I was asked a question yesterday by someone who really cares about my well-being and it stung…because the truth still hurts…
The question was simply, “Do the people who you go out of your way for, ever go out of the way for you…”
I didn’t like the question and tried to avoid answering it…they wouldn’t let up…
Went on to say, “I see you running here, running there, supporting this, supporting that, but I never see any of these people reciprocating…” Damn, I don’t want to talk about this. However, it didn’t stop the conversation, because this person cares that much…
“I totally understand wanting to be supportive…because that is who you are, and the better to give than to receive thing is admirable… but you know what it is absolutely okay to be supported and to receive…I know you have supporters, the same people over and over…but damnit I makes me a bit mad…”
Finally, I found my voice…”I know…and sometimes it does irk me, but I cannot mandate that…I am blessed beyond measure and I know…I am thinking about changing some things, working on that…”
They looked at me quizzically, because they know me and they know that I will continue to do a lot of stuff. But, they also know that when I am done…I am done.
I guess that is why I always pay my own way, don’t l like owing anyone anything and when I decide to do something different, I won’t have any IOUs out there. I can usually fold up my tent and roll away, with a clean slate. What I also told this person who cares so much is that no one is stopping me from having or doing anything, whether they show up or not…the cupboards are still full, the blessings are still flowing. Also, I don’t keep tally boards, board with columns of ‘I did this’; ‘they did that.’ My goal is to do those things I can and to continue moving forward. I also said, ‘Because I don’t say anything doesn’t mean I’m not aware….’
But, I will say I am so glad, that occasionally someone will pull me up and remind me that reciprocity is not a bad thing…and I love and thank them for it….
Be PEACE…
angelia
