Yesterday I was talking to a young friend of mine,
She is going to be twenty-nine this year,
Very lovely professional woman, who loves acting and singing,
Has a beautiful voice and an even more beautiful spirit,
But is plagued with insecurities,
Body size and other stuff,
I can usually tell when she needs to talk, she will show up at my door under some other guise,
Once she gives me whatever is in her hand, she will stand there,
Thankfully yesterday I needed to slow down a bit and had some time…
We talked about a number of things,
A play she is in, my books and then we got to the real stuff,
She asked me had I always been as confident as I am now,
I told her the truth, mostly, then, I asked why,
She told me the way I carry myself and how I seem so removed and outside of stuff,
I told her that I am removed,
Work for me is just that work,
My life is outside of here,
Then she asked me if I competed with others,
I had to ask, ‘Compete for What?’
Then she told me anything, she told me she compared herself to this one or that one,
It broke my heart because I knew that was one of the most self-defeating activities on the planet,
Making comparisons is WASTEFUL,
There is always going to be someone smarter,
More talented,
Prettier,
Richer,
More successful, whatever,
So the thing to do is focus on what you have, what you bring,
Enhancing that and being completely unconcerned with what others have or are doing,
She smiled, asking had I ever been competitive with others,
I said, “For sure, when playing basketball, spades, running track, playing scrabble…my intention at those times is to annihilate my opponents.” We had a good chuckle.
“But beyond that no, I was raised with a good dose of reality and common sense, and my focus was always to be the best, Angelia I could be and the world had better know that if that is enough for God and me, it’s enough for them. And Sweetie, you are absolutely lovely.”
She thanked me walking away,
I knew that what I had said was just a bandage, because the world had told that woman-child,
That her curves were too much,
Her hair should have been blonde and not brown,
And she should have been taller,
But I was glad that she felt she could talk to me about those things,
Because there was a time when the advice of a Black woman probably wouldn’t have been her first choice…
Blessings,
Angelia
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
http://www.mammproductions.com/
5 comments:
when I really stop worrying about what others are doing and saying and focus on how I can be the best me, I shine. When I fall into the trap of looking at what so and so is doing or getting that I'm not, I can't progress. I'm too busy looking at them to move forward. When I allow what others say about me to define me, I can progress any further than their words. And since their words are seldom in my best interest, I need to always define myself for myself. And isn't it better when you get to set your own parameters? I hope that sister really starts to heed the words of wisdom you're giving her. I hope she starts walking around with her head held high knowing she's all that and then some. Because it sounds like she is and it's time for the world to know it.
Great post as usual, sis!
Gwyneth
That is it Lady Gwyneth,
That's why I am so thankful to the women who raised me, I was five-ten at 12 and had it not been for them telling me 'Amazons Rule' those who said negative things would have probably been still playing in my head, I just faced the world shoulders squared, head held high...and to shine as you say eloquently we have to remember that the Sun shines on all of equally and at the same time...
Love You!
angelia
You gave her some good advice. So many times we let what others say distract us from our purpose and get boggled down on what society says is how you should look...God made us all unique and He doesn't create mistakes.
It really is sad the way negative comments follow so freely from one's mouth and beat down a person. I remember the little saying from when I was a child "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." What a lie. It sure can. I remember when I was growing up how I was taunted because my ears sticked out like gizmo, I was tall and skinny like a bean pole, and my fingers bent at the tips, because I'm double jointed as well as they are very long. I hated being me.
Over time I realized that the ones who saw only the things to make fun of envied me for my pretty brown eyes and naturally long hair. I started being happy that I was who I was because they were not making fun of me, but keeping people from looking at them as they truly were.
I can find beauty inside everyone, even the ones who treated me badly. I don't allow myself or my children to stoop to the standards of "haters" and make fun of anyone. We can beat up on ourselves all alone, we truly don't need help to do that.
Angelia, you are a God sent. This was beautiful.
Thanks Shelia,
Thanks Jennifer,
it is so much easier to find beauty in people everyone has it, mostly when people say things like that are in pain about something...
Love You!
angelia
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