Why Qualify It?

The other night a friend of mine walked into the room and I told her,
“Lady, you look great..”
She smiled and said,
“Thanks for not qualifying it.”
I knew exactly what she meant, but another sister asked her to explain;
“Well, at least she didn’t say I looked great for an old bag…”
We laughed and I told her, I would never say that…
She replied, ‘I know, but you know some people can’t compliment another person without ‘qualifying’ it. They have to say, ‘you look good today’ or ‘you look good, you look so skinny…’
I grinned at that because I knew just what she meant,
There are so many people who always have to place qualifications on compliments,
It is as they are unable to say it without taking something away…
When a person is told they look good today…it’s as if saying, ‘you didn’t look so hot yesterday…’
Or, ‘you look great, you must have lost weight’ is almost like saying, ‘you didn’t look so good heavier.’ And though those things may be true, in the opinion of the complimentor, what is the point of saying it…
I remember years ago, a co-worker asked me if I had lost weight because I looked good,
Actually I hadn’t, I was wearing something more form-fitting than usual….
I simply thanked her and left it alone,
Because I totally understood that she was projecting her values on me,
Being skinny was the be all and end all for her,
And she had no way of understanding that a non-skinny person could be totally fine,
The way they were…and I didn’t have enough brain cells to explain it,
What I did know though is that if I had said something to her like,
“You look good today, now that you have colored your hair…”
She would have been shocked and offended…
Go figure…
So if someone looks nice,
Just say, ‘You look nice…’ Period.

LOVE AND BLESSINGS!
angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com