Yesterday was Mother’s ‘Day and for me it was tough per usual…I am an Amazon to be sure, but I am a woman…I remember the years my husband was in the Army, Mother’s Day was a celebration of me as the mother of my sons…we always sent gifts, cards, flowers, etc. to our mama’s but the day was mine…
When we first moved back to Florida, the first Mother’s Day was a huge adjustment for me…we went to Ocala…my mama was still alive and my mother-in-law and all my aunts were there and God knows it was wonderful to celebrate them, I no longer felt like a mama myself, but a child…I was slightly ashamed of that but I admit that I missed the special day where my son gave me gifts and did special things and my man made special dinners…but I adjusted, mostly…
Mother’s Day of 2003 was profoundly difficult my mama had died in January and I was immobile on that day, but for the greater good I made my way home to celebrate my Mother-in-law and my aunts…now seven years later it is mostly routine, however, I will not lie and say I don’t still miss those years gone by, I miss my mama more…I am grateful for a loving mother in law and my aunt Alice…the only one of my aunts left…but they aren’t my mama…no one is…what we had is untouchable…and nowadays I usually don’t see my sons either…because I am not home to see them, though yesterday when I returned home I did see them briefly and realized how much I missed being the ‘Mama’…
Actually, yesterday I struggled with a plethora of things…missing my mama, my children, my granddaughter and feeling alone in a room full of people…I know how blessed I am…and how loved, but I also know that we cannot replace one thing with another, no matter how hard we try…so my goal at those times is to pray my way through…also to say to people to allow me to be human and in pain…saying how much you care, or that it’s just life…are all things I already know…but there are times when I need to feel my own pain and go through my own suffering in my own way, just as God allows …
Angelia…
7 comments:
A touching entry Angelia! I'm blessed to still have my mother with me. When I looked at her yesterday it brought tears to my eyes for I love that woman so much. Thank you for sharing!!
Thanks Sharon...
angelia
Angelia,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! For years this was a difficult day for me, not that my mother is no longer with me, but for other reasons. Thankfully, I'm blessed to still have my mother with me.
I look at Mother's Day as a day to celebrate all women, for we all mothers in some form or fashion whether we've birthed babies or not. There was a time when the statement you're not mother bothered me. I can even remember one Mother's Day, I cried because I asked this person why they didn't wish me happy thoughts, and she replied cause you're not my mother, which is true, but I am God aunt to your child, still no wish came. I've since grown to know that I can't change the way others think, only to keep my thoughts and know what I do is not in vain. Yes, I'm human, I still cringe a little when I hear the you're not my mother comment, but no more tears. When I do get happy wishes, I cherish them.
Jamie,
so true we all mother in different ways...
angelia
Angelia,
That was such a profound blog post. It touched my heart. I thank GOD that my mother is still alive today, although she lives 3,000 miles away. I can still pick up the phone and call her at the drop of a hat. I truly understand your feelings and empathize with you because your words were true and oh so real for many women.
You have the right to feel how you feel and to still long and grieve for your mother and the Mother's Days of the past. My husband and my children know how special that day is to and for me.....Its so special because my mother, my grand mother, my 7 aunts, and a host of other women all had a hand in raising me and shaping me into the "Mother" that I am today. Not all of them had natural children, but they were my "Other Mothers" just the same.
So, as a tribute to you and all of the other women who play a role in helping to build a child's village, Happy Mother's Day today, tomorrow and all of the days to come!!!
Thanks Unika...I appreciate the understanding...
angelia
Wow, this was touching. This Mother's Day was especially trying because while I know my mother has been declining,not physically, but mentally at 84 years old, it all came to a head on Sunday. It was a long day as it was my niece's graduation from Hampton U in Virginia and we were all there. It was especially trying because President Obama was the keynote speaker and we had to get up at 4:00am to prepare to drive from Williamsburg to Hampton, normally a 40 minute drive and severe security precautions, alot of standing and sitting until the 10:00am service. No food or water allowed, by the time we left about 3:00pm after the major commencement and then the department ceremony, we were dead tired, drive back, got dressed for dinner and that night, Mom just lost it. But as bad as it was, I'm thankful she is still here. I just have to prayer longer and harder.
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