Sometimes we act as if though we say something enough times it is true…you know what I mean, you get fired from a job you really loved and you tell everyone who will listen, ‘It was just a job for me, I didn’t really want it…’ umm hmmm…
Your man or woman dumps you because you were messing up and you know you are in love with them, so you say…”Shoot, I didn’t really love him/her anyway, she was too full of drama, or I didn’t dig him anyway, he didn’t even have a good job…’ sure, sure, sure…
That could all be true, but mostly it is ‘just blowing smoke…’ and the only one you are fooling is you…when you know it is when you sit down, all alone and think about how you were living before you messed up that job…and wishing quietly, no matter what you say out loud, that you wish you had done this that or the other…
Or you see her riding through the hood, hair flying in the wind as you wait for the bus, or see him opening the door for his new honey, while you stare after them as they take off down the road…
Blowing smoke…
It is absolutely cool to admit to yourself that you messed up, and then to focus on not doing that again, and when around others it is okay to say nothing if you are lying…if you are in pain about something, just quietly pray about it and stay mum, because saying it ain’t so, don’t mean it ain’t so…
I remember when I published my first book..it was like having a third child…I loved that book and all it stood for..and the first time someone said something negative about it, it stung like salt in an open wound…I can remember the exact words, ‘Your writing is too narrative, and your sentences run on and I cannot stand to read all that stuff…’ whew…but you know what, I didn’t pretend like it didn’t bother me, it did…so I chose to listen to advice and try to step up my game and learn as I go…ironically, and life is always full or irony…many, many of my readers say that is their favorite book…hmm hmm…be that as it may, I didn’t try to fool myself or anyone in to thinking I didn’t care about something I cared about, because the realness is, that when we are all alone and the crowd is gone and we have done all we can do to convince people we didn’t care…we mostly do…
So acknowledge caring, don’t try to front, however, next time around step up your game and handle your business…it will free you from BLOWING SMOKE~
BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
