What do you see?

It is hard for someone to see you when they don’t see you…
Confused?
Don’t be…
We live in a country that has a pretty one dimensional view…
Of what is attractive or what comprises success…
And if one doesn’t fall into those categories…
And isn’t inordinately confident…
Everyday must be a tough row to hoe…
Growing up I was constantly reinforced about my…
Smartness…
My personal beauty…
And my worth…
I can remember growing to my full height of five-feet ten inches,
And having the women in my family reinforce…daily…
How I was to stand tall and hold my head and shoulders up…
At the same time while this was being reinforced I was also taught…
Humility…
Constantly told that while there was no one better than I…
I was better than no one…
And I am so grateful.
Because I watch sisters pained by either or…
Those who think they got it going on so much…
That no one is good enough for them…
And they are so lonely it vibrates from them…
Though they say they don’t care…
Or those who feel that everyone has it going on better than them…
And no one comes near because they are afraid to…
And they are so hurt it vibrates from them…
I always have a case study you know…
I remember a few months ago I was talking to a co-worker…
She said, “Angi, I was going to say to you the other day how good you look, how thin, but I was afraid to.”
Why?
“Well your whole personality is about how much you love yourself, no matter what size you are?” She didn’t even know what she was saying.
“I am comfortable with me at any size. But why wouldn’t saying, ‘You look good’, be comment enough. Why does it have to be qualified with thinness.” I had her…
“I don’t know, I guess because when people tell me I look thin I am pleased.” Bingo.
“That is my point. Just because a certain look or size is how you define beauty has nothing to do with how I define it. Healthy is my beauty standpoint, all else is gravy. So if you ever want to tell someone how good they look, leave out the descriptors. I promise you they will be pleased with, 'you look good'.”
“Okay.”
The same is true of success…
In my office ninety five percent have at least a bachelor’s degree…
Most have graduate degrees…
And they hold disdain for anyone who doesn’t…
One day a young Caucasian lady was cleaning the office…
Singing, happily off key,
The comment was made,
“What does she have to be happy about as a janitor?”
I had to tell her…
“Well it depends on her views of success…maybe she is spiritual, maybe she has a man who adores her….maybe she is simply a happy woman who wants to do a simple job and go home without any stress.”
“What is successful about that?” I didn’t even try to tell her, what I did say was this.
“If she didn’t do that and the folks at the deli didn’t make our sandwiches, or the construction workers didn’t build our houses. Then what? We need all of that and we need to respect people’s right to choose. Please see people as people when you look at them.”

Angelia