Truth Telling...

Today I sat in my office, surrounded by pictures of my family...and wrote some truth,
I wrote about a time in my life when I was thirteen years old...old being the operative word, because I was considered always to be on of those old souls...
It was so funny, because, I wrote quite dispassionately and removed,
And reading over it, in some cases I am sure popular opinion is that I should have been horrified,
Mad, bitter, unable to move on...yeah in some cases it was that serious...that bad...
But I didn't feel any of that...I just felt good, good that I am here,
That I have the man I have, the kids I have, the life I have...
And able to acknowledge that GOD had me, even when I didn't know it...
Because he was saving me for something...

A young woman in my life sat next to me tonight on my sofa, love you Shanieka...
One of my long time mentees....well actually she has been emancipated, but still comes to see,
Mama Deep...
She read through RAMBLINGS...it is only eighty pages...
And she thanked me for doing it, for being real, for literally RAMBLING and exposing myself on those pages...I smiled at her because I knew it wasn't me...if I could have not done it, I would have not done it...but I had to...
There are so many things that have to be said,
And someone has to say them and it seems that I am one of those to say it...I smile because today my counterpart in my Regional office called me for something, I told her where to get it,
And it wasn't from the expected place,
She laughed, telling me she loved me,
I was a bit puzzled and she told me,
"I can alway count on you to just say it, you are cut and dry and get right to it."
I told her I would try to do better next year, because I had meant to be different this year, but, had already messed up...
She begged me not to...telling me she needed me to be just the way I am...
It wasn't true any way,
All I know is what I know and for whatever reason, GOD has decided, that I should share it with somebody, somewhere...
Back to what I wrote today, the time is going to come for me to share those dark years, the years that should have taken me out...but actually made me stronger and ready for all this...
Whatever it is...

Blessed!
angelia

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DO YOU WANNA BE RIGHT?

There are few things sadder to me than people who truly, deep-down, gut love each other,
But for simple reasons can’t articulate it…
No one wants to be the first person to say, “Ooh I love you, don’t want to be without you’…
So no one says anything…
No one wants to say, ‘I am sorry, I messed up…can we just talk and make this work…’
Instead it’s like being in a boxing ring…opponents on opposite sides, punch drunk and unsure what to do except continue to swing until worn out…
I am a people watcher, some would say quietly nosy, but let’s not resort to name-calling…
Anyway…
I watch people who I know are so in love with the other and they watch each other from across the room or get jittery when the person is near,
But play it cool…acting like…well silly…
So much wasted time…
I tell you there is no easy plan for love and marriage…
And honey it is work…but can be so good, when both are working in the same direction…not afraid to give in a bit…not always be right…
When I got married over thirty years ago, I had no blueprint for marriage…
The women in my family were all divorced, widowed, or defiantly never married…
And didn’t have great things to say about the institution…
And the marriages I saw were, let’s say, they may as well have not been married…
But I did it anyway,
And it has been work…and ups and downs and to’s and fro’s but it has been worth it,
Every step of the way…
Because we learned that sometimes talk is necessary…
Even a good old shouting match every now and then,
But we also learned to concede even when we were right…
Sometimes you have to be wrong to be right…
Because peace and happiness carries a lot of weight and you can sometimes be right,
Or you can be happy…and believe me it doesn’t happen at the same time, all the time…
For real, for real…
And if we are patient, honest, fair and sometimes willing to compromise,
Joy can and will come in the morning…often…

LOVE AND PEACE,
Angelia

RAMBLINGS: Volume 1
SCHAE’S STORY: A Woman’s Transformation
Is NO Not Clear Enough For You
All Available @
www.angeliavmenchan.com