Over the past several months I have had to pause at my own busy-ness and the busy-ness of others as it impacts me. And it is mostly women. It seems that men are able to go to work, work the job, come home and sit down and leave it go…not so much with women.
Speaking for myself, this year I have spent many days working overtime; in some cases because there was no one else to do the work. One admin assistant resigned early this year and hasn’t been replaced and my agency had unexpected occurrences that upped the workload for me. However, I do know that I could have just let some things slide, worked on the must dos and allowed the when I cans wait. But, I didn’t do that. Was not wired to. Please note I am say was not…
And with my writing, while it brings me joy and I would do it, even if I never made another dime, I didn’t have to write or publish or participate in 5 books in one calendar year. No one but me is pressuring me to do those things. I also am going to have to learn not to open my mouth and offer my services so often, when it comes to personal relationships, work, writing, et al. I cannot be all things to all people and still be true to me. And I am working on that fervently…
Also, I have tried to do business with a bevy of women who are as busy as I am or moreso and truth be told we aren’t getting very much done. I have been told this has to wait or that has to wait or they avoid me like the plague for fear I am going to ask them if they did the so and so or the such and such. And when we do engage in conversation the first thing out of their mouths is how busy they are. And I know it to be true. What I also know is that we are getting nowhere fast doing all this stuff and multitasking is not working. And if it is it is working to the detriment of our health, our rest, our peace and our relationships. All of those things are falling by the wayside as we take false pride in having people tell how we got it going on, which brings me to a cautionary tale.
Yesterday, a young woman who I love dearly fell apart in my arms. She came and sat next to me, I looked at her and she started crying. Hurrying her to the rest room , to keep folk out of her business, I asked her what was wrong. She told me, her husband was going to leave her and probably take her son. I didn’t ask her why, because I knew. She is lovely, hair always coiffed, nails done, dresses beautifully, but she works too much, has a career that she places first before her family, she works on several local committees and is all over the place doing things. Her cell phoneS rings constantly, the back of her car is filled with work and she has three computers. Most days she walks in the house with food from this restaurant or that one and she often forgets it is there because she is doing the next task. She is a busy woman.
After she cried awhile I asked he what was she willing to give up. Her busy-ness or her man and child. She didn’t answer me at first and I know why. The poor thing had been taught and told she could have it all, be successful, beautiful, raise super kids, be married to that fine man of hers and never have to give up a thing. I am going to put myself out there like this and I don’t care, I really don’t what anyone says. BUT AS WOMEN WE CANNOT DO EVERYTHING. Sometimes we must chose and gasp, compromise. I know a mad woman or two is going to say why does women always have to compromise and not men. I say this, you don’t have to do anything. However, if you have decided you want to be married and have children, there are certain things that will come with that and it isn’t that deep. Your man and your children want and need your time and they don’t want to come after a job, or tasks or a phone or your family or your friends. They want to be a priority and if they aren’t, sometimes, you will lose them or they will make you miserable doing things to get your attention.
So, it becomes a choice. No one is asking a woman to give up a six figure income to stay home barefoot and in the kitchen. What is being asked is that we slow down, assess what is real and what is important. Do those things that provide for us, sustain us emotionally and spiritually and let others do some of this shit. We do not have to be that busy. We really don’t.
angelia
