Over the past several weeks, I have had several conversation online and offline about grown children…and what we owe them…
And I have to say right out the gate, that if you loved them, prayed for them, gave them food, shelter, clothing and opportunities for education…
Once they are grown, you owe them nothing but more love and lots of PRAYER…
That is not to say in any way that if you can help them,
You shouldn’t, but help does not mean, allowing your life to go down the slopes and for you to do without in order for them to have something,
That is not only detrimental to you, but not good for them, because what you are doing is enabling them,
If you give money over and over again to a grown unemployed child,
You are stymieing his or her growth,
At the same time if you are always financing a working child,
So they can purchase pleasures and frivolities with their earnings,
You are doing the same thing,
I am not guess-working on this,
I have been tried and found guilty of such,
And what I had to learn is that we aren’t doing these things,
In most cases just for them,
We are doing it for us,
Because let’s be real,
We honestly care way too much about ‘THEM’…
No, not just the kids,
But people,
As Black folks, we lay awake at night wondering what people are saying about us,
Cause we aren’t doing this thing or that thing,
And heaven forbid they are saying we are bad parents,
Because we are allowing our kids to do without,
Honey hush!
So what we do is finance their mess,
Especially sons and then wonder what the heck happened…
Well, we gotta stop the madness…
For real,
And mother is not here to tell you that any of this is easy,
But it is doable,
And do it we must,
Last night I was thinking about some of the elder women I know and love,
And how so many of them are broke.
Because they felt they had to give everything they had to kids,
Who outearned them by far,
But got to spend their money on frivolities while their aging parents went without,
That is wrong,
And parents let me tell you this,
You cannot pay for any mistakes you made years, and years ago,
If you messed up with the kids,
Ask God to forgive you, ask them to forgive, forgive yourself and move on,
You cannot buy forgiveness or love,
And you shouldn’t have to…
BE PEACE!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com
