This morning I woke up with my mind on my shortcomings...yes I think of those all the time, how else would I work on them, pray about them, get them to go away...
Yesterday, Mr. Menchan and I were preparing to go to church and I ironed my shirt, as I was putting the iron and board back in the closet, he took the iron and wrapped the cord his way. Now this is not the first time he has done that and it won't be the last, but it infuriated me and we had an ummm, debate about it for several hot minutes. I was ranting about how we are different and I do this, this way and he does this that way...Lord have mercy.
Of course once we were in church, the pastor had the nerve to talk about how we wish things to go our way. Ummph the noive. But, within short order I was feeling better and on the way home we chatted, stopped for food, got home, sat together watching one of our favorite shows...love and life....and small ish.
That is one of my shortcomings to be sure, I do not like anyone, anyone at all to try to force their will or way on me. Runs me hot as a steam engine. The Mr and I are so alike in so many ways but in some we are sooooooo different. I am a more creative type who is live and let live, allowing the iron cord to be wrapped in whatever way, after all it is in the closet.
Mr. Menchan on the other hand wants the cord and the ironing board dress right dress. On the other hand, I don't want messy spaces. My home has to be wide open and free of clutter and let's say Mr. Menchan likes more stuff. Small ish.
But that is the beauty of the whole thing, some times while right in the middle of a discussion, we both realize how wrong and ridiculous we are, but we venture on. However, more importantly within short order we immediately get over it because we know how small ish it is. We also are smart enough to know that allowing it to go on can make it a deal breaker. Many often ask how is it that we have stayed married so long and one of the reasons is because no matter how FERVENTLY we may discuss our differences, at the end of the day we know it is small ish and compared to our LOVE and MARRIAGE it is miniscule. Amen!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
JEALOUS, WHY?
I am sometimes amazed and caught off guard about what people are thinking or feeling about me or my life. Of course, we all are because we never know. But the truth is I don’t spend much time concerned with what others think or feel about me and it isn’t because I don’t care, I just know that it is counterproductive. However, I am a bit taken aback when people say they are jealous about something because honest to God that is something I am unable to wrap my mind around. Because what I know for sure is that what is mine I will have and no one else will be able to get it. If someone takes my man, my job or whatever those things were never mine in the first place and though I might be sad about it our hurt I know that to be true.
Yesterday I wrote a question on facebook inquiring why people went through their partners cellphones, emails etc. and the general consensus was that it made sense and when I replied I was told that was because I had a relationship that made people wish they had it or made them jealous. Wasn’t sure how to respond to that because I haven’t had that many relationships, been married for 33 years and had a few boyfriends, before that but I can honestly say that even as a young woman, teenager et al. I never felt the need or the desire to check behind or chase anyone. I can recall in early married years, Mr. Menchan loved to hang out with his friends. One night a woman called and asked me if I wanted to go look for them. I told her ‘Umm no thanks.’ She didn’t understand. I told her that I didn’t handle my business in that way and if I had an issue it would be resolved within my home and I turned over and went back to sleep.
Another situation hit me first thing this morning, I was walking in with a coworker and she told me I looked tired. I told her I was, that we had been doing renovations for the last couple months and was almost done. She asked what and I told her and she said, “I thought you all did that already. You are always getting things done.” Her voice sounded some kind of way so I didn’t say a word. Because what I was thinking was, “Okay but what does what I do or how much have to do with you or take away from you.” Before I could get done thinking she said, “Well we have finally saved up enough to get our kitchen done.” Okay! Ding ding ding.
Much of this makes me not want to ever say anything about anything but damn it I refuse not to be pleased with the fact that God has blessed me with a loving man, who I love. Our lives are far from perfect but what we know for sure is that we have both been in this to win this and we are about our business. If we can be an example for anyone we are open to that but this thing works because it isn’t about me or him, God is in the mix of this marriage and all of anything I ever get.And there really is an abundance out there for all of us.
BE BLESSED~
angelia
Yesterday I wrote a question on facebook inquiring why people went through their partners cellphones, emails etc. and the general consensus was that it made sense and when I replied I was told that was because I had a relationship that made people wish they had it or made them jealous. Wasn’t sure how to respond to that because I haven’t had that many relationships, been married for 33 years and had a few boyfriends, before that but I can honestly say that even as a young woman, teenager et al. I never felt the need or the desire to check behind or chase anyone. I can recall in early married years, Mr. Menchan loved to hang out with his friends. One night a woman called and asked me if I wanted to go look for them. I told her ‘Umm no thanks.’ She didn’t understand. I told her that I didn’t handle my business in that way and if I had an issue it would be resolved within my home and I turned over and went back to sleep.
Another situation hit me first thing this morning, I was walking in with a coworker and she told me I looked tired. I told her I was, that we had been doing renovations for the last couple months and was almost done. She asked what and I told her and she said, “I thought you all did that already. You are always getting things done.” Her voice sounded some kind of way so I didn’t say a word. Because what I was thinking was, “Okay but what does what I do or how much have to do with you or take away from you.” Before I could get done thinking she said, “Well we have finally saved up enough to get our kitchen done.” Okay! Ding ding ding.
Much of this makes me not want to ever say anything about anything but damn it I refuse not to be pleased with the fact that God has blessed me with a loving man, who I love. Our lives are far from perfect but what we know for sure is that we have both been in this to win this and we are about our business. If we can be an example for anyone we are open to that but this thing works because it isn’t about me or him, God is in the mix of this marriage and all of anything I ever get.And there really is an abundance out there for all of us.
BE BLESSED~
angelia
Monday, June 6, 2011
Why She Go To Church So Much?
Yesterday, I attended three church services and would have attended a fourth. Mench and I almost always attend both 8 and 10 am services at our church, because Mench serves and I want to be there with him. But it is mainly because I have come to the conclusion that one cannot get too much biblical learning and I love biblical learning, love it.
I also love going to church. Which is quite ironic, considering for many years I barely set foot in a church. As a youngster, I was always taken to church with my grandmother, godmother or aunts. My mom wasn’t much of a churchgoer. However, once grown and married, my husband, who was an total church boy,and I went to church sporadically. We never really discussed it, probably felt as many do, that we had to get ourselves together. Hmmph. The one thing I have come to know is that we cannot get ourselves together. God has to do that for us and we must be willing.
Mostly, I think it is because we view coming to God as giving something up. The Mr. and I loved to party and have our umm, beverages and knowing so little about the word, we just figured when we stopped partying and partaking we would umm go. Lord have mercy.
But life will change your mind. When we moved to Jacksonville in 1999, we had been married 21 years had a grown child and one who was almost grown and we both felt this urgency for the Word. At first, we visited here and there. And I was the queen of television gospel. I would get up early on Sunday mornings and start cooking and would watch hours and hours of televangelism. Did I learn anything? Umm hmm but not much.
When we finally joined a church, I was totally sold out to it. But, the Mr. wasn’t feeling it so much, so we went on a church hunt. The Mr. had always been partial to a particular TV minister and once we went there we were home. I had never been in a church that went exactly by the bible word for word and broke it down in such a way that I actually GOT it.
Also, I discovered that I loved fellowshipping with other believers. I knew more people than the law should allow…but those who were on spiritual paths, umm not so much. When people say to me, ‘God knows my heart and you don’t need to go to church to worship God’ I agreed, but as part of my witness I tell them that going to church is part of it for ME and in order to really understand what I have read, to have it broken down to me, I need church and to be around people who are of the same mindset is a beautiful thing.
Now, I am not going to tell you that church isn’t filled with drama and hypocrites and all the other wordly stuff, because you know better. However, I will say that once on a spiritual path, and become more grounded in the word, you get to the place where you can get what you need from God in the midst of all that stuff. I have seen scandals and all manner of mess, but it didn’t stop my praise, didn’t diminish my belief, didn’t make me run screaming out the door looking for a new church, because what I get now is that it is not about all that. We are there to serve, worship and praise God and I know for sure I can get all of that right in the midst of a hurricane and church tsunami.
Be BLESSED!
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
I also love going to church. Which is quite ironic, considering for many years I barely set foot in a church. As a youngster, I was always taken to church with my grandmother, godmother or aunts. My mom wasn’t much of a churchgoer. However, once grown and married, my husband, who was an total church boy,and I went to church sporadically. We never really discussed it, probably felt as many do, that we had to get ourselves together. Hmmph. The one thing I have come to know is that we cannot get ourselves together. God has to do that for us and we must be willing.
Mostly, I think it is because we view coming to God as giving something up. The Mr. and I loved to party and have our umm, beverages and knowing so little about the word, we just figured when we stopped partying and partaking we would umm go. Lord have mercy.
But life will change your mind. When we moved to Jacksonville in 1999, we had been married 21 years had a grown child and one who was almost grown and we both felt this urgency for the Word. At first, we visited here and there. And I was the queen of television gospel. I would get up early on Sunday mornings and start cooking and would watch hours and hours of televangelism. Did I learn anything? Umm hmm but not much.
When we finally joined a church, I was totally sold out to it. But, the Mr. wasn’t feeling it so much, so we went on a church hunt. The Mr. had always been partial to a particular TV minister and once we went there we were home. I had never been in a church that went exactly by the bible word for word and broke it down in such a way that I actually GOT it.
Also, I discovered that I loved fellowshipping with other believers. I knew more people than the law should allow…but those who were on spiritual paths, umm not so much. When people say to me, ‘God knows my heart and you don’t need to go to church to worship God’ I agreed, but as part of my witness I tell them that going to church is part of it for ME and in order to really understand what I have read, to have it broken down to me, I need church and to be around people who are of the same mindset is a beautiful thing.
Now, I am not going to tell you that church isn’t filled with drama and hypocrites and all the other wordly stuff, because you know better. However, I will say that once on a spiritual path, and become more grounded in the word, you get to the place where you can get what you need from God in the midst of all that stuff. I have seen scandals and all manner of mess, but it didn’t stop my praise, didn’t diminish my belief, didn’t make me run screaming out the door looking for a new church, because what I get now is that it is not about all that. We are there to serve, worship and praise God and I know for sure I can get all of that right in the midst of a hurricane and church tsunami.
Be BLESSED!
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
BUTT NAKED REVEAL!
This morning when I checked my email, I received a message saying, “I read your blog yesterday about all is forgivable and I just wonder how you could be so honest about things that have happened to you.”
My answer was simple, my life is my witness. And as a witness, sometimes I have to do a butt naked reveal.
By the time I was eighteen I had been through so many things that were negative it was amazing I was not locked away somewhere, but, by the same token I had so many positives in my life it was as if though my blessings were running me down and taking me over. My mom and I had an amazing bond until I was about 13 or 14 and then for about 4 years it wasn’t so good. I didn’t approve of her choices and made no bones about it, because they affected me. However at the same time there were so many things she taught me, independence, how to not take things so seriously, how to laugh in the pain. And once I was grown she and I became ‘friends’ to the extent that mother and daughter can be friends. There were so many things she shared with me that made me understand so much and love her even more. Also, she was so honest about her shortcomings with me and everyone else and I knew I would model that.
Now let me tell you I came to this with great reluctance. Because, my natural thing has always been to protect, protect, protect. And to reveal myself would ultimately lead to revealing others. So for years I simply carried it inside, assisting people by telling a story. With my own sons, I was more forthcoming, I told them things as it was age appropriate.
However about fifteen years ago, I ended up at Job Corps as a counselor totally through God’s design. I took a temporary one week job in the counseling office and ended up staying for over three years and a big part of my counseling was tough love, and my ‘keep it real, real” approach to it. I told the truth as I knew it. When some young lady gave me excuses about why she did this that or the other because of that this or the other, I would break with a situation from my life and went, “What then.” Of course, they didn’t want to believe me because how could the tall, together, trash talking, proper sounding, woman with the coach bags know a damn thing. And if she had been through all that why didn’t she look like it.
Well my dears it was because God had chosen me for whatever reason to do his work and promised me that if I did my part he would do his and let me tell you being honest and true to your calling will keep you together even within the storm. And babies the storms never stop, we just have to continue to praise and they rage.
Still, to this day I weigh what I will say and how I will say it and to whom I will say it because you just can’t walk around saying everything to everybody. You have to know your audience and there are some bits we must keep to ourselves. Cause honey there are some that will 'run tell that' and won't even bother with the truth. Hah!
The fact that I write books is also a wonderful help. I get to mentor through writing, reveal myself and others through fiction with the whole point being to reach someone with a message that could ultimately lead to some kind of change. I don’t know everything, cannot even say I know a lot but what I know, I am willing to share as much as I can if it will make even the smallest bit of difference to anyone.
LOVE~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
My answer was simple, my life is my witness. And as a witness, sometimes I have to do a butt naked reveal.
By the time I was eighteen I had been through so many things that were negative it was amazing I was not locked away somewhere, but, by the same token I had so many positives in my life it was as if though my blessings were running me down and taking me over. My mom and I had an amazing bond until I was about 13 or 14 and then for about 4 years it wasn’t so good. I didn’t approve of her choices and made no bones about it, because they affected me. However at the same time there were so many things she taught me, independence, how to not take things so seriously, how to laugh in the pain. And once I was grown she and I became ‘friends’ to the extent that mother and daughter can be friends. There were so many things she shared with me that made me understand so much and love her even more. Also, she was so honest about her shortcomings with me and everyone else and I knew I would model that.
Now let me tell you I came to this with great reluctance. Because, my natural thing has always been to protect, protect, protect. And to reveal myself would ultimately lead to revealing others. So for years I simply carried it inside, assisting people by telling a story. With my own sons, I was more forthcoming, I told them things as it was age appropriate.
However about fifteen years ago, I ended up at Job Corps as a counselor totally through God’s design. I took a temporary one week job in the counseling office and ended up staying for over three years and a big part of my counseling was tough love, and my ‘keep it real, real” approach to it. I told the truth as I knew it. When some young lady gave me excuses about why she did this that or the other because of that this or the other, I would break with a situation from my life and went, “What then.” Of course, they didn’t want to believe me because how could the tall, together, trash talking, proper sounding, woman with the coach bags know a damn thing. And if she had been through all that why didn’t she look like it.
Well my dears it was because God had chosen me for whatever reason to do his work and promised me that if I did my part he would do his and let me tell you being honest and true to your calling will keep you together even within the storm. And babies the storms never stop, we just have to continue to praise and they rage.
Still, to this day I weigh what I will say and how I will say it and to whom I will say it because you just can’t walk around saying everything to everybody. You have to know your audience and there are some bits we must keep to ourselves. Cause honey there are some that will 'run tell that' and won't even bother with the truth. Hah!
The fact that I write books is also a wonderful help. I get to mentor through writing, reveal myself and others through fiction with the whole point being to reach someone with a message that could ultimately lead to some kind of change. I don’t know everything, cannot even say I know a lot but what I know, I am willing to share as much as I can if it will make even the smallest bit of difference to anyone.
LOVE~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
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