What we value, speaks volumes about who we are…I know a person that whenever you talk to her about an engagement or event, her focus is on the food that was served, how did the place look, etc. She never asks if it were fun, how did the people engage… nothing about human interaction. One day over lunch, I asked her about that and her face colored and she confessed that I was not the first person who mentioned how she valued appearances more than people….
The other day someone was preparing for an event, and they wanted to go all out, get this, get that…I said, ‘Umm no, that is a wasted expense and would be auditable. I could see they did not like my answer, so they went on to say ‘Well, this is our one shot and we really want to make a big impression…”
Duh, dude, I knew that...
So I said, ‘But suppose the person is put off by ostentation and will think we have wasted money to impress him…’ I could see from the person’s face, that they had never even considered that. Because what I knew for sure is that it wasn’t about impressing the visitor but that is was about what the planner would have wanted done for him if he were the visitor. It was about his values.
Years ago I was sitting at lunch at work and one of the women was going on and on about designer clothes she was purchasing for her son…I didn’t say a word, finally she turned to me saying, ‘Angi, don’t you agree…’ Dag, I knew she would go there…
I said, ‘Umm no not really..”
She said, ‘But your kids dress nice..” I replied,
‘The sure do but they don’t have on any labels, they have on clean, pressed clothing.”
She got so worked up that she stood up and said, ‘Well, I won’t allow my kids to be picked on because they don’t have the latest designs and stuff…”
I spooned salad into my mouth, because I knew that what she was saying had nothing, not diddly, to do with her kids. It was her values and how she wanted to be perceived as a parent that was her motivation.
Kids want to be loved, nurtured, disciplined and cared for…everything else is about us, not them. It is a projection of values, that if we aren’t careful will manifest itself and entitlement…
Make sure that when you start projecting that you are really concerned about the others and not just projecting your VALUES~Angelia
