarily what I thought it should be. Somehow I had enough sense to know that God gave me the life he gave me and if it weren't the one I was supposed to have...well you know...What we choose to do with what we are given is something else altogether. I decided early, actually at about 12, that I would control my life to the extent that God allowed. I started little businesses, so I could afford the things I wanted. I knew my needs were provided for but was taught that to get in wants, I had to put in work. By 13 and half, I was actually working a job. I never felt it was too much for me, though it might have been for others, it was just the way it was.I am geared to making it work. I recall the early years of marriage when we met all our needs, barely. It never occurred to me to bail. I simply focused on my part, getting educated and working towards the future and supporting this man I loved enough to tie myself to. I also accepted that once he was my husband he was first, mama and them were my loved family, but after God, the man I married was first and that is probably why I am still married. I watch young people relationship and even marriage hop because they dont have the patience to wait until things get better and many dont feel that they should have to contribute, I ask, where do they do that at these days. It takes all of us doing our part. And many dont get that marriage means putting relationships in priority and perspective order, family, friends, jobs and all cannot come before a mate, if there is any expectation of success. And of course there is the comparative analysis that goes on. If friends have bigger cars, nicer apartments, get their nails done more often, then we are no longer happy with what we have, we want what they have and lose enjoyment in ours, that is so not grown or grateful. Many times we never achieve anything because we spend too much time consumed with others and what they have or are doing. We are not Loving Our Own Lives enough. We cannot see what we have if we focus on what we don't. We can't stay married or in relationships, if we spend all our times with our hands out in reaching and not giving and doing.I love my life, I know what my priorities are and I work each day to do all I can to keep what I have and am willing to wait on God to bless me with what I don't and HE has never failed me once. I get up each morning with a man who loves me, have good relationships, a job that I like, another job (writing) that I adore and which allows me to meet the coolest people and one thing I know for sure that this was meant for me and there is much that is meant for others, they just have to be open to THEIR OWN BLESSINGS, starting with appreciating what they already have.JUST RAMBLING...angelia

I AIN'T MAD...

2011-11-14T04:41:00.001-08:00

One of my goals is to stay positive, I am usually good about it, to the extent of sometimes being told by people, I don’t get mad enough. They just don’t know, I have been delivered from mad. For many of my young adult years I stayed mad about something. What I had to learn was that, mad solves nothing and you give away a great deal of your power to the people who keep you heated up. They are going on with their lives and you are mad and filled with mad maladies, like stress, high blood pressure and wrinkles. Ugh.So this morning, I am going to vent just a bit about something that doesn’t necessarily make me mad, but it is exhausting and that is not doing what one says they are going to do. And it is particularly exhausting when it comes from those who put down others for the same thing.Here is the thing, if you tell me, promise me, assure me you are going to do something. I have this weird, freaky, expectation (I know, expect nothing) that you will do it. I admit I am horrible at reminding people of things because if you have said you will do it, that’s good enough for me. I am of the mindset, you are a professional, I am a professional, my word is bond yo, your word is bond, yo!I would actually prefer a no I can’t do that or no I won’t do that, so that I can go on and find someone who will. I am also afflicted with a huge sense of loyalty and will stick with someone until they are absolutely unstickwithable.I find myself at this juncture and it saddens me a bit, but common sense and bottom line is telling me to move on. I cannot continue to call myself a business woman and spend time trying to do business with those who aren’t taking my business seriously. So here I am today all prayed up about this thing and I am moving on and forward and have found a way to get this done with a contract and a business minded attitude henceforth because frankly I can’t afford to lose any more time or money. As I tell my young people, life goes on…Angelia

SMALL THINGS, HUGE BLESSINGS...

2011-11-08T05:28:00.000-08:00

It really doesn't take much to bless a person, sometimes all it takes is a smile or a kind word. Sometimes when I am feeling a bit blue, I will receive a text message from my husband, sons, sister or sister friends and it is like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day.Last weekend I was visiting my home town and I sat with my Aunt Alice for about three hours, mostly listening to her talk, and I knew it was a big deal for her, didn't cost anything and we were both blessed with the other's company. It isn't something I can do often, but when it comes together and I can, I leave feeling rejuvenated and my prayer is that she does also.Yesterday, I spoke to a young friend who had lost her sister and all I said, mostly was that I love her and I started talking about other things and it was easy for both of us. Sometimes when we arent sure what to say, we simply need to open our mouths and pour out our hearts.Other times we simply need to be quiet and listen, there are times when I family and friends just want to vent and having us be there for that is one of those teeny, tiny loving things.Also if you know someone loves something, when you can, give it to them. Last week at a booksigning my friend Beverly gave me several chocolate mints in a bag, it felt like Christmas, she knows I love them and the fact that she thought of it warmed my heart. If you know a friend likes romance novels, send her one when she least expects it, or a note, or card that brings back memories.I love when my sons drop by, immediately go in the pots or the refrigerator and sit with their dad and I and talk, sometimes we dont say a word, we are on our computers or watching the news, but the fact that they took time to drop by is a blessing to and for us.It really doesnt take much or much time to bless someone with loving kindness...BE A BLESSING!angelia

THE MINISTRY...

2011-11-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

As most of my readers know, I have been writing and publishing my work since 2006, here I am 14 books later and still doing what I do pretty much on my own terms, haven't gotten rich yet, at least not monetarily but my books have brought me wealth, a wealth of readers, other writers, friends and relationships, mostly it brought me to this ministry of mine, to reach as many as I can by writing. I have mentored more young folks than I can count, and writing allows me to reach any further. Writing also introduced me to people who will actually sit and listen to me speak and in some cases pay me to do so...BLESSINGS...

Also it has allowed me to support breast cancer research which is near and dear to my heart...

I have become known as that keep it real, honest writer with a spiritual bent and I embrace and accept that, but I know that it isnt me, not at all, it is me finally listening to what God has asked of me and doing it the best I can. I am just a 5'10" inch vessel, and I am grateful, grateful, grateful and I know that it has only just begun...

angelia

Where Has She Been?

2011-11-01T05:35:00.000-07:00

Oh My,
it has been more than a minute since I have been at my own spot. October ran me over like a thunderstorm, grinding it out on the day gig, end of FY and all that and with my new baby, The Blacks: LOVE'S Politics being released in September,I have been out there getting the word out. And there have been so many life lessons, some I had to learn regarding me and some I had to be involved in regarding others.

I have had to accept the seasonality of relationships. That some last forever and ever and some are simply summer, winter, spring or fall. I dont like it, because I love those forever heart ties. But realizing that sometimes letting go is what is up and I plan to and I have.

I also accepted that I cannot take on everything. I will always write and publish my work. Priority. I love being asked to come to schools and speak to groups. Priority. I love my home life and down time, PRIORITY, PRIORITY. As such, I now have to say no I cannot, no I will not or maybe later.

God has been so awesome to me and I need to realize that I cannot bungle it up by not spending my time (HIS time)wisely, I know to Praise and Thank him and utilize this write and mentor thing because those are his blessings to me. So, now that I have gotten myself together (kinda) I will PRAISE more, blog more (may have another blog gig soon) write more and get myself out there and talk to the people because that loved ones is what I am called to do. And if you dont have your copy of THE BLACKS: LOVE'S POLITICS pray tell why.

http://www.amazon.com/Blacks-LOVES-POLITICS-Beginnings-ebook/dp/B005LH5V1U/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1320151891&sr=1-1
BE BLESSED!
angelia

FIRST REVIEW FOR THE BLACKS: LOVE'S POLITICS

2011-08-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

APOOO and JENNIFER, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU...
Title: Love’s Politics by Angelia Vernon Menchan

APOOO: 5

Amazon: 5

Heading: Relationships

The gang from Center City is back and hotter than ever. Scandal after scandal, drama after drama, unfolds on the pages of Angelia Vernon Menchan’s newest release, Love’s Politics. When we last encountered Cinnamon and Malcolm they were embarking on a new journey of love and comforting embrace of friends and family. Like all of her other books, Mrs. Menchan’s value of friendship can be seen throughout the book.

When Cinnamon and Malcolm return early from a special trip, they return to a buzz around the city. A petition has circulated and been signed by the Center City citizens. They want Malcolm Black to be the man in charge; the next mayor. However, when running for any kind of political office, skeletons always seem to find their way to the surface and into the light for all to see. Cinnamon being the wise woman she is, thought she would cut off the nonsense before it got started, but she never imagined the gloves would come off of a person she cared about. How far will people go in order to screw up Malcolm’s campaign? Will he decide it is better to withdraw than to put his family out there for the vultures to pick apart?

I read Love’s Politics in mere hours. I had to ask Mrs. Menchan would she ever write a book that I do not devour so quickly. Her answer was simply “I hope not.” I, too, hope not. The characters are wonderfully developed and they make mistakes like regular everyday people. They also know how to own up and deal with the consequences of their actions. People could learn from these characters. Someone asked me if the book I was reading was a romance. I told them no, it is a story about relationships. I recommend Love’s Politics to readers of contemporary fiction revolving around relationships with an added bonus of scandal and drama.

The author provided an uncorrected proof for review purposes.

Jennifer Coissiere

APOOO BookClub

PREORDER THE BLACKS: LOVE'S POLITICS

2011-08-17T05:48:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!

2011-08-09T04:08:00.001-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA,

There are so many things I could share about you,,,the way you gave your last to anyone who needed...

The way your eyes would flash when someone went to far and how you could wield a sho nuff tongue lashing....

Or how very fly your were down to your red shoes...

But I am simply going to say, thank you for loving your Angi and always believing in me and defending my right to just be me. No one has ever gotten me like you or understood that stand alone, be myself thing I got going on...

I remember once cussing about something and you simply looking at me and saying, THAT'S MY DAUGHTER...HA...

I LOVE YOU MAMA...ALWAYS!

IT'S THE SMALL ISH...

2011-06-09T03:13:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up with my mind on my shortcomings...yes I think of those all the time, how else would I work on them, pray about them, get them to go away...

Yesterday, Mr. Menchan and I were preparing to go to church and I ironed my shirt, as I was putting the iron and board back in the closet, he took the iron and wrapped the cord his way. Now this is not the first time he has done that and it won't be the last, but it infuriated me and we had an ummm, debate about it for several hot minutes. I was ranting about how we are different and I do this, this way and he does this that way...Lord have mercy.

Of course once we were in church, the pastor had the nerve to talk about how we wish things to go our way. Ummph the noive. But, within short order I was feeling better and on the way home we chatted, stopped for food, got home, sat together watching one of our favorite shows...love and life....and small ish.

That is one of my shortcomings to be sure, I do not like anyone, anyone at all to try to force their will or way on me. Runs me hot as a steam engine. The Mr and I are so alike in so many ways but in some we are sooooooo different. I am a more creative type who is live and let live, allowing the iron cord to be wrapped in whatever way, after all it is in the closet.

Mr. Menchan on the other hand wants the cord and the ironing board dress right dress. On the other hand, I don't want messy spaces. My home has to be wide open and free of clutter and let's say Mr. Menchan likes more stuff. Small ish.

But that is the beauty of the whole thing, some times while right in the middle of a discussion, we both realize how wrong and ridiculous we are, but we venture on. However, more importantly within short order we immediately get over it because we know how small ish it is. We also are smart enough to know that allowing it to go on can make it a deal breaker. Many often ask how is it that we have stayed married so long and one of the reasons is because no matter how FERVENTLY we may discuss our differences, at the end of the day we know it is small ish and compared to our LOVE and MARRIAGE it is miniscule. Amen!

JEALOUS, WHY?

2011-06-07T04:02:00.000-07:00

I am sometimes amazed and caught off guard about what people are thinking or feeling about me or my life. Of course, we all are because we never know. But the truth is I don’t spend much time concerned with what others think or feel about me and it isn’t because I don’t care, I just know that it is counterproductive. However, I am a bit taken aback when people say they are jealous about something because honest to God that is something I am unable to wrap my mind around. Because what I know for sure is that what is mine I will have and no one else will be able to get it. If someone takes my man, my job or whatever those things were never mine in the first place and though I might be sad about it our hurt I know that to be true.

Yesterday I wrote a question on facebook inquiring why people went through their partners cellphones, emails etc. and the general consensus was that it made sense and when I replied I was told that was because I had a relationship that made people wish they had it or made them jealous. Wasn’t sure how to respond to that because I haven’t had that many relationships, been married for 33 years and had a few boyfriends, before that but I can honestly say that even as a young woman, teenager et al. I never felt the need or the desire to check behind or chase anyone. I can recall in early married years, Mr. Menchan loved to hang out with his friends. One night a woman called and asked me if I wanted to go look for them. I told her ‘Umm no thanks.’ She didn’t understand. I told her that I didn’t handle my business in that way and if I had an issue it would be resolved within my home and I turned over and went back to sleep.

Another situation hit me first thing this morning, I was walking in with a coworker and she told me I looked tired. I told her I was, that we had been doing renovations for the last couple months and was almost done. She asked what and I told her and she said, “I thought you all did that already. You are always getting things done.” Her voice sounded some kind of way so I didn’t say a word. Because what I was thinking was, “Okay but what does what I do or how much have to do with you or take away from you.” Before I could get done thinking she said, “Well we have finally saved up enough to get our kitchen done.” Okay! Ding ding ding.

Much of this makes me not want to ever say anything about anything but damn it I refuse not to be pleased with the fact that God has blessed me with a loving man, who I love. Our lives are far from perfect but what we know for sure is that we have both been in this to win this and we are about our business. If we can be an example for anyone we are open to that but this thing works because it isn’t about me or him, God is in the mix of this marriage and all of anything I ever get.And there really is an abundance out there for all of us.

BE BLESSED~
angelia

Why She Go To Church So Much?

2011-06-06T05:33:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I attended three church services and would have attended a fourth. Mench and I almost always attend both 8 and 10 am services at our church, because Mench serves and I want to be there with him. But it is mainly because I have come to the conclusion that one cannot get too much biblical learning and I love biblical learning, love it.

I also love going to church. Which is quite ironic, considering for many years I barely set foot in a church. As a youngster, I was always taken to church with my grandmother, godmother or aunts. My mom wasn’t much of a churchgoer. However, once grown and married, my husband, who was an total church boy,and I went to church sporadically. We never really discussed it, probably felt as many do, that we had to get ourselves together. Hmmph. The one thing I have come to know is that we cannot get ourselves together. God has to do that for us and we must be willing.

Mostly, I think it is because we view coming to God as giving something up. The Mr. and I loved to party and have our umm, beverages and knowing so little about the word, we just figured when we stopped partying and partaking we would umm go. Lord have mercy.

But life will change your mind. When we moved to Jacksonville in 1999, we had been married 21 years had a grown child and one who was almost grown and we both felt this urgency for the Word. At first, we visited here and there. And I was the queen of television gospel. I would get up early on Sunday mornings and start cooking and would watch hours and hours of televangelism. Did I learn anything? Umm hmm but not much.

When we finally joined a church, I was totally sold out to it. But, the Mr. wasn’t feeling it so much, so we went on a church hunt. The Mr. had always been partial to a particular TV minister and once we went there we were home. I had never been in a church that went exactly by the bible word for word and broke it down in such a way that I actually GOT it.

Also, I discovered that I loved fellowshipping with other believers. I knew more people than the law should allow…but those who were on spiritual paths, umm not so much. When people say to me, ‘God knows my heart and you don’t need to go to church to worship God’ I agreed, but as part of my witness I tell them that going to church is part of it for ME and in order to really understand what I have read, to have it broken down to me, I need church and to be around people who are of the same mindset is a beautiful thing.

Now, I am not going to tell you that church isn’t filled with drama and hypocrites and all the other wordly stuff, because you know better. However, I will say that once on a spiritual path, and become more grounded in the word, you get to the place where you can get what you need from God in the midst of all that stuff. I have seen scandals and all manner of mess, but it didn’t stop my praise, didn’t diminish my belief, didn’t make me run screaming out the door looking for a new church, because what I get now is that it is not about all that. We are there to serve, worship and praise God and I know for sure I can get all of that right in the midst of a hurricane and church tsunami.

Be BLESSED!
Angelia

www.angeliamenchan.com

BUTT NAKED REVEAL!

2011-06-01T05:01:00.001-07:00

This morning when I checked my email, I received a message saying, “I read your blog yesterday about all is forgivable and I just wonder how you could be so honest about things that have happened to you.”

My answer was simple, my life is my witness. And as a witness, sometimes I have to do a butt naked reveal.

By the time I was eighteen I had been through so many things that were negative it was amazing I was not locked away somewhere, but, by the same token I had so many positives in my life it was as if though my blessings were running me down and taking me over. My mom and I had an amazing bond until I was about 13 or 14 and then for about 4 years it wasn’t so good. I didn’t approve of her choices and made no bones about it, because they affected me. However at the same time there were so many things she taught me, independence, how to not take things so seriously, how to laugh in the pain. And once I was grown she and I became ‘friends’ to the extent that mother and daughter can be friends. There were so many things she shared with me that made me understand so much and love her even more. Also, she was so honest about her shortcomings with me and everyone else and I knew I would model that.

Now let me tell you I came to this with great reluctance. Because, my natural thing has always been to protect, protect, protect. And to reveal myself would ultimately lead to revealing others. So for years I simply carried it inside, assisting people by telling a story. With my own sons, I was more forthcoming, I told them things as it was age appropriate.

However about fifteen years ago, I ended up at Job Corps as a counselor totally through God’s design. I took a temporary one week job in the counseling office and ended up staying for over three years and a big part of my counseling was tough love, and my ‘keep it real, real” approach to it. I told the truth as I knew it. When some young lady gave me excuses about why she did this that or the other because of that this or the other, I would break with a situation from my life and went, “What then.” Of course, they didn’t want to believe me because how could the tall, together, trash talking, proper sounding, woman with the coach bags know a damn thing. And if she had been through all that why didn’t she look like it.

Well my dears it was because God had chosen me for whatever reason to do his work and promised me that if I did my part he would do his and let me tell you being honest and true to your calling will keep you together even within the storm. And babies the storms never stop, we just have to continue to praise and they rage.

Still, to this day I weigh what I will say and how I will say it and to whom I will say it because you just can’t walk around saying everything to everybody. You have to know your audience and there are some bits we must keep to ourselves. Cause honey there are some that will 'run tell that' and won't even bother with the truth. Hah!

The fact that I write books is also a wonderful help. I get to mentor through writing, reveal myself and others through fiction with the whole point being to reach someone with a message that could ultimately lead to some kind of change. I don’t know everything, cannot even say I know a lot but what I know, I am willing to share as much as I can if it will make even the smallest bit of difference to anyone.

LOVE~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

IT IS ALL FORGIVEABLE...

2011-05-31T16:07:00.000-07:00

I have spoken a lot about forgiveness lately,
Last week during a book discussion my friends and I spoke of it in regards to a character in my book and on Saturday, my son and I talked about it in depth, I explained to him that forgiving was biblical and about the forgiver, more than the forgivee and that the phrase forgive and forget was man made. God wishes us to forgive, man wants us to forget so he can do it to us again...we need to remember so we wont be the same fool twice.

I can recall years ago as a grown woman I had become quite friendly with my stepfather. Now mind you, this is man who had hit my mother, and hit me when I tried protecting her when I was in my teens. At the time I didn't understand why my mom forgave him and I spent years angry with her and hating him. However, after leaving home and marrying and having children, I was able not to be angry anymore. I had grown closer to God, had married a man who loved me and my life was moving in a great direction and as clear as the sun is in June, God spoke to me, asking me to forgive them both and move forward. I did, he and I became friendly, he was close to my children because I knew he was no longer the man he had been and I sort of understood mama. I say sort of because I cannot to this day understand allowing someone to hit your child. But, who knows what I would have done in that situation. Most importantly, I did not try to poison my children against anyone. The persons who were like that were dead and gone (not literally) by the time they came along. So I forgave, remembered and lived!

The reason I am saying this is because I know and love a lof of people who are walking around bitter and in a state of non-forgiveness. They can't forgive parents, ex spouses, God, the preacher, or the lady who let her dog poop in their yard and you know what, the only person they are hurting is themselves. Not forgiving harms the non-forgiver. Ofttimes we are bound up in anger and bitterness and the persons are going on with their lives. Is it easy, hell to the no, but it is so possible.

Now forgiving doesn't mean rolling with the person. If someone harms you or your loved ones, have them arrested if it warrants that and forgive them so you can live. If they hurt you, remove yourself from their space, so you can live. The bible clearly teaches us that there are folks we must simply remove ourselves from.

Holding on to past hurts and anger only diminshes the quality and potentially the length of your life, because bitterness, stress and anger manifests itself in diseases such as high blood pressure and could lead to stroke, heart attacks and or substance abuse which will take you right on out of here, while those people you couldn't forgive are going on with life...

Be BLESSED!
angelia

JUST ASK ANGELIA

2011-05-25T04:29:00.000-07:00

I am thinking about doing a question and answer blog. I get so many questions from so many places about this, that or the other. Well, usually marriage, sex, finances, love and or writing. Thinking of naming it JUST ASK ANGELIA...so let's test drive it today and I will do my best to answer any and all questions you might have. And no I am not Cinnamon Brown...Hah!

LOVE!
angelia

JUST ABOVE MY HEAD

2011-05-24T04:34:00.000-07:00

This morning I was thinking of my favorite books and one of my all times faves is Just Above My Head by James Baldwin. And that started me to thinking about things that were just above my head, just out of my realm of understanding, and I must say it had nothing to do with the book…anyway.

Yesterday when I got home I was drained, it was so doggone hot, the thermostat read 102 when I got in my car and it had been hot in my office all day. So as soon as I was in the door, I jumped in the shower, allowing the water to pour down on me from head to toe. I must have stood there for 10 minutes. Finally getting out I made my way to watch the beginning of Oprah’s celebration and as soon as Beyonce started singing I knew the catty remarks would start. I logged on to my social networks and sure enough there was such vitriol. People commented on everything about her, from her hair to her music, to her outfit. And I wondered again, why do people, women in particular have such disdain for other women, particularly pretty women. We don’t have to like her music, we don’t have to like her hair or how she dresses, at all. But why must we be so nasty, make such ugly remarks. And I have noticed, yes done a little research and it seems the lovelier or more successful the woman is the more ugly the remarks. Is it simple jealousy or is it something else. I really don’t get it at all. It is something I have wondered about for most of my life and have never quite figured it out. And it is really pointless, because hate all we wish, she is not going to stop being attractive, or selling millions of records or any of those things. I tell you it is just above my head.

Another thing that is above my head is folks’ desire to have us think like them, like what they like, cosign on their madness. Years ago, I had a supervisor who would always ask my opinion on this that or the other, when I agreed it was as though I made her day. When I didn’t you would think I had stolen her boyfriend or at least her puppy. So, finally I asked her. And she told me, ‘Angelia, we really respect and admire you, so we want you to agree with us. Validate what we think.’ Seriously? So, I said, ‘Please tell me that isn’t why you hired me because if so, it is time for me to go. I took this job because I am a budget professional and also have spent years studying contracting regulations and personnel law and I cannot ethically agree, just to agree.” Of course, she said, “Of course not.” But, I could tell by the way she held her head, and didn’t quite meet my eyes, that she wished that had been added to my contract. Hee! Just above my head.

Then the other day, someone walked in my office and I was listening to music, there was a hip-hop component to the music. I turned it on mute so I could address whatever they wanted to ask. However, for a few minutes, they wanted to talk about how they were so surprised that I listened to rap music. I didn’t bother to tell them that what I was listening to wasn’t rap per se. But since I wasn’t in the mood for all that, I simply stared at them. Finally, they said, “I only like easy listening, I cannot wrap my mind around anything else at my age.” Still, no words from me, just that Angelia Menchan stare. After several pregnant pauses, they couldn’t even remember what they had come for. Of course not because they were too busy trying to get in my business and somehow change my mind about my choices. I must say they should know by now they were wasting my time and their own.

I like what I like and I respect others choices to like what they like. If I am in your car and you are listening to something I don’t care for I keep my mouth closed and tune it out. If there is a performer I don’t care for but many others do, I say to each his or her own and simply don’t purchase the music or turn the channel when it comes on, I don’t start talking about them as if they are someone I KNOW, because here is the thing, We really don’t know these people. We really don’t. Of course I am clueless about any of it, so I am simply Rambling about my observations because honest to God, it is ALL ABOVE MY HEAD, and I am glad about it.

Be BLESSED~
Angelia www.angeliamenchan.com

IT'S THE WHAT, THE HOW AND THE WHO!

2011-05-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I was in a meeting that took me back to when I was a senior in high school. Or rather, it made me think of that. One of the things that I have learned over the years is that it isn’t what you say but how you say it and often, who says it.

Last night there were a few people who continued to make points, some good, some not so good. But, their points were invalidated by how they said it, which was in a rather inarticulate way and sounded more argumentative than anything. And it also, alas was because of who they were, they were known as trouble makers, thus right thinking (ha!) people didn’t hear them.

How this took me back, was that almost every year during cheerleaders tryouts, there was usually one token black cheerleader chosen at my predominately white high school. Well, this year, there were none chosen and immediately there were cries of racism. I cringed because the two girls who had tried out were questionable as cheerleaders at best and there were other concerns. I was an intern in the counselor’s office, so of course the dean called me down to ask if there were anything I could do to stop the action. Seriously?

I told her no, and that people had the right to protest. She nodded, saying, “But, Angelia you have so much influence and so many people respect you, on both sides.” I nodded not at all sure that the rejected cheerleaders respected me or if I had any influence on them. Let’s just say we weren’t friends. Anywhoo~

She went on to explain that the school had decided that no one was going to make cheerleader who wasn’t first, qualified, and secondly didn’t represent the school well, regardless of their race. I knew from whence she spoke on the representation, but I declined. I have never been one that anyone could talk into anything.

Before I could make my way out of her office, a young man, who I was very good friends with stopped to ask me if I would join the protest on behalf of the cheerleaders because they had had a meeting and decided they needed someone who spoke well, was pretty level-headed and who both sides would listen to. Huh? I didn’t believe him but he swore, even asking me to walk with him so they could tell me themselves. I asked why. He told me, ‘Because you know what to say and how to say it and ‘THEY’ know you don’t have an agenda.

“So, let me get this straight, these girls don’t like me, they aren’t really qualified as cheerleaders, one has a horrible reputation, but they want me to come down and speak to the student body in their behalf.”

“Pretty much…”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. First because I have to believe in what I am speaking for, secondly because in this rare instance, I don’t feel it was racism, and finally I have no interest in being a pawn. Sorry.”

Of course, he wasn’t happy to go back to tell them what I said, and I am sure the hue and cry was that I wasn’t down for my people, which was BS and they knew it which is why they asked me in the first place. And what I know for sure is that if you are going into battle, you must make sure you are strapped with the right arsenal because a part of being able to win is knowing what to say, how to say it and being one that people are interested in listening to.

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

YOURS, MINE, OURS?

2011-05-03T04:00:00.000-07:00

This morning I thought long and hard about this relationship we call marriage. In three months and 1 day, I will have been married to the same man for 33 years. And I wouldn’t change a thing, there have been ups and downs and rounds and rounds, but the truest truth is that the love we share has never wavered and we have always known that everything we have and work for is ours. That is what I wish to talk about this morning, Yours, Mine, OURS…

I recall back in the day, all the married people I knew had corporate finances, meaning they understood that what was brought into the home was for everyone. Usually, back then, the man went out to work, bought home the money, gave to his woman with the understanding that food, clothing and shelter would be taken care of and if she earned any money, she knew what to do with it. Understood.

When I got married I also understood that what we worked for and had was ours, be it finances, children, big decisions, to make this thing work, we had to do it collectively. In the early years we had very little and as such we prioritized what we did with it. We paid our rent/mortgage, bought food, paid necessities, saved if we could and what, if anything was left over we spent collectively. Years later we still do the same thing, all we earn goes into one pot and we pay all the people we owe, together and we then we transfer little bits into our own pots. We call it play money. The funds left that I can buy shoes, books, shoes, etc. with or my man can buy shoes, electronics, shoes etc. with. And it works beautifully. Life is hard and we damn sure don’t need to be wrestling about money.

I don’t need my man saying, “Baby, where did the money go, the mortgage is due, we facing foreclosure and I see you have a new Brahmin bag.” And I’m not interested in saying, “I know you didn’t go golfing and there is no food in the freezer, Negro please.”

But, I am afraid that is how marriages are working out these days. I talk to so many young people and the biggest issue is money, money, money. And it is not always the lack thereof, but what is done with it. The wife feels what her man earns is theirs,and hers is hers, so she spends as soon as she gets it on ‘stuff’…bills be damned, then she spends the rest of the month mad because things aren’t paid. Or, the husband feels he works too hard to turn all his money over to a woman.” Mine and yours and nothing about ours, and that my dears mean nothing works. Marriage is a unity, or rather it should be and the minute or hour or day that one feels compelled to say, that is mine, there is not unity, gaming.

And in this day of unemployment and underemployment, there is always, it seems going to be a time when someone is going to earn more, or earn it all and if it is thought of as individual assets, the relationship is in trouble. So, what is the solution…Glad you asked.

Before we say I do, jump the broom, do the electric slide, we must have conversations about how things will be paid. There must be communication and no decisions made without discussion. If we are unwilling to do this we aren’t ready to be married. Point blank. And once married we must prioritize our finances. Bills must be paid, food bought before anyone gets new shoes, clothes or stuff, even the kids. Here is the thing, kids need love, food, shelter. Not designer clothes and toys. And if you don’t have money to buy food or pay rent, you damned sure don’t have money for Nikes. Harsh, no it isn’t, it is reality. When my kids were young, they got clothes in the spring, for school and at Christmas, period. Toys were for birthdays and Christmas. Yet, they were clean, tidy and pressed and they knew they were coming home to all they needed.

I know there are those who don’t agree with me and I am cool with that because we have been raised to believe that it is all me, me, me. Well I tell you what sweeties if you feel that way, you will have lots of time to sing that song because to be married, the word OURS has to come into play at some point.

LOVE~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

TALKING; TRUTH; ISH...

2011-04-20T05:23:00.000-07:00

I spent most of my life, pretty quiet, some say reserved, or standoffish (HA)…that is not to say that I didn’t talk. Of course, I did, if I needed to talk for work, school et al, talk I would. And with people I know, I talked up a storm. But usually if I didn’t know you, I would smile, speak and keep it moving unless I was engaged in a conversation and then I would talk. But, something changed and in many ways it changed without me ever having to open my mouth at all. How? Glad you asked.

I started writing…and all of a sudden I was talking up a storm. I recall about four years ago, I was doing a signing and a guy who I knew said to me, “You are quiet, but your books speak loud and clear.” I simply nodded because I knew that to be true. I try to write as loudly and clearly as possible to tell the story and I will ‘say’ things in print that I would probably never give voice to in actual conversation. Thank God for writing.

Also, blogging has allowed me to talk a great deal and social networks as well. I get to say things as they occur to me and reveal myself in ways I never thought I would and I am okay with that. Because something I have learned as a missionary of sorts is that to help people, truly help them, sometimes we have to strip naked, down to our bare realness and tell it as it I.S. is. I have always been able to do that when mentoring. There is no shame in my game, when trying to talk to a young person who is going through something. If anything I have gone through or experienced can be of any assistance at all, I’m going to put it out there.

The same is true of the wonderful things that God has blessed me with. I am so grateful and thankful for my marriage, my family, my friends, that I am going to shout it to the rooftops how good it is. It is in no way trying to brag or act as though my thang is better than your thang, cause I don’t know what your thang is. And what I speak to is my truth, because that is the only truth I know other than the true word of God. There are so many times when I opine on my views on love, marriage or baby carriage when someone yells, “Hold up, wait a minute, that ain’t even much how it is…”

My response then becomes, “To who or whom?” Because suga, if I write it, it is how it is to me. And if you want to engage about how it isn’t to you, by all means let’s do that. But do me a small favor and don’t assume because it isn’t your reality, that it could not possibly be mine.

I recall years ago talking to a friend and co-worker about a life experience and she must have said, “Unbelievable…” a gazillion times. Finally, I said, “So…because it has never happened to you, it is unbelievable because it has happened to me. Of course, she said, “Um, no.” But her widened eyes and red face told the story.

Here’s the thing, if you share with me anything, I am always going to assume it is the truth, your truth; even if it has never happened to me, simply because you said it. Now if you are a known pathological liar, that’s another story. But I would never try to negate one’s experiences or poo-poo them (yes I said poo-poo) because I have never done it or gone through it. If it is a bad thing, I will try to learn from it and not go there. If it is a good thing, I will ask for pointers and suggestions on how I can get my ish together. That works so beautifully, don’t you agree…

PEACE,
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

IF THEY ARE ALL LIKE YOU?

2011-04-18T11:19:00.000-07:00

I love talking to people about relationships and the like, especially friendships. I am always fascinated by people whose friends are all just like them. If they are rich, their friends are rich, if they are black, all their friends are black, if they are…well you feel me.

Personally, I feel we grow best when we spend time with people who make us think, stretch our awareness. I love sitting at the feet of my elders, soaking up their wisdom. I also, love chatting it up with 20 somethings and listening to their new and innovative, sometimes startling views of things. And at any time you are going to see me talking to the kids, sharing something with them and learning something from them.

I also like to talk to people who aren’t considered to be in my ‘circle’. And mind you I say this very tongue in cheek because I really don’t have a circle. What I mean by this is for me to engage a person doesn’t have to be black, female, middle class, live in a certain place, vote or think the way I do. They do have to make sense and be open-minded. I honestly feel that if we don’t surround ourselves with people who have more or know more, how will we learn? And if we don’t have people in our lives who have less or know as much, who can we assist or inspire?

I remember years ago a woman telling me that she wanted her son to marry someone who had equal or had more than him. I asked her how would she feel if her son fell in love with someone who had more than him and that person didn’t want him because he had less. She looked at me with complete puzzlement as if it had never occurred to her that her son could possibly be snubbed by someone in the same way she was asking him to snub someone. Funny, no?

Of course I am not talking about hanging out with people who will harm you or others. What I am saying that true diversity means being open to and acceptable of all people regardless of the socio-economic backgrounds, or ethnicity. Because everything that glitters ain’t gold and something that might look tarnished may be a real jewel. I see so many marriages where the woman was looking for money and the man for honey and several months in they realize they have nothing in common, especially if the money is spent, or the honey dried up.

All I am saying is that if all your friends drive the same kind of car, or wear the same kind of clothes or are the same complexion or ethnicity, et al, you might be missing out on some really cool people or some extraordinary opportunities to grow or give….

But surely I don’t know…

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

LIGHTER, BRIGHTER, BETTER??

2011-04-12T04:12:00.000-07:00

This morning on my drive to work, I was listening to the TJMS and one of the topics was how Jamaican musicians were bleaching their skin because they thought it would make them more popular. That lighter skin made life easier. The radio personalities commented on how horrible the bleaching had turned out, one said it looked as if the bleacher had a nuclear accident.

Years ago I read an article about the same process happening in certain parts of Africa and then I wondered do the people not see how horrible it looks and why would someone do that to themselves. Some literally had bleached their skin raw. But of course my question was rhetorical, because I have always known that some Black people will do almost anything to appear lighter or have straight hair.

Back in the day people was putting straight lye, potash, people on their hair to straighten it, at the risk of burning their scalps. And as a child growing up, I recall the jars of Nadinola that was guaranteed to brighten the skin.

I remember when my eldest son was about seven, he found a jar of skin whitener, yes it said whitener, at a relative’s home and he ran out with it, asking, “Why you trying to whiten your skin.” You could have heard a pin drop. The relative smiled slightly, finally saying, “It’s just to make my skin prettier.” That hurt me to my core because whether she knew it or not, she was saying, the lighter or whiter the skin, the prettier.

It made me remember growing up in the sixties when the word black didn’t mean racial pride, to call someone black was to invite a fight or a least a cussing out. And once the black power movement came about nothing really changed, I can recall as a teen one of my friends mentioning how Eldridge Cleaver always talked black power, but he had found the lightest skinned wife he could. *sigh*

And it seems that nothing has changed today, in 2011 and it is universal, not just African Americans, but darker hued people of all races and nationalities. I can only wonder where it will all end or if it will. I hear many young, supposedly enlightened young people still determining beauty based on skin color or hair texture.

One day at church between services I heard a couple of young men say, “For a dark-skinned girl, she sure is pretty.” The other replied, “Yeah she fine, but she too dark.”

I was shocked and shook because here I was woman in her 50s listening to teens say the same crap that their slave ancestors had said generations ago. I was shook mostly because I knew they felt like that because they had been taught that and as long as it was passed from generation to generation it would always be an issue. And that young people around the globe would literally maim themselves to be considered better because they were lighter. Lord, have mercy!

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

UMMM, EXCUSE ME!

2011-04-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I am shocked by the things people feel they have the right to say or ask. Today I was walking from the bank and this woman I didn’t know from a can of paint asked, “Is that yo real hair, if so is you mixed or something and where you from?” Excuse me?

“Well, I’m just axing because the back is so short I know you dii’nt have a curl in there, so is it?”

Not being in a gracious frame of mind, I smiled and got in my car. Driving away I was thinking of yesterday when a friend told me about moving to a new city and being questioned about where she was from, as if she had moved from Mars, not just another state. And really dumb, insulting questions, such as I thought people from there did such and such. Excuse Me?

To top it all off, this morning I read a blog on mybrownbaby that mentioned an older woman telling a young mother that her biracial child was a half-breed. Excuse me?

Are these people serious, has the world become such that we feel we can ask total strangers anything and expect them to answer. In many cases, the questions or statements are downright insulting. Or is it that we live in such a culture where we tell so much of our business on social networks and the like that we feel we can say or ask any old thing, even face-to-face?

I knew that when I became a writer people would want to know certain things and would ask all kinds of questions and I was prepared for that. However, I am never prepared when asked a question by a complete stranger who hasn’t even bothered saying, “Hello, how are you, go to heck, or something?”

I must confess I am not all that comfortable with being grilled about intimate things with people I know. I am of the mindset that anything needed to know will be told. I don’t grill people or ask a whole bunch of questions. I have discovered that you can learn so much more by being quiet and observing. And frankly, I could care less about whether someone’s hair is real or not. And I certainly would never offer up a skewered view of a child’s racial identity or indicate to someone that I thought all people from a certain area were a certain way.

Also, I don’t care to be grilled about other folks business. This morning a co-worker came to my door, I could see from the look on her face she was ready to get gossipy.

“Umm, Angelia, do you know why so and so is going to be off so long. They are on the calendar for weeks.”

“No.”

“Oh, Okay, I just thought you might know since everything is signed off on by you.”

“Sorry, I can’t help you.”

“Hmmph.”

Hmmph indeed, as I said before if people want you to know something they will tell you, if they don’t they won’t. And I am going to go out on a limb and say that no one appreciates being accosted by a total stranger and asked a bunch of asinine questions or hear a bunch of even more asinine opinions. Think what you want but keep it to yourself.

Be BLESSED!
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

PERCEPTIONS

2011-03-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

I am fascinated by perceptions. When I talk to people about my books it is always so interesting to hear what their perception is of what I wrote. And, how those perceptions are so different from person to person. Also, the perceptions they make of me as the writer based on what I write. I cannot tell you the number of folks who have asked me if I am lesbian because some of my characters are, or if I have a husband and a man because one of my characters did, etc.

"Umm, NO, it is fiction my dear..."
"But the characters seem so real, ring so true..."
"Thank you very much, but it was just my imagination once again, running away with me..."

I recall my first book was filled with umm language (cussing). I was writing in the voice of a brother from the hood, who had made good and he cussed. When I would go out on signings or discussions people were first surprised to see I was a woman and then that I looked so conservative and didnt lace my conversation with expletives. Ha!

The next three books had little cussing but there was some sex, actually, in Cinnamon’s Universe there was much sex…I could see a few wondering if I got down like that!

Then, I changed the game and wrote a young adult book and a couple of non-fiction books, and other fiction that was different in tone than the others, but still in my voice.

The other day I was talking to a reader who has read all my books and she said, “I can always tell a book that is written by you, but I never know where you are going to go or in what voice because you write genre-less.”

I took that as a compliment because I really do want readers to know me when they read me, but I don’t necessarily want them to have preconceived perceptions about future work, because I am bound to go anywhere with my writing.

The same is true of me as a person, I ask that people get to know me because there is a lot going on in this 5’10” frame that from day to day might be different than what is perceived. I love when I meet people who look one way or act a certain way but when I get to know them, there are so many more layers going on than imagined.

That makes people complex and mad interesting. And that is what I try to do when writing, give you people that are complex, different than expected and mad interesting.

Love and BLESSINGS!
angelia

www.angeliamenchan.com

WHAT THEN?

2011-03-22T04:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I arrived home a bit tired. Had been on travel all the previous week, the weekend flew by on wings and Monday was filled with paper and red ink after not having been at my desk in ten days. Walking in I knew there was enough food for dinner, so my goal was to sit very still for a bit and watch a bit of television.
Usually my TV drug of choice is court shows /news programs but yesterday I decided to go the lifetime, chick TV route.

In doing so, I happened upon Basketball Wives on VH1. I had heard about it, knew the premise, several lovely wives, girlfriends, fiancés of Bballers had gotten together and created a reality type show based on their reality as women in love with ballers.
Before going in I knew the women would be lovely, dressed in designer wear, jeweled and such. However, I was a bit surprised that they weren’t all late teens, early twenties, many were on the far side of 30, and lovely nonetheless.
So I watched with fascination, there was much wine drinking, talking about the men in their lives who had left them, cheated on them, left them penniless, et al and even some of the men were there for my perusal. Mostly there were lovely, mostly, Black and Hispanic women being mean to each other. Lots of talking behind backs and the like, also, a few fisticuffs and much cussing and use of the F word. Ummph. Pure mindless entertainment, right?

After watching it, I wasn’t so sure, all I could do was wonder, what is the message being sent to young women and what and how do these lovely women see their futures. What happens when they are no longer young, beautiful and nubile? What then?
Many of them have money from their X’s and businesses of their own, but what happens when the shine wears off and the next crop of beauties come along. In their quiet moments do they think of this? It sure did make me think, of all the young lovely girls who are smart but because someone has told them how beautiful or fine they are, they aspire to the finer things in life through the men they meet.

I have seen this play out so many times. In their twenties and thirties, the men line up in droves wanting her on his arm. He will even spring for baubles, rent, nails, or just straight up cash. But, somewhere along the way, usually as she ages, he or they are no longer around or interested and in many instances she is left wondering what happened or filled with enough regret to fill an oversized designer swimming pool. What then? Is she comforted by the memories, the stuff she has accumulated or is she left wondering how things would be if she had made different choices?

Angelia

TIMEOUT

2011-03-02T06:26:00.000-08:00

There are times in my life when I take self-imposed time outs. And right after my birthday on January 19th I took one. I was so tired, as tired as I had ever been. 2010 found me so busy, too busy to even think. One of the admin assistants gave a week resignation and bounced. Shortly after that I started working as a financial liaison for the oil spill, in addition to my other duties and I took it upon myself to write and publish four books in twelve months.

Not only that I just didn’t feel good. I would get up at 430 in the morning, go through the motions, go to work, write, serve, do what was expected of me and do it over and over again, BUT my quality of life was suffering. And after a year of pushing, my body screamed stop!

After January 19, I could barely move. I went to the doctor and she told me I was clinically exhausted. Duh! And though I had a book, ZEN COPPER, Woman-Child that had just come out, I didn’t even have the energy to promote it. People were calling and asking when was the book release, book signings, all things that I automatically do, but God knows it wasn’t in me. I honestly said, “I don’t know…” I didn’t.

Not only that there was turmoil at church and people I loved were struggling and I was trying to do as much as I could. But the vessel was tired and weak. Depleted!

Fortunately and blessedly, those who always support my work, continued to. And I love and appreciate them for it. Because Zen was a labor of love for me, however, because I love me more, I knew it was time to just sit still. And I did. I changed my work schedule, I stayed off line, mostly and I worked on shoring up the vessel. Also, I prayed myself through the spiritual turmoil and kept my eyes focused on God instead of people and that storm is also abating.

I am still tired but I am healing, getting myself to where I need to be, realizing that being all over the place and trying to be all things to all people is good for no one. And that what God has for me is for me and that taking a timeout is simply good sense, because there is a time and place for all things.

Not sure when I will get back out there and on the road. Might not even do it this year, but here is the thing, God has blessed me to be able to make the choices that are best for me and for that I am grateful.

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

IN ACTUALITY...

2011-02-07T06:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we know how we will feel about something in theory, but in actuality it may or may not be true. There have been occurrences in my life when I was so sure and then it happened and I felt like I had been hit out of left field.

Over the past few weeks I had asked questions about what reviews meant to readers and to writers, and I opined that one of the worse reviews I had received, which was a three was the best in terms of teaching me what to do from that point forth.

However, last week I was on a blog tour and the first five days of the tour went well, the book was recommended, even highly recommended, one of the reviewers said that the title was a bit off-putting because she thought it would be one thing, but was glad she read it and in fact she gave it five stars on amazon. But on the last day of the tour, a young reviewer lambasted the book, gave it a 1.5 out of 5 and explained why she didn’t like the book or the character, though she mentioned the fact that it had serious potential, she thought that as a self-published author I had tried to make the main character too good. Now the question is how did I feel?

I know this is going to sound funny, or weird but I laughed. I actually chuckled, because moreso than not liking the book, the reviewer seemed to really dislike Zen, the character, it almost felt as though she knew her and couldn’t stand her. It also felt as if the fact that I self-published it was an issue for her. She also took exception to the fact that the word Ghetto was part of the title.

After laughing I felt nothing, really…

It wasn’t because I didn’t value her opinion, I did in fact. It wasn’t because 99.9 percent of readers had loved the character and the book and it was just one review. It was really because I know going in that every time I write a book, someone is going to take exception to something and they aren’t going to like it for a variety of reasons. Such is life.

I learned this early on that every book doesn’t appeal to everyone and the integrity of the way I write will not appeal to some. I am not geared to write books full of drama or sex or situations that seem forced to me. I also write characters as realistically as I know how to and as quiet as it is kept, though we are all flawed, with our issues there are genuinely good, talented people who need to be presented in that light.

A lot of what we feel about race, age, gender, et al comes from what the media presents or the evening news or books. So, if all we read is a steady diet of screwed up black folks, messed up young folks, crazy old folks, then for those who only know us through our books and media presentations, someone is going to have to step out on a limb and say, we come in a kaleidoscope of experiences and actions.

I know many Zen Coopers, young women who are living in compromised situations who are great students, love their families in spite of their shortcomings and will stand up for what they believe. In many ways I was a Zen. And as long as I know these people exist and I can write, I will write about them and continue to smile through those who find them unrealistic or simply decide they don’t like anything that fits their view of how ALL people of a certain demographic are.

Be Blessed!
angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

EXPECTATIONS AND EXCUSES...

2011-02-02T05:45:00.000-08:00

Years ago I was talking to a friend and she said something that shook me to the core, her words were, “You can only have expectations of yourself, and your minor children. Beyond that expect nothing.” Her words made me think and though radical it has led me to believe that assessment is on point.

Of course there are some things you should expect and get. If you purchase a product or service you should expect to receive it as promised and get what you pay for. Or the service provider or merchant should expect you to never do business with them again.

Over the past five years I have had to evaluate who I will and won’t do business with, primarily based on expectations. A person who will get my business every time is the one who delivers what he or she promises and has a very small excuse-making quotient. Because, the truth is that in this day and age of high-unemployment, there is always more than one way to do a thing and people willing to do it as expected.

As to the excuse making, it really doesn’t matter the reasons for the excuses, if it is as simple as the dog eating the homework or major catastrophes, after more than a time or two, people start to not believe you. I have had to stop working with a few people over the years because it got to where I could believe nothing they say, about anything.

Also, as writers and particularly independent publishers,OR anyone with a service or product to sell, we have to be mindful about getting products to the purchasers as close to when they purchase it as possible. If you don’t have the product on hand, don’t offer it until you do. I cannot say the number of times I have purchased books and weeks will pass by before receiving it. I try to always have books on hand and if for some reason I fall short of supply I will order it from a vendor and have it shipped even if there is no profit for me, because that is the professional-business oriented way to do it.

So, if in this world of so many competing for the same jobs and opportunities we must be extremely mindful of meeting expectations and keeping excuse-making to a minimum or we may find ourselves with no one to deliver to.

Be BLESSED~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

Messages...Loud and Clear!

2011-01-26T04:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was driving home from work and took a route, I usually don’t take. Usually I drive across the bridge home, it adds about ten minutes to my commute, but it is more scenic and allows me to unwind and shake off the work day by the time I get home.

However, yesterday it was raining buckets and the bridge is shaky at best during rain and wind storms. So, in pouring rain, I took the interstate, which is bridge free. About, ten minutes into my commute, I had a life altering occurrence. One car ahead of me in a downpour, I saw a semi truck hydroplane, cross the median and hit a street light. As if in slow motion, I saw the street light come down in front of me, there was nowhere for me to go but straight ahead. Another truck was going around me to the left, a line of cars were behind me and cars were to the right of me. So I prayed and drove forth over the street light, I could hear aluminum and glass crunch beneath my tires, but I drove on to the next exit and pulled over.

I was thanking God and shaking like a leaf. I pulled into a gas station, sat still for a minute while praying and catching my breath, then I called my husband. Of course, at that point tears started flowing. I was so grateful and shaken. Because I knew that God had given me literally wrapped his arms around me and saved me from what could have been not just life-changing but life ending.

After talking to my husband, I calmed down, thanked God and headed on my way home. All I could think of was how short and blessed life is and how things and situations can change on a dime.

The night before I had, had the same kind of epiphany. While sitting in a church meeting that was going very well and with one question the entire tone and agenda changed. I left that meeting shaken in much the same way I had in the near accident. Understanding ,that God was talking plainly and clearly talking to me and that I had better wake up and listen.

I have been chronically tired for a long time, but I force myself to plunge on and I have hit a wall. Most of last year I spend vast amounts of time trying to help this one and fix that one and do this and do that and I woke up in a New Year realizing I hadn’t really helped or fixed anyone or anything; just did a bunch of enabling and overdoing; because for the most part, nothing had changed and I knew I had to change me, reprioritize, make my health, my spirit and my very soul my priorities.

So mostly I have to say henceforth, I am going to have to listen when God speaks…because he always does and when we don’t listen he speaks louder, yesterday in traffic, he screamed in my ear and I heard HIM...

www.angeliamenchan.com

ZEN COOPER VIDEO

2011-01-20T03:29:00.000-08:00

Enjoy and order your copy, now available.

Video by SG Creations.

Be BLESSED!

angelia

WHAT KIND OF WRITER-WOMAN, THIS?

2011-01-11T05:06:00.000-08:00

Recently I was asked, ‘What kind of writer do you wish to be, Mrs. Menchan?”

My answer was pretty simple, “I am the writer I wish to be, one who writes stories that people want to read, talk about, that has a message but is fun with unexpectedness.”

The asker was a bit puzzled by my answer and said as much. Told me the expected me to say, ‘Popular author.’ ‘Best-selling author’ et al.

I smiled and understood, because most writers if they are honest, will admit to having sat and thought of selling hundreds of thousands of books and having to do nothing more strenuous than write the next book. But most real and realistic writers will also tell you that they knew going in that the potential for that to happen was pretty slim. It is much like dreams of being LeBron James if you play basketball, or JayZ if you are a rapper. It happens, but it doesn’t happen to many and will cause you much pain and anxiety if that is all you have.

For me writing is a way to release those stories that are out there,and in me, about ordinary people who usually have extraordinary things occur in their lives. Most of us do you know! There are so many nuances to living and they all make for good, even great stories if the time is taken to tell them.

A couple of years ago I was at a book signing in my home town and one of the women who had been my friend since childhood, told me she was literally astonished that so many scenarios went on in my head and made it to paper. In that same place, some of the readers were trying to figure out if they knew the players in the books. My answer is of course they do and they don’t. I try to write about the realest people I can with the realest issues. My goal is also to write {talk} about them in ways that isn’t necessarily salacious or shocking for the sake of being salacious or shocking. Because it is easy to throw in lots of graphic sex or violence and hope it’s enough to make the reader stay tuned. But, it’s something else again to make the reader go, ‘Dang, I would have never thought of it in that way or to feel the love of the characters without ever hearing them moan or groan or know the size of their umm body parts.

I recall sitting at another book discussion almost four years ago and one of the women said, “I don’t really know what Malcolm Black looks like.” Before I could say anything, several others responded by saying, “I do” or “Girl, I have a picture of him in my mind, my heart.” Still, another described her idea of how he looked. My heart exploded with pleasure because that is what I love. For these fictionalized characters to resonate with the readers, for them to ‘see’ them.

When writing Zen Cooper, Woman-Child, Ghetto-Genius, I had no idea where I was going. The first few lines came straight from my life. The conversation that took place in the class room came from my life when I was in sixth grade. But after that the characters added themselves. The mother Frieda was like no one I really know. Crazy Charlie was a microcosm of so many vets I had seen wandering the streets in my youth. And I filled in their lives with people who had as much color and flavor as they did and who could stand alone telling their own stories.

That is why I write to fill pages with people we know, think we know, never met, might get to know and mostly because writing is that place where it is all me…just me and we all need that…I think.

Be BLESSED!
angelia

SHELIA GOSS' WHEN LOVE DECEIVES BLOG TOUR

2011-01-07T04:24:00.001-08:00

Real Signs of Falling in Love By Guest Blogger Shelia M Goss

As a reader and writer of romance, I love the scenes when the characters realize they are actually in love with the other character. They try to reject the idea of love, but underneath all the denials, love is there. In my new book Delilah, the main character Delilah has delusions of love and is deceived by the love she has for Samson.
Here are a few signs of when a person may be falling in love:
1. You can’t stop thinking about him or her.

He/She crosses your mind throughout the day no matter what you’re doing. They are a part of your thoughts whether you’re sleeping or awake. No matter how hard you try, you can’t stop thinking about them.

2. You get butterflies every time you hear his/her name.

You haven’t felt this way since your first love. The strange feeling leaves you feeling a little fluttery. It’s a feeling that comes over you every time you hear their name.

3. You see yourself dating him/her exclusively.

You’re at a point you want to commit You’re willing to take a chance in an exclusive relationship.

4. You walk around with a silly grin on your face.

Your friends and family comment that you have this goofy smile on your face–for no apparent reason. You try to curb your enthusiasm about your new love interest, but it’s unavoidable.

5. You hear a love song on the radio and it reminds you of your man/woman.

Every slow jam that comes on the radio reminds you of how you feel about your man/woman. You download old school slow jams to your mp3 player.

Love is a beautiful thing; especially when it’s reciprocated.
Shelia M. Goss is the Dallas Morning News and Essence Magazine Best-Selling author of My Invisible Husband, Roses are Thorns, Paige’s Web, Double Platinum, His Invisible Wife, Hollywood Deception, Savannah's Curse (March 2011) and the teen series The Lip Gloss Chronicles. Delilah is her tenth novel and first Christian fiction novel. To learn more, visit her website: www.sheliagoss.com, www.twitter.com/sheliamgoss or www.facebook.com/sheliagoss.
More about Delilah:
Behind every successful man is a good woman. The downfall of a good man is a woman up to no good.

Thirty and fine, Samson Judges is preacher of the Peaceful Rest Missionary Baptist Church . He’s beloved by his congregation, but temptation is about to strike in the form of divalicious beauty Delilah, and only the Good Lord knows if Samson will be able to keep his head on straight with her. Especially considering he’s about to be married to Julia Rivers. Julia helped shape Samson into the man he is, but Delilah wants to knock him down. He doesn’t know she’s been hired to distract him by real estate developer William Trusts, who wants to acquire the land where Samson’s church stands.... Samson feels like his relationship with God puts him above it all, but his weakness for Delilah may just cause him to lose everything. ~ Black Expressions Book Club
DELILAH is in stores everywhere or at an online retailer such as:

Amazon http://www.amazon.com/dp/1601628854?tag=officiwebsi03-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=1601628854&adid=19YJPN9NQBAAXDJN59CQ&

Barnes and Noble http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Delilah/Shelia-M-Goss/e/9781601628855/?itm=1&USRI=delilah+shelia+goss

Borders

BlackExpressions.com (HARD COVER ONLY)

FIRST REVIEW FOR ZEN COOPER!

2011-01-04T03:34:00.000-08:00

Title: Zen Cooper Woman-Child Ghetto-Genius by Angelia Vernon Menchan
APOOO: 5
Amazon: 5
Heading: Wise Beyond Her Years

Zen Cooper is the exceptionally smart, 14 year-old main character in Zen Cooper Woman-Child Ghetto-Genius by Angelia Vernon Menchan. This fast-paced story tells of a child who had no choice but to grow up faster than she should in order to live the life given to her. She does not know who her father is and her mother, Freida Cooper, is too busy trying to find herself to give Zen what she needs. Zen goes through town with great confidence and is not afraid to speak her mind to anyone.

From time-to-time Zen confides her thoughts and plans for her future to Charlie, a war veteran. She also shares with him the suspicions she has about her mother’s lover, Alice. Something was drawing Zen and Charlie together. He calls her “Warrior Woman” and she calls him her “Soul Daddy.” One of them is keeping a secret and it is killing them to keep it. While Zen attempts to reconnect with the grandmother she never knew, all that she does know is fraying at the edges. What will finally happen to Zen Cooper? Will she ever get the chance to be a child without all the adult baggage?

Mrs. Menchan wrote this book using her heart and her soul. She put a piece of herself into Zen. When I got to the last page I was sad, not because of the ending but because the story ended. I wanted a bit more. For some reason, I had a strong need to know if everyone who had their issues, that was affecting them and the others around them, finally got their life together. I recommend everyone to read Zen Cooper Woman-Child Ghetto-Genius for a lesson on how to love unconditionally, even the crazy people in life.

Jennifer Coissiere
APOOO BookClub

EXCERPT FROM ZEN COOPER WOMAN-CHILD GHETTO-GENIUS

2010-12-30T05:11:00.000-08:00

“Whoa baby girl, you need to watch where you going.”

Zen had been walking and reading, and not paying attention. She had walked smack dab into Crazy Charlie. Charlie Jones was a very tall, muscular ex-Vietnam veteran. Zen knew he wasn’t really crazy, but was playing a role. She wasn’t afraid of him. Charlie was part of her community.

“Sorry Charlie…” she grinned at him and he grinned back. He treated her like a little sister and everyone on the block knew not to mess with her.

“Girl what that you reading?”

He grabbed the book from her and was surprised to see what it was.

“Dang girl, that’s some heavy reading for a little girl like you. Seem to me like you would be reading romance novels.”

Looking straight up at him, she rolled her large eyes.

“Now Charlie, you know I ain’t got no time for no romance novels. I have every intention of getting up out of here and romance ain’t gon’ do it.”

He smiled. He loved when she tried to talk all slangy. It sounded funny to his ears.

“So what grade you in now?”

“I’m in the tenth grade…”

Shock and surprise showed on his face. He knew exactly how old she was and that she had just turned fourteen. What she didn’t know was that Crazy Charlie was her father. Her mama had told her it was someone else and he went along with that because he thought it was better. But he had always looked out for her and half of his ‘crazy’ check was placed in her mama’s hand each month. If anyone were to look really close, they would be able to see it. The curly hair, the Indian cast to the face, the height, but no one was looking. Not even Zen and that was a good thing. The name Zen had been his choice.

BOOK and LIFE ISH

2010-12-17T02:52:00.000-08:00

I am up at 5 am, writing and having coffee, it takes me back 5 years when I was finished with Black's Obsession, was sitting reading it and did not have a clue what it all meant if anything....one month later I published it, unbeknownst to the world and here we are 10 books later and still growing...Who knew, only God, to be sure.

Because that first book of mine was an unedited mess, however, it was mess with a message that seemed to resonate with people, a message that Black men were about more than the media portrays, they LOVE, TAKE CARE OF THEIR FAMILIES, ARE EDUCATED...

That Black Women are honored, revered and are practically worshipped by their men, their children, those in their communities...

That it really does take a village to raise children;

More importantly, it was about humans, flawed people, people who make mistakes, have affairs, have same sex desires, go to church and still mess up, but while doing all those things they try to do better, become better, live better...it was a book, but much like life...

That is really all I set out to do when I started writing, tell stories about life...complex people with choices and decisions and who overcome and sometimes fall short.

I didn't have an idea of numbers or ratings or reviews and didnt care a hella lot, guess what I still don't. Because what I did was stay true to what I knew and know and tried to give the best product I knew how.

So every time someone purchases a book or books, asks me to a book club event, or to do something online or to show up and speak to someone, I am still surprised, pleased and feeling blessed to do so. Because I didnt plan any of this, I listened to myself, and mostly to God who has always said to me, 'My child, do your best, while believing on me and I will do the rest.' I am trying to be an obedient child.

LOVE AND PEACE!

angelia

BITTERSWEET

2010-12-16T04:21:00.000-08:00

CHRISTmas is on of the bittersweet times for me. Sweet because I do remember the reason for the season, always. And I love shopping for my loved ones and cooking the traditional meal, the cook each year, ham, greens, mac and cheese, potato salad, cranberry sauce and my now famous coconut cream pies. Also, it should be a blast this year to see my granddaughter's face when she sees her gifts. As usual we will spend time with the kids, go to church and drive down to visit family. All good stuff and mighty BLESSED...

The bittersweet part is that I miss my mom and her funny, loving ways. The way after all was said and done, we would sit on her porch, Mench would be with his family, the kids off somewhere and just she and I would talk and laugh, and talk some more. Also that coconut cake was the best. Now I feel a bit lost, spending time with my aunt, sister, niece and all is wonderful, but a certain ummph is not there.

Spending time with my inlaws is also nice and they treat me like family, but that lady with the grey 'fro and the laughing eyes is irreplaceable.

By the end of the day I am usually happy for all that has transpired but glad the day is over...

I know I am BLESSED beyond measure, a big fine man who loves me, really cool kids, an awesome grand princessa and am able to do mostly what I wish to do...I just really MISS that unconditional, total love thang I shared with my Mama...Ms. Ora Lee...

LOVE AND PEACE!

angelia

I LOVE IT, I DO...

2010-12-15T09:31:00.000-08:00

Last week, I went to Spartanburg SC to talk to Teen Mommies Read, my RAWSISTA, Kim Floyd had asked me if I would and I told her I would love to. Talking to young sisters is a passion of mine. Something I would do for nothing at all. Because what I know for sure is that if there had not been a battalion of women in my life who cared about me and my future, God only knows. I could see after talking to these young ladies; how much they knew, thought they knew and would have to learn. I also saw love, pain, inertia and uncertainty...I saw real live women-children who had become mothers much too young and needed someone to be as honest with them as they could in as loving a way possible. I tried.

So, although I know, {someone made a point to tell me} that it is just a little something and that I will not be around these girls on an ongoing basis, that will not stop or hinder me from doing what little I can. Because what I know for sure is that sometimes we can simply plant seeds and though it might look like the ground is not fertile and nothing will grow there, sometimes it does.

It has been years since I was a Job Corps counselor but every now and then, some kid who I said something to will send me a note, email, facebook message, saying how some little thing I said made a difference. And that is really all I am trying to do, not change the world, make anyone do anything...just strip myself bare naked and share what I have encountered, learned, experienced, messed up on and overcome. That is all...

Be PEACE!

ZEN COOPER: WOMAN-CHILD/GHETTO GENIUS, coming January 19, 2010.

angelia

THE SKIN I AM IN...

2010-12-08T03:03:00.000-08:00

I developed a rather tough skin by the time I was thirteen, I was in a rather precarious home situation, a lot of things was going on around me that I had no control over and to deal with it I had to toughen up, not allow situations to mess me up...

Now by tough skin, I don't mean hard, things still touched my heart, I still cried when I was hurt, laughed when something was funny...but I learned to not let what people say about me or those I love, change the course of my life and for that narrow window of time, people had much to say.

I literally forced myself to walk with my head high and my sights on the possibilities of a life that lay ahead.

By the time I was fourteen, I had a job,in a fast food restaurant, yep,money was money baby...I went to school, made great grades, worked about 20 hours and week and saved ten percent. And the thing is this, no one was necessarily telling me to do any of these things. I KNEW, that if I wanted a life beyond what I could see, those were the things I had to do.

I can recall so many days I walked to work, rain or shine and the few nights I walked home down pine street, turning on to broadway, because that was the only way I could get to and fro. And I didnt allow anything that anyone said, to deter me.
I recall someone saying, I was working in a stupid job, a smiled and patted my real leather handbag I had bought with my own money that held my bank book...

I recall the people I worked with wanting to know more about my life, my family, our business...I had nothing to say, because I knew even then not to get down like that...

I recall leaving that job at 17 and moving on to another job with a scholarship for college classes, while still in high school and having Mrs. Jones tell me it was because I was smart and she knew I loved the skin I was in.

I am saying none of this to brag, but to inform that sometimes, no matter what our circumstances are, and I had plenty, my mom was in a relationship that consumed all her time, the place I was living consumed young people and turned them to lawlessness and the like,but I knew even at the tender young age that I was that I didnt want any part of any of that.

I wanted a life filled with work and respect and a semblance of honor, I wanted to be loved, but needed to love myself first, I wanted to be cared for but needed to be able to care for myself, I never wanted a man to say to me, 'If it were not for me, you would be nothing...' So Iworked, I presevered, I loved and believed in me and walked please to be in THE SKIN I AM IN...guess what, ain't nothing changed but the weeks on the calender...

Be Blessed!

LOVE'S MANIPULATIONS

2010-12-07T03:51:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning, praying and thanking God for how he has Blessed me. It has nothing to do with things, or never having any trials. Because there have been times in my life when I had almost nothing and the trials have been many. What I am thanking HIM for today is Love and being loved and never having too many expectations of anyone other than myself. I have never felt I had to prove my love to anyone by doing anything I didn’t feel was right.

I can recall talking to so many of my girlfriends back in the day who had sex with this one and that one. I asked why to one of them and she told me, ‘Because they say I would if I loved them…’ I can remember asking her, ‘Well if you loved them, did they love you and if they did where are they now?’ Of course, she had no answer, because what they were doing was manipulating her. Playing on the innate desire that people have to be loved. It has worked since the beginning of time.

And that kind of love manipulation doesn’t just play out in the man woman-thing. I see it at play in families. One of the things that used to really bewilder me about some of my family members was if they didn’t like a person, they didn’t want me to like them either. Well, sorry for that, I am a thinking human being and my liking or disliking a person was MY choice.

Then I see it with people telling their grown children who they should love, marry, have children with. I have seen so many relationships with real potential break down and fall apart because of meddling family members.If you see a family full of divorces, dig a bit,you are bound to find busy bodies. People who think they are looking out for their good of their ‘children’ when in fact they are simply trying to exercise their will. I often wonder if people even realize or understand how UGLY that is. I don’t think so, I think we are living in a culture where people are just downright meddlesome and they want things to go their way and they will do any and everything to make it so.

The if you love me you would syndrome…

Well. I will say if you love me you would leave me to make my own decisions, with the understanding that if I mess up, it is my mess up, the same as if I triumph, it is my triumph.

Me and my husband often talk about what has led to our marriage being a success and we count Love and faith, but, we both know that one of the biggest things was that we kept people out of our business and for the formative parts of our marriage we lived away from both sets of family. If we were broke, we were broke, if we argued we argued, if the kids misbehaved, they misbehaved and other than prayer and working together we didn’t discuss it hither and yon, we dealt with it in our home. Because we knew that talking to our families would just force them to take sides and once they did all of their mad feelings, based on what we had told them would rain down on our lives.

What we did was when one of our family members had something, anything, to say against the other, we put them on brakes, told them to mind their business, that it was our marriage and that we would not allow anyone to speak badly of the other.

I recall when I was pregnant with my youngest son, my husband went home to a funeral without me. I was feeling extremely pregnant and some kind of way. So off he went with my eldest son. I stayed in bed all day. When he got back, he told me my mom had confronted him. I was shocked, we had been married seven years by then and she had never done anything like that. I immediately got on the phone and called her, telling her to never meddle in my marriage and that if she had any concerns she should have called me. She apologized and told me she was sorry and that it would never happen again. And it didn’t and from that day forward as before, she treated my husband with respect because I would not allow her to do it any different.

I have said all this to say that if someone is meddling in your business, saying to you, if you loved me you would or disrespecting you or your marriage, only you can stop it…by not talking about it with them, not going to them with your mess, not making them feel they have any say and mostly by not compromising yourself…those who love you, really love you and want what is best for you will behave accordingly…

BE BLESSED!
angelia

GROWING WRITER-WOMAN

2010-12-01T04:20:00.001-08:00

I had to smile this morning when I opened my email, there was one from someone who has Purchased and read everything I have written…it was asking when was my last 2010 book coming out. I smiled because I usually always have a book that comes out right around the end of the year.

Actually, my latest book last year came out in September, which was Mrs. Black? But the momentum from the book transcended time and was selling very well at the end of the year. It was a follow up to a series I had started in 2006, it was the feature of several book clubs and RAWSistaz had it as one of the holiday reading challenge books.

In previous years, Is NO Not Clear Enough for you came out December 1st 2007 and Schae’s Story: A Woman’s Transformation came out December 1st 2008, so I totally understood the question.

But, this year I am in a different place, have gone through sea changes and am not as compelled to force out a book because it is a certain time of the year. I am now in a place where I can take my time to write and publish books as the stories occur to me. I have absolutely no worries that if I don’t plunk out five books a year, the masses will forget about me. I have become more GROWN as a book writer and I know that those who wish to read what I offer as a writer will wait with and for me. And those I have yet to reach will be there also, because God has always shown me what faith brings.

I am forever GRATEFUL to those who have been there with me through all the books and supported me as I grew as a writer and as a person who writes. Every single day when I pray I give THANKS for that.

These writing changes are mostly indicative of how this year has allowed me to change as a person. I have spent much of my life, compelled to do and over do for anyone I love. This year has taught me that we can do and overdo to our own detriment and most importantly that because you do much does not mean the people will value you any more. I have asked God to intervene with me in those areas and to allow me to follow my heart and do that which is best, not that which is expected and though I have suffered some growing pains, it is occurring.

So as this year winds down and the new year cranks up, I am working on my own growth, as a child of God, a woman, a writer…and all things inclusive in that…

Be BLESSED!
Angelia

WE ARE DIFFERENT...

2010-11-30T05:20:00.000-08:00

If there is one thing I have said ad nauseum over the past month is, PEOPLE are different.

Black people are not only different than other races, we are also different one from the other. The same applies to women, women are not all the same and they will not respond to stimuli in the same way. I become very exhausted in these conversations where the automatic response is, ‘If that had happened to me I would have done such and such.’

Maybe you would have and maybe you would not have, but at any rate, what does what you would have done have to do with what I would do, should do or might do. Let me say this, nothing. There are some universal truths about a certain group of people but individually we differentiate.

One conversation I was in had a much older woman saying what she would have done in the case of another older woman’s situation. I blinked, because I knew she was just talking and didn’t have a clue. I also understood that there was no talking to her, because she genuinely believes her way is the only way…Whew.

Then there was a discourse about how women should respond when they ‘think’ they know what their man is doing; OR even thinking, egads! I had to interject in this one to be sure. Because running amuck based on thoughts when you could be dead azz wrong just might speak to the relational divide we are suffering. And besides is a man and a woman at least; at a very minimum entitled to their thoughts? Because God knows if my man were to have dismissed me for some of the thoughts that have run through my mind, he would have curbed me years ago. For real. When in the world did we need to be that in control? After awhile all I could say was, WE ALL DIFFERENT, WE ALL DIFFERENT…LALALALALA….

Another was a simple discussion on food. I said I didn’t like beans, unless they were green beans. Oh my God you would have thought I had said I was going to dance naked in the square covered in chicken feathers. They questioned my ethnicity. Saying all Black people like beans. Umm not me. They questioned my upbringing, saying THEIR mamas made them eat whatever she cooked. Umm, mama did too. With the beans she usually cooked meat and rice, so I ate that, with no beans please. And here is the one that gets me every time, the ‘now that you have a little money’ mantra. Umm no, didn’t eat beans when I was broke as a joke, just ate more rice or potatoes thank you very much. Again, we are ALL DIFFERENT…sheesh.

I actually do get folks wanting those they love, like,or are forced to be around to have some commonality. We usually do, women have womanhood, black folks have blackness, readers have books, writers have words. But, that thing that makes us, profoundly us is usually those quirky idiosyncrasies that make us stand out and define us one from the other.

However, I have come to the conclusion that in many cases it isn’t a simple wanting a commonality but to simply have folks cosign and agree with us, even when we don’t. Folks just want to control something...

Well, my LOVES, that ain’t going down here and LOVE YOU, I do…
Be Peace!
angelia

No is a GOOD THING...

2010-11-19T03:56:00.001-08:00

The other day I received a text from one of my girls, she told me she needed two copies of the 'NO' book. I knew she meant Is NO Not Clear Enough For You? A book I published exactly three years ago, with my main readership being young women. She wanted a copy for her {22} and her sister {15}. I told her the MamaDeep delivery system would get it to her. That is the one book, that I have given away more than any. And though one reviewer found it a bit preachy {oh my soul} most reviewers and more importantly,READERS, love the story, a young girl who has found what empowers her to say no to things she is not interested in AND a way to reach other young women. Because to me NO is a most powerful word that frees you from burdens and allows you choices...

As a teen coming of age in the early seventies, I know for a hard cold fact that if I hadn't said no to all the grown ass men, who were trying to get at me, or all the alcohol and drug use that was abundant at the time, who the heck know where I would have been. Instead I chose to say yes to good grades, working a job starting at 14, reading books and mostly me.

Now, in my 50s, which are the LOVEliest years...I am still having to learn to excercise the NO word. Because if I did not I would never have anytime for me, I would work 7 days a week, write 12 books a year, cook gourmet meals each day, see my mentees all the time, purchase every book everyone I know writes, attend every online venture anyone is having...give all my money to anyone who asks...

It is true...I kid you not...but having learned to say...Umm I am tired and taking of this afternoon...need to regroup....
Or I am so grateful ya'll love my work but this write or die woman really needs to publish less books...
Or honey, please stop and get some food on YOUR way home, I's tired...
Or children, I love me some you...but umm no...
Or if I attend some of your events or buy some of your stuff; it doesnt mean I love you any less....
And finally, the acmenchan atm is closed until much replenishment or perhaps even longer....
WHEW, that felt really good and makes me KNOW, NO is a good thing...

Go on Try it...

LOVE AND PEACE and the POWER OF NO!

ANGELIA

CHOICE, BEAUTIFUL CHOICE...

2010-11-09T04:23:00.000-08:00

I love a good discussion; revel in a debate, but I don’t want anything to do with a conversation that is focused on bashing or forcing a mindset change. I have changed my mind many times, and there have been times when it was based on a good conversation or debate, but never because someone felt that the only way to see things is their way and if you don’t, they will resort to street-fighting.

I have seen a good bit of this over the past week as voting occurred and with the release of the Tyler Perry’s new movie, ‘For Colored Girls.’ The way I feel about voting is that all of us as right thinking, caring about our future adults should exercise our God given and hard won right to vote. I also believe that even if we look similar and have similar histories and circumstances it is our choice who we vote for.

As individuals we get to choose. We may not agree, may have totally differing reasons for our choices, but we do have the right to choose. We also, alas, have the right to choose not to vote. It breaks my heart that we don’t see how important our votes and choices are, but here again is choice and I am not going to get in a bloody nose battle with someone after the voting is done because they didn’t do what I wished or my way. What sense does that make, ultimately. Don’t change a dang thang.

As to movies, I am bemused and amused by how wrapped around the axle we get about THAT. I read For Colored Girls who have Considered Suicide 35 years ago and loved the poetry, filled with pain and some hope. As to the movie, I plan to go this week with an open mind and heart. Only because I wish too. I have also been fortunate enough to engage in some intense, rollicking, agreeing to disagree conversations about it, where regardless of how people felt they remained respectful. One of my faves had several men opine about why they weren’t interested in seeing the movie. And while I didn’t necessarily agree, I totally felt it was their right to chose.

Now yesterday I saw several, can I say rather unNice and downright contentious debates going on and I chose to glide on by. Because while I felt everyone is entitled to their opinion, I don’t get down with slinging mud for mud’s sake. I also don’t feel it is my place to tell Mr. Perry how to produce and direct his movies. The man knows what he is doing and he is wise enough to know that everyone is not going to agree.

I am unsure why people feel they can tell writers what to write, singers what to sing, designers what to design and directors what to direct. There is a simple solution you know to all of this, if you don’t like it, don’t spend a dime on it.

Seems so simple to me, though it seems that MY PEOPLE, yes I said it, feel we have the right to tell everybody how to do their own thing, whether we are doing a thing or not. And to those of us who have our own artistic endeavors, we might want to be mindful, because the next thing getting bashed might be our thing…

Be PEACE…
angelia

REVIEW FOR DELILAH by SHELIA GOSS

2010-11-05T05:30:00.000-07:00

5*****

Delilah by Shelia Goss, is Ms. Goss’ debut as a Christian fiction author and what a debut it is. Delilah is a naturally beautiful woman who has been hired to bring down Samson, who is the Senior Pastor of a growing church and engaged to be married to Julia. While on someone else’s mission Delilah makes the ultimate error and falls in love with the handsome pastor.

On the other hand, Samson knows he is weak for Delilah but his focus is on marrying Julia, who he considers to be a Proverbs 31 woman, thus perfect wife material, but Delilah had other plans. I absolutely loved how Ms. Goss fleshed out these characters and never made the good characters too good or the not so good ones beyond redemption. She literally made me care about what happened to them and had me praying for some and rooting others on.

From the first words I was captured by the storyline and loved the naming of the characters and the tasteful way she wrote about the characters shenanigans. The book was highly entertaining, yet never lost sight of the Christian message. I recommend Delilah to those who love Christian fiction and to all readers who enjoy great writing and story line.

Delilah was provided by the author for review purposes

www.sheliagoss.com

Some Bitter with the SWEET...

2010-11-04T04:22:00.001-07:00

One of the things I learned early on is that if you take the sweet, you will have to swallow some bitter. Just the way it is. A few weeks ago I was at a book conference and when I was done speaking one of the sisters asked, who mentored me, since I mentored so many. For several minutes I was speechless.

Because it occurred to me that in the past several years I had been left mentorless. My mom died in 03, my godmother in ’04, my aunts Elouise and Sadie in ’05 and with a couple of teachers, those had been my mentors, nurturers and more importantly the women who gave me a bit of bitter with my sweet. They all told me how smart I was, in some cases how beautiful and what I was worth. But, baby, they all especially, mama, aunt elouise and my godmother they straight told me what I needed to work on, straight up. And when I think of them, I smile at some of the things they said and how they said. So, finally, I answered, 'they prepared this child in the way she should go..."

I recall when I went to work at 14 and I was going on and on to mama about what the lady I worked for had said, mama looked at me in that way she had and said, ‘Angi, that is all well and good, but don’t let that white woman fill your head with a bunch of foolishness, there are a lot of things you can and will do, but the one thing you can never do is change the brown skin you in.’ and she said it hard!

My feelings were slightly singed, but there were so many times over the years, I had to thank my mama, for ‘keeping it so real.’

Then there was my aunt elouise who would just jack you up, out of nowhere and remind you where you came from, she would make you homemade biscuits or sweet potato pie, but baby, she would cold-cock you with her cutting wisdom. Her motto was, ‘no matter what your man got, take yo ass to work.’

My godmother on the hand thought I was the chosen one and made no bones about it, she was there when I was born and helped wash that proverbial ‘veil’ off my face. She would give me the man talks, ‘Don’t take no wooden nickels and sex should be as pleasurable for a woman as a man…”

I miss those women who loved me soft and hard.

Now as a mother, mentor, grandmother, friend, et al one of the hardest things but necessary ones is when I have to pull off the gloves and just say it. Because we are not good mothers or mentors or friends if we always say what they wish to hear….
We have the responsibility to tell the loving truth…

“We have to say son, I love you, I do, but you need to get a damn job! Also, don’t make any more babies you cannot raise.”

“Daughter, you look real good in those tight jeans, but you better make sure what kind of message you want to send. Because I know you think it don’t matter now, but one day you will need to be more than fine.”

“Girl, that is really a cute handbag, but you know doggone well you cannot afford that when the light bill is due and Christmas is coming.”

“Child, love him all you want, but love yourself more and when someone anyone, tries to get you to do anything that is not right for you and if they say, you would if you love me, say, ‘Hail to the no…” and get gone.

“Son, pull up your pants when you go on a job interview. I know that’s the style, but you need a job not prove to anyone how hip you are.”

Because I kid you not, if we just give them the sweet stuff and none of the bitter, they are going to be so unprepared for the world, because the world is not going to mollycoddle them.

But remember they also need some sweet with the bitter. The goal is not to beat ‘em down but to build them up, realistically…

Be PEACE!
angelia

Sometimes we just WRONG...

2010-11-02T03:45:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up thoughtful. Wondering if people ever think, ‘What if I am wrong…” I know I have thought it on occasion…(smirk).
What started this train of thought was yesterday I was having a somewhat heated exchange with someone and her words to me was: “I want to be right.” I said, ‘I know but sometimes you aren’t.”

After a lengthy conversation and us cooling down considerably, she admitted that there were many components of what I did that she didn’t know at all. Nodding, I had to say, “So please do me the favor of not pretending to.” Her face reddened and I further expounded by saying, “you often nod your head when I am telling you something or say I know, when I know and you know that you don’t know and that is a conversation ender for me. Because, why should I try to explain if you know.” She nodded and admitted that she had already resolved that she would do better. Well, alright.

She also knows that when I don’t know I will freely say I don’t and then I will research and take classes or courses until I figure it out. And if I am wrong, I have LEARNED as hard as it is to say, ‘I was wrong.’
And that is what set me to thinking about how much sometimes mess up in our quest to be right at all costs.

If we make a mistake in hurting someone, do we go back and say, ‘I was wrong…”

If we walk away from a job, that we need really badly, do we even try to go back and say, “I made a mistake I was wrong.’

If we have always done something the same way, over and over again and continue to get the less than great result, do we even admit to ourselves, ‘Damn, I am wrong and really need to do something else, or do we continue to do that wrong thing, hoping that at some point we will throw it against the wall and it will finally stick.’

I know for myself that I feel so many internal changes going on inside me and there are some things I have had to flat-out admit I was just wrong about. And that the only way I can do better, be better, live better is to admit my wrongs, ask for redemption and move on. And to work every day, trying to be less, and do less wrong as I go and when I am wrong be woman enough, to admit my wrongness each time…

Because I am not so much focused on being right all the time, but moreso on being wrong less…

Be PEACE…
Angelia

THEY WANT TO....

2010-11-01T03:54:00.000-07:00

One thing I have learned over the years is that people want to keep you in a place where they feel most comfortable. Their memories are based on a time when you were how they wanted you to be. And mostly I surmised, to my chagrin was when you were more dependent on them or in a lesser situation.

I laugh hysterically sometimes when I have a family member say, “I know you”…in some kind of way. I laugh because I have not lived for any length of time around any family member in over thirty years. For twenty plus years I visited every couple of years and in the last eleven, usually three or four times a year. And if they were asked to describe me, usually they would describe a teenager or very young woman…because that is how they remember me and for whatever reason that is what they are most comfortable with. Because the truth is we can only usually ‘see’ growth or change if it is of some advantage to us.

The same is particularly true when you are on a spiritual walk. Everyone who knew when you drank, cussed or were up to some other shenanigans are lying in wait to remind you of when you were more ‘wordly’ and will call you hypocrite quicker than they can call your name. Because they knew you when. I kid you not, I have heard people mention someone’s transgressions that are decades old just to try and keep them in their place. I must confess I had to learn not to be hurt by that when someone I love, who professes to love me would fling out some remark about how ‘you used to not go to church, ‘ or you used to be real partial to ‘gin and juice.’ All of which is true. But, I also used to be a newborn baby and not have any gray hair….and as sure as that changed, so can a person.

Actually I understand, because the truth is this, if we are stuck, we struggle with someone who we deemed to be just like us to change. Sometimes, I see people staring at me when they don’t think I am looking, as though they are trying to figure out what the hell happened. And I have literally had people ask, ‘what motivated you to school or that career or to stay married or to write books or to mentor or to…’

Because they literally cannot understand how it happened if it didn’t happen to them. I tell them that faith and work and staying focused did it. Grinning, I say, ‘That even when I didn’t go to church, I believed and prayed. And even when I loved my gin and juice a few times a week, it didn’t stop me from going to school, work etc and doing what was expected of me.’ That usually garners a few shocked giggles, because they weren’t expecting me to be that honest. And then I usually get the standard line, ‘You were always so smart with your head in them books anyway.” True that.

This past weekend I was at the funeral of my aunt, who was almost 100 years old and I saw many people I hadn’t had my eyes on in, probably 35 years. I could literally feel my face burning from the stares. A couple even asked me, “Girl, where in the world have you been living. And how did you get away from here and stay.” I basically smiled telling them that I am in town quite a bit, just don't venture out far from the family. Some asked what I had been up to. I gave them a simple response. “Praising, loving working, trying.”

And that is what I tell the young people I talk to. That one of the hardest things to do is change, be different than those you love and who love you. Because as quiet as it is kept, everyone who professes to love you is not always deliriously happy when you do something different than what they are doing. Whether it is leave home and never move back, or write books or stay married or learn to love Jesus. So try not to take it that personal while on your journey of growth because at the core of it, it is not about how they feel about what you have done, it is how they feel about what they have or have not done. Just sprinkle love and prayer over them like holy water and keep moving….forth.

Be BLESSED…
Angelia

WWW.ANGELIAMENCHAN.COM

MY GIRLS....

2010-10-28T03:53:00.000-07:00

This morning driving across the bridge, with the lights twinkling below I had my mind on my girls. Those girls who I have most contact with and how they are growing.

There is my Princessa, who at 20 months of living has been walking over a year and talks up a storm, she is so smart, funny and charming…and has so much personality. I love watching her ‘read’ and talk on the phone. I also love the way, when she is tired, she climbs on her NaNa’s lap and snuggles, smiling…

Then there is Princessa’s mama, my daughter in love Posh, who I have literally seen grow before my eyes in the last year and a half. She is pint-size feisty and walks like she is running, but she is smart, vulnerable and tough. I love how she is learning to navigate life’s waters with her head held high and though still easily hurt, she gets up each day and makes it work as wife, mother, and WOMA N-GROWING…

When I met my stylist Gabbi, though she looked like a baby, I thought she was in her late twenties…I almost fell off my chair when I discovered she was barely in her twenties. She is so cool, calm and collected and not to mention has her own business…styling hair and making potions that soothe and heal the skin. But inside is a girl-child who has been through so much and reached out to me, asking for guidance and being willing to open up and listen, absorbing like a sponge…

Shanieka has been in my life for years and she is my child-friend. She has a certain pained fragility but that never stops her from working, doing and planning. And she gives as good as she gets, sometimes we will go months without talking and then out of the blue she will stop by leaving flowers on my doorstep and other times we will agree to disagree…

Phe, my mentee at work came to the game with mad skills at such a young age, but she also brought heart pain and over these past three years I have watched her bloom, blossom and become the fierce capricorn chica that was hiding under that 'tude...able to laugh, live and love...

But what I was thinking this morning was how fortunate I am to have these girls in my life, who trust me with their hearts and business…who I love and who love me back…IT IS ALL GOOD…and I am so GRATEFUL that God has decided to place these girls and all the others on my life path so that we can all learn something….

Be PEACE…
angelia

Right-Sizing

2010-10-26T04:06:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday I watched a televised focus on those who are running out of unemployment after 99 weeks, which is the maximum that one can receive. It was heartrending in so many ways...but I also saw the inherent message inside the pain.

I thank God that my husband and I havent been directly impacted by job losses etc, but we have been impacted indirectly because it has touched our children and loved ones.

However, as sad and as discouraging as it is and has been, there is so much to be learned. There is the lesson that most of us can live on less than we ever knew. Many times it is about prioritizing. The Man and I actually have game plans for if the bottom falls out. We have literally sat down and discussed how we we would handle it and what we would let go of if one or both of us lost our jobs. Yes, we have, without either of us having lost them. Because we know that nothing is promised to us and that on any given day, in any given life the bottom could fall out.

Truth is, if you get up in the morning, and you are alive, then the battle is not over...if you switch the light switch in a house, any house and the lights come on...count it all joy...if there is a loaf of bread and a bottle of water...well you feel me...

It is so easy to get caught up in what you don't have, but the reality is to focus on and thank God for what you do have. Sometimes things happen as a way of correcting us, making us look up and show gratitude and appreciation for that which we have been blessed with. And if it isnt happening to us, it should make us grateful and work ever harder to maintain what we are Blessed with. There were so many times in years past when I was ready to grab my handbag and call it quits on my job. But every time before I did that I would think of all those people who would love to be in my position and I stayed to work another day. And you know what, my change in attitude made things look better.

I am in no way telling anybody, that it feels good to be unemployed, or to have to ask for help. Because it isnt. What I am saying is that some times God will right size our lives, allowing us to feel the pain of not having, so that when he blesses us next time, we will be more appreciative...

BE PEACE...

angelia

Names and Words...

2010-10-25T06:11:00.000-07:00

“Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Of course, we all remember this childhood ditty. But like many things we say offhand, it is so not true. There are words that hurt. I have been told they sometimes hurt more than fists, but are simply harder to detect.

So many people I know can recall every hurtful word they have ever been called, no matter how long ago it was. And we all know that there is the word that a person of another race better never call a black person, ever. And women can say all they want to that they don’t mind being called a B***** or H*, but if said in the wrong context (not that there is a right one) by the wrong person and it is earrings off and fists balled up time. That is why we have to be especially careful about what we say, how we say it and to whom we utter it. I have learned (and I had to learn) the power of words and their impact. I spent years wounded (was called lots of names by some I loved) and became quite the wounder,(saying lots of things to those I loved).

I knew how to use words in such a way that I left my victims hurt and bloody. Never had to cuss even, just lashed them. But through growth and understanding I came to understand how those words were impacting people and more importantly how it lessened me. I venture to say I am still a work in progress, because sometimes when I feel backed into a corner, the tongue sharpens. I will say that I have come a mighty long way.

However, words also have a way of healing and repairing. I am going to venture out and say that people want love and acceptance whether they are willing to admit it or not, particularly by those we love and accept. And I am here to tell you that words said make huge differences. Sometimes, there are people who do everything in their power to rankle you and have you say something ugly. My advice for that is to place space between you. I confess right here in front of God and everybody that there are a few people I have become almost a mute around because anytime we engage it is bound to go awry. That is knowing when to hold and when to fold, or knowing when to speak and when to nod. HaH.

More importantly we need to say,I love you, I hear you, I forgive you...you are special, you are smart...I support you...and when we have to say, I cannot support that we can make it taste and feel better by how we say it. Sometimes, a simple, "I love you, but I cannot support that because..."

I know many are thinking, it is so hard not to say such and such to so and so: or to bare my feelings to him or her or them. I agree; but it is best to not block your own blessings by saying it or not baring them. And something I have learned for sure, that what we say and how we act is our own choice. Every morning before my feet hit the floor I pray to be better, do better, say better. When I fall short I simply ask forgiveness, forgive myself and move on….

SPEAK POSITIVE!
angelia

RECIPROCITY, adieu...

2010-10-20T03:37:00.000-07:00

I was asked a question yesterday by someone who really cares about my well-being and it stung…because the truth still hurts…
The question was simply, “Do the people who you go out of your way for, ever go out of the way for you…”

I didn’t like the question and tried to avoid answering it…they wouldn’t let up…
Went on to say, “I see you running here, running there, supporting this, supporting that, but I never see any of these people reciprocating…” Damn, I don’t want to talk about this. However, it didn’t stop the conversation, because this person cares that much…

“I totally understand wanting to be supportive…because that is who you are, and the better to give than to receive thing is admirable… but you know what it is absolutely okay to be supported and to receive…I know you have supporters, the same people over and over…but damnit I makes me a bit mad…”
Finally, I found my voice…”I know…and sometimes it does irk me, but I cannot mandate that…I am blessed beyond measure and I know…I am thinking about changing some things, working on that…”

They looked at me quizzically, because they know me and they know that I will continue to do a lot of stuff. But, they also know that when I am done…I am done.

I guess that is why I always pay my own way, don’t l like owing anyone anything and when I decide to do something different, I won’t have any IOUs out there. I can usually fold up my tent and roll away, with a clean slate. What I also told this person who cares so much is that no one is stopping me from having or doing anything, whether they show up or not…the cupboards are still full, the blessings are still flowing. Also, I don’t keep tally boards, board with columns of ‘I did this’; ‘they did that.’ My goal is to do those things I can and to continue moving forward. I also said, ‘Because I don’t say anything doesn’t mean I’m not aware….’
But, I will say I am so glad, that occasionally someone will pull me up and remind me that reciprocity is not a bad thing…and I love and thank them for it….

Be PEACE…
angelia

SOMETIMES IT'S US

2010-10-19T04:00:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest things to admit but the most freeing is that sometimes the problem lies within us. We are reluctant to admit and those around us, who love us don’t want to hurt our feelings. So we get to continue living in delusion…so here goes.

The reason you don’t have a job might not be because the economy is bad because you lie in bed until noon and expect the jobs to be waiting for you when you get there. Or you have quit so many jobs, that your resume is not conducive to being hired when there are so many looking for jobs. Or you are as a broke as Job’s turkey but feel too good to do the jobs being offered, nothing from nothing leaves nothing….

Maybe your books or other items aren’t selling because people are ‘hating’ on you, it could simply be because they aren’t interested in what you are writing, or they have seen or heard some of the things you are saying all over the internet and just, ‘Umm no, cannot support that.’ Because what people remember more than anything is ‘how’ you are, not what you are selling. And they may never tell you, but they will tell someone.

Maybe people aren’t supporting what you do because they feel you are always asking for what you aren’t willing to give. Or they have come to not believe anything you say, because you have dropped the ball on them many times and always have an excuse about something. Most people will only believe you once, maybe twice if you have the same old story about why you haven’t done this that or the other. They may nod and even commiserate, all the time, thinking, ‘Lying, so and so…
Does any of this sound familiar?

I know for myself that I have personally blocked my own blessings. When I first started writing there were so many things I wouldn’t do and had very good reasons for it. Hah! What I had to admit to myself was that my own fear was stopping me, not anyone else. I learned that I had to move me out of the way and get things done and I also had to learn that sometimes the blessings come through circuitous routes. Sometimes I might not sell any books at a venue, but someone who was there will come back later and ask me to do something else, which will then lead to selling books. And much of it has been how I presented myself. I have learned that if I act like I got it going on all the time and don’t need anyone, then no one will be there. Also, I learned that if my hand is always out in asking and not in giving then I end up with empty hands. We have to give to get and occasionally admit we have flaws to be seen as people worth supporting.

This isn’t a map or mandate for anyone to do anything, just the words of a woman who has learned a lot and is willing to share, because as I have said before, ‘You don’t have to go through everything on your own, you can sometimes learn and listen from those who have been there and done that…’

LOVE AND PEACE!
angelia

www.angeliamenchan.com

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED....

2010-10-15T03:04:00.000-07:00

I was talking to someone yesterday who asked me to serve on a board of an agency that is about young women, I gladly said yes...young women is my ministry...

However, as I drove home, all I could think of was the upside-downdedness (I know that is not a word literatis) of this male female dynamic with the young people I I know...personally all the young women I KNOW in their twenties and thirties are making things happen, with the young men, umm not so much, the numbers are dire, actually....

Young women far outnumber young men in college, even high school graduation, and in minority communities the numbers are outrageous...
More women are becoming doctors than men...more women are climbing corporate ladders, what is up with that...

Is it the lack of fathers...surely that contributes, but what about the young men who had fathers, who were always there, why are they dropping out of school, unemployed are underemployed...is it racism...of course racism exists...
But what I am am seeing is not that in many cases...
In too many cases it is wanting easy...Walking off good jobs, not considering the children when making decisions, too many babies, in too many places...
It is feeling that the world owes something because mama always gave too much...
It is having no shame in allowing their women to pay for everything...
It is thinking with penises instead of brains...

And go on and say I am man bashing...I am not...
I am married to a hard working, MAN, who has always provided for his wife and children and only places God before them...and I know lots and lots of these men...
But far too many are not that and they have no excuses whatever,
Daddy was home...
Middle class lifestyles...
Education opportunities...
So if that is true and they still won't do,
Will somebody tell me WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED...SERIOUSLY

angelia...

LOVED TO DEATH - ROSA FERGUSON BLOGTOUR

2010-10-09T11:29:00.001-07:00

Rosa Elmore Ferguson is the author of LOVED TO DEATH: A Different Kind of Love Story and LOVED TO DEATH: The Truth Unfolds. LOVED TO DEATH: The City Speaks will be out in early 2011.
Born Infant Sleigh, Mrs. Ferguson, and adoptee, has been searching for her biology for over forty years. Rosa uses her writing to release the frustration and anger caused by failed attempts to find out who she is and where she came from. The author would like her readers to have a better understanding of what can happen when they become a part of an unsuccessful adoption triad.

Mrs. Ferguson is the proud mother of two sets of twins and currently resides in Olive Branch, MS with her husband.

In LOVED TO DEATH: A Different Kind of Love Story and the sequel, LOVED TO DEATH: The Truth Unfolds readers are introduced to a fictional Gaston City, Indiana and will see it through the eyes of Morosa Denise McKinley. Morosa is the adopted daughter of Morrow and Rose McKinley. Adoption, love, murder and intrigue seem to rule the day with the underlying theme being the pitfalls of adoption and what happens when a person isn't allowed to know the truth about themselves. These are the first two books in the LOVED TO DEATH short story trilogy

Follow the author along her virtual blog tour and as she chats with readers about her books and the challenges she faces in finding her roots. Enter for a chance to win a copy of LOVED TO DEATH: A Different Kind of Love Story and LOVED TO DEATH: The Truth Unfolds courtesy of the author. The winner will be announced at the end of the tour. Please visit the author’s website at www.RosaFerguson.com. .

Now, let’s have a conversation with Rosa about her books and her quest to find her biology. Leave a comment and be a part of the conversation.

WHERE IT COMES FROM

2010-10-08T05:30:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago I was talking with an elder and she told me, "You are now where you were headed.." For the first time I didnt have to ask her what she meant, because I felt it also.

I recall being a young child and listening to people whisper about me, "she has been here before," "you know she special, she was born with a veil over her face." "Lawd, she so grown," Ouch...I didnt want anything to do with all that, just wanted to be a kid.

However, life and God always has other plans...he took me through a childhood that was sometimes filled with trauma, placing me in situations that I would say no child should be in...however, I now know that it was preparation for the work I was here to do...

No one really understood, how I walked through that mess on 20th Ave for three years with my head high and my dignity intact,and not giving in to what was going on around me, sometimes having to literally fight my way through...

Or how by thirteen I was working a job and maintaining a GPA...
Or how not completing college to get married made any sense for the smart girl...
Or going back to college with two kids, a soldier husband, and a full time job was even necessary...
Or choosing to write books that grew as I grew...

I can honestly say that sometimes I didnt know where it all came from, I was often all alone in being me...
But now it seems that day by day and layer by layer it is being revealed, God is whispering in my soul, "You waited for me, didnt take your eyes off me, didnt fall for the easy way, NOW I will breathe life into your dreams..."

That my LOVES is where it comes from!

angelia

Refocusing, Siztaz and Stuff!

2010-10-07T07:28:00.001-07:00

It has been more than a minute since I had the time to ramble anything…but all things in good time…my ‘New Year’ jumped off to a running start. Spent the weekend of October 1-3 in Atlanta with my RAWSISTAZ and it was a blast. Met many of the people who I speak to online almost daily; Met Tee who has been championing my books for years and so many other of the Sistaz, I refuse to name,for fear I will forget someone and they were all equally important to me in different ways. I was also very pleased to meet LA Banks and learn what true graciousness is from someone so well-lauded and accomplished, also got to meet the amazing Daniel Black, author of Perfect Peace, They Tell Me of A Home and The Sacred Place. His reading, singing and spirit are as wonderful as his writing. And it was also great to let people know me…it is always better to feel a person in person…true sisterhood was felt and enjoyed by all of us…

After returning, the MAN and I went home to be with my mother–in-law for a medical procedure…it was awesome even to sit in a hospital waiting room and talk with family…so wonderful how there were seven of us who were there the whole day to be there…also was nice to see how attentive my MAN is to his mother…Be Still My Heart…

As for my writing, I realized that I have to refocus my energies, I am very pleased to have written 10 books in less than five years, but I know that I need to focus on getting out the message of:

RE-Rambled: Food and Thought

That is my ministry and I have come to realize that there are many young women out there and some not to young who can really benefit from me taking my time and focusing on them. So it will be….
I AM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS THING I DO…AND HAVE IT DO WHAT IT DOES!

GOD BLESS!
Angelia

www.angeliamenchan.com

WHY I DO IT, HOW I DO IT!

2010-09-23T04:09:00.000-07:00

This has been a week filled with epiphanies and reflections and resolve, the resolve to move forth. For over four years I have been writing and publishing my own work and it has been a joyous journey, mostly. Now, I will not tell you that I haven’t had any days when I have wondered what is wrong with me, trying to hustle books…hmmpphh…but mostly it has been a joy. I am not sure if it is because I own my own work, I don’t have anyone telling me when to write, what to write and how to write…I just get to write and tell my own stories, share my own experiences.

Now, I know there are those who probably are saying, ‘If you let someone else publish it, you will make more money, more people will know your name…They are right! I am just not personally ready for all that…I have a career, that I have no intentions of leaving until I retire…soon and very soon…also I love the pace of my writing life, I can do as many things or as few things as I choose to do…

Then there are those who say, ‘You are scared that your work will be rejected and you need more than your family to read your work.” They are wrong! I have actually had a few offers and not just my family reads my books, I have a pretty decent and diverse readership. Those who heard about my books and bought them and then told people about them. Don’t get any fat residual checks in the mail…but have never lost money on any venture and always turn a profit, ain’t begging nobody for nothing. Thanks to God for that and my man. Hee Hee!

Will I ever change my mind, I might…I am a few years from retirement, my man has retired once and will retire again and thanks be to God we will be able to get on the road and do our thing…and I have absolutely no doubt at all that I will sell more and more books as time progresses. Arrogant? Oh no, never that.
But what I know for absolute sure is that God has always taken care of me. There were times in my young life when I didn’t have a thing. But was never afraid that I wouldn’t because even then I trusted God to provide and I did my part by believing and working.

I recall 15 years ago I had spent 10 years working in retail management and I was tired. Had made good money but the dog eat dog world was killing me. Killing me. Sitting in the café with a friend prior to leaving Hawaii, I told her, “Pauline, I think I am going to be a counselor.”
She looked at me like I was crazy, telling me that wasn’t my background and that I wouldn’t make as much money. She was right as rain. But I never doubted. Moved to Oklahoma and enrolled in Cameron University. Had a job first as a bank officer, which I left. Two days later, Treasure Lake Job Corps called me for a two day temp assignment in the counseling office, was there three years as a counselor. See what I am saying…God delivers if we do our part.

Moved here in ’99 with a job as a biological admin, I wanted a better job, earning more money and had every intention of leaving that job, well I did but never left the office, was promoted in ’02 to Budget Officer and am still here in the better job, earning more money…Are you feeling the trend yet?

2006, vanity published a book, Black’s Obsession that was so flawed it brings tears to my eyes. Got mostly average reviews but no one seemed to not like it or the message, and to this day many of the people who have read all my books considers it their favorite, some say a ‘cult’ classic…hah…I was cussing up a storm and stuff…whew…4.5 years later many of those who felt that book wasn’t so good are the same people who are flabbergasted I am still in the game and that people are actually talking about and purchasing my work…see I am telling you this proves that ‘What God has for you, is for you…”

I am saying all this to say, that I am never in a hurry to get where I am going, sometimes I get there fast and other times I take circuitous routes, but what I always do is own what I do, while fervently praying and putting in the work because what I know for sure in this over 50 year journey that it ain’t over…there is always more to be done…

JOIN ME AND DERA WILLIAMS TONIGHT AT 7EST AS WE DISCUSS Mother Wit with Yolanda Spinks and others at Booksand.net LOVE and

BLESSINGS!
angelia

GROWING WEARY...

2010-09-16T03:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those days that I felt like if someone asked me for a glass of water, they might have been out of luck. Honest. I was weary. I felt put upon and I was convinced I would never do another thing for anybody. Of course, that was never true, but damnit it was my fantasy. I woke up to emails and text messages with this one asking for that, and that one asking for the other. Then there were the couple of things I asked of people and didnt even get a hell no from them. Then I looked at my spreadsheet of things that I had out there with absolutely no response or reciprocation and I was burning. Usually, my husband will calm me down, tell me it is all for the greater good. But, not this time, he was right there with me. He and I fumed and fussed about cutting off this one and that one and he ‘reminded’ me of all the money I had put out over the past year with no return on my investment and I heard ‘I told you so’ all up and through his words. Damn.

I got in my car, drove to work, worked for an hour, walked in, told my boss, I was on my way home. Considering I have worked for and with him over 11 years, he smiled and waved me adieu. He knows me and the ‘voice’ was in play.

Well, I got home, worked a bit, fumed some, prayed a bit, wrote a few things, prayed some more. But lo and behold, things continued to occur. I was ready to change my will and a few other things by this time. When the man got home we had a pity party together. And then we went to church.

For the past several months we have been working through the sermon on the mount in Matthew, and I was ready for Pastor C to bring it home. But when he stood up he said, we were studying, Galatians 6:9. I looked at the man and he grinned at me, I shook his hand and allowed the passage to pour down over me.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

HAVE MERCY

Pastor C, brought that message home, declaring how we all get tired, we are human and we feel used and put upon. But, we must not stop doing good because if we hang in there, do good and not give up, God always rewards us at the proper time….

Did, I say HAVE MERCY…

I felt tears in my heart and eyes because that was what I needed. I needed a kick in the butt that the little bit of good I can do is not even about me and that even if it goes unappreciated, and people take things for granted, even take my kindness for weakness, that I must soldier on in doing what God has asked of me because my rewards come from HIM and HIM alone and it comes at the time when he has deemed it so. Thank God for that, because I know for myself that true Harvests are not quick. We must plant seeds, nurture them and wait.
I am good with that, because over and over again, it has been proven true.
AMEN…

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

IT'S ABOUT MORE THAN SELLING BOOKS~

2010-09-14T04:03:00.001-07:00

Something I learned early in the writing game is that it’s not just selling books. When I first started writing I didn’t care if I sold only 10 books, I just wanted to write. Selling was a bonus. I cross my heart to God. However, once I entered groups I discovered that many thought I was cuckoo for cocoa puffs, no one seemed to understand my reasoning. Many laughed outright in my face, others made remarks and innuendos and still others were mad at me, because they were trying to sell me their way to do things. For a brief period I became very confused…and starting throwing my money hither and yon. To no actual avail. I was in this booklet and that booklet and on this place and that place. Sold a handful of books and it didn’t come close to what I had spent. Then I said, ‘Angel, hold up wait a minute. You are a business woman, been working since thirteen, you know how to sell some stuff and you know your brand.” Duh!

So in early 2007 I quit almost every group I was in and took to the road. I did festivals, churches, radio, hired a local publicist, hooked up with local book clubs and guess what I started selling books. People started to talk about my brand and me. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t sell books at every venue. But, I knew that going in. What my focus was in some cases was to let them know I existed.
I recall going to the Zora Neale Hurston festival in 2007 and probably sold 25 books in two dayS, but you know what the benefits of being there are still resonating, many of those people who I gave cards to and talked to are still purchasing and promoting my work.

Also as the advertising thing, I learned where to spend my money. I learned who was in it for the dollars only and I learned who was trying to promote work of authors and get some residual benefits for themselves and believe you me, there is nothing wrong with that, because we can all benefit the other. I tell you if you treat me and my product respectfully, you have someone who will support you forever. On the other hand if you take my money and act like you have done me a favor by taking it, well sayonara.

I am a grown woman who has been working for forty years and one thing I know for sure it is about more than selling books. It is about making relationships, supporting and being supported and giving the readers something that will make them come back for more, even it’s simply a few minutes of your time. But, don’t take my word for it, get out there and try it for yourself!

LOVE PEACE and BOOKS!
angelia

BUSY WOMEN!

2010-09-13T05:18:00.000-07:00

Over the past several months I have had to pause at my own busy-ness and the busy-ness of others as it impacts me. And it is mostly women. It seems that men are able to go to work, work the job, come home and sit down and leave it go…not so much with women.

Speaking for myself, this year I have spent many days working overtime; in some cases because there was no one else to do the work. One admin assistant resigned early this year and hasn’t been replaced and my agency had unexpected occurrences that upped the workload for me. However, I do know that I could have just let some things slide, worked on the must dos and allowed the when I cans wait. But, I didn’t do that. Was not wired to. Please note I am say was not…
And with my writing, while it brings me joy and I would do it, even if I never made another dime, I didn’t have to write or publish or participate in 5 books in one calendar year. No one but me is pressuring me to do those things. I also am going to have to learn not to open my mouth and offer my services so often, when it comes to personal relationships, work, writing, et al. I cannot be all things to all people and still be true to me. And I am working on that fervently…

Also, I have tried to do business with a bevy of women who are as busy as I am or moreso and truth be told we aren’t getting very much done. I have been told this has to wait or that has to wait or they avoid me like the plague for fear I am going to ask them if they did the so and so or the such and such. And when we do engage in conversation the first thing out of their mouths is how busy they are. And I know it to be true. What I also know is that we are getting nowhere fast doing all this stuff and multitasking is not working. And if it is it is working to the detriment of our health, our rest, our peace and our relationships. All of those things are falling by the wayside as we take false pride in having people tell how we got it going on, which brings me to a cautionary tale.

Yesterday, a young woman who I love dearly fell apart in my arms. She came and sat next to me, I looked at her and she started crying. Hurrying her to the rest room , to keep folk out of her business, I asked her what was wrong. She told me, her husband was going to leave her and probably take her son. I didn’t ask her why, because I knew. She is lovely, hair always coiffed, nails done, dresses beautifully, but she works too much, has a career that she places first before her family, she works on several local committees and is all over the place doing things. Her cell phoneS rings constantly, the back of her car is filled with work and she has three computers. Most days she walks in the house with food from this restaurant or that one and she often forgets it is there because she is doing the next task. She is a busy woman.

After she cried awhile I asked he what was she willing to give up. Her busy-ness or her man and child. She didn’t answer me at first and I know why. The poor thing had been taught and told she could have it all, be successful, beautiful, raise super kids, be married to that fine man of hers and never have to give up a thing. I am going to put myself out there like this and I don’t care, I really don’t what anyone says. BUT AS WOMEN WE CANNOT DO EVERYTHING. Sometimes we must chose and gasp, compromise. I know a mad woman or two is going to say why does women always have to compromise and not men. I say this, you don’t have to do anything. However, if you have decided you want to be married and have children, there are certain things that will come with that and it isn’t that deep. Your man and your children want and need your time and they don’t want to come after a job, or tasks or a phone or your family or your friends. They want to be a priority and if they aren’t, sometimes, you will lose them or they will make you miserable doing things to get your attention.

So, it becomes a choice. No one is asking a woman to give up a six figure income to stay home barefoot and in the kitchen. What is being asked is that we slow down, assess what is real and what is important. Do those things that provide for us, sustain us emotionally and spiritually and let others do some of this shit. We do not have to be that busy. We really don’t.

angelia

Not so funny...

2010-09-09T03:57:00.001-07:00

My man and I suffer from the same malady, tough talk but real soft when it comes to those we love. We get a kick sometimes out of talking trash about how we aren’t going to do this, that or the other. Then do it…
Sometimes he will say, ‘Baby don’t do such and such, or don’t say such and such…’ and I listen to him, then he will come home and say, ‘Umm, baby, I did such and such…’ We laugh, because we both know we are suckas…that is until we stop laughing and realize we have been played.

Yesterday was such a moment, the man had put himself out over and over again on a situation…I had kinda-sorta warned him, but he didn’t listen…so I sat back, smiling, knowing the time was coming…and he ended up taking a shaft to his heart…I felt it with him…

But, you see that was one of those God lessons, because though we both knew and had talked bad, and laughed about it…we had not done what we knew we should have done and God decided to send that arrow straight to the soft, warm place where it could be felt and appreciated. Almost immediately we both knew it was time for some collective changes…
Time to stop just trashtalking…
And laughing…

And simply remove ourselves from the equation and allow God, life and experience to take it’s course…
Surely, we will be in the situation again, with another, because that is who we are…but dagnabit, we don’t have to get bit by the SAME dog, twice….surely!

BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~
angelia

The LESSON in it~

2010-09-08T03:41:00.001-07:00

2010 has been a year filled with Blessings! My faith is constantly reinforced, my marriage is strong, I get to spend time with my children and their child, work is good, I have published three books since January with a fourth coming in November and people are purchasing them. Not only that so many people in the literary community such as Tee C. Royal and RAWSISTAZ, Anjuelle Floyd, Yolanda Spinks of Booksand.net, Shelia Goss and more than I can even say have been so supportive, in ways I could not have imagined.
However, with the blessings come the lessons. I had to learn that sometimes you can do something with your heart in the right place and have it be the wrong thing. Lesson! Ouch!

I also learned that sometimes, even when others are saying no, we must stay on the track we are on. That is pretty much how I have lived my life. Praying, working and allowing God to work in my life. And every single time I do something different than that or allow other voices to replace God’s or my own, I stumble and get an Oops upside the head moment. Fortunately, for me God and the man I married have no problem letting me take it on the chin and feel the folly of my choices…then allow me to come to my senses and they never have to say I told you so…well God doesn’t…hah!

As I roll into a new year, I know that there will be more lessons to learn and more Oops upside the head moments, because that is how I grow. But I also know that I am going to have to learn not to be so eager to put myself out there so much when all the signs are screaming, ‘Angel, ummm maybe not…’ Double hah.
Just last night I was about to reach out and do a thing and it is almost as if my arm went rigid. I stopped, prayed, glanced at the man sitting next to me who winked as if he were reading my mind and I stopped. Lo and behold I got up this morning and found a message that corroborated that I made the right decision to not reach forth…Oh JOY, the lessons….

Be PEACE!

angelia

I'M HAPPY FOR YOU, BUT!

2010-09-07T04:43:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be happy for someone? To me it means that no matter what is going on in your life, you are happy when others do well and excel. Even when you arent doing so well yourself. Period. What I have come to discover is that there are a lot of people who say I am happy for you, but…

Which seems to mean, I am happy for you, but I wish it were me…

I am happy for you, but why is all this good stuff going on…for you…

I am happy for you but, I have to take back what I thought I knew when you told me your were going to do that…

Or, I am really not happy for your azz at all, but I feel I have to say I am…

This weekend I was thinking about my life and life of others that I love, at all the times we have been in the darkness, marching through the trenches, yet never gave up or stop believing that God would bring us through and when he does, we are almost mute in giving praise, because we know that those we want to be happy for us, or rather with us, really aren’t.

I remember when I first started writing, there were those who totally ignored the fact that I had even written a book…they received their copy (free), read it and never said a word to anyone…professing with their mouth how ‘happy’ they were for me…

I will confess here that I was hurt, because each time someone said, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t know you were writing books. I asked so and so about you the other day, and they never even mentioned it.” A little dart would hit my heart, because I knew that someone who I had given the book to and who claimed, ‘happiness’ had not even mentioned that I wrote books.

For a while I wondered why, mostly because when someone asks me about someone I care about or am happy for, I will immediately say, they are doing such and such or working here or there…or something.

But in time I came to realize that I would have to chart my own course, do my own thing and make my own noise. And I tell those in my life who are trying to do something, that they too will have to do the same. Because, mama, daddy, sister, brother, lover, homey, friend may profess ‘happy’ for you and they may genuinely be.

But, it will sometimes, be a very quiet, damn near mute happiness that will never pass their lips beyond saying to YOU, how happy they are. But soldier on, because what God has for you, no one can stop, my life and my writing is a living testimony to that….

BE YOUR OWN TRUMPET

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY RAWSISTAZ

2010-09-02T03:21:00.001-07:00

Four years ago when I published my first book, I started surfing the net looking for African-American book clubs. The first one that incorporated on my computer was RAWSISTAZ. I filled out the form and sent it forth and received, 'you are accepted.'

Well, I didn’t have a clue, was as green as the proverbial rainforest. In short order just by being part of the group, I learned there was more to writing a book than writing a book. Some of it was quite painful, particularly, learning how little I knew.

But there were so much more that was immeasurably beneficial. Tee C. Royal and many of the authors who participated in RAW4ALL, provided me with so much information on how to truly self-publish, how to market and mostly how to interact with others in the sometimes upside down world we call publishing.

Four years later, and I must say that Tee and RAWSISTAZ are still the most avid supporters of authors and readers in the literature game. They provide many services, such as Black Book Chats, simply for the love of the written word, they also provide honest, concise reviews that make readers want to pick up your book and read it.

Most importantly, they have gotten the word out to the community about how viable African-American literature is and has opened doors for other such entities to go forth and prosper. I simply want to say;

CONGRATUALATIONS, TEE C. ROYAL AND RAWSISTAZ , for opening the door for so many of us and continuing to support all writers and readers with integrity, professionalism and love of the written word. I sincerely THANK YOU for supporting me.

PLEASE LINK HERE FOR MORE RAWSISTAZ INFORMATION

WWW.RAWSISTAZ.COM

Angelia Vernon Menchan

Substitute Me - Review

2010-08-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

Reading Substitute Me by Lori Tharps made me think. The premise of the book was Zora, a thirty year old African American woman becomes nanny to upwardly mobile Caucasian family and somehow ends up in a relationship with the husband of the family. Seems like a cut and dry babysitter and husband get it on type novel, but it is so much more.

The story is told from the points of view of Zora, Kate, the wife and finally, the husband. And what was so intriguing were the voices of each. I was at time startled by how Kate thought about African-American women, particularly her being surprised and offended that her white husband could even be remotely interested in, sexually or otherwise with a Black woman. The way Kate thought of the gap in Zora’s teeth, or her dreadlocks or her thick but and thighs. It took me back to my own experiences when white women would literally imply that because a black girl had a big butt, or a certain texture of hair that they knew their men wouldn’t be interested. I never tried to disabuse anyone of the notion, but I knew better.

What I also know is that men and women will often say they don’t like certain things because they know that is what the partner wish to hear. However, the greater issue is how one race can invalidate another’s attractiveness because it doesn’t mesh with what they find attractive. A direct quote from Kate, was , ‘Why did I work so hard exercising, if he was attracted to that. Why would he choose her when he could have this? What is up with that? Damn.

And as hard as it is to swallow, I know it to be true. Several years ago I had women in my office ask me what was my secret in getting my man. It was so insulting, because they couldn’t see that my curly hair, toffee colored skin, abundant curves were at all appealing, because I didn’t fit in a box of what was attractive to them. Whereas I can look at a woman of any race, age or national origin and see what would make them appealing. Because I don’t see through such a narrow prism. Or maybe, because as an African American I have been taught to see other beauty. It really explains why so many young girls feel so badly about their bodies and appearance.

Substitute Me is a leisurely read that is filled with information and subtle nuances that made me think, cringe and wonder.
Angelia Menchan

O' MISERY

2010-08-25T05:14:00.000-07:00

Hadn’t blogged in a minute or two, been busy, busy, busy…however there is something that has been on my heart the past several days and it is misery. Yes, misery, you all know the old saying, misery loves company, well I am going to say that there are a few amongst us, who love being miserable. These people literally bring ants to a picnic, rain to the beach, oil to the water…

And guess what? The only thing you can do, sometimes, is pray for them and avoid them like the plague. There are people who I really dig, who I have had to cut smooth off, because I couldn’t stand seeing, feeling and hearing all that misery that surrounded them. It is too much, trying to get through this life and to have to carry others burdens, piled atop yours. It can kill the JOY in your life, if you aren’t careful.

You know them, the woman who has had a string of bad relationships and as soon as you say yours is good…she will tell you how horrible hers is and that all men are not good…and almost say you are lying...

Or the person you cannot talk about your faith around because the first thing out of their mouths is Christians are hypocrites…and venture to tell you every negative preacher story they ever heard...or commence to reminding you that in 1982, you drank liquor..

Or the older woman who has run everyone off, even her own kids, because she is so mired down in the past and old grudges that she cannot enjoy life at all and will do her level best to make sure you feel her pain…

We all have times when we are sad, everyone has gone through a situation, been dogged by a lover, didn’t get along with mama or daddy, had a bad church experience, been molested or some such atrocity…but I am here to tell you what I know, I have experienced many, many things…that learning to rejoice in what is now, rather than being mired down in what was then will change your life and it will enhance your relationships. I am telling you, that no matter how much a person loves you, they do not want to hear your sad stories all the time. Relationships are built on giving and sharing. And God knows I want to be there for those I love, but I also want to hear about your joys, your triumphs. I want to hear you say nice things about others.

We have to look outside ourselves in order to really live. And check this out, it is okay, absolutely alright to seek help if you are unhappy or need to get past some issues. Because, I tell you that misery might like company, but company ain’t always feeling misery…

Be The PEACE you Seek!
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

ORDER MOTHER WIT

2010-08-18T05:22:00.000-07:00

MOTHER WIT is a ficitionalized look at some of the current and lifelong issues that plague the mother-daughter, mother-stepdaughter relationship. The stories also speak to how fractured those relationships can be if not nurtured and how uplifting they are when cultivated and appreciated...check it out...

PLEASE AND THANK YOU!
angelia

WHAT WE ARE TEACHING THEM..

2010-08-16T02:46:00.000-07:00

This past weekend my Granddaughter went on a road trip with her PaPa and I. It was wonderful, tiring and BLESSED...

However, as we spent time with our elders, I realized again that we have to be very careful of what we are imparting to our children. We can learn so much from those who are older than we are, but we can also pass down fear, superstitions and falsehoods if we are not careful.

As I listened, I was amazed by how we want people to be afraid of the things we are afraid of...it is as if to say,,,I have been afraid X number of years and I am still alive; that may be true, but how much have you missed out on because of your fear, how many opportunities and adventures...

Then there is the food thing, wanting to stuff children full of fat, calories and salt, saying they are just babies... and that is true, but that is how we create a culture of fat, diabetic, sluggish kids,,,sorry but food is not always love,,,sometimes it is a legacy that will have them taking insulin shots and high blood pressure medicine...

Also, if we have daughters, nieces etc, we are going to have to consistently tell them there is more to life than looks and sexuality...
And teach our boys that work and responsibility are paramount and that we will not prosper from their wrong doing,,,

And please for the love of GOD and all things sacred, teach them to tell someone if ever any one touches them or says some inappropriate,,,and elders please believe them and do something about it.

BE PEACE,,,

angelia

SHE FEELING MOTHER WITTY!

2010-08-11T04:08:00.000-07:00

There are times when I feel like going into mother mode for the masses, because there are so many things that aren’t being taught to our children and young people.

The other day I was dealing with a situation where a young wife was running down her man all over to anyone who would listen. It wasn’t necessarily that he had done anything to her, it was more because she didn’t feel she was getting the attention she craved and frankly because she was perpetuating legacy. When we spoke she said to me, ‘But my mom, aunts, etc. were all that way…it’s no big deal. I told her, ‘honey it is a huge deal, there aren’t many men with any dignity who is going to allow you to run him down all over town, when he is doing all he can to please you. Not, only that, there is the component of you are sleeping in the bed with that man and if you trash him, you are for all intents and purposed trashing YOU.”

She looked askance at me, but I could see the light bulb going off because I was probably the first person who had said those kinds of things to her. I also, knew that legacy was a hard change…it takes getting up each and every day and consciously making a decision to do a thing and following through. So many ask me about how I managed to stay married for 32 years. There are many things, and some I won’t share…umm hmmm. But, one of the biggest at least for me is that no matter what went on behind doors in my home I didn’t take to the streets with my business. Didn’t call mama ‘nem or even sit around with my girls over wine and bash him. I prayed fervently, we argued fervently at times and worked that thing out, together.

On the flip side, I have to say to the young brothers, if you take a woman on as your wife, your boo or whichever, you really need to remember she is a woman. I don’t care how ‘strong’ she seems to be or how much she has it going on, she needs your attention. And attention doesn’t mean diamonds, big houses or money, or it shouldn’t. Many times it means listening to her, really listening, without already having your mind made up. Or doing that thing you know she loves, that might not necessarily appeal to you. If you know she likes reading books and you don’t, suck it up and take care of dinner one night, allowing her to sit in a corner and read. These may seem small and trivial but I assure you, you have my word, they go a mighty long way to being in a healthy love thang…

MOTHER WIT NOW AVAILABLE

Angelia

WALK AWAY, QUIT, SEE YA!

2010-08-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

Had a wonderful day yesterday, celebrated 32 years married to my love…and this morning that made me start to think, think about how quickly we walk away, quit, stop speaking…and this isn’t about marriage at all but life. I rolled around all the people I know who walk away or quit something the minute it doesn’t go their way…they are so out of there, it is as if people don’t even know that sometimes you have to just be still and stay in place to have things happen…

If I had a tickle for every time someone told me they had quit a job or walked away because something hadn’t gone their way, and for no real good reason. A few years ago someone came to work for me temporarily and she was a hard worker. Thinking about hiring her permanently I asked her what happened with a previous job, she told me, “They said something I didn’t like and I cussed them out and quit. I don’t allow people to disrespect me.” I asked, “how?” She told me quite confidently that they were taking up money for something and when she didn’t give, she was asked why and she got mad and left. I understood not appreciating being asked about your giving, but to quit a job that provides for you and your child. Uhn Uhn. Of course, I didn’t hire her either, couldn’t run the risk of having something I said cause her to cuss me out and quit.

In recent times I have run into a couple of these experiences personally. Had someone ask me to write something, I didn’t feel comfortable with it and declined. Months have passed and a person who communicated me for years does not speak any longer. Wow.

Or even more trivial, in my opinion, I was talking to a person about books. The person was of the mindset that certain kinds of books shouldn’t even be written. I disagreed. I feel that we all have stories to tell and if a person tells their stories, via erotica, romance, poetry, street literature, prose literature, et al. and there are people who wish to read those stories, then they should be allowed to write and tell them. That is what democracy is all about in my mind. Well, the person from that day to this has chosen not to say a word to me, about books or anything else. Double WOW.

Because as goofy as this may sound, I am under the impression that one of the things that make us interesting is not our sameness but our differences. And our ability to cohabit and coexist while agreeing, disagreeing or agreeing to disagree. We were all created as individuals and if the only way we can deal with people is if they are some Stepfordized version of us, we might want to reevaluate that, or I am guessing we will spend scads of time, walking away, quitting or not talking to folk. Hmmm.

BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~
angelia
WWW.ANGELIAMENCHAN.COM

A WRITE Woman

2010-08-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

There are times when I find people staring at me, then I look and they look away, sometimes they simply tell me what they were thinking and I love it; there is a woman who sit in front of me in church sometimes, we have developed a relationship of sorts and she ‘knew’ I was a writer, however, I am not sure the concept of what that meant really resonated with her. Shoot, anyone who says they are writers are writers, right…#snicker#
Anyway, the other night she held a copy of my book in her hand, Schae’s Story and I watched her looking at it over and over, and over…Schae’s Story sells well amongst my church sisters, she resonates with ‘em for real…
So, finally I turned to another conversation, we were waiting for the service to start and when I turned back she was really looking at me, I didn’t say a word and finally she said, ‘this is really a book, book, do you really write all this…” Smiling, I replied, “Yes ma’am, that is one of ten books…” She shook her head and started reading…
That happens all the time, people often ask where do the words come from, the stories and how did I decide I could just write books, publish books, convince people to actually purchase and read the dang things…the truth is, this…it has never occurred to me that I CANNOT do a thing I really want to do…never. If I can pray it and believe, God has promised I can do it.
The stories come from living and me being a life observer. All my life I have paid attention to all that goes on around me and I record it in my brain and heart, then try to tell it in my own way. As to the writing and the publishing, that came from a desire to do it and the audacity to not allow anyone or anything stop me, and believe you me, there were many who tried to throw salt in my game…not directly but by saying things like, umm you gonna write about that, or saying, girl that is too deep, people aren’t trying to hear all that, or I know you ain’t going to talk about that…they were as subtle as a rock…but I knew that I would have to close my ears and stay in prayer and that as I grow the stories I needed to tell would present themselves…and I am proud of each and every story I have written or told, at the time they had to be told in that way, the first book had cussing, the second and third book were mad sexy, but as I wrote, I grew and as I grew my writing changed and as always God allowed his child to find her own way…and I as I stand here, less than a week away from publishing book ten, MOTHER WIT…I know and you better know there are so many other stories inside this woman dying to be told and through God’s grace and providence, they will be….
PREORDER MOTHER WITH @

LOVE, PEACE and BLESSINGS~~

Re-Rambled and Mrs. Black: One Special Price

2010-08-02T10:20:00.001-07:00

TWO OF MY HOTTEST SELLING BOOKS, ONE SPECIAL PRICE FOR ONE WEEK.

MRS. BLACK and Re-RAMBLED: Food and Thought only $17.00
Only ten sets available.

MOTHER WIT - PREORDER

2010-07-29T05:01:00.001-07:00

MOTHER WIT by Angelia Vernon Menchan and Dera R. Williams discusses and explores the complex, sometimes troublesome, yet ultimately, loving relationships between mothers and daughters, stepmothers and stepdaughters and those who are bound to them by love. The five stories are at times dark, yet light, uplifting and heartbreaking. However, most importantly they are stories tied together with hope that explore and reveal intense female ties.

WHEW~~

2010-07-28T04:25:00.001-07:00

Every night this week has found me zzzzzz’d out before nine pm. Sunday it was before eight, and no wonder, most weekdays I am up by 4:30 in order to be at my office by 5:45. Now mind you, no one is making me do this. I am able to start work any time before nine and can even work from home if I choose to. And sometimes I do. But I get up and get at it, because I am a true get it done early woman. Have always been, probably always will be, but this morning…my first thought was to just stay in bed. Of course, I didn’t I, got my shower in, my coffee in, got dressed and got to it…but by the time I sat at my desk, read my work and personal emails I knew this would be an early day. Just reading some of them word me out. My goal is to get this stuff off my desk, and be home by noon, so I can take a nap and prepare for a meeting and church tonight.
2010 has been a prolific year for me in so many ways, wrote and published the anthology Women Writes in January, wrote and published Re_Rambled: Food and Thought in April and Mother Wit is less than two weeks from publish date…not to mention working ten-twelve hours days for the past couple of months on my day job…and why? Because I know that God has blessed me to be able to do all this and there is so much to be done. I will confess though that sometimes it is way too much…and sometimes never enough…But I am praying my way through that, and a good place to start will be with that nap, later…..
BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK…
Angelia

GENERATIONAL ISH....

2010-07-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after church and dinner with friends I got home and was so tired I could barely move, but it was a good kind of tired. On Friday I had celebrated my man’s birthday with family, on Saturday I had gone to a new venue to sell my books and was pleasantly surprised and very pleased about the response and I completed the process of book number ten, of which I am very pleased, Mother Wit with Dera Jones and I.

However, as I lolled in my bed, thoughts ran through my mind, thinking about my children, your children, the world’s children, particularly African-American children and it occurred to me that in so many cases, those of us in our fifties and sixties and even older are working circles around young people. And before someone says; ‘It’s the economy stupid,’ I am going to say, no not just that.

For years and years I have noticed it. In prior generations almost always the current generation was more educated and ultimately out earned and were more successful than previous generations and in my humble opinion that is as it should be. However, I am very concerned now, because while there are many, many young people doing well and becoming educated. There are way too many who are underemployed, unemployed and undereducated to the point that even if they get jobs, they are earning pittances, which makes them unable to take care of themselves or anyone else. Or, they have such sporadic work histories, leaving jobs at the first problem, or feeling it is okay to dress or say anything on a job they chose to. And I am not bashing, I am simply trying to understand how this all transpired. Is it because we gave them too much, made is all seem so easy or do they think it just doesn’t matter?

I can remember growing up and everyone worked, man, woman and child. People didn’t buy things they couldn’t afford and it seems we all understood that we would start out with less and work our way towards more. Now it seems that some young people feel they are entitled to the best world has to offer and they want it right now…

The other day I mentioned not understanding this and was basically told, not to judge, just love and that people who don’t know, cannot do. Well, I am sorry, but many of the people who I am addressing to do know and were raised to do, they had simply for some reason decided they are owed something. And they were all LOVED. I am guessing that maybe the prosperity of our generation perhaps allowed us to overindulge our children and didn’t allow us enough time to explain or teach how important, ‘the work’ aspect of life is, but surely I don’t know…just RAMBLING out loud.
BE PEACE~
RE-RAMBLED: FOOD and THOUGHT @
www.angeliamenchan.com
www.amazon.com

YOUTUBE BOOK REVIEW

2010-07-23T07:38:00.001-07:00

JOIN ME ON THE RE-RAMBLED TOUR

2010-07-20T03:43:00.001-07:00

BROWNGIRLSPEAKS 07 20 2010
http://www.browngirlspeaks.com/3/post/2010/07/guest-post-author-angelia-menchan.html

NOTORIUSSPINKSTALKS 07 21 2010

http://www.notoriousspinkstalks.com/

BOOKSONTHETRAIN 07 22 2010

http://books.capeinhand.net/

GLAMAZINA'S NATURAL HAIR JOURNEY 07 23 2010

http://glamazini.typepad.com/blog/

BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~~~

angelia

It Is None Of Our...

2010-07-19T04:50:00.000-07:00

I am always startled when I am confronted with busy-bodyness and taking too much to do with someone else’s business…this weekend I was sitting next to someone who whispered to me, ‘She is looks too old for him…” I looked at the person who was saying it and she went on to say, “I don’t know how old she is but she looks too old for him, not sure why he married her.” I ignored the conversation, but when it was said again, I said, “ He probably loves her, she loves him, the look happy and besides what does that have to do with anyone other than them?” My whisperer turned up her nose and looked at me as though I were a traitor…

I’m sorry, though I have opinions much the same as anyone and they aren’t always nice and flattering my goal is to keep that kind of mess to myself and not share it and spread it around, because that kind of stuff is just, well mean and none of our business…at all…and life is so short to be consumed with, well I want to cuss here, but I will say ‘Stuff’…too short.

I am really unclear on what makes people think they are the arbiter of good taste or that it is their responsibility to hand-pick friends and relationships for others…I have my own theories but I will keep those to me….I will just say something I have said many times before, ‘If we all focus on our own stuff, surely that will keep us so busy as to have no time for anyone else’s business at all.’ Also, if a person doesn’t ask us who they should marry, date, talk to or coexist with it is easy to guess, they really, really don’t care to have our opinion and unless we pay their bills, take care of all their needs and can save their very souls, we might just want to accept that it is just NONE of our Business…
BE PEACE~~~

JOIN ME TONIGHT FOR A LIVE CHAT ABOUT
RE-RAMBLED: Food and Thought @
http://www.booksand.net/1/post/2010/06/july-2010-tour-re-rambled-food-and-thought-ramblings-special-edition.html

Blessings~
angelia

Whatcha Know For~

2010-07-13T04:24:00.000-07:00

Do you ever think of yourself and what you are known for? I do, all the time, mostly because people like to tell me…recently I spoke to someone from my hometown, had seen them only a time or two since leaving almost 35 years ago and they told me they were proud of me for writing and that they always knew I would do something like that because I was ‘known for being smart and bookish’…I smiled and thanked them and wondered, “What if I hadn’t been known as smart and bookish and still wrote books, wonder what they would have said?” Yes, I’m always wondering such things, probably why I make up characters who provide me with answers.

It also made me think about one of my books, SCHAE’S STORY. Schae was known for being a woman who had many men and was all about money, but, when she found Christ and started to live a better life, no one was trying to hear all that and reminded her constantly what she was ‘known for’. I talk to so many people who are stuck on who and what people used to be known for, they cannot see what the person has become good, bad or indifferent and they judge the person forever by that criteria. I love being known as smart and bookish, I am, but sometimes I am other things, like irritable, and opinionated, and divaish…yes, I know me. And my point is those things don’t make me any less or any more, they simply mean that I am a complex HUMAN~

What really gets me is when people say what Christians should be like, I often tell them that Christians are like any other person, with the difference being they are always working on doing better and continually immersing themselves in the WORD and believing prayer. I know of a woman who is in her 80s and there are still people who cannot get over the person she was in her forties…I am serious about this. The woman is devout and lives her life as best she can, but, the old stuff just never goes away.

I actually understand why that is, because it boils down to, IF YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED, PROSPERED, PROGRESSED OR TRANSFORMED, it is hard to accept or appreciate the fact that others have.

Years ago as a Job Corps counselor, I was astonished by parents who didn’t want their children to prosper, they constantly reminded them of ‘who they were and where they came from..” But, with prayer and understanding I came to realize they were just scared, scared that if their children outdistanced them, then they wouldn’t love them or respect them or something…and you do know that at the end of the day we all want to be loved and respected, particularly by those we love and respect. So if ever someone feels the need to remind you of who you are and it is less than flattering, remember, they probably don’t know you at all and they are speaking from a place of their own pain…Be gentle with them….

BE PEACE~~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

BUT, I Want It!

2010-07-12T04:14:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest things today for so many is to understand that wants and needs aren’t the same, we have gotten them so confused in our minds, that they blur together…fortunately, I learned early on…growing up we had all our needs met and many wants, but the wants we received was on my mom’s terms not ours…I can recall wanting a movie projector for Christmas when I was twelve…mama said, ‘Maybe’…and I knew better than to ask again, I also knew that my grades would have to stay tight and the next months leading up to Christmas I would have to be on my Ps and Qs…about age 13, I discovered my love for shoes…mama and I were in Belk’s school shopping and some really snazzy alligator loafers caught my eye…I wanted those loafers, mama looked at me like I was crazy and told me I better get those $15.00 Bass Weejuns, which was a lot of money at the time and really good shoes, that I had really loved prior to seeing the others…she told me; ‘People with jobs get those kinds of shoes which were twice as much…’ three week later I had a job….and though I have made some financial missteps since then, I have never forgotten to not confuse what I want with what I need…I need somewhere to live, and food and water….I want four books a month and new shoes, regularly…and I know that when something more important is due such as property taxes or such, that shoes and books will have to wait…if I cannot afford both…and blessedly due to my own person frugality and moreso, God’s favor I can…

This is a message that I am continually imparting to the young people in my life, that they have to first focus on what they need and then conquer wants; it seems so hard for them to understand that eating out is a luxury not a need…also that good shoes that cover your feet are just as good as designer ones (touche’), or that if you know how much you are going to have each month, spending more than that is foolhardy…because even that isn’t promised to you…and I totally understand…

We live in an I want it and I want it now world, everything is quick, fast and in a hurry…and until recently all you had to do was want a credit card, a house or car you couldn’t afford and bam, there is was…however, once you had those things; oftimes you were living inside without necessities while rolling through the hood showing off wants….the madness has got to stop…

Listen up, learn to pay your bills on time, make sure if there are fifteen days between paydays, that you purchase fifteen days worth of food when you have money and that a meal out will usually pay for two in, and if you continue to work hard, save a little bit and do without all the luxuries that aren’t really important, you will discover that in time, you can have your needs and your wants met without doing without…anything…through God’s grace…trust me on this one, been there and done all that…

SMOOCHES~~~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

NEW REVIEW FOR RE-RAMBLED

2010-07-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

From Debra Owsley of Simply Said Accessories:

I love common sense; it’s the voice of reason amongst the madness. Just remembering the core values you were taught as a child, makes life easier, less stressful and brings less drama. Do unto others as if you were the others, is just common sense. I remember clearly listening to my Mom and Grandmother rambling on thei...r” ism’s”. I also remember rolling my eyes saying what do they know. But I also clearly remember how even to this day, when they just made sense. Observing the obvious, and how the core values always kick in.

I just got finished reading
Angelia Menchan’s, Re-Rambled. She should have subtitled it “life in common sense”. I really loved her random discussions and observations on life. I laughed because I have often thought the same things and had these conversations in my head. Angelia’s thoughts are reminders of our core values. I found myself naming people at the end of each essay who I could dedicate it to, as well as adding an “ism” that I was reminded of from my core. This book is a treasure, of what makes just makes sense.

5 Stars

http://www.amazon.com/RE-RAMBLED-Food-Thought-Ramblings-Special/product-reviews/0978783573/ref=cm_cr_dp_all_helpful?ie=UTF8&coliid=&showViewpoints=1&colid=&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

Be the peace you seek
http://www.angeliamenchan.com/
http://acvermen.blogspot.com/

UNDER THE COVERS...Pretty Packages

2010-07-08T03:48:00.000-07:00

How often do we pick up the wrong thing or assume some thing because of how something is packaged…we have all been guilty of this…

For instance, most of us will see two bags on a table, one is pretty, shiny , large and has a huge, red bow…the other is a brown, crumpled paper bag, half the size of the other…most like if told we can have either one, we will take the big, pretty one…because the assumption is the bigger and prettier, the better…but sometimes, the big, pretty bag is filled with junk, pretty junk mind you but junk, non-the-less and the crumpled bag is crumbled because it is filled with such good stuff, it has been opened over and over again, just to enjoy the wonders inside…you know what I mean…

You see him across the room and he is so, foine…tall, dark, handsome, driving the best car, flossy…but after getting to know him, you can never account for where he is…missing in action…see, here is the thing, a lot of folk like big, pretty thangs and will share them with you…for real…

Now, the one who is unassuming, average looking, goes to work every day, can’t dribble a ball that well, gets no play, but he is known for his kindness, his willingness to put in work to make it work…but how will one ever know that if one can’t get past the brown bag thing…

On the flip side, we all know we have passed by a youngster who looks all thugged out, pants sagging, hair nappy according to our standards and we assume he is a bad boy….then one day by chance we are blessed with a conversation, and the young brother has got it going on, in college, working a job, no baby-mamas and so well-read it makes your eyes water…but of course if you can’t get past the cover of that book, you will never know…

Same with books…I hear so many people say ‘ooooo, I want to read that so bad, the cover is so, HOT…’ then later on you ask them how was it or what it was about and they shrug and have no answer…can’t even remember in some cases…because they were taken in by just another pretty package…

Now in no way am I implying that every pretty package is empty, oh no, not at all…most are filled with goodies…what I am saying is that we must sometimes, every now and then chose that less obvious thing and allow ourselves to be caught up in and taken away by, what is inside the packages, rather than being swept away by what it looks like it might be…

BE PEACE…
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

THEY TAUGHT ME~~

2010-07-07T03:39:00.000-07:00

This morning, driving in for some reasons I thought about the educators who were in my life, I remember Ms. Vereen, my first grade teacher, she was a family cousin as was tough as nails, I remember her spanking me because I read the whole book instead of the two pages she told us to read…guess I was showing off I had been reading since four…well it taught me not to show off because she pulled me to the front of the classroom, pulled up my literal dress and popped me on my butt…today she would end up in prison…how times have changed, I was just glad mama had put on my ruffled panties…

In second grade, Mrs. Jones was my teacher, she also had a blood tie to my family and she was the one who taught me elocution and placed me in every play that came along from 1st through 5th grades…she also gave me a scholarship from her sorority when I graduated from high school and I hadn’t seen her in years…so grateful to her…

Third grade, my teacher was Mrs. Andrews, she was my pastor’s wife and what I remember most was her wanting to past me from 3rd to 4th grade immediately and my mama not allowing it, didn’t want me rushed, I am still not over that one…so as a bonus she allowed me to tutor 1st and 2nd graders…

Fourth grade found me in Ms. Holt’s class, she was only about 23 at the time as so pretty, dark brown skin, shoulder length hair and mini-skirts and she allowed us to listen to soul music in her class…she also taught me a hard lesson, she was having a spelling bee and giving $10 to the winner, she would not allow me to participate…me or Lester, w e had to go to the library…ummph, but a good thing came from that, I learned that we have to work hard for stuff and not always take the easy route, because me and Lester could spell any words…

By sixth grade I finally had male teachers, two in fact. Mr. Isaacson was a young white man fresh out of a Wisconsin college and was out of his element in an inner city school. But, he would always tell me I was going far…called me, Angelia Vernon, girl genius…haa haa haa…

And there was Mr. Allen, he was the flyest teacher ever, wore the coolest glasses and suits…he had come with me from my old school…and he didn’t play, for a brief period I tried to fit into a different environment by hiking up my skirts and acting all ‘fast’, he cold stopped me in my tracks by telling me how I would end up and threatening to tell my mama…Scared straight….
After that I was pretty much ready for anything because I had been nurtured and educated by educators who cared about me, wanted better for me than I knew to want for myself and were willing to give it to me ‘straight-no-chaser…’

Man, am I grateful for them…and I Thank God for them and for giving me enough sense to pay attention…

Angelia,
www.angeliamenchan.com

WHOLENESS...

2010-07-06T04:41:00.000-07:00

Most of us have periods of brokenness, it is important to our growth to get through that, always working to become whole…however, something occurred to me and continues to occur to me and that is many people, way too many, revel in their brokenness…they embrace it and treat it as a badge of honor, to always be able to walk around with stuff going on and someone to blame…because you do know that blaming others allows you to stay broken…I know you are feeling I need to blame that person who molested me, that man who hit me, that boss who fired me…and to some extent that is true, but only for a time…because the truth is that once you turn the molester, beater in to the authorities, and find another job…it is time to get on and over it…because if you allow that blame to guide you, it will stop you cold from doing anything else except blame…I learned that at thirteen, my home life was helter-skelter and I was walking around with a chip on my shoulder and a teacher called me on it…whew…it hurt like the dickens but I started to work on me…did I overnight get transformed, umm no, but I did learn to make my own way, keep myself out of situations that weren’t good for me and to focus on a life plan that would keep me from those kinds of situations….
I am always startled when I speak to people in their forties, fifties and even older and they talk about things that are decades old as if they had occurred yesterday…not talk about it as a part of their history, but as if each and every day they get up and live in it…whew…breaks my heart…because I know they will probably go to their graves bitter and sad about things they cannot change…the only thing they can change is themselves…and that takes some doing and it also takes some undoing…
By undoing it means there are people in our lives, who though we may be tied to them by blood or circumstance we have to cut them loose…let them go, love them from afar…

that person who is always trying to remind you of where you come from in order to keep you there…let ‘em go…

The person who tells you every negative thing someone says about you, let ‘em go, because you know what they are trying to do is kill your other relationships…I had to learn this because I have had good relationships and someone will come along and tell me something the person said, under the guise that I needed to know it…and the truth is I didn’t. Everyone talks about others and if it isn’t life threatening or life altering it is probably no big deal…just idle chatter...

The man who makes you feel inferior in order to make himself feel superior…let him go…

The friend who always finds something negative to say about your appearance, in order to make herself look better, let her go…

The family members who you never hear from unless they want or need something and get mad at you and stop talking to you if you don’t give it…let ‘em go…
These are all people who aren’t whole and who aren’t interested in your wholeness and sometimes to love em, we might have to leave ‘em…

I have had to learn many of these lessons the hard way, by going through and each day I am still learning, but my mission is WHOLENESS…and I want as many people with as want to go…through God’s grace…

BE PEACE~~~
angelia

Revelations

2010-07-05T06:03:00.000-07:00

I am always experiencing revelations...dont even have to leave home to have it happen...one of the most painful ones is the revealing of what people are about...I have a few folk in my life who know me, they know if they hint around about something for the most part I am going to do it...and alas, that is the extent of our relationship...

Here recently, I have had a couple of experiences where the person hinted and I ignored or they came right out and asked and I finally had the wherewithall to say, 'Umm, no, not going to do it, at least not like that,,," Felt freeing to me...and I knew it was right for me...

Haven't heard from them, not 'hey, hello, how you doing, go to hell, nothing, nada, and I am not surprised, because as goofy as I act, I straight knew what the relationships were and what they were about. I recall years ago having a painful conversation with a friend...we had known each other for about four years and I realized our relationship was so one sided, everything was about her pain, her life, her this or her that...she would invite me to lunch and ask me to pay, for her...after awhile I said to her, 'We arent friends...' She said, "Of course we are, Angi, you are so good to me," I remained quiet and I saw the revelation hit her...

And I only blame me, no one else because giving at times has been my quest to make good, to get people who I have to coexist with feel comfortable on some level...martyrdom at it's finest...
Well, no mas, I am tired and there are too many way too many worthy causes I need to support...Breast Cancer Research, Prostate Cancer, et. al...

BE PEACE...
angelia

INDEPENDENCE DAY

2010-07-04T02:30:00.000-07:00

It is the 4th of July, Independence Day and I am thinking about my own independence, there are a few things that I need to be independent of and from...
These twenty pounds that I hang on to with a certain amount of defiance,
The desire to take care of those who are capable of and should be taking care of themselves...
The independence from the fear of really being successful with this book thing, yes, that is a confession...am too concerned how it will impact others...
And independent of holding myself back from all the things I love, want and enjoy...
Yep, do it all the time, try to hard to be selfless, that I ofttimes forget about myself...
This morning I got up early, real early and took all these things to the altar, asking God to free me from my fears and to allow me to realize and encompass all that he has for me...that where I am concerned that his will be done and that I relax and listen,
Shoot, I am feeling more independent already....

Enjoy your HOLIDAY...
angelia

THE FORGIVEN

2010-07-03T03:45:00.000-07:00

Many people talk a good game when it comes to forgiving people, sounds good on paper,
A few months ago a mainstream author sent out a request for people to send in stories who had survived abuse at the hands of parents or guardians...I prayed about it and sent in a story about my stepdad, he was a man who felt it was okay to hit my mom and to then hit me, because I felt it was my job to defend her,,,and I am here to tell you, he never became a favorite person of mine, however, one day he stopped hitting my mom, I was gone by then, not sure what transpired all that, but they lived together for twenty-something more years before they died, four months apart...
Once, I had children, I knew that he would be around them, but, I also knew for whatever reason he would never hit them...or harm them, so I talked to God and made a decision to forgive him and free myself...he and I had a cordial relationship, we both loved my mama and what had transpired was over...he also had very good relationships with my sons, all they knew of him was how he treated them and how generous he was to them...I never told them any different...life went on..that is how God works...
Well, that is the story I sent in, and the author wrote me back, trying to change my mind and my story...it was so hard for her to wrap her mind around having forgiven someone who hit you...I told her that I was sorry that I couldnt make up what she wanted or needed to hear...I gave her truth, that I was angry at him and my mom for years, but that one day I knew I had to forgive them both and once I did I was free from all that pain and anger....I never heard from her again...not surprised, at all...because as I said, People talk good game...

However, I have been forgiven and have forgiven more times than I can count, and I thank God for it...which is why everything I write have elements of forgiving and compromise to make life work...many find that unrealistic, and I understand why...until you have learned to forgive or compromise...it is unrealistic....

PLEASE PURCHASE RE:RAMBLED: FOOD and THOUGHT
www.angeliamenchan.com
www.amazon.com
www.indiebound.com
www.bn.com

BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK...
angelia