There are times when I feel like going into mother mode for the masses, because there are so many things that aren’t being taught to our children and young people.
The other day I was dealing with a situation where a young wife was running down her man all over to anyone who would listen. It wasn’t necessarily that he had done anything to her, it was more because she didn’t feel she was getting the attention she craved and frankly because she was perpetuating legacy. When we spoke she said to me, ‘But my mom, aunts, etc. were all that way…it’s no big deal. I told her, ‘honey it is a huge deal, there aren’t many men with any dignity who is going to allow you to run him down all over town, when he is doing all he can to please you. Not, only that, there is the component of you are sleeping in the bed with that man and if you trash him, you are for all intents and purposed trashing YOU.”
She looked askance at me, but I could see the light bulb going off because I was probably the first person who had said those kinds of things to her. I also, knew that legacy was a hard change…it takes getting up each and every day and consciously making a decision to do a thing and following through. So many ask me about how I managed to stay married for 32 years. There are many things, and some I won’t share…umm hmmm. But, one of the biggest at least for me is that no matter what went on behind doors in my home I didn’t take to the streets with my business. Didn’t call mama ‘nem or even sit around with my girls over wine and bash him. I prayed fervently, we argued fervently at times and worked that thing out, together.
On the flip side, I have to say to the young brothers, if you take a woman on as your wife, your boo or whichever, you really need to remember she is a woman. I don’t care how ‘strong’ she seems to be or how much she has it going on, she needs your attention. And attention doesn’t mean diamonds, big houses or money, or it shouldn’t. Many times it means listening to her, really listening, without already having your mind made up. Or doing that thing you know she loves, that might not necessarily appeal to you. If you know she likes reading books and you don’t, suck it up and take care of dinner one night, allowing her to sit in a corner and read. These may seem small and trivial but I assure you, you have my word, they go a mighty long way to being in a healthy love thang…
MOTHER WIT NOW AVAILABLE
Angelia
5 comments:
Your so full of wisdom. Thank you for being willing to share it !
Wish I'd known you when I was married...It would have made the blow much softer. LOL
Thanks Linda,
Well, 'Cilla,
you know me now and if there is a fella let me know and I will holla at him for ya! No kidding...
Love!
angelia
This post was awesome. It resonates with what my pastor speaks about often. What goes on in your house should stay in your house. As soon as you run tell your girlfriends, mother, sisters, it creates a problem bigger than the one you thought you were having with him because1). it dishonors him, and 2) they won't forgive him as easily as you do. So next time you bring him around, they're going to be looking at him sideways and calling you all kinds of crazy!
Another great post. I wish the men were reading it too. Right before I got married my sister-in-law said to me: "Keep your business your business. Don't call me, my mother, your mother or anybody to tell them about your business or to ask for their help in fixing anything. That's the only advice I have for you about marriage." I took that like the gospel and it works. Where are the men when you need them to get a good dose of knowledge? Lol. If we all realize nobody is perfect and we put ourselves in someone else's shoes more, life would be so much smoother. You are so right. Common sense is not common. How do I trash a man I am still married too or that is the father of my kids? It beats me.
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