Do I Owe You?

What do I owe those who have less than I is a question I have pondered over and over again…I would like to say that when it comes to my elders or the babies there is never a question in my mind, if medicine or food is needed call me…if the baby has a need for books…food, call me, please call me, but that is not what I am talking about here…what is rolling around in my head is what do we owe to those…who feel we owe them…let me set this up… Scenario One: About six years ago my second cousin won the lottery. She was in her late twenties, I don’t know her, have never spoken to her to this day….but what absolutely amazed me is that so many family members, both real and imagined felt she owed them something. My mouth hung open as I heard them talk about how she should give everyone x number of dollars, I was stunned, still am…but she was a smart one…she paid her tithes, helped those closest to her who had helped her, gives to the community and kept her day job…Beautiful…she probably doesn’t have many friends, but the ones she does are the realest…I am sure… Scenario Two: For whatever reason my hometown has spawned many pro athletes, don’t know if it’s in the water, the sunshine and fruit trees…but there have been a bevy…back in the day…seventies and eighties, those that made it never came back, those that did return usually only came back after they had bottomed out…but in the past decade there have been the NFL zillionaires, these youngster have gotten paid…usually the first couple years there is a house for mama, babymamas, Escalades and Navigators for siblings (though in my humble opinion that money would have been better spent on four years of college, but I digress) and the champagne was flowing for the homeboys and the honeys. But around year two these boys learn that all that glitters ain’t gold and they start to do weird (sarcasm inserted here) stuff like invest, mature, stop the party…and all those that felt they were owed something start to say, ‘sellout’, ‘don’t give back’…you know what we sat.. Well youngsters mother says, cover your ears and find yourself a worthy charity and handle your business…reach back and give but only to those who are worthy or truly needy… Scenario Three: Now the most personal and stunning situation to me is the family expectations. It seems that no matter how old one gets these days the expectation is that anyone who has fared better, be that parents, siblings or friends should provide for them. Give them something, as though it were owed. I swear, I am telling you God’s truth. And in many cases the earning capabilities are about the same. What is different is how the money is handled. That one or two who finish school, work hard, pay tithes, save ten percent or better, wait until marriage to have children are then responsible for those who don’t do those things. Honestly. I can’t tell you the numbers of people who for years had no qualms about asking me for money. And for years I wrote checks, went to western union or put it on my clean credit card. Why? Because I felt I was supposed to, usually when they called I had my feet in a pedicure tub or was sitting in a nice restaurant having a meal and I felt that twinge of middle-class guilt. But in the last couple years I have learned to say no…because I owe no one anything…I will do from my heart if I want to, but I don’t have to. Because what I know for sure is this…if I lend you five hundred dollars every time you are in a jam, you will always be in a jam and I will be a jammee. No thanks. So if you want to talk to me about debt management, investing, filling out applications for college then call me. Otherwise just call me to say hi, hello, how are you doing? Or if you mad, don't call at all...it's 'aight... Because I can’t do it any longer…I just can’t it is bad for me and worse for you…I would be setting up dependent adults… So I am going to say what I say to my young people…if you want to be independent, do this… finish school, and if you don’t go to college (most want) get some skills or simply get a job. And once you have that job, stay on it, go to work on time, save at least ten percent, pay your bills early or on time, buy a house instead of a forty thousand dollar car, buy cars you can afford and stay out of department stores until you can afford to pay for those things, don’t have babies until you are in a committed relationship with someone who will love you and that child or children…and I promise you, one day you will discover that you can afford to do most things….and you will never owe anyone anything and most importantly…you will own yourself. I promise you that…. Love and Blessings… acVernon Menchan