The other night a friend of mine walked into the room and I told her,
“Lady, you look great..”
She smiled and said,
“Thanks for not qualifying it.”
I knew exactly what she meant, but another sister asked her to explain;
“Well, at least she didn’t say I looked great for an old bag…”
We laughed and I told her, I would never say that…
She replied, ‘I know, but you know some people can’t compliment another person without ‘qualifying’ it. They have to say, ‘you look good today’ or ‘you look good, you look so skinny…’
I grinned at that because I knew just what she meant,
There are so many people who always have to place qualifications on compliments,
It is as they are unable to say it without taking something away…
When a person is told they look good today…it’s as if saying, ‘you didn’t look so hot yesterday…’
Or, ‘you look great, you must have lost weight’ is almost like saying, ‘you didn’t look so good heavier.’ And though those things may be true, in the opinion of the complimentor, what is the point of saying it…
I remember years ago, a co-worker asked me if I had lost weight because I looked good,
Actually I hadn’t, I was wearing something more form-fitting than usual….
I simply thanked her and left it alone,
Because I totally understood that she was projecting her values on me,
Being skinny was the be all and end all for her,
And she had no way of understanding that a non-skinny person could be totally fine,
The way they were…and I didn’t have enough brain cells to explain it,
What I did know though is that if I had said something to her like,
“You look good today, now that you have colored your hair…”
She would have been shocked and offended…
So if someone looks nice,
Just say, ‘You look nice…’ Period.
LOVE AND BLESSINGS!
Angelia Vernon Menchan
Angelia Vernon Menchan is an author, publisher and public speaker who owns two publishing companies, MAMM Productions and Honorable Menchan Media. Mrs. Menchan is also a Budget Officer and former Job Corps Counselor. To date she has published eighteen books of her own work, both fiction and non-fiction and more than forty ebook novellas on amazon.com. You can access her bibliography on www.amazon.com search words: Angelia Vernon Menchan
Menchan has also published the work of seven other authors to date and has several publishing projects upcoming in 2013 to include a children's book, Little Wing by biologist, Erin Gawera, Honorable Menchan Poets 2013 by Dictator, Genesis and Creammy Mocha and a breast cancer memoir by Lena Jordan.
She is becoming a sought after speaker for young women audiences because she speaks honestly, straight and open to the issues that plague them such as teen pregnancy, the importance of education and making life impacting choices.
Kim Floyd of Real Mommies Read, a part of the Spartanburg Public Library says:
Angelia's ability to help our teen moms see themselves as she did was a special gift. She instilled within them a desire to make better choices, take control of their bodies and their lives. They realized their pasts didn't have to determine their futures. Angelia let them know their worth.
Mrs. Menchan is available for speaking engagements; book signings and discussions. She resides in Jacksonville, Florida with her husband and graphic designer, Maurice Menchan
Phone numbers: 904 714 2272 904 303 2679