Different?

“Why you gotta be so different?”
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I would be in Tahiti right now…
This time a young lady wanted to know…
“What do you mean, sweetie?”
“I don’t really know, but you are. First of all you too cool. Everyone I know gets beserk and goes off. But not you…when we act up, you just look at us all cold and stuff and we straighten right up. Do you ever cuss anyone out?”
I smiled inside.
“Very occasionally, but not often. It is a waste of time.”
“Huh?”
“It is, when you are in a conversation with someone and it goes wrong, it is real easy to cuss someone out. But in my opinion, when you do that, you are throwing away your power.”
“What power?”
“Your power to have control of your own life. When you allow people to make you so mad you have to cuss them out, then they are in charge of you. I don’t allow people to be in charge of me.”
“Did you ever?” I had to think about this and smile again, my mama always told me I knew my own mind.
“Of course, I was a child once. But mostly from about age thirteen on, my mom trusted me and so long as I followed the rules I was allowed to control my own life.”
“What were the rules?”
“Good grades, respect for myself, chores….stuff like that.”
“So at thirteen what were you allowed to do.”
“Go to movies, go hang out with friends, sit outside staring into space…whatever I wanted to do.”
“What about boys?”
“What about them?”
“Were you allowed to date?”
“Of course not. I was thirteen. But I negotiated a deal with my mom, she had told me sixteen, but when I got to almost fifteen she allowed me to date. By then she knew she could trust me and she also knew it wouldn’t affect my grades, my respect for myself and stuff like that…”
“I told you Ms. A, you just different.”
“Is different bad?”
“No, it is all good…I think I will try to be different too.” My heart surged.
“Don’t nothing beat a fail but a try.”
“Huh.”
“We will talk about that another time.”
“Love you…”
“Me too…”

angelia

What He Said!

This morning I was driving to the bank and listening to the Tom Joyner morning show. They were discussing how Michael Vick was supposed to come on the show and had declined at the final hour. Who knows why and what does it really matter. What grabbed me by the throat was what Tavis Smiley had to say. He spoke of how the maturation of Mr. Vick potentially had begun. He waxed poetic about how Mr. Vick ended his statement with, “I will redeem myself.” There was nothing new about those words but what Tavis said will always stay with me, because I truly believe in those words. Always have. He basically said that true redemption would have nothing to do with whether Vick ever played in the NFL again and that he didn’t need the football commissioner or the owner of the Falcons to redeem him. True redemption is a soul thing and once he is truly redeemed it won’t matter a whit whether he ever plays ball again. Amen. If he doesn’t, there are so many youngsters in Virginia, Atlanta or any other city who he can work with and make a difference in their lives. Tavis’s final words were that, ‘True redemption is about Michael Vick’s own maturation.” Well now.

I used to tell my students at Job Corps upon their graduation that it didn’t matter where they were from, or from whence they had come, but where they were and where they were going. My boss once asked me why did I like the bad boys so much. He was actually talking about Allen Iverson at the time, who, he seemed to abhor. I told him quite simply this, ‘There is nothing more appealing to me than a reformed, redeemed brother, someone who has been through some stuff and has come out on the other side. Lawd have Mercy! Everyone else can have the perfect, never done nothing, ain’t seen a thing brother. As Betty Shabazz once said about Malcolm X, “I want a man who is ready, when Malcolm came to me he was ready.” Hear, hear my sister. So if Michael meant what he said and is truly about redeeming himself, he has much to offer…maybe this is just what the doctor ordered. Only time will tell.

Love and Blessings…
angelia

The Keepers

There have been a mass of folks who have come through my life...
Traveling around the world for twenty-plus years insured that...
What is cool though are the keepers...those folk that though you havent...
seen them in years...you still keep in touch...remember their birthdays...and they remember yours...sometimes you will pick up the phone and call, though a couple years have passed or...
you pick up the phone and a voice from the past is their...
My friend Yvette is one of those people, I have not laid eyes on her since 1992...
But she is my girl....we communicate when we can and our conversations still shimmer with love and laughter...agreements and disagreements....yeah keepers are those you can agree to disagree with...
My friend Beverly is the same....we were best buddies in high school...two of those know-it all chicks....heads buried in books....
I went almost twenty-one years without seeing her...
But lay eyes on her a beautiful day in May, and it is though we were never apart....
I am also pretty good at telling the non-keepers....
There are those that you have a rapport with...
But you leave just enough room for a graceful exit...yours or theirs...
At first you seem to be on the same page...
But you know that once you don't agree with them...
Or support their agenda....
It will not be long before the phone stops ringing...
The mail goes unanswered....
I take that as a good thing, a learning thing...
Because in this short life....I want my world peopled with keepers....
Those who you can love, laugh and cry with...
And disagree to diagree with....
When you are done yelling, trying to make your point...
And listening to them yell trying to make theirs...
You can look at them....and burst out laughing at the absurdity and the audacity of...
The two of you...
May we all have a life blessed with Keepers....

Love and Blessings...
angelia

Biding My Time...

Yesterday, I was chatting with Cynthia, (my self-proclaimed, biggest fan) member of KUDOS bookclub and she was wishing me mega-sales in my books...
I told her how much I appreciate that and her love and support...
However, I told her that I am biding my time...
I never had a game plan...
Certainly didn't plan to write five books in two years...
But...I know me...I am a methodical chick...
Planning, when I am not planning...
With my first four books, I gained a following...
My loyal readers from the start, all come back, dollars and checks in hand...
And with them they bring others...
THANKS, GRACIAS' MERCI BEAUCOUP, DANKE SCHON AND MUCH LOVE...
But as I pen my first YA book, I know I have found my niche...
Mother loves the children...
And mentoring is my ministry...
My goal is to tell stories about how smart, cool, savvy and spiritual so many youngsters are...
I want to reach them where there live...
Allow the world to see their beauty,
The way I do...
And to let them know there is more than sex, lies and violence...
That though these things do exist...
They can step around it,
over it,
and move through it,
to live blessed lives...
filled with spirtuality, love, fun and wonderful futures...
I did it...
And I truly believe, that anything I could do...
They can do better....and most importantly...
They know, I believe it...
So My Children....
Mother hasn't been ignoring you...
She was just biding her time...

Love and Blessings...
angelia

Word Power...

The power of words…
It is amazing how easy it is to tell where someone is in their life by what they say…
Yesterday, I was talking to a co-worker about my newest book…
As she received her copy, she asked how sales were going…
I happily told her that I had already sold out on my first printing and had ordered more…
We talked a bit longer then she asked me a question…
The question was, was I disappointed by how other cities,
Were more supportive than the city I lived in…
Huh?
They have been very supportive in terms of purchasing…
Book clubs…having my books in the library…
I was a bit puzzled…
“Well what I mean is I see that the surrounding cities always have you in their local papers and you are always going somewhere else to do festivals and stuff…”
Light bulb moment…
I thought about it for just a beat then I told her,
“I don’t spend a great deal of my time thinking of disappointments, my focus is on what good is going on. I would really lose my mind and muddle up my blessings if I thought about stuff like that. Come on sis, how can several cities asking me to show up be a bad thing.” She stood there for several minutes not understanding a word I had said.
I know her and I knew why…
She spends vast amounts of time…
Drinking from half empty glasses…
Or anticipating doom, in the midst of the good times…
Yuck that!
In my opinion, tough times are simply dress rehearsals for the good times…
Speed bumps, alert me that I need to slow down…
Trials help me appreciate what I have…
There are so many words that I have x’d from my vocabulary…
There is simply not enough time for that particular madness…
My friends often say they can tell when they have gotten too negative…
I asked them how…
They told me that I do one of two things…
I sit quietly, minding my own business…
Or I change the subject…
They know a sister…

acVernon Menchan

Constructive Criticism

It seems that there are those who feel authors aren’t open to constructive criticism….
I am sure that is true in some cases, maybe many cases…
But in my case and in the cases of authors who have been in the game for a minute…
Were it not for constructive criticism and helpful insights we wouldn’t be here…
Doing what we do…
Some of my best lessons have come from those who have said, ‘This would work better if you tried this, or this would read better if you did that’…I love that, help a sister out…

As a reviewer, my goal is to be as fair as I can, but to offer whatever I can to assist…
I have been known to read a book twice, when reviewing if I am not feeling it…
Because I am thinking that maybe it is just me…
What I think is occurring in many cases is that the critic feels he or she is being constructive…when in fact intent matters not a whit…if the recipient can’t relate to what is being said or offered…and many times the offerings aren’t constructive, they are or can be destructive….
Anytime someone opens their mouth to say, “If it were me” or “I am not trying to be funny, but”…look out…
I was once in a forum where young people would join in droves….
They would participate…then one day you would notice they weren’t participating any longer…many would wonder why….I knew why….
Those in the know, 'the experts' were throwing out what they called ‘Constructive Criticism’ but they were demolishing the hopes and dreams of its youngsters…

One thing I have learned as a mentor is that there is a lot of power in what you say and how you say it…
If I see a young person reading something, instead of saying, “I know you aren’t reading that trash’…I will go out and purchase them something that will allow them to know there are other possibilities….
If I read something someone has written and it is laced with something negative or with demeaning images, I will challenge them to write the same things in a different way, you can be funky and fresh in so many ways…by no means am I saying massage the egos of people who are putting out trash,
What I am saying though is that writing like any other thing is a learning endeavor and if you can reach out to a beginning writer, offering suggestions and critiques without demolishing hope, dreams and aspirations, then please do that…
Not only will you have given back, but, you will have helped to forge a new crop of writers, who will be able to bring it….

I am not trying to be funny…honest!

Love and Blessings…
angelia

Out of the Mouth of Babes...

‘Ms. A, it is time for us to talk.” Turning to my Tuesday girl, I said,
‘About…’ her hand was on her hips and I knew she was going to give it to me straight no chaser…
I was ready…
I thought…
‘Ms. A, you waste so much of your precious time…’ My hands had now found my hips. I knew doggone well, she wasn’t talking to me. I stared her down, she stared back in that sixteen years old way that some young sisters have. Eyes squinted, mouth slightly twisted, head ready to roll…
‘Yes ma’am you waste time, you have four girls, and two of us are always here. On time, every time. We do the tasks, we read the books, we ‘incorporate’ as you say what you tell us. But those other two, they do what they want, when they want. You either need to get two more or just keep the two you got.’ She had my attention now.
‘So Missy, what do you propose I do?’ I have always known, you can learn from the children.
‘You need to place them on the rule of two…’
‘The rule of two?’
‘Yes ma’am, if you send them two texts, two emails or call them twice, if they don’t respond, then cut them off. You are a busy woman with too much to do, to be fooling up with people who don’t value your time. You have to keep it moving, there are too many of us out there who can use you. I sure do hope you don’t waste that much time with the book thing, otherwise you…are a wasting big-time.’ She walked away to go do what I had told her to. I stood still in my very tracks, watching that child sway away. She was on to something. I have been very good at managing my time and handling my business…
But…
Sometimes….
When it comes to people…
Especially people I care about or value…
I make mad concessions…
So I had to think about this thing….
Okay starting tomorrow…
They are on the rule of…
Three….okay four…

Blessings…
Angelia

Are We Monolithic

Monolithic – two of Webster’s definition are as follows:
A: constituting a massive undifferentiated and often rigid whole
B: exhibiting or characterized by often rigidly fixed uniformity….

Have we as writers become monolithic, or has the world come to expect us to be?
The reason I ponder this I guess is I have time on my hands (giggling)
I am on the hiatus I take whenever I finish a book. I take a couple weeks to chill…
Anyway…
Are we and should we be?
I read and hear all of this stuff about how all the books are the same…particularly in the AA arena….
Then I read or hear other stuff about how if you don’t do it a certain way, you won’t sell any books….you are told, no cliff-hangers, no this, no that, no the other…
Do those who are saying these things realize how contradictory they are?
If on the one hand you give them formula….then they want different….
Give them different….then they want formula….goodness…
So how do you give the people what they want?
Do you churn out what is already out there, just changing the name and locations…
Or do you go out on a limb and give them something different…
Make them think,
Laugh,
Cry,
Judge,
Get mad,
Remember what the hell you wrote and stay up at night thinking about it?
I have chosen to go with the latter, only because I don’t know any better…
It is a lonely business. It is a lot like hearing someone make a racist or misogynistic remark and while everyone is laughing, you say, ‘Please don’t do that in my presence.”
My mama taught me a long time ago that there are times when you have to stand alone, no matter what everyone else is doing, you must chart your own course.
When you do that as a writer, you have to be willing to accept going it alone, writing against the tide, having folks tell other folks not to read that because he or she didn’t do this or that….but…
When you are able to remain steadfast, with your eye on the prize, the rewards are amazing….
People will wait for the next book or the next message or the next whatever…
Because regardless to what they may tell us, we are not monolithic….we like all kinds of stuff…you heard it here first…

angelia

For Whom Do We Write?

For whom do we write? I really don't have an answer for anyone except myself...
I have always written...diaries, journals..notes...did that make me a writer...surely not in a commercial sense...but one thing I discovered early on is that when I wrote...those things that I allowed people to see...someone was always hanging over my shoulder asking to read it...I can remember when I was about twelve and one of my cousins was seventeen, she asked me to write a scathing, sarcastic missive to her boyfriend...yes at twelve, I knew what scathing, sarcastic and missive meant....I did as asked, but told her I needed five dollars...
The same is pretty much what happened when I wrote books...I had an idea and I sat down and wrote until I had a story...didnt think much about anything other than writing....when it was said and done I placed it up for sale...people bought it...asked for more....
However....this brings me to my question....after readers read it, I knew for whom I was writing...however when reviewers, pontificators and experts read it, for a minute I thought, oh my goodness, I am a hack, can't write at all, though to be fair they never said it like that, never rated my work as less than average, but being a perfectionist, average burned like lye in the eye....but all the times readers were still buying...I was still writing...words were pouring from me like volcanic ash...books, books and more books....so what I had to learn to do, the same way I'd had to do on so many ocassions, about so many other things, was listen to my heart and know that this writing thing is bigger than me...and that all those people who emailed me, text-messaged me or sent checks in the mail this week for my latest book just might be onto something....Writers write for their readers...period.

Love and Blessings...
angelia

You wont even try?

What turns us on or off in reading...that question plagues me, especially after I read a post this morning about someone who said if they read about a certain thing they would absolutely not finish the book....as a reader and writer I was astonished...
I know everyone has preferences...some don't like romance...others don't like sci-fi...others shudder at the sight of non-fiction....and that is what makes us diverse...
That is not what I mean....what I am talking about is this...
If you pick up a book in a genre you already love and are enjoying it and discover that one of the characters, particularly the main character is doing something you don't approve of...
say having an affair....dating someone from out of space and you can't stand aliens...
Then no matter how enjoyable the book is, you will close it and not read it....WOW....
I was under the impression that true readers were quite open minded...
But I am learning that is just not so..
For me as a reader I am looking to be so caught up in a story that I want to know what occurs...
good, bad or indifferent....
Not only that....but I absolutley LOVE, LOVE, LOVE...to know the whys and the wheretofores...
That makes for a splendid read for me...
As a writer, I have discovered that people make books relative to their own lives....
If you have a cheating character....you can almost see the distaste on the face of a reader who has been cheated on...
If there is an interracial love situation....folks who don't believe in that kind of thing...will look as though they had lemonade without any sugar....
If you mention spirituality, agnostics shudder at that, rolling their eyes....
My goodness....what is a writer to do...
When a story is just burning in their hearts and souls and won't let them go?
Do they listen to what a handful say about what is palatable to them....
Hell to the No....
I almost got caught up in that when writing Cinnamon's Universe....
I wrote the current book...
Then I let a few voices infiltrate my head for a minute and I actually wrote a completely different book...yes ya'll there are two versions...
But Cinnamon got in my face in all her glory saying, "You will not dilute me in order to make me easier to swallow for some people. You will rep me just as I am, with all my imperfections, damn it...and those who can will, and those who can't won't. Now acVernon Menchan, handle your business..."
Ya'll know she said it....and I said...

Yes Ma'am...the muse has spoken...
angelia

Sneak Peek...Brown's Possession

Walking slowly to his truck he replayed in his mind the night of Black’s heart attack:
“Khadijah, I am going home. I don’t know if I can do this any longer. I am losing my wife and I just don’t know”…she didn’t say a word. She never did. That’s what he liked about her. She just was, there were no complications or expectations attached to her. She worked hard and was an uncomplicated woman married to paraplegic, who needed affection and stimulation. They had been involved for over two years, way longer than any of the others. Cinnamon had known for months, and through the grace of God had not left him. He had been holding his breath since. When he’d arrived home at midnight, he was stunned that Cinnamon was not there. He knew immediately she was with Black. He did nothing, because he knew he had set up the whole thing. But the pain in his heart was like a hot knife. When the phone rang shortly after six a.m. he knew it was Cinnamon, he had just never expected the call to be about Black being in the hospital. That really complicated things. He would never forget walking in the room and hearing Cinnamon tell Black she loved him. He swallowed down bile as he pulled into traffic.

What Makes the Difference?

What is the difference between those who do and those who don’t?
That is a question that plagues our communities.
There are those young people who have got it going on and you can smell success all over them from the time they leave the cradle…
And then there are those who as much as you may pray…
You know…
Well you know what you know…
I encounter kids from all walks of life…
Affluent kids who have everything…
Many go on to achieve something….many don’t…
In those cases I have discovered that giving them everything as opposed to allowing them to earn some things may be where the rubber meets the road…
Many kids I know have no real drive or determination because everything was so easy…
Designer clothes, shoes, cell phones, cars the day the get a driver’s license…
What is there to work for to strive for or to appreciate?
In many cases these kids go on to do well, however, some are so privileged and feel so entitled they are unable to move because they have never had to…
That is a grave disservice…a real way to set kids up…for failure…
Of course we should introduce our kids to everything life has to offer…
It just doesn’t have to be every material thing…
On the other hand I see kids who grow up in the most, dire circumstances…
Who were given nothing and everyday through sheer faith and self-determination…
They strive, work hard and achieve…
Many tell me it is because they will break the chain, they will not carry on the family legacy…
Others because someone has stepped into their lives and show them they can do better…
Be better…live better…
But at the end of the day…what is the real determiner…
Is self-determination…
Deciding for self that at some point it is not about…
What mama had…
Or papa had…
Or what mama said or didn’t say…
Or papa did or didn’t do…
It is about realizing that we have all been blessed with abilities and should work as
Hard as we can in order to realize those…and for those of us with something to offer…
We have to spread it around all the children in our communities…so they will know that it really isn’t about where they are from…it’s about where they are…
And where they are going…it will be better for all of us…
I promise you…

angelia

Thanks

Thanks Lady Gwyneth,
I enjoyed being interviewed by you...you are such a generous spirit, promoting authors with no agenda...how cool is that...We have a mutual admiration society going, I love your work as well...I love the way you tell a story with that hip-hop vibe running through it, and enough heat to make a sister go "Um hmm....again, thanks my sister, you're the best...

http://gwynethbolton.blogspot.com
www.gwynethbolton.com

Bless You...

angelia