IN TIME~

Everything happens in God’s time. I have said it here before we can’t make anything happen. However, we must be open and willing to allow God to work within us.
I look at so many young people and some not so young and they want it all now,
The best job, a fly car, fine clothing, a pretty woman, foine man,
And when that is not immediately forthcoming they quit,
Try that next thing until one day they end up with no THING,
A pile of jobs,
Repossessed cars,
Raggedy clothes,
To many women and men,
To even count or remember,
And a tiredness that leaves them unable to go on,
What they have to realize is that there are no overnight anythings,
That most of us who have good or even great jobs,
Slavered away in mediocrity until we established something,
We showed up early and worked late,
I know from whence I speak,
Every time the military moved us,
I started over, got more education,
Something for the betterment of me and my family,
And when I got that job,
I stayed and proved, sometimes when I didn’t want to,
Because you know what, that is what being grown is,
And just like I told someone last night,
A car is a car is a car,
I can afford to drive fancy cars,
But I prefer paying my tithes and doing for others,
God knows I love to dress up,
And I do,
But I can afford to just go buy some stuff,
Cause of all the work and sacrifice over the years,
And as to the man woman thing,
I got married many years ago,
And at times it was hard,
Egads,
Hard as a twelve letter cuss word,
But he and I, both of us,
Die-bieden (that’s German for both of us)
Decided we were in it to win it,
But all of this occurred in God’s time,
And through us doing what we had to do to get what we have,
Such as it is,
Beloveds there are no overnight success stories,
Most of the folks who have anything,
Got there by working, planning, saving,
But mostly by believing in the promises of God,
And knowing that each day is a new day,
The past ends at midnight and we all get what is due us…

HAVE A HAPPY, BLESSED NEW YEAR~
angelia

Just Chill

There are a lot of serious things going on in the world, poverty, racism, wars, you get me...
But there are some things we simply need to chill on,
Mainly other folks business,
I am amazed by how many people feel they can tell someone what to wear,
How to style their hair,
What to eat,
What to read,
You feel me,
Too many people are all up in other folks business,
Like it's a book and they wrote it,
Just Chill~
Relax,
Accept that it aint that deep and if it is,
It isnt about you~
I am amazed and flabbergasted, yes I am once again flabbergasted,
By how wrapped around the axle people become about small stuff,
Last week I was talking to someone who was literally losing sleep over something going on in a celebrity's life,
HUH,
Now how is your lack of rest going to help~
Child get some rest,
And tomorrow you may see it differently,
Or parents who pace the floor at night,
While their children who live miles and miles away,
Are doing their own things, living their own lives,
Are living la vida loca,
Stop it already and cover them in prayer,
And Chill,
Loved ones we are going to have to focus on those things we can do something about and remember that most of it dont have a zipped, dang thang to do with us anyway,
Mostly, we will have to pray and leave it to GOD, who can take care of all of it~

Smooches!
angelia

When Compelled~

Sunday I listened to my Pastor confess that he once felt that it was his job to provide the WORD, and if someone got it they got it, he admitted that he had changed his mind and knew that part of his responsibility was also to convince~
I agree with him because everything that we know or do we had to be told and in many cases convinced to do or learn, so why should it be any different spiritually,
On the other hand, those of us who are not in the pulpit have to learn that we may not be able to convince anyone of anything,
But as spiritual warriors we are often made to do or say when compelled,
There was a time when I was of the mindset,
"If they don't ask me, I am saying nothing..."
And in many cases that still works,
However, I know that if I see someone in pain,
I am going to say something, or do something,
At least once and whether others choose to respond or not is entirely up to them,
But sometimes God compells us to plant a seed,
And we can't claim to be God believing and loving if we never do or say things,
That make us uncomfortable,
Or more importantly that we know is not going to be well-received,
Sorry, but that is part of the mission,
To at a minimum try to provide a more spiritual viewpoint,
And know that in some cases nothing may ever come of it,
But we did what we were compelled to do,
And that often the people or persons may never acknowledge what you did or said,
But at some point they may be able to use it for good...
I know for myself that many things I was told and didnt want to hear,
Have later served me well and though I didnt tell the person how much they helped me,
I would not have been able to progress without their having brought it to me,
And for that I am grateful.
We must all do WHEN COMPELLED~

angelia

Family~

Had one of the best Christmases ever,
My house was filled with my sons, my daughter in law and my granddaughter, Amira,
For the first time in years we were able to see the joy of Christmas in the eyes of a small child,
It also made me realize how important a loving, supportive family is,
When we were done at my home we drove down to my home town,
We were greeted by my sister, my niece, my aunt and my cousins,
We laughed, talked, took pictures and oh yeah, exchanged gifts which was secondary,
Then we drove to more family, my husband's family,
Who are some of the most loving and embracing people in the world,
More love, more laughter, lots of food, more picture taking, and yeah more presents,
What ran through all of this was the love of GOD and family,
No matter what had gone on or would go on,
We were all wrapped in the knowledge that we would always be able to return to these wonderful places of unconditional love and support~
Made me know that I am BLESSED beyond measure~

THANKS TO GOD~
angelia

MERRY CHRISTmas

2009 has been a most interesting year,
There have been ups and downs, but thanks be to God the downs have been few,
And I have learned from them...
So many things righted themselves,
My relationship with my man grew ever stronger,
I learned to let go of my sons and let them fall and pick themselves up,I became a grandmother, I love you Princess~
My sister and I are where we should be,
I became closer to my friends,
And I learned to allow those in who can enhance me,
As well as challenge me,
And leave those alone who bring trouble...
God is So AWESOME~
All I want to say is
Thank you Jesus,
MERRY CHRISTmas

angelia vernon menchan
http://womenwrites.blogspot.com

HMMPH~

Something that the people in my life know is that they are at risk of showing up in my blogs, books or other writings…
Sometimes disguised, but every now in then in full color,
Yesterday it was my youngest son,
Today it is one of my dearest friends Nik,
Nik and I met about nine years ago,
She came to my office as a young, very educated scientist,
Immediately she and I had a connection,
I am about eleven years older than her,
But I instinctively knew you young, exotic beauty would be a thorn in the sides of some,
I was right, and coupled with the fact that she was not your typical scientist in that she had done many other kinds of work,
Well there you have it,
Over the years we have talked about so many things,
We can never break up, otherwise we would have to strike the other mute,
But the point of this rambling is that she had been having a time of it lately,
And been a little hard to bear,
I had railed on her, but we still hugged fervently at the end of the day,
Well, Tuesday, she walked in the office an I was TIRED~
‘XAUSTED~
And when I am really tired I am even more honest than ever,
And she said something about something,
And I unleashed,
She sat there on my file cabinet looking down at the floor,
Finally when I was spent,
She looked up and I started talking like I had some home-training,
We covered the children,
The poor child has a fourteen year old son, egads,
She said something that I had to straighten her out on,
“He is not like me, I wasn’t like that…”
Irked, I said,
‘Baby, our kids are not carbon copies of us. They will get many things from us, but some, they will come up with on their own. And if we have done our jobs as we are supposed to do, then they will be fine in their differences.”
I saw the light go on in her head…
We talked about other things,
I could feel the temperature in the room decrease,
We were oh so cool again,
She knew I love her, she loves me,
When I prepared to leave I hugged her, smooching her on the cheek,
Yesterday she sent me a message,
Thanking me for ‘telling her off’.
I told her that is what I do,
And that I am even better at it when I am tired…
I could hear her smile through the email as she replied,
“Yeah, Diva, when you think you have nothing left, we always manage to suck just a bit more from you…”
Now that is a mouthful~

BE BLESSED~
Angelia aka ‘Mama Deep’

WE ARE BUT FLESH~

Yesterday I was talking to my youngest son, he and I have always been simpatico about many things,
In the past year he has become a father and had to learn some HARD,
Grown up lessons, HARD…
But he is on the upswing for real,
What has helped him is knowing God is real,
That his parents will not condone madness, but will always be there for and with him,
And his own innate ability to keep it moving~
However, as we spoke I had to apologize to him about a thing or two,
And his response was, ‘No I’m sorry’
I reminded him, ‘No worries, God forgives all and only he is perfect, your dad and I are not’
His sincere response to me was ‘Sometimes it is easy to forget that you and dad aren’t perfect,’
My heart warmed and chilled at the same time,
Warmed because what a wonderful way for a grown son to feel about his parents,
But chilled because oh what a burden,
To know how personally flawed you are and to have someone think otherwise,
But as I told him,
We are but FLESH,
And we make mistakes and act a fool just like everybody else,
Our saving grace is that his dad and I know that God forgives all,
And that so must we,
And also that we have a personal responsibility for more than just ourselves,
We are sold out to trying to help those who help themselves and those who sometimes cannot~
It isn’t always easy and sometimes there will be flareups,
But we are soldiers and soldiers stay in the fight until the battle is over~

BE BLESSED~
angelia
MRS. BLACK? @ AMAZON.COM

WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW~

Last night I lay thinking about all the things we are not teaching our children, our daugthers~
And how that lack of teaching is generationally perpetuated,
Sometimes I look at young girls all dressed up in fake finery,
Because they have been taught to 'look good'~
But when I look close there are so many things awry,
Like basic hygiene,
Not being taught to self care or self protect,
I recall being a young girl and my mother teaching me about lotion for my skin,
And becoming a pre-teen and being taught about deodorant and other feminine hygiene issues, even becoming a young woman and being asked by my godmother if I were sexually active and after telling her no, and hearing her sigh of relief, knowing that I had listened to them tell me to be careful and discerning~
Listening as she gave me some practical and a bit graphic information,
I was slightly uncomfortable but am I glad now~
I have to wonder what happened to all those conversations,
Between women of the generations~
I talk to so many young women who have had sex with a series of guys,
Without benefit of protection or information,
And leaving themselves exposed to a plethora of things,
Is it because mothers, aunts, godmothers and the like are too busy,
Or is it because many of them were so young themselves, they dont even know what to impart~
I know that telling them things will not insure they follow it to the letter,
But I kid you not, having the information leaves them with choices and a feeling that there is somewhere to go to find out~
It breaks my heart what these otherwise smart girls dont know~
They also need to know how to handle their finances,
And to be taught that babies are a blessing,
But that they are also entitled to be women and not just mothers,
That it is okay to self care,
Because for real, they can't take care of anyone else, if they themselves are uncared for~
As I write this I want to thank the women in my life who taught me and loved me,
My mama, Ora Lee Vernon
My aunt, Elouise Vernon,
My godmother, Eva Mae Jackson,
My grandmother, Mary Alice Vernon,
And today my mother-in-law, who through conversations we are teaching each other,
I am here to tell you there is nothing like it,

BE BLESSED~
angelia

PEACESEEKER~

Yesterday our Pastor preached about reasonableness,
I loved it~
It touched me where I live,
One of my goals over the last few years is to be as reasonable as I can,
I know that I cannot go around talking about my faith and spirit,
Full of contrariness,
And I learned a lonnnng time ago that in the long run,
Contrariness gets one nowhere,
Nowhere at all,
I think a lot of why we are so combative is we have this ingrained desire not to allow anyone the last word or to let anyone get over on us,
But you know what,
Sometimes we have to let them have their say,
And say nothing in return,
Because a part of the victory for some is getting others,
Caught up in the madness,
No thank you very much,
I have learned that when I cannot have a grown conversation with folks,
To leave them be,
Or if I have to be around them,
Just let them fill the air with words and keep quiet,
And believe you me,
They will get tired of talking at some point and either be quiet,
Or find someone else to catch up,
That is not just true in life,
But as we forge more and more online relationships,
Sometimes we have to flat out ignore some things,
Because the intent in many of the cases,
Is to get something started,
Why even go there,
Chances are you don’t know the person,
They don’t know you and what is the point,
Really, other than to be messy~
Life is complex enough without all that,
The other day a friend sent me a message,
Saying,
‘She liked my spirit and that I seek peace~’
I appreciate that,
Because I try to work on my spirit each day,
Some days I fall way short,
But the next day I try again,
And in this chaotic world,
At a minimum we need inner peace~

BE PEACE~
angelia

WHAT HAD HAPPEN WAS~

‘Oh my goodness, that can’t be Cheryl…” Aida looked across the room of the Laundromat. Aida was in town visiting her family and wanted to do her laundry all at once, so she had driven to the spanking new Laundromat. It had been years since she had been in one, though her young life before college and becoming a sought after sports attorney had found her doing the laundry every Saturday morning. Her mother, Elise, was a single mother of four girls and as the oldest, Aida did laundry for everyone. She had hated it then, but was now grateful. Elise had died year ago, but the Smith girls were all successful and a long way from that two bedroom apartment on the avenue. Michelle was a nurse practitioner, still living in the hometown. She was married with two sons. Eliza was a chef living in France and the baby, Marta was working on her PHD in African-American literature while working as a professor. The girls were proof that love, discipline and smarts could move you from the hood. Aida had spent the week with her sister after mourning her mom and not coming home for year. It had been a bittersweet visit. But, she had enjoyed being auntie to the boys.

Looking again, she knew it was Cheryl and she could only wonder what happened to her. Her mind floated back to twenty years ago when they had both been twelve-year old spelling prodigies. The only two Black girls in the bee, they had stood until there were only the two of them. Aida finally won by spelling, ‘egregious’ and defining it after Cheryl missed it. They had high-fived each other as they left the podium. It was nice to be two Black girls from the wrong side of the track who had beat out thirty of what were considered to be the smartest kids in the district. Cheryl and Aida weren’t friends beyond school because Elise didn’t approve the lack of discipline in their lives. But they coexisted peacefully. Rumor had it that Cheryl had been pregnant on that day. That summer Elise had finally become a nurse and had moved her kids from the hood. Aida never saw Cheryl again. Standing up she knew she was going to talk to her.

“I hope she don’t come over here, she looks really good, somebody told me she was a lawyer or some shit…” Cheryl thought those words as she kept her head down, folding clothes. She knew she looked a mess with her missing teeth, broken off hair and the fact that she had given birth to nine kids in the last twenty years didn’t help either. For the first time she had to admit she was ashamed of herself. She could smell expensive perfume and knew she had to look up. She stared defiantly into Aida’s dark-chocolate face and all she could see was compassion. Looking at her from head to toe she had to admit she looked awesome. But, she always had. Even when poor her mom had made them nice clothes that looked expensive.

“Cheryl..?”

“Yeah, it’s me, how are you?” Cheryl literally sucked down tears.

“What happened?” Aida was as startled to hear the question come out of her mouth as Cheryl was. But she knew exactly what Aida meant. Squaring her shoulders, pulling the ragged sweater around her shoulders, she decided to answer.

“You want to know what happened, well life happened. I had my first baby the summer after eighth grade. My mama let me move into the projects and by the time I looked around I had a house full of kids, no husband, a drug habit and I was tired. Now here I am thirty-three years old with four kids at home, no education and a sixty year old sugar-daddy I can’t stand the sight of, but he pays the bills.” The hard words hit Aida’s ears like a hammer. She could hear, see and feel the pain in her friend’s words. Reaching over, she pulled her into an embrace. With great reluctance, Cheryl relaxed into her embrace. Finally, she pulled away. She had just made a decision.
“If you let me, I think I can help you.”

“How?” Cheryl was wary of anyone offering to help her.

“I am going to return here to open up my own law office. I have an extensive client base and I need a secretary and a couple of paralegals. I can hire you as a secretary and pay for your education, if you are interested in becoming a legal assistant in a year.” Cheryl allowed hope to enter her heart.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I can, I have been so blessed and I want to do something other than earn money and write checks. And it is time for me to stop running and come home. Mostly, it is because I remember how smart you are and I know you would be good.”

“You would hire me an ex-junkie and someone who never really liked you.” Aida smiled at that.

“Absolutely, so long as you are an EX-junkie and you don’t have to like me, just work hard. What do you say?” Fear and excitement raced through Cheryl’s veins. She had been looking for a better life and one stood in front of her dressed to kill. She knew she had to say yes, because she may never get another chance. Aida was also excited and though a bit scared she knew it was right. The two women stood looking at each other. Finally Cheryl said, ‘Okay, I will give it a try, but I keeps it real.”

“I’m sure. I wouldn’t want it any other way. By the way the starting pay is 37G‘s.” The shocked look on Cheryl’s face warmed her heart.

“Then how much does it pay to be a paralegal?”

“Much, much more…” Aida said as she walked out the door with a smile on her face.

“See you in two weeks.” Cheryl stared after the woman who in the span of several minutes had changed her life.

Assume the Position

To really get anything done, we are going to have the assume the position,
The position of personal responsibility and non-excuse making,
Something that SAVED me,
Was my ability to see my responsibility in a situation,
Make no excuses for me and do what needed to be done,
Because by age thirteen I knew that there were stacked decks,
I was daughter of a single mom,
I didn't live in the best place, chaos reigned supreme on 20th Ave. for real,
A rough three years~
There were adult choices being made that didn't necessarily take me into consideration,
But I wanted something,
To do something,
And in order to get there I had to do it,
Thanks be to GOD,
I assumed a position of weird maturity so young,
And even more thanks that I didn't hold anyone responsible for me,
I worked hard in school,
I worked on the same job all the way through high school,
I saved my money,
I always looked forward,
Were there times I was tired, angry and didn't feel it was fair,
Damn right!
But I did not allow that to stop me from handling my business,
The same was true when I got married,
Oh Lord was things different,
And hard but again my goal was to take responsibility for the position I had assumed,
And thanks be to God for that,
Because there are certainly any number of times I could have left or been left,
But here we are through the Grace~
Same held true for becoming a Mama,
Uhn, Uhn, Uhn~
Honey that was sure enough hard,
In a foreign country, money tight, no one most times to do it but me,
Man a soldier gone alot,
But there I went,
Assuming the postion,
Learning the language, stretching the dollar, never borrowing a dime,
Didnt send the kids home,
Found a job,
Took some classes,
Made it work,
Assumed the position of a grown woman,
Knowing that on any given day,
I could have blamed,
Daddy,
Mama,
Society,
But no thank you very much...
I was in it to win it and no one was responsible for me but me,
And that is my position~
ASSUMED~

SMOOCHES!
angelia~

IMAGERY~

Both of the images are of me, one was taken one morning before work, the other was taken at Key West....the question I am going to ask this morning however, is which one of those women would you hire....they are the same woman, with the same credentials, bringing the same mindset, morals and habits to the table...this of course is a rhetorical question. 99 percent of people would hire the going to work picture...for the most part, the image is professional as if though I care about how I look, thus I would be percieved as caring about what I do...

So the question then becomes does image and appearance matter?

Yes, it does, it matters a great deal and whether we think it is fair or not, it is what it is, and I am grateful that my ancestors taught me appropriatetness...

Because I see many young people who are so focused on doing their own thing, setting their own standards and not giving in that they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces...many are not getting past a first interview because they look a certain way...others are not even getting an interview because a background check was done and as crazy as it may sound, they are being judged by what they appear as and say on social networks such as twitter, myspace and the like...

Young people it is a very tough, very competitive world out there and it takes more than a skillset to get somewhere...

If you are independently wealthy, dont listen to me, do your thing,

If you planning to never get married and have children and be responsible for anyone,

Do you thing,

If you want to be a Monk and live a monastic life,

You get me,

But if you want a certain amount of success,

Or you have children to feed,

Bills to pay,

Then, oh my, I am going to go out on a limb and say it,

You are going to have to conform to some things,

Carry yourself in a certain way,

Be mindful of the image you present...

You may not like it,

But life is full of stuff we don't like,

But the times comes for all adults,

When we just have to do what is overall the right thing,

Or we will continue to get left behind in droves...

Be BLESSED~

angelia

SISTER, PLEASE~

One of the many things I was taught by the women in my life, thanks to God,
Is to not sell myself short, or give myself away easily,
To the ancestors that meant many things,
But lately to me it means,
Something else altogether,
I see so many of my sister-friends who are locked in these battles with other sister-friends,
And it makes them immobile,
The one sister does or says something that makes the other feel less,
While the one feeling less does not get that she is allowing the madness,
I had a friend talk to me, totally infuriated,
Because of how someone made her feel,
It was painful to hear,
And more painful to say,
“Stop it already, you have to know that you are as good as anyone, not better, not worse,
But God made you the same, so please, please, please don’t give your power away so easily… because if someone is trying to anger or intimidate you and it works, they have won whatever battle the two of you have engaged in and that was their goal…”
Later I was asked how did I become so confident,
And I explained that it was ingrained in me by my family,
But also I learned early on,
As the caramel colored girl with the long curly braids,
I had caught enough heck from others by the time I hit the first grade,
But thankfully that while I had been taught by my family that I was special,
I was also taught I wasn’t better,
That longer hair or nicer anything didn’t mean nothing,
And it saddens me to see women so trapped by the same nonsense,
Feeling that one who drives a nicer car or lives in a bigger house,
Or talks a bigger game has anything more than another,
Things change on a dime,
And so much of what we have is here today and can be gone tomorrow,
Balling on your job today,
Fired tomorrow,
Married to the man today,
Left alone tomorrow,
Long glossy hair today,
Chemotherapy bald tomorrow,
See what I mean,
The only things we should focus on is God’s grace,
And work fervently on having good hearts and treating folks accordingly…
Be BLESSED~

Angelia
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

SO NOT OUR BIZNESS~

Who gets to decide what a woman should do when it is discovered her husband has been philandering~
Is it her husband, is it her girls, her family, her friends,
Or in the case of someone famous is it the media or women’s groups~
As a woman and a wife I am going to have to say neither,
The only people involved in a marriage is that man, that woman, their children,
And hopefully the God they answer to,
And before anyone says, ‘If they had God it wouldn’t have happened…’
Come on people we all know that is not true,
Those who believe are constant works in progress,
Always trying to do better, be better and falling short~
And I know people don’t like hearing this,
But all sins are created equal,
If you cheated on your payroll, fudged on your taxes, stole something,
Lied on your neighbors, hated in your heart, etc. your sins are just as bad,
As the cheater or philanderer,
I know we like to qualify sins,
But alas we don’t get to,
Now don’t think for one moment I am condoning cheating,
Heck to the NAW~
What I am saying and I stand behind this fervently,
Is that what goes on with a man and a woman in a marriage,
Is their business and not one of us, no not one…
Gets to decide who should stay married,
Who should get divorced or any such thing,
Because you know what,
At the end of any given day,
It just ain’t our business~
No more than any of what we have done is anyone else’s,

BE PEACE!
Angelia
MRS. BLACK @
www.angeliavmenchan.com

The Right Mindset

I havent blogged in a few days, nine to be exact according to my baby sister, thanks Diva V~
Anyway, I was tired,
And of course there was Thanksgiving and eating and reading, just being,
However, it is so nice to know that people miss me when I am not doing my thing,
So grateful,
Over the past few days, I have done a great deal of observing and one thing,
I came away with is that our mindsets,
Truly determine how we feel and react to things,
I talked to a young man who makes excuses for everything,
Nothing is ever his fault,
And with that being his mindset, he gets nothing done,
Just thinks about what he THINKS has been done to him,
A better mindset would help him realize that only he is responsible for him~
Another situation is a very lonely older woman,
She is sad and mad,
And even at her advanced age does not get that how she thinks determines what she says,
Thus how people treat her, she has alienated a bunch of folks, because she constantly shares,
The bitterness in her heart and mind and very few people hang around for that,
And finally there is a woman,
Who is so talented and gifted,
But has depressed herself by feeling that just because someone else,
Does something she should be able to do it also,
And is so bound up in thinking through the lens of what people think of her,
She is immobile,
All of these behaviors are tied to how they think,
Of others and of themselves,
I know for myself that when I learned to think better,
I was better,
And when I set my MIND on the goodness of life,
As opposed to all the darkness,
I could then see the light,
It is by no means automatic,
I have to make myself think good,
Through faith, prayer and a determined MINDSET,
I am able to succeed, MOSTLY~

Be BLESSED and a BLESSING~
PURCHASE MRS. BLACK? You will be glad you did~
angelia