One of the hardest things to do sometimes is mind your own business,
Stay in your own lane,
However, that has always been one of my goals,
Any time that anyone comes to me for advice or information,
I will provide it to the best of my ability,
With the understanding that it is based on what has worked for me,
If it works for you...GRAND...
There are of course times when we are mandated by moral conscience to say or do something,
If someone is being harmed, especially a child, or you know that saying or doing nothing,
Is detrimental to you or someone else,
And especially when you are a mother,
Having said that, once your children are grown,
You have to learn when to pump the breaks,
Because if you have raised them properly, chances are they know what to do,
Or they know how to part their lips and ask you,
Last week I found myself in a peculiar situation,
I was in the home of my son and daughter and law,
Had never been there before, they had been married a year and there I was,
Going into their home, with them and their new baby,
The love of my heart, Amira, that baby has done a Love TKO on me, but that's a blog,
For another day...
Anyway,
My goal was simply to love on my grandbaby and mind my own business,
I have had nightmares about being a bad mother in law,
And have promised God, myself and my sons I would do all I could do not to be,
At first it was strange,
I tried so hard, I was almost comatose,
I just held the baby and sat there,
Finally though,
I realized and they admitted that we needed to define our roles,
I asked them to tell me how to proceed,
What they wanted from me,
When it was okay to offer advice or intervene,
I begged them to please tell me,
Because the only agenda I had was to love the baby, love and support them,
And do what is best for all,
I wanted to stay in my lane,
Drive carefully,
Follow the rules of road,
And be allowed to travel to and fro,
After we talked,
Straightened it all out,
I knew what and how I was to do,
And what to say and how to say it,
Which allowed all of us to get to the good business,
Being about making sure, Princess Amira,
Is loved, cared for, protected, taught and blessed!
Safe Driving,
Nana Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com
4 comments:
Angelia.. I know what you mean. Having my sister-in-law live with me has been DIFFICULT. I love my brother, but WOW!! I have welcomed them in my home but I don't interfer with the way they do things and it is driving me crazy. Not to mention, she is very young (where my brother found her is a question I don't want to ask) :-D
I am just being the best big sister, Auntie that I can be
COMMUNICATION is the key and it sounds like you all are going to do just fine because you took the first step and said let's figure out how to do this together. I don't think your daughter-in-law could ask for a better mother-in-law. My mom on the other hand took charge when it came to me and my first child...lol...and she told Rick he was the son she never had...which he didn't mind...so me with a few gnashed teeth learned to grin and bare it for a month...then when she left I cried like I had post-partum depression...and then when she was too sick to travel when my daughter was born three years later...I cried like I had post partum depression again because I wouldn't have the month to spend with her...and neither would my daughter...but then I counted my blessings that she was there for me and my son that first month...and now that she's gone...I still have fond memories and realize that I wouldn't have had it any other way. Mom telling me how to do it...me telling her not that way...and hubby absorbing it all and being loved to death by my mom right along with my son. Oh the memories...and I too have one of the sweetest, loving mother-in-laws ever...she's very hands-off. I think as a mother with a daughter...you understand you can push your daughter more...because well you gave birth to her...lol...but your daughter-in-law you sort of tiptoe around her until you know the lay of the land. Today my mother-in-law treats me as tho' I'm her daughter so I get the good, the bad and the ugly...but because my m-i-l is not a bad or ugly person I've always gotten more good from her...now my mom...well that's another story...she gave all of IT. But that was mom and it couldn't have been any other way...lol. Angelia I think you're more like my m-i-l.
xoxo
"Cilla, we do what we have to..."
Yas,
I just want it to be about the baby and not me, I love them all and want what is best for them and my main goal is to ALWAYS be in the life of my grandbaby...so if staying in my lane is what it takes, then stay in my lane I will. I had my mom and my mother in law with me in the delivery room and around for most of the first weeks, but when Maurice was four weeks old, I moved to Germany and when Malik was three weeks old I moved to Georgia, so as my friend Beverly said, I had to be a big girl immediately...there were a few cons to that but mostly PROS...but I love it just as it is, it is their child and they will guide me and reach out to me...in love...
Blessings!
angelia
You are to be commended. You are being careful and not meddling in their business. Your dil will be happy to see you coming instead of dreading it.
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