People fascinate me and give me so much to write about…
Something I have always found profoundly and extremely fascinating are people who feel their conversation is life altering or changing….who withold it to make a point...
Stay with me I am going to clear this up,
Yesterday I observed a couple of long time friends walk past one another without any acknowledgment…immediately I was fascinated…
I didn’t have to wait long, one sat down beside me saying,
‘I’m not talking to her right now.’
I stayed quiet as is my way…so she continued,
‘She made me mad and I am not going to talk to her for awhile…’
Okay,
I didn’t ask her what her friend had done, really didn’t care, what I did ask was a question that had been on my mind for decades,
“What will not talking to her do?” Puzzlement rested on her face.
‘Huh’. So I asked again,
“What will not talking to her do? Will she get in line, apologize, what?”
‘I don’t know.’ I realized she didn’t know, but I also realized that there was something in her that sensed or needed some kind of a reaction and whether she had articulated it or not, she felt her conversation was very important to that person.
Maybe it is, I don’t know, but maybe it isn’t and she will risk losing someone she cares about by not talking to them.
Years ago, I had a work friend who stopped talking to me.
I was oblivious for weeks.
We would nod and speak in the mornings, then go to our offices and work.
After several weeks she asked me to go to lunch, I said sure.
At lunch she apologized for not talking and then told me why.
I was flabbergasted. I hadn’t noticed we weren’t talking. I had assumed we were just very busy and hadn’t had time to socialize. After all we were at work…seeing the blank look on my face, she asked,
‘Did you even notice?’ Slightly embarrassed I mumbled something about being busy, but the truth is, I hadn’t.
Not because I didn’t care, but because we were adult women and I figured we would tell the other if there were something to tell,
And as someone who goes to a quiet place when busy, tired or sad, I respect others right to do the same,
And I never assume I am so important that not talking to someone will cause them grief or anxiety and I reserve the right to not become grieved or anxious when someone is not talking to me…so after reflecting on this I said to my associate,
“Well, if you really care about her, why don’t you just tell her what is up? Work it out. Why risk ruining something good by not talking?” She looked at me as she stood, nodding. I am totally unsure if she got what I was saying or if it mattered. Maybe the power of thinking she was handling her friend was enough. But what I do know is that if the person is of any import to you, your silence may become their silence and what is gained by that?
Love and Blessings,
angelia
