People fascinate me and give me so much to write about…
Something I have always found profoundly and extremely fascinating are people who feel their conversation is life altering or changing….who withold it to make a point...
Stay with me I am going to clear this up,
Yesterday I observed a couple of long time friends walk past one another without any acknowledgment…immediately I was fascinated…
I didn’t have to wait long, one sat down beside me saying,
‘I’m not talking to her right now.’
I stayed quiet as is my way…so she continued,
‘She made me mad and I am not going to talk to her for awhile…’
Okay,
I didn’t ask her what her friend had done, really didn’t care, what I did ask was a question that had been on my mind for decades,
“What will not talking to her do?” Puzzlement rested on her face.
‘Huh’. So I asked again,
“What will not talking to her do? Will she get in line, apologize, what?”
‘I don’t know.’ I realized she didn’t know, but I also realized that there was something in her that sensed or needed some kind of a reaction and whether she had articulated it or not, she felt her conversation was very important to that person.
Maybe it is, I don’t know, but maybe it isn’t and she will risk losing someone she cares about by not talking to them.
Years ago, I had a work friend who stopped talking to me.
I was oblivious for weeks.
We would nod and speak in the mornings, then go to our offices and work.
After several weeks she asked me to go to lunch, I said sure.
At lunch she apologized for not talking and then told me why.
I was flabbergasted. I hadn’t noticed we weren’t talking. I had assumed we were just very busy and hadn’t had time to socialize. After all we were at work…seeing the blank look on my face, she asked,
‘Did you even notice?’ Slightly embarrassed I mumbled something about being busy, but the truth is, I hadn’t.
Not because I didn’t care, but because we were adult women and I figured we would tell the other if there were something to tell,
And as someone who goes to a quiet place when busy, tired or sad, I respect others right to do the same,
And I never assume I am so important that not talking to someone will cause them grief or anxiety and I reserve the right to not become grieved or anxious when someone is not talking to me…so after reflecting on this I said to my associate,
“Well, if you really care about her, why don’t you just tell her what is up? Work it out. Why risk ruining something good by not talking?” She looked at me as she stood, nodding. I am totally unsure if she got what I was saying or if it mattered. Maybe the power of thinking she was handling her friend was enough. But what I do know is that if the person is of any import to you, your silence may become their silence and what is gained by that?
Love and Blessings,
angelia
8 comments:
Great post! This is so true. It's always funny when this happens to me though. Since I'm an introvert who's in her own head most of the time, when people stop talking to me, I usually enjoy the silence... LOL. But seriously, now that I read your post, it really does seem odd that people think they can punish someone by not talking to them. I guess if the person was someone who needed constant attention or something that kind of "punishment" would work...
Gwyneth
Gwyneth,
Umm hmm, that is exactly what I mean, to me the silence is platinum. And I think you are on to something, people try o punish others with what feels like a punishment to them...well now...
blessings,
angelia
I punish my husband like that...sometimes...lol He needs it though...but I use it when I'm extremely upset and know that I'll regret whatever comes from my Aquarian tongue. He also solicits even more of my attention when this happens...then we make up--which is fun ;)
But I only stop talking to other people when our relationship is truly over.
I never thought of it the way you put it...thinking you mean THAT much to someone that NOT talking is going to teach them a lesson...whew...now that's deep!
I notice when people stop talking to me but I give them space because I know it's not me...I don't take it personally
I never thought of it the way you put it...thinking you mean THAT much to someone that NOT talking is going to teach them a lesson...whew...now that's deep!
Mama Deep in Da House...
blessings,
angelia
I am a bit like Genesis, when I stop speaking to someone it's because our relationship is truly over. When I am upset with someone I may not speak as much but I still speak. Just not with a lot of emotion like before. But I never thought myself special enough for one to notice that I have truly stopped speaking with them. Plus my mouth don't allow for that...I will tell you in a heartbeat, don't speak to me anymore because I am not speaking to you anymore.
I was flabbergasted. I hadn’t noticed we weren’t talking.
rotflmao...too funny...okay I know it wasn't meant to be funny but I just saw the humor in this...what a GREAT way to react and respond...kudos sis...you are so good at not taking it personal!
xoxo
Jen,
you aretoo much,,,giggling at your outspokeness..
love and blessings,
angelia
Is is funny, because I didnt have a clue, there have probably been a mass of folks who werent talking to me and I didnt even know...totally in my own universe...
smooches,
angelia
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