VALUATION~

What we value, speaks volumes about who we are…I know a person that whenever you talk to her about an engagement or event, her focus is on the food that was served, how did the place look, etc. She never asks if it were fun, how did the people engage… nothing about human interaction. One day over lunch, I asked her about that and her face colored and she confessed that I was not the first person who mentioned how she valued appearances more than people….

The other day someone was preparing for an event, and they wanted to go all out, get this, get that…I said, ‘Umm no, that is a wasted expense and would be auditable. I could see they did not like my answer, so they went on to say ‘Well, this is our one shot and we really want to make a big impression…”
Duh, dude, I knew that...
So I said, ‘But suppose the person is put off by ostentation and will think we have wasted money to impress him…’ I could see from the person’s face, that they had never even considered that. Because what I knew for sure is that it wasn’t about impressing the visitor but that is was about what the planner would have wanted done for him if he were the visitor. It was about his values.

Years ago I was sitting at lunch at work and one of the women was going on and on about designer clothes she was purchasing for her son…I didn’t say a word, finally she turned to me saying, ‘Angi, don’t you agree…’ Dag, I knew she would go there…
I said, ‘Umm no not really..”
She said, ‘But your kids dress nice..” I replied,
‘The sure do but they don’t have on any labels, they have on clean, pressed clothing.”
She got so worked up that she stood up and said, ‘Well, I won’t allow my kids to be picked on because they don’t have the latest designs and stuff…”
I spooned salad into my mouth, because I knew that what she was saying had nothing, not diddly, to do with her kids. It was her values and how she wanted to be perceived as a parent that was her motivation.
Kids want to be loved, nurtured, disciplined and cared for…everything else is about us, not them. It is a projection of values, that if we aren’t careful will manifest itself and entitlement…

Make sure that when you start projecting that you are really concerned about the others and not just projecting your VALUES~Angelia

STYLIN~

I know my own style, it is a bit eclectic, classic, conservative… when I was a young girl, I had no problem wearing slides with my dress up dresses or carrying a clutch bag in high school, folk found me a bit weird, I remember a boy saying, that if he had a job, which I did, he would really be dressed up, I think he was trying to diss me, because I didn’t buy into or embrace the fashions that others wore, shoot I wasn’t interested in the clothes that everyone wore, they had nothing to do with me, I was a levi’s jeans, cashmere sweaters, curly afro, loafers wearing chic..and could afford even at the tender young age to go to jeansville junction or belks and buy what I wanted…
During my twenties and thirties I became a mama, and looking back, I dressed like a mama, lots of two piece outfits, pumps and the like, my only concession to style was my gold bangles and my often two inches of hair, but you know what that was so me…at the time…
Nowadays, a sister does what suits her, I still love my bracelets, but they are bound to be paired with pearls wrapped around my wrist instead of my throat and I have a plethora of scarves, tights in all colors, more sweaters than the law should allow and dresses, dresses, dresses…shoes gotta be a bit funky, yet comfortable…and I loves my red lips, oh yes I do~ I know what I like, feel comfortable dressed up or down and will not wait for the fashion mags to tell me what to put my five-foot, ten inch, sized sixteen body in~ I know my style~ and I like it~

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

SELF_ISH

Okay, confession time… One of the hardest things in the world for me was to be about me,
To just do me and what I want to do, there I said it, used to think it was because I was the oldest child, well, umm found out that isn’t necessarily so, some first children have no issue with it at all…
I will say that I have gotten better at it, for years I denied myself anything that would be considered frivolous, well almost anything, I always purchased books…but other things I felt as though it were wrong to do, even when I could afford it, didn’t buy clothes for myself without buying something for the kids or my man, made me feel virtuous and less selfish…never had a manicure or pedicure until a few years ago, seemed a waste of good money, though I wanted to, and guess what could afford it, just didn’t do it, would gift other folks extravagantly and be miserly with me…ummph ummph ummph!
Then gradually, something shifted, I changed, my spirit changed and I realized that it was okay to do for me, after all, my tithes were paid, my bills were paid, I invested in my 401K, my kids were grown, so what in the world was wrong with doing for me and where oh where did that come from…
Then I realized it came from a lot of different places, mostly fear, I had spent a great deal of my time, watching people and one thing I never wanted to be was ‘stereotypical’. I never wanted to be the sister who didn’t have anything to show but how she looked and what she wore, so I avoided that, was frugal and conservative…because believe you me, I knew so many who bought into, ‘Fake it till you make it, look good no matter what…’ also, there was the people I allowed in my head, ‘You don’t need that, or this or the other…’ Never questioned why they felt like that, just accepted it…and one of my biggest fears was to have those I love disapprove of my in some way…didn’t show it, I was a cool as a popsicle in an igloo, but it was still true, because you do know don’t you, that just because folk can’t see, it doesn’t mean it ain’t real…
But gradually, the closer I got to God and the more I learned about the Word and my spirit flourished, I realized it was just as sinful to not take care of myself as it was to not do for others…so I stopped trying to hide, and pretend I didn’t care about things…that I did, I decided that as long as God was pleased with me and my house was in order, I could do things I love, and that there was no harm in taking good care of the one who took care of others…ME~
BE PEACE~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

ReVAMP

I am in the process of revamping my writing game,
Yes nine books in, I am getting serious about it,
I started doing this as a fluke, discovered that folk wanted to read what I wrote,
So I wrote and wrote,
And continued to sell books, with devoted readers waiting for the next one,
But I will admit I didnt take it that seriously,
It was something I loved and would have done for free,
The books all made more money than I put in,
My man and I could buy extras,
Do a little of this and a little of that,
It was cool,
Then it hit me,
That I could really do this thing,
Make it a viable reality,
Open the doors to so many more readers,
And did I worry about what I had not done?
Heck to the no,
That was part of God's plan,
I had to slowly feel my way through,
See what was up,
I am in the black~ hee hee,
And I now have people around me who believe in me and my work,
So first up a new website,
Then a reVAMPED book that needs to be more visible,
Then what?
Whatever God allows and deems appropriate,
And that I am willing to believe and achieve,
That's it~
Look Out Now!

angelia
angeliamenchan.com

Finally...

One of the hardest things for me is giving control of myself, my work to another,
I know who I am and what I want and for over five decades,
That has served me well,
However, there have been times when I had to relax and let go,
First and foremost when it comes to my faith,
For years I believed in God,
But, I kid you not I still tried to make things work,
If God didn’t work fast enough for me,
I had to learn that believing and trusting meant just that,
To let that thing go and allow God to do what God does,
And know however that worked out,
It was best~
Whew,
The second most important was in my marriage,
I knew and know I was loved and love,
But it has been mad difficult for me to allow myself to relax,
Into it and just be and allow my very capable man to handle things,
That he is better at,
I am just truly getting there and what a relief it is,
Nowadays when I am trying to hard all I have to do is look at him,
And that grin and gesture he does lets me know to woo saa baby,
The final frontier seems to be my writing,
There has never been any doubt that I can tell stories and write,
No doubt at all,
But I held everything I did so tight,
And managed it so that it was rock solid,
And I exhausted myself,
Over the years there had been many offers,
But none felt quite right, spiritually or to my soul,
Very recently when I finally admitted that I needed help,
I realized that the help I had needed had been there for years,
But that I needed to come to that realization and be in a place where I could,
Trust and relax and let someone else do the things that,
I JUST COULD NOT~
Oh my God~
There I said it~
And it feels right and spiritual and I am grateful,
All in God’s time~

Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

MASOCHISTIC MARTYRDOM~

When 2010 started I knew for a variety of reasons it would be an awesome year,
Of course though I was born with that veil thing,
I didn’t really know how,
Well let me say, WHEW,
It has been most BLESSED,
But I kid you not the blessings all seemed to come as result of a storm,
And I am in appreciation,
There is so much baggage that I have carried for so long,
One of my things has always been to be best,
Best daughter,
Best student,
Best wife,
Best mother,
Best mentor, et al.
Haa haa haa~
All I can say is that I have been the best I can be,
But what I had to realize is that being the best anything doesn’t involve masochism,
Or martyrdom,
And I kid you not,
I have taken on being,
A masochistic martyr to be sure,
As soon as something needed doing,
My hand went up,
Even when I really didn’t want to do,
And knew (that born with a veil thing),
Without a shadow of a doubt how it would work itself out,
Much like this,
If you see a guy standing on the side of the road with a sign that says;
‘Will work for food’
And you give him five dollars and drive off,
With him thanking you profusely,
However, you know that in some cases,
If you had actually said,
Well I need my car washed, my shoes shined,
Or some such,
There is a good chance he would have looked at you as though you,
Were nuts,
Because regardless of what the sign said,
He wanted you to just give him the damn money and go on your way,
Same is true when someone says,
Thank you, I appreciate it but, I really want you to do it or say it how I want you to do it or say it, otherwise…
I love you, but…if you can be how I want you to be then I don’t love you nearly as much as all that…
Please do this thing for me, but….
You get where I am going with this,
Sometimes,
We simply have to drive on by,
And not do a thing if it isn’t what is best for all parties concerned,
Because to do that thing,
And feel pained is not the business,
And I tell you there is no blessing at all in,
Masochistic Martyrdom,
To be sure~

BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~
angelia

RAMBLINGS THE BOOK~

CHECK OUT WHAT THEY ARE SAYING ABOUT RAMBLINGS: VOLUME I

“RAMBLINGS is an inspiring and thought-provoking call to action that anyone would benefit from reading. From the first word to the very last, I was moved by Menchan’s voice which is filled with a love of family, passion for mentoring, and the importance of understanding & loving yourself. ”

- Tee C. Royal, Founder of RAWSISTAZ.com

Ramblings: Volume One: A Blogged Book is not a very big book, but I did not rush to read it. My reason goes back to thinking each piece was food for thought. There is a meaning on each page, however the only one who will receive the lesson is the person who can best relate to it. I believe there is a message for everyone. I hope that all who are meant to be blessed with unforced, non-judgmental life skills, or a simple reinforcement of the right way is the way that best suits you will pick up Ramblings. I recommend it to everyone, young and old.

Jennifer Coissiere
APOOO BookClub

Angelia has done it again! It took me a while to write a review because this is a book that you can read straight through. When reading each blog, you have ponder and meditate on it. My husband has started reading Ramblings. I can't believe it, he's not a big reader. He said that he enjoyed reading this book. He said that Mrs. Menchan's words are the truth.

There are several blogs that are my favorite, "Emotional and Unprepared", "Bound or Free". I'm only halfway through the book. I've called and had discussions about different blogs with my friends. I really love this book. I will be purchasing some more books for my friends and families as gifts.

Thank you Mrs. Menchan for sharing your thoughts and wisdom with us. I look forward to your next book.

Rhonda McIntyre Gilbert

Ramblings: Volume I by Angelia Vernon Menchan is more than a bunch of rambling blogs. It is about everyday experiences. Ms.Menchan states in very plain, in your face language the ups and downs of marriage, children and everyday happenings. Many of her writings will leave you wondering and reflecting on your own life. As I read each blog or essay, I was forced to stop, think, and smile. Other times I said "Ah Ha", its not just me", or "Dang, I wish I had seen this earlier". My favorites are "That's What They Do", "Expect Nothin", and "Failing Forward". Ms. Menchan really has a way of putting it in your face in plain language and it all makes sense.

Priscilla Johnson, Bookmaniac

Get your copy for 7.95 @ Amazon.com bn.com or by sending
7.95 to Mamm Productions via PAYPAL to acvermen@yahoo.com

BE BLESSED!
angelia

ISH~

There are a ton of things I planned to RAMBLE about this morning,
As I was driving on the Dames Point bridge, I think of what I need to say,
To heal, to minister,
First I thought I would talk about how uncommon common sense is,
And I will,
Then I said, ‘Girl, you need to touch on self-ownership,
Okay I will do that to,
So here it is,
One of the things that cause me to cringe is how many common things,
People have to be told,
The other day, I was sitting in my office, talking to a co-worker,
And another co-worker walked in and started to talk to the person in my office,
She didn’t say good morning, how are you doing, go to heck,
Nada~~
So I said, ‘Good morning how are you?’
She looked at me proclaiming, ‘Oh hi Angelia, I was so focused that I didn’t even say good morning…”
I quietly said, ‘Common courtesy never goes out of style, we should never enter another’s space without at a minimum acknowledging them…’
She made a big production of going out and coming back in,
And speaking…
Have mercy,
I knew it was all show,
But my goal was just to make her think about it,
Come on, manners aren’t fads,
They are always in style,
Then the self-ownership thing,
I am amazed,
Utterly amazed at the numbers of people,
Who hold themselves responsible for nothing,
Nothing!
They can have been fired from five jobs,
Been in trouble with the law,
Married seven times,
Had six kids with six different people,
And they will find a way to blame,
Their mama,
Their daddy,
Their woman or their man,
Or THE MAN,
And never once own,
That they were fired because they just weren’t cutting it,
Or that people who commit what society has deemed a crime,
If caught will go to jail,
Or that if you have a child,
You are responsible in many ways to that child,
And to the person you made child with,
Does people not know these things,
And whatever happened to being self-taught,
I am not just talking about the person who taught himself to fix cars,
So he is great mechanic,
Or the person who is charismatic,
And became a sought after speaker,
Though those are awesome things to be sure,
What about if you grow up in a bad place,
Teaching yourself how to get to a better place,
If you were abused by someone,
Getting yourself some help and never abusing again,
Or knowing that no matter what your age is,
If you engage in unprotected sex acts,
There is good chance you will become a parent,
And that once you become a parent like it or lump it,
For all intents and purposes you are grown,
That it is no longer about you,
But about that child,
And lo and behold that each person must pay his or her own way,
Never take anything from anyone that you can’t in some way pay back or pay forward,
You give a person total ownership when you allow him or her to take care of you,
Also, never ever cut off the hand or legs that feed you,
No matter how smart you are,
Or how you think you got it going on,
Or with have it going on,
There are times when you will absolutely,
Unequivocally, without a doubt need someone,
And those arms and legs you chopped off,
Are floating about somewhere unable to reach out to assist you,
Because they no longer exist…
This may not mean much to anyone,
Or might mean a lot to someone,
But for me it was just some ‘ISH’
That needed saying…

BE PEACE~
Angelia

WHO AM I?

Who am I?
Doesn’t that sound goofy?
Well it is goofy,
But it is as real as rain in the spring and dryness in the Sahara,
I am not sure who I am,
Surely, you want to know why?
Fret not, I will tell you~
From a young age I had a flaw, a huge potentially fatal flaw,
I desired to care take, make better, fix,
No one ever had to ask me to do anything,
If I could do it or I had it,
I did it,
I know that Freud and many others would say,
I was on a quest to get love,
And they would be right,
Because aren’t we all,
As a young girl I covered my fears with doing,
And giving,
Made me feel worth a lot,
And powerful,
Because you do know, don’t you,
The one who has the most to give is the strongest,
Hardee har har…
I always knew that was garbage,
But until well like, yesterday I didn’t know how not to be that,
Or do it,
I was defined by my heart, my giving, my strong womanness,
My never needing to ask anyone for anything,
The other day the words flew out of my mouth,
That I had never owed a debt to anyone,
I was so proud of that for so long,
When I didn’t have I did without,
How virtuous, I thought,
Har de har~
But it was so sad,
At that same time,
Because it meant that I never allowed myself to be weak,
Soft, vulnerable to anyone,
Dag~~~telling some truths up in here,
And yesterday I turned a corner,
May seem like a small one but for me it was huge,
I made a decision to literally take myself out of a lot of equations,
That I had no business being in anyway,
Ouch~
And oh my God,
I shudder to say this,
I went to someone for comfort,
I bared my heart and soul to this one,
Told them all the things I was feeling and was going on to make,
Me feel as I was feeling,
I was scared,
Thought I would be judged,
Told that I could do even more than I had done,
But I wasn’t,
She prayed for me,
Wrapped love around me,
Made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a very long time,
Mothered~~
Yeah I felt mama’d,
I had been craving that since,
The last shovel of dirt was placed on my mama’s casket,
On February 1, 2003~
Also realized I hadn’t cried in years,
Which is ironic,
Because I used to be a ‘barrel of water’,
But my tears had dried with the burial of my mother,
I had decided that since I was now a motherless child,
I needed to be even growner,
But now I know that I don’t have to be anything but me,
The test is to figure out who that me is,
Because yes my friends,
I confess,
I don’t know who that really is,
Without all the roles,
Who is inside this woman,
Who am I when I am weak,
Who am I when I don’t want to do something,
And just say no,
Who am I,
Well my man told me this morning,
That I am BLESSED,
And it is time to do me,
To bask in God’s love and enjoy being,
Mrs. Menchan,
And enjoy all that I have prayed and worked for,
And to relax and let the rest go,
Pray for me,
That I listen to him,
Because as GOD is my witness,
I am finally READY~

Angelia Menchan

SELL OUT~

If you want to be assured that you have a modicum of success or have made it in a way that another has not, let that person call you a SELL OUT~
That is the calling cry of those who don’t have a pot or a window and feel disdainful of those who do~
The other day someone who had come to me asking for assistance when there was nowhere else to go stood in my face and said,
You are a fake sell out~
Oh yes~
At that moment I knew that I had done what was expected of me and followed rules to have something,
When I was a very young girl,
I was told that if I wanted certain things,
I would have to work for them,
So I did,
Worked hard,
Walked miles home at night from a job,
At thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,
Because I had no other way to get to and from work,
While at school,
I worked hard to have the best grades,
I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I couldn’t be mediocre,
And make it,
Can’t fake that,
As an adult when I started working,
There were times when I took the most piddling jobs,
To get back out there,
After having my second child,
I had been out of work for awhile,
Went to work in the stockroom, worked my butt off,
Beside those guys,
Was promoted to manager~
Hated going home dirty,
Also had a man who earned enough to support me,
But knew I needed to take care of myself,
I also knew that there are times that I had to carry myself a certain way,
I have never walked anywhere with my head bowed,
I have never felt that another person was better than me,
Due to race, gender or any such thing,
And if you talked to everyone I have ever worked with or for,
They will surely tell you I have never compromised what I believed in and I feel that I can look anyone in their eye,
However,
If there is a dress code I follow it,
If there is a time to be at work I am there at that time,
If there is protocol governing what I can and cannot do,
I do it or I don’t,
If there are times when someone says or does something that I don’t like,
I often pray about it, think about it, and decide,
If that is a battlefield that I am willing to die on,
And if it is worth it to compromise my family and it’s well being by saying or doing it,
If that makes me a fake or sell out,
So be it,
Because in the eyes of those who see it that way,
It really doesn’t matter,
I am GROWN,
And I have a grown up’s responsibilities…
And I pay my own way,
Support my own passions,
And own my own madness,
Whatever price you sell that for,
Can’t be bought with money~

BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~

Angelia
http://womenwrites.blogspot.com

HUMPTY DUMPTY~

Yesterday, I Angelia Vernon Menchan saw my life in living color, I had a humpty-dumpty moment, I sat on a wall and had a great fall,
Hurt like hell because I looked in the face of my mistakes, my transgressions, my sins,
And I knew it was time to be put back together again,
So many people ask my how did I get the way I am,
And the truth is simple,
By fighting and pushing forward,
There is hardly a scenario,
With the exception of dying that I didn’t face when I was a young girl,
Growing up,
And the fact that I didn’t die was through the grace of God,
Because there were a couple times I looked death in the face,
And when I blinked I was till here,
And that my friends is the truth,
Not blaming anyone,
Just telling the truth,
And I cannot blame anyone because what I chose to do is use those things,
To push me,
I remember first grade,
I got all Cs on my first report card,
My mama told me that I had better never do that again,
Didn’t have another C until I was in ninth grade,
Didn’t even have a B,
In ninth grade,
I was feeling grown, I had a job, my life was chaos and I slept in civics because I was tired,
Mr. Nealis called me out,
Told me I should be ashamed of myself for not doing my best,
Pulled it together and graduated near the top of my class,
And that is what sustained me,
I fought and when anyone called me out,
I listened and performed,
For all my life,
I did what I felt I was supposed to do and tried my hardest to do the same,
For those I loved and cared about,
I messed up royally,
Because in so doing,
I made them impotent,
I protected them from what the world was really like,
I tried to make all the ugliness pretty,
I knew that I could take any amount of pain,
Had been there and done that,
Staring down the barrel of a gun literally without flinching,
So the rest was easy,
But since it’s truth telling time,
The truth is this,
We as mothers, wives, friends,
Must at times step out of the way and allow people to fall and to fail,
To be an adult we have to own our own mess and take our lumps and pay the price of our transgressions,
The only person we can place on high is God,
Not our parents, our spouses, and certainly not our children,
Because what we do,
Is make them live in a world that is unrealistic and when the time,
To cope come,
They are unable and every mistake or choice that is made is blamed on someone else,
I confess to having been guilty of all this,
And this is a rebirth for me,
I have no minor children,
I have no parents,
I am married to an awesome man,
However,
I have to lot of work to do on me,
And today is as good a day as any,
To start,
Because what I know for sure,
Is that God didn’t bring me through all of that,
For me to fail now….

BE PEACE~
Angelia Vernon Menchan