Positive reinforcement is one of the top five things a parent can provide for a child,
Love, food, clothing, shelter, positive reinforcement…
After years of talking to young people and have them talk to me,
I have learned that our kids are often what we say they are…to them…
Children who hear messages of empowerment are empowered,
Kids who hear messages that they will never amount to anything,
Will many times fulfill that prophecy…
Of course there are exceptions to every rule,
But my experience and observations have born this out,
One of the most startling things to me when I was a Job Corps counselor was discovering, there were parents who didn’t want their kids to do well,
Who would actually tell them they didn’t need advanced education,
Or who would block them from opportunities,
I struggled to wrap my mind around that, until one day a parent revealed it to me by saying, “Well he has a high school diploma, I never even got that, so why does he need college or the military, he doesn’t need to get too big for his own good…”
A light bulb went off in my head, the wind went out of my sails and I am sure the ‘mad’ vein was pulsing in my throat…I wanted to scream, ‘This isn’t about you!!!’
But I knew it was, because this person was unable to reinforce success to her child, because she was too busy comparing what she hadn’t done to what the child would possibly do!’
I was amazed because I was of the mindset that in order to preserve all of us, we would have to encourage the next generation to do even better than we had.
I recall a my son’s seventh grade teacher telling me my son was cocky,
I asked why, because if he had been disrespectful, I was going to handle him…
She told me, ‘No, he is very respectful, he just thinks too highly of himself. He feels he can do anything. He told me you told him he could.”
‘I sure did tell him that…he needs to know that the only thing that stands between him and his dream is a pillow and he can do anything, anything he chooses to do. I am sorry as an educator you find that cocky.’ Her eyes didn’t quite meet mine after that exchange.
I am sorry but I told my kids, my nieces and will tell any kid who crosses my path that their success is available with belief, hard work and perseverance….
But they also need someone in their ears, all the time, POSITIVELY REINFORCING them, telling them they can do anything…Because They Can!
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Blessings,
Angelia
Is No Not Clear Enough For You? @
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
www.authorsden.com/angeliavmenchan
11 comments:
I love this! Your messages are always right on time. I was just telling both of my girls this this morning especially the nine year old because she gets discouraged alot but i refuse to let her fail or give up on herself so i tell her she can do all things through Christ that strengthens her and your words are just confrimation that i'm on the right track...Thanks sis!
msyonnie,
you are the first line of reinforcement and it is important to them, I always remember my youngest son telling me that his favorite thing was seeing how much I loved him even when I was getting on his case!
smooches,
angelia
Maslow sure missed that one! They need all the positive reinforcement they can get. So many times I've heard kids say how their parents expected them to fail, or accepted unacceptable things. Some truly don't know any better, but others are just plain... lazy and/or jealous...
G-Nice
Hey G-Nice,
that is where mentors come in for those who don't know better and for the lazy and jealous, although reaching the kids of the latter is a task of monumental proportions...
smooches,
angelia
Preach it like it is Mama Deep. I tell my children all of them down to the three year old, "You are leaders, stop trying to follow. Make a change, don't be like me. I want you to be better than me." I don't hold a college degree, and I'm not the smartest person on this earth, but that does not mean my children aren't. Everytime they say I can't do something, Itell them yes you can as long as you did your very best you did do it. Failure comes to those who have tried. Success happens for those who have failed, but if nothing happens it's because you did nothing. What more can you expect?
I was amazed because I was of the mindset that in order to preserve all of us, we would have to encourage the next generation to do even better than we had.
WTF...I don't understand that mindset...that crabs in the barrel perspective from a parent no less...sigh.
Sis...I agree we need to set high (we know our child) expectations for our kids and encourage them to achieve them. Each child is different but each child has a gift, talent and should do what it takes to pursue their dream. A little hard work is good for the soul!
xoxo
Jen,
we must reinforce them, build them up...follow through...
Yas,
that is exactly right, we have to find that 'thing' they are good at and pour encouragement behind it...
smooches,
angelia
She told me, ‘No, he is very respectful, he just thinks too highly of himself. He feels he can do anything. He told me you told him he could.”
Say huh, say what? That teacher needs to be ashamed of herself. As an educator she should have been enforcing the positive self-esteem you gave your child and trying to spread it to other children who might not have gotten it at home. A damn shame...
Great post, sis.
Gwyneth
Gwyneth,
you are so right, the teacher should have but in many cases that does not happen, that is why home and community support is so important, I feel if we can get them shored up before they get to school, they are prepared. One of my biggest struggles as the mom of black sons was making sure they only listened to the positive messages about them...because in far too many arenas they arent forthcoming...
blessings,
angelia
I dream a world where parents will finally realize that their children are on loan, period. I believe we raise our children to be productive adults. Our children are our future - not a dang do-over; or in the case of that ignorant woman- a do-same or do-less!
Keep preaching, beautiful mind, you will be heard!
That's The Plan, NickJett,
That's The Plan...
blessings,
angelia
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