Angelia Vernon Menchan

Angelia Vernon Menchan is an author, publisher and public speaker who owns two publishing companies, MAMM Productions and Honorable Menchan Media. Mrs. Menchan is also a Budget Officer and former Job Corps Counselor. To date she has published twenty-three books of her own work, both fiction and non-fiction and more than eighty ebook novellas on amazon.com. You can access her bibliography on www.amazon.com search words: Angelia Vernon Menchan




Contact information:
Website: http://acvermen.blogspot.com
Email: acvermen@yahoo.com
Phone numbers: 904 714 2272 904 303 2679

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

WHO AM I?


Who am I?
Doesn’t that sound goofy?
Well it is goofy,
But it is as real as rain in the spring and dryness in the Sahara,
I am not sure who I am,
Surely, you want to know why?
Fret not, I will tell you~
From a young age I had a flaw, a huge potentially fatal flaw,
I desired to care take, make better, fix,
No one ever had to ask me to do anything,
If I could do it or I had it,
I did it,
I know that Freud and many others would say,
I was on a quest to get love,
And they would be right,
Because aren’t we all,
As a young girl I covered my fears with doing,
And giving,
Made me feel worth a lot,
And powerful,
Because you do know, don’t you,
The one who has the most to give is the strongest,
Hardee har har…
I always knew that was garbage,
But until well like, yesterday I didn’t know how not to be that,
Or do it,
I was defined by my heart, my giving, my strong womanness,
My never needing to ask anyone for anything,
The other day the words flew out of my mouth,
That I had never owed a debt to anyone,
I was so proud of that for so long,
When I didn’t have I did without,
How virtuous, I thought,
Har de har~
But it was so sad,
At that same time,
Because it meant that I never allowed myself to be weak,
Soft, vulnerable to anyone,
Dag~~~telling some truths up in here,
And yesterday I turned a corner,
May seem like a small one but for me it was huge,
I made a decision to literally take myself out of a lot of equations,
That I had no business being in anyway,
Ouch~
And oh my God,
I shudder to say this,
I went to someone for comfort,
I bared my heart and soul to this one,
Told them all the things I was feeling and was going on to make,
Me feel as I was feeling,
I was scared,
Thought I would be judged,
Told that I could do even more than I had done,
But I wasn’t,
She prayed for me,
Wrapped love around me,
Made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a very long time,
Mothered~~
Yeah I felt mama’d,
I had been craving that since,
The last shovel of dirt was placed on my mama’s casket,
On February 1, 2003~
Also realized I hadn’t cried in years,
Which is ironic,
Because I used to be a ‘barrel of water’,
But my tears had dried with the burial of my mother,
I had decided that since I was now a motherless child,
I needed to be even growner,
But now I know that I don’t have to be anything but me,
The test is to figure out who that me is,
Because yes my friends,
I confess,
I don’t know who that really is,
Without all the roles,
Who is inside this woman,
Who am I when I am weak,
Who am I when I don’t want to do something,
And just say no,
Who am I,
Well my man told me this morning,
That I am BLESSED,
And it is time to do me,
To bask in God’s love and enjoy being,
Mrs. Menchan,
And enjoy all that I have prayed and worked for,
And to relax and let the rest go,
Pray for me,
That I listen to him,
Because as GOD is my witness,
I am finally READY~

Angelia Menchan

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow Angelia! Your words brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad that you got the chance to be mothered. Everyone needs that once in a while. A good cry is good for the soul. Like you, I have taken myself out of some equations too. Some equations were hard to remove myself from, but it had to be done. Your Ministry is a blessing to me, know that I'm a better person because of you and your Ministry.

I love your picture, you look beautiful and radiant.

Love you,
Rhonda

Angelia... said...

Thanks Rhonda,

Love You Sista~

Shelia G said...

Angelia, my sister, your words are so powerful. Also that's a beautiful picture of you--you look at peace.

Angelia... said...

Thanks Sister Shelia,
writing this made me feel, peace~