One of the toughest challenges with the young people in my life, even my own children has been to get them to see that the choices we make has a tendency to follow us around. Particularly, if we act them out, publicly…
With my young women it is especially difficult,
And it is always painful to hear when they finally come to me, bemoaning how unfair it is that men get to do things and be applauded and lauded for them,
Yet when they do them, then…well we all know the scenario…
Promiscuous man is just being a man…
Promiscuous woman is less than a woman, certainly not a wife,
Strong man is just handling his business,
Strong woman is a ….
Are you feeling me yet?
Is it fair, heck no it isn’t fair, but it is real,
Someone dear to my heart is going through this now,
She made decisions based entirely on feelings and doing her own thing,
However as she aged, (she is still very, very young) she wanted to change,
Be different,
Perceived different,
Well, she is different, but perception is a beast,
And folks are not usually eager to change how they view a person,
Oh no, I am afraid not,
It is much like when kids start school,
One immediately establishes him or herself as the A student,
The other one immediately establishes her or himself as the opposite,
From the point on the A student can do no wrong,
And the opposite can do no right,
Yesterday and in previous days she was asking me why was it so hard for people to accept that she is different, I told her quite honestly, because she hasn’t yet accepted it,
Once that internal shift has taken place, then it won’t matter as much that people aren’t accepting it, and not only that once change has taken place we start to go different places and see new people and they see us as we are, not as we were…
She asked me how did I learn this?
I told her that I learned really young that I had no control over what the people around me did, and that I refused to allow someone else’s reputation to taint or color my vision,
As such I decided to control the brand…
Huh…
Controlling the brand, simply means, I decided to make choices and not mistakes about what I wanted to be and who and what I wanted to be perceived as…it was entirely up to me to be someone that I liked when I looked in the mirror, regardless of how others saw me, and also to make no excuses for my own weaknesses, but to do better, when I knew better….
She told me, ‘That is hard…’
I told her, ‘It sure is, but if you want to become known for your choices and not your mistakes, then it is hard, but, good work…’
Love and Blessings!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com
