How many times have we heard a woman say...
I don't do women...
I have heard that so many times lately,
It is amazing,
I am led to wonder what is behind this,
I was watching a court tv show yesterday and the woman defendant said,
'I don't do females...'
The female judge was incensed,
And in short order told the woman her feelings,
To paraphrase her,
'We only hurt ourselves when we are unable to love our sisters, and always find ourselves in competition with them....'
So true...
I have longstanding, loving relationships with many women,
Though I will have to admit that I have felt a woman's wrath,
Without really understanding where it was coming from,
There have been situations where I have walked into a room of my sisters,
And immediately feel I am on Siberia,
When asking other sisters about this, they will sometimes laugh uncomfortably,
Saying,
'You know how women are...'
And I find myself thinking,
'I sure do, I was raised by a legion of women, and there are women who I can call and they will always answer.'
One of my female friends, however, was very honest,
She told me,
'Women are set up to compete with each other.'
I asked,
'What does that have to do with me?'
Smiling, she looked straight in my eyes,
'Well, you carry yourself in a way that makes people uncomfortable, you are confident, attractive and always seem to have it together and that makes people who don't feel they are those things lash out.'
Pain roiled through my gut,
Because I know the dynamics of that kind of thinking is so deeply entrenched as to be permanent,
So much of that was set up in slavery, skin color madness, hair length madness, house slave verus-field slave madness...
Divide and Conquer madness...
What is it that we can do, or say that will stop the madness of us feeling that we have to compete with another sister...and if we can't compete...
Freezing her out....
Or lashing out in a way that is detrimental to all of us,
For generations to come...
I surely don't know,
But I am open to suggestions...
Love and Blesssings,
angelia
8 comments:
I don't know the answer either...just as I don't know how woman can live without each other. Sure we've all had our 'issues' with a sista but when people penalize all of us because of a previous situation, it hurts her and us in the long run...
I never could understand it myself. I grew up in a house full of women. I've always been women centered. I get my strength from my sisters of all races and most definitely from my soul sistas... There are some women who are "men's women", male identified and who consciously or un-consciously support and fortify the patriarchy... I have never understood those kind of women. But I love them anyway and pray that they get it one day...
Gwyneth
I may fall into this category of women. The only different is I say that I don't do people. I know what happened to me, why I am quick to say this and it is too long of a reason to write here.
But in short I have severe trust issues...
JC
even with your severe issues, you don't deny the possibility of exploring a friendship with women--that makes you so unlike the description above
we all have experiences that make us really choosy about what types of women we associate with and befriend...that's maturity
Sisters,
it is a pure puzzle to me, for so many years I have tried to understand and I can't tell you the numbers of relationships that I have formed and been told later that 'they had tried not to like me' and they were all superficial reasons like, 'your straight hair' or 'you talk to proper' so many surface things ad nauseum...when my thing is if you are not going to like me, let it be about something I have done to you or some harm I have caused you, not because I look or speak a certain way or because God has blessed me with something, because it should not ever be about that, the best times can be when sisters get together from a place of the heart and work together to make better for those young sisters coming up behind us...thanks to you all for responding with love and honest...
angelia
'We only hurt ourselves when we are unable to love our sisters, and always find ourselves in competition with them....'
AMEN--To me to not like other women is to not like yourself...after all you are a women and their isn't a dayum thang you can do to change it...okay well maybe you can if you so desperately want to do so...lol...but part of loving oneself is embracing the skin we're re in and accepting ourselves and others who share commonalities. Granted if someone doesn't like you you don't have to kiss their arze to be accepted but don't lump all women into the same category because of a poor experience with one of us...there are too many other ones who might just like and accept you as you are.
Also...what's the saying...to have a friend you must be a friend...well hmmm if you're (not you...you're in the general sense...the women who don't do women...lol) giving sistas 'tude then there's no wonder that you don't do women...and they don't do you...because YOU are the one with the issues. 100 folks who feel the same way about you can't all be wrong...hehe.
xoxo
Honey Hush...
blessings
angelia
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