Yesterday was Mother’s ‘Day and for me it was tough per usual…I am an Amazon to be sure, but I am a woman…I remember the years my husband was in the Army, Mother’s Day was a celebration of me as the mother of my sons…we always sent gifts, cards, flowers, etc. to our mama’s but the day was mine…
When we first moved back to Florida, the first Mother’s Day was a huge adjustment for me…we went to Ocala…my mama was still alive and my mother-in-law and all my aunts were there and God knows it was wonderful to celebrate them, I no longer felt like a mama myself, but a child…I was slightly ashamed of that but I admit that I missed the special day where my son gave me gifts and did special things and my man made special dinners…but I adjusted, mostly…
Mother’s Day of 2003 was profoundly difficult my mama had died in January and I was immobile on that day, but for the greater good I made my way home to celebrate my Mother-in-law and my aunts…now seven years later it is mostly routine, however, I will not lie and say I don’t still miss those years gone by, I miss my mama more…I am grateful for a loving mother in law and my aunt Alice…the only one of my aunts left…but they aren’t my mama…no one is…what we had is untouchable…and nowadays I usually don’t see my sons either…because I am not home to see them, though yesterday when I returned home I did see them briefly and realized how much I missed being the ‘Mama’…
Actually, yesterday I struggled with a plethora of things…missing my mama, my children, my granddaughter and feeling alone in a room full of people…I know how blessed I am…and how loved, but I also know that we cannot replace one thing with another, no matter how hard we try…so my goal at those times is to pray my way through…also to say to people to allow me to be human and in pain…saying how much you care, or that it’s just life…are all things I already know…but there are times when I need to feel my own pain and go through my own suffering in my own way, just as God allows …
Angelia…
