Angelia Vernon Menchan

Angelia Vernon Menchan is an author, publisher and public speaker who owns two publishing companies, MAMM Productions and Honorable Menchan Media. Mrs. Menchan is also a Budget Officer and former Job Corps Counselor. To date she has published twenty-three books of her own work, both fiction and non-fiction and more than eighty ebook novellas on You can access her bibliography on search words: Angelia Vernon Menchan

Contact information:
Phone numbers: 904 714 2272 904 303 2679

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Not Talking...Shhhh!

Words are so powerful…we all know that as readers, writers, speakers,
My question this morning is how powerful is the lack of words…
I am always fascinated by people, who say so powerfully,
‘I’m not talking to so and so…’
My curiosity runs me down and takes me over,
Making me wonder exactly what they were trying to accomplish with their silence,
I had never asked anyone what was the intent of that until yesterday…
I was talking to a coworker and we had covered all the changes we had gone through in our agency in the past couple of years,
And how we were looking forward to slowing down a bit in the upcoming fiscal year,
We then started talking about our activities,
Of course we segued to people,
She commented that she wasn’t talking to X,
After all these years of wondering I asked,
“How is your not talking to her supposed to impact her?”
The look of surprise on her face was priceless…
I knew that she had given it some thought but was unable to articulate what she thought the result would be,
Finally, she asked what I meant,
I told her that I had never been able to grasp or understand,
The concept of punishment by not talking…
Because most of us are so busy, that unless the person is in some way so valuable to us,
There is a good chance the person won’t even realize it,
Or they may in fact consider it an un-prayed for blessing…
Her face colored because I knew I had hit the nail on the head,
Somewhere inside her being she had really felt that she would cause some kind of feelings in the person she wasn’t communicating with,
The idea that potentially she wouldn’t had never occurred to her…
She asked me how did I deal when people stopped talking to me…
I told her simply,
That if they were important to me, I asked them, trying to figure out how to resolve it,
Otherwise I didn’t notice it and in the case where I did I chose to embrace the silence…
I went on to tell her that I was currently in a season of silence from a few folks,
She asked me why,
And I told her that because I had to clean up my commitments and what I could take on,
Many had gotten quiet on me and gone completely ghost in some cases,
She asked how did I feel about it,
I told her I was grateful, because it showed me what my value was to those people,
And at this point in my life,
I don’t have a great deal of time to spend in situations that lack value…
She nodded in understanding, telling me I gave her something to think about,
I nodded back…

Love, Peace and Blessings…


Poetic Genesis said...

I've stopped talking to people before and I'm sure it was a blessing all around. It wasn't to make them feel any kind of way though. Just had to break some ties.

But when I go into silent mode on my husband, it makes him so angry. But it's for both of our Don't wanna say things you don't mean just because you're mad, kwim?

Love ya

Angelia Vernon Menchan said...

I do know what you mean, Silence really is Golden, when it stops us from saying stuff we might reget...or can't take my family we know that quiet time means we are going through something and need a little break...and that the love is still intact when we are ready for commo again...

Love Much!

Gwyneth Bolton said...

Great post, sis. My younger sister tried that with my mom, not talking and walking around the house with an attitude and mommy is just like, she's doing me a favor and don't even know it. LOL.


Angelia Vernon Menchan said...

Lady Gwyneth,
Ya know, that has always been the funniest thing to me...once my son said to me when he was in grade school...'mama I'm not talking to you'...I grinned at him saying, 'okay, start now...'


Anonymous said...

Angelia, you made a good point. How is not talking to someone punishing them? To bring it on home when certain people get in the "I'm not talking to me" phase it's all good because that means the person not talking isn't calling me and asking me to do them a favor.

Angelia Vernon Menchan said...

I just knew people would know what I meant...I thought about it this morning and even considered writing something else, but I said, surely someone will know what I mean :)


'Cilla said...

This is very interesting... I have a friend that has not called me in several months. I called and asked why. Her response "I just decided not to call you". When I said "ok" and continued with the reason for my call, she got upset and asked how come I didn't want to know why. I thought she answered the question. Trying to find logic in a persons reason can be maddenig (sp) Her silence and absence should the true value of our relationship.

Great post Angelia!!

Angelia Vernon Menchan said...

Thanks 'Cilla,
it sure does show the value and as we age we have to focus on those who we bring value to and to whom we can add value...