EXCERPT FROM FAMILY, FRIENDS, FOES?

Malcolm walked into the pipe smoke filled club. There were about forty of the wealthiest black and Hispanic men in Florida in the well-appointed room. The furnishings were solid redwood and leather and the walls were appointed with paintings by famous African-American artists. The waiters and bartenders were all beautiful women dressed in tuxedos. Jazz played softly in the background. A tall distinguished man walked up taking Malcolm's hand shaking it heartily. "Mayor Black it is a pleasure to finally meet you. I have been a fan for years but you are hard to know. By the way, I'm Wilson Thomson. "My brother, I know who you are. You own more convenience stores than the Arabs and Indians." “So brother, if you know who we are, what is the reluctance to network?” “Truthfully, I have found that in most men’s organizations there isn’t much networking going on as there are shenanigans. I’m grown and my frat boy days are over. Just not interested in strippers and all that male bonding nonsense and I’m certainly not going to sit around with a bunch of brothers married to non-black women, listening to them bash sisters.” Every man in the room was silent. Drinks had stopped midway to mouths. Thane smiled inside. For several seconds Wilson stared at Malcolm as though he was stunned; then he fell out laughing. A few other men chuckled as well. “Well damn, man why don’t you tell us how you really feel? I know what you mean, though and my wife is a black as you are. But there are some good organizations out there and this is one of them. I’m not gonna tell you we don’t talk shit, and eat bad food and drink expensive liquor because we do. But, we are also about the business of our community, educating children, making job opportunities for the unemployed and all that. We know what you're about Mr. Black and we admire that about you. We won’t hold your past against you either.” “You can hold it against me if you wish. I’m good with that and I’m not holding anything against you. I just don’t run in packs. I can work with anyone but my hanging-out days are over. If you require that I’m not your man.” “I totally get that, especially being newly married to the Queen of Center City. Makes sense to me.” Malcolm chose to let that remark pass. Thane cleared his throat. “Actually, we wanted to talk to you about incorporating The Learning Centers. We all know you have singlehandedly run the one here in Center City and most of the overhead comes out of your pocket. We would like to start them around the state. Maybe four brothers fund one and that way by years end we can have ten. Most of us cannot afford to do it singlehandedly, but we can together.” Malcolm’s interest was peaked, he actually liked the idea. “Go on….” Thane laid out the plans, discussing how the centers would operate. “Man, as mayor, I won’t be able to run the centers, in fact, my wife is now the official owner of the Center City Center.” “I have no problem with that. She's a smart, powerful, gorgeous woman.” Malcolm threw Wilson a look. “She is. Let me talk to her and I'll meet with you and we'll see what I can do.” “Of course, I don’t make decisions without talking to Mrs. Thomson. Now can we have huge steaks and aged brandy and talk about women?” Malcolm threw him a grin. “Steak and brandy sounds good, that other shit, I will leave to you guys. I know too many good women.” For the next two hours, Malcolm assessed the men in the room. His impression was they were all good, well-heeled brothers who wanted to make a difference. A few admitted he had been their business mentor, unofficially. The men found him to be fascinating and reserved and knew that being part of his team could only be a good thing.

HAIRSTORY

Yesterday I responded to a post on FB about natural hair and before I was done I was engaged in a discourse with a man who said, "Black women who look up to Michelle Obama hate themselves and so does she because she does not rock a fro in the White House." I asked the question isn't it her choice as to whether she wishes to wear a fro or not and that maybe she was never so inclined. He came back with, "not choosing to do it is a sign of self-hatred and that we are idolizing the Obamas because they aren't very 'black'..." I am paraphrasing but that was the gist of it. Wow, just wow. I am unable to wrap my mind around the fact that when we are struggling with HIV/AIDS, obesity and hunger in children, the lack of jobs, educational opportunities, poverty and class warfare, all we can think of is that same old tired hair story. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The writer seems to think that if we won the hair war and all sisters walked around with 'nappy' naturals we would then be a solid group. Are you kidding me. What about me, who has always been in the fight for the empowerment of young sisters and all young people. My hair grows out of my skull, kind of curly-wavy, does this mean I hate me or the fact that every now and again I choose to do something different with it, color it reddish, brownish, what the hell everish... This infuriates and saddens me that we are so narrowminded about stuff that really doesnt matter at the end of the day. I asked him would it have been better, if Mrs. Obama wore a fro or some dreads, but never did anything about assisting military families or not done any work on the behalf of health education and fighting obesity in children. Of course he didn't directly answer that, he said, "I hear you Angelia, but went on to say he felt the hair war was a worthy are." Well, I'll be damned...if I am going to die on that battlefield. I am willing to die on the grounds of jobs for young people, equal educational opportunities. not having babies we cannot care for, being allowed to praise the LORD openly, but I will not determine who I support and what I do by whether or not someone straightens her hair or is happy to be nappy....there are SOOOO MANY BIGGER ISSUES... angelia

THE FORGIVENESS FACTOR

This is the textbook, webster defintion of forgive: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon Which basically means we let the feeling of resentment and anger against another go. We pardon them of whatever hurt they have caused us. Also from a biblical perspective we are asked to forgive others as God has forgiven us.... What you will not find in any dictionary or the bible is an instance where we are mandated to hang out with or invite into our homes or go to parties with, et al. those we have forgiven. In fact, on many, many ocassions, the bible reminds us that there are those when we are on our walk with God that we are best to leave alone. It always amuses me that when I tell someone that I don't hang out with or have a relationship with someone they remind me that I am supposed to forgive the person. I am going to say it one more time, FORGIVING A PERSON DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO ROLL WITH THEM, CONDONE WHAT THEY HAVE DONE OR AGREE WITH THEIR MADNESS...It simply means you have freed yourself from the burden of walking around mad at them all the time, feeling resentment against them and acting as if you need to exact some kind of revenge. I have had to forgive a gang of folk in my life, and many have forgiven me. There are those who I have still maintained relationships with, but there are others who I prayed about and knew that for my own peace of mind and spiritual growth, I had to let go. And sometimes we need to really think about what we are asking people to do. For instance if you are raped or molested or beaten almost to death by someone, it is in your best interest to be able to forgive that person, so you can go on with your life. HOWEVER, it does not mean you need to then jump in the car with a rapist, saying well I had to forgive you, so let's ride. I know that sounds extreme but I want it to sound that way. I have found myself in situations where I forgave and tried to be around the person again and in short order, I was dealing with the same situation again, that didn't make me a serial forgiver, it made me a glutton for punishment. And God always gives us warnings and messages about people, we must use discernment and be careful, because everyone is not good for us. I remember my mama used to say, "The time of day belongs to a dog." Which translated to, we should speak to people, show them kindness and be as gracious as we can. But that same mama said, "If you lay down with dogs, you will get up with fleas." Which translated to, after you have been de-flead and have forgiven the dog and even provided for his care, you don't have to them jump back in the bed with him. So all I am saying is this, if someone has harmed you, or wronged you or done some egregious thing that may have not even been to you, but goes against all you know as right, please forgive them, free yourself of the burden of carrying it around, but do not allow anyone to make you feel bad or unholy because you refuse to be caught up in all that again... BE BLESSED! angelia!

AND WE WAIT...

I was thinking this morning about when Mr. M first joined the Army, it was 1977 and we were not yet married. He was on his way, in his words to prepare a future for us. I recall that brisk, fall day I handed him a poem by Nikki Giovanni, entitled, SIT AND WAIT, in essence I was telling him I would wait for him, I loved him that much. I recall being told by so many women, that he would probably find someone else and there were the men who were telling me, I shouldn't wait, but wait I did and come August we will be married, joyfully for 34 years. This writing thing has been much like that. The first couple of years I churned about, writing book after book, trying to make it happen. I stayed on the road in my car, going to this fair, that festival, this house, that bookstore, trying to get my work out there.... The next couple of years I was tired and rested on my imaginary laurels, books still sold, but I will be honest with you, I was too tired to care, so it was really grace. But, last year I made a conscious decision to revamp what I was doing and how I was doing it. I revamped how I did business and who I did business with. I had to learn to weed the helpers from the harmers and I also had to think outside of the box. By the middle of the year I jumped out and started selling ebooks and it changed the game for me, I could get my work out to the masses without having to kill myself to do it and I could give the same product for less to more. I also had to check those I did business with, I had to learn what networking really meant and that everyone who opens their mouth to speak doesn't necessarily speak for you... Nowadays, I am doing my thing and every single day I am surprised by the love and graciousness of those who are so supportive it makes me cry...with joy and thankfulness...I JUST HAD TO WAIT... angelia