Asking yourself, ‘What is your motivation every time you do something is hard…’ but it will transform what you do and how you do it…there have been so many times over the years when I did something I just didn’t want to do…but felt I had to, not because anyone even asked me, but, because I was scared not to…for fear that I would lose the person or the relationship if I didn’t do it…yes, this is a confession…
I can recall so many times I made phone calls or visits or bought things and the whole time I was talking or visiting or purchasing I was holding my breath until it was over…I was not comfortable, it was not a good situation, but there I was…because the person either expected it or I ASSUMED they expected it…so much a part of who I was, was dependent on doing that thing…
I recall about three years ago, I was visiting with this lady almost monthly, it was a chore…she and I had never really had a relationship, it was actually a residual of another relationship, but I felt compelled…when I got there she was bossy, snippy and felt that because she was older than I, she could say anything to me she wanted to…and I allowed it, but when the visit ended I was worn to a frazzle and could hear her in my head for days…the final straw came when I went for a visit and took her something and she railed on and on about what she wanted and that if a person would not do what she wanted or needed, then they may as well do nothing…ouch…when I drove away that day, I didn’t know that I wouldn’t return, but I didn’t, because even though I felt compelled to do it, I also knew that I wasn’t doing it for the right reasons and if I didn’t surgically remove myself from the situation I would end up saying something I was sorry for later…and I tell you I struggled with it mightily, good girls do you know…and wearing the label of good girl is often burdensome, because you find yourself in situations, doing things that if you had thought it through you know darn well you wouldn’t be there or doing that…
Since then there have been a few other situations that I have had to remove myself from for differing reasons with the same results, my getting and understanding that no matter how much I loved a person or wanted them to be part of my life, that it should be because they wanted to and not because of something I could do for them…dag, that is painful, because the risk to that whole thing is that if you lose what you had with that person once you stop doing, you have to deal with the fact that it was never about you but about the ‘doing’…’double ouch…
So every single morning before my feet hit the floor, after I thank God for another day, I ask for guidance in making sure that all the things I do are for and with the right motivation…
BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
