I have a confession to make, when it comes to crying women, especially at work, I am like a man, I don’t know what to do…am puzzled and befuddled. I totally understand how a good cry cleanses the soul and makes us feel better, but what I also understand is that the male species often feels paralyzed by a woman’s tears in the most intimate of situations and surely don’t know what to do when it happens at work…
I deal with a few women who get weepy when things aren’t going as they would have them go, or if lo and behold I say something like, “Come on, we are here to work not socialize, or rights are not privileges…” I see the full eyes and trembling lips or downturned mouths and think, ‘Damn, what do I say or do’…mostly I just stare uncomfortably until they go away…knowing that later they will come back and I will have to say something…sheesh…
Now, don’t be fooled there are times when I have wanted to weep while I worked, but I chose to not do that, didn’t want anyone to feel as though they had to console me or make me feel better, that is not work’s responsibility. I can recall when my mama was terminally ill, when I felt the desire to weep, I went to my car, or the restroom or home…or when sitting at my desk and work is piling up like Mount Everest, and that has happened a lot lately, I listen to music while doing all I can with my door closed…because what I know for sure is that we can’t on the one hand ask to be treated as equals but on the other hand melt into a puddle of tears and expect to be treated special. Unfortunately it is either one or the other…sorry…
It’s really funny because there are those in my family who think I am the softest of the bunch, because within the confines of family if something is sad or I am realllllly mad, you will see my tears…but them’s my peeps…otherwise, I suck it up, or take it away from there, because while I want to be paid for what I do and promoted accordingly, I have no expectations of being treated any differently than the guys are being consoled at the job place…
You can blame the women in my family, they were women who lived, loved and worked hard. But there wasn’t a weeper amongst them. Maybe they cried with their men, or late at night, or during a nice song at church…but I know they didn’t weep while they worked and didn’t allow us to either…not saying either way is right or wrong, just RAMBLING…
Angelia
http://angeliamenchan.com
8 comments:
While I totally agree with you, I must confess that I am guilty. When my father past I got the call while at work and I fall to pieces.
I did however, locked myself in the bathroom and talk to my daughter and sobered up when she started crying.
Threading,
there are exceptions to every rule, I remember the day my sister called to say that mama was dying, I was processing payroll...I calmly completed it, told my supervisor I was leaving...got in my car and drove home to tell my husband and son we had to go...no tears yet...finally in the car with my man and son...I bawled...
angelia
I've cried and don't feel bad about it. I have done the go to the bathroom thing too.
I remember when I got robbed on my way to work. I was almost to work so I just about ran when I got off the bus. I think it was my first time crying in this office.
I usually cried with a trusted co-worker. Not just all willy-nilly.
To each his or her own Shai...I stand by my position that to be taken seriously at work, we have to keep public displays on the low, of course if someone dies, all bets are off...and you should never feel ashamed of yourself
Yeah, keep it low, no Weeping Wanda. It has been rare that I cried. And I did cry when my grandfather(surrogate father) died. I got the call at work and I lost it.
Good post! I feel the same way about the crying at work...very uncomfortable. I'm usually thinking "are u serious?" But I've learned that people use tears to attempt to control situations too. That's sad and irritating cause while they may not knowingly do it, everyone knows their doing it. (((HUGS)))
I have cried twice at work if I recall correctly. Once when I was pregnant and I felt really very bad and sick, my nurse hugged me and I shed a tear or two. Then when I went back to work and my baby was just twenty days old, I burst into tears as I walked throught the door, then got the flowers, hugs and stuff that was already waiting and it never happened again. My hormones were bad for the first few weeks after chldbirth and I probably went back to work too early. I have never cried about work itself either at work or outside of it. It just doesn't do that to me. It's always a challenge I aim to overcome and I am proud to overcome. And yes, some do use it for control. Like men, I hate appearing weak. No crocodile tears here...I don't think it can ever happen again however. It has never happened except under the influence of hormones. And PMS did not have that power. Lol.
I really believe in this philosphy. As a high school teacher people often wonder how I can still be cheerful in my walk. My motto is "NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT!" I love teaching & mentoring teenagers. I'll walk away before I allow the seed of resentment to grow in my soul to dress my appearance with coldness. I was tested a few years ago when a student of mine was killed. I didn't know I had such strength, but seeing everyone else in emotional turmoil helped me hold it together to comfort them. Everyone handles their problmens differently. But weeping is often viewed as a weakness while strength is viewed as a threat. I refuse to walk around with the "WOE IS ME!" attitude in my personal and professional life.
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