This morning driving across the bridge, with the lights twinkling below I had my mind on my girls. Those girls who I have most contact with and how they are growing.
There is my Princessa, who at 20 months of living has been walking over a year and talks up a storm, she is so smart, funny and charming…and has so much personality. I love watching her ‘read’ and talk on the phone. I also love the way, when she is tired, she climbs on her NaNa’s lap and snuggles, smiling…
Then there is Princessa’s mama, my daughter in love Posh, who I have literally seen grow before my eyes in the last year and a half. She is pint-size feisty and walks like she is running, but she is smart, vulnerable and tough. I love how she is learning to navigate life’s waters with her head held high and though still easily hurt, she gets up each day and makes it work as wife, mother, and WOMA N-GROWING…
When I met my stylist Gabbi, though she looked like a baby, I thought she was in her late twenties…I almost fell off my chair when I discovered she was barely in her twenties. She is so cool, calm and collected and not to mention has her own business…styling hair and making potions that soothe and heal the skin. But inside is a girl-child who has been through so much and reached out to me, asking for guidance and being willing to open up and listen, absorbing like a sponge…
Shanieka has been in my life for years and she is my child-friend. She has a certain pained fragility but that never stops her from working, doing and planning. And she gives as good as she gets, sometimes we will go months without talking and then out of the blue she will stop by leaving flowers on my doorstep and other times we will agree to disagree…
Phe, my mentee at work came to the game with mad skills at such a young age, but she also brought heart pain and over these past three years I have watched her bloom, blossom and become the fierce capricorn chica that was hiding under that 'tude...able to laugh, live and love...
But what I was thinking this morning was how fortunate I am to have these girls in my life, who trust me with their hearts and business…who I love and who love me back…IT IS ALL GOOD…and I am so GRATEFUL that God has decided to place these girls and all the others on my life path so that we can all learn something….
Be PEACE…
angelia
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Right-Sizing
This past Sunday I watched a televised focus on those who are running out of unemployment after 99 weeks, which is the maximum that one can receive. It was heartrending in so many ways...but I also saw the inherent message inside the pain.
I thank God that my husband and I havent been directly impacted by job losses etc, but we have been impacted indirectly because it has touched our children and loved ones.
However, as sad and as discouraging as it is and has been, there is so much to be learned. There is the lesson that most of us can live on less than we ever knew. Many times it is about prioritizing. The Man and I actually have game plans for if the bottom falls out. We have literally sat down and discussed how we we would handle it and what we would let go of if one or both of us lost our jobs. Yes, we have, without either of us having lost them. Because we know that nothing is promised to us and that on any given day, in any given life the bottom could fall out.
Truth is, if you get up in the morning, and you are alive, then the battle is not over...if you switch the light switch in a house, any house and the lights come on...count it all joy...if there is a loaf of bread and a bottle of water...well you feel me...
It is so easy to get caught up in what you don't have, but the reality is to focus on and thank God for what you do have. Sometimes things happen as a way of correcting us, making us look up and show gratitude and appreciation for that which we have been blessed with. And if it isnt happening to us, it should make us grateful and work ever harder to maintain what we are Blessed with. There were so many times in years past when I was ready to grab my handbag and call it quits on my job. But every time before I did that I would think of all those people who would love to be in my position and I stayed to work another day. And you know what, my change in attitude made things look better.
I am in no way telling anybody, that it feels good to be unemployed, or to have to ask for help. Because it isnt. What I am saying is that some times God will right size our lives, allowing us to feel the pain of not having, so that when he blesses us next time, we will be more appreciative...
BE PEACE...
angelia
I thank God that my husband and I havent been directly impacted by job losses etc, but we have been impacted indirectly because it has touched our children and loved ones.
However, as sad and as discouraging as it is and has been, there is so much to be learned. There is the lesson that most of us can live on less than we ever knew. Many times it is about prioritizing. The Man and I actually have game plans for if the bottom falls out. We have literally sat down and discussed how we we would handle it and what we would let go of if one or both of us lost our jobs. Yes, we have, without either of us having lost them. Because we know that nothing is promised to us and that on any given day, in any given life the bottom could fall out.
Truth is, if you get up in the morning, and you are alive, then the battle is not over...if you switch the light switch in a house, any house and the lights come on...count it all joy...if there is a loaf of bread and a bottle of water...well you feel me...
It is so easy to get caught up in what you don't have, but the reality is to focus on and thank God for what you do have. Sometimes things happen as a way of correcting us, making us look up and show gratitude and appreciation for that which we have been blessed with. And if it isnt happening to us, it should make us grateful and work ever harder to maintain what we are Blessed with. There were so many times in years past when I was ready to grab my handbag and call it quits on my job. But every time before I did that I would think of all those people who would love to be in my position and I stayed to work another day. And you know what, my change in attitude made things look better.
I am in no way telling anybody, that it feels good to be unemployed, or to have to ask for help. Because it isnt. What I am saying is that some times God will right size our lives, allowing us to feel the pain of not having, so that when he blesses us next time, we will be more appreciative...
BE PEACE...
angelia
Monday, October 25, 2010
Names and Words...
“Sticks and Stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Of course, we all remember this childhood ditty. But like many things we say offhand, it is so not true. There are words that hurt. I have been told they sometimes hurt more than fists, but are simply harder to detect.
So many people I know can recall every hurtful word they have ever been called, no matter how long ago it was. And we all know that there is the word that a person of another race better never call a black person, ever. And women can say all they want to that they don’t mind being called a B***** or H*, but if said in the wrong context (not that there is a right one) by the wrong person and it is earrings off and fists balled up time. That is why we have to be especially careful about what we say, how we say it and to whom we utter it. I have learned (and I had to learn) the power of words and their impact. I spent years wounded (was called lots of names by some I loved) and became quite the wounder,(saying lots of things to those I loved).
I knew how to use words in such a way that I left my victims hurt and bloody. Never had to cuss even, just lashed them. But through growth and understanding I came to understand how those words were impacting people and more importantly how it lessened me. I venture to say I am still a work in progress, because sometimes when I feel backed into a corner, the tongue sharpens. I will say that I have come a mighty long way.
However, words also have a way of healing and repairing. I am going to venture out and say that people want love and acceptance whether they are willing to admit it or not, particularly by those we love and accept. And I am here to tell you that words said make huge differences. Sometimes, there are people who do everything in their power to rankle you and have you say something ugly. My advice for that is to place space between you. I confess right here in front of God and everybody that there are a few people I have become almost a mute around because anytime we engage it is bound to go awry. That is knowing when to hold and when to fold, or knowing when to speak and when to nod. HaH.
More importantly we need to say,I love you, I hear you, I forgive you...you are special, you are smart...I support you...and when we have to say, I cannot support that we can make it taste and feel better by how we say it. Sometimes, a simple, "I love you, but I cannot support that because..."
I know many are thinking, it is so hard not to say such and such to so and so: or to bare my feelings to him or her or them. I agree; but it is best to not block your own blessings by saying it or not baring them. And something I have learned for sure, that what we say and how we act is our own choice. Every morning before my feet hit the floor I pray to be better, do better, say better. When I fall short I simply ask forgiveness, forgive myself and move on….
SPEAK POSITIVE!
angelia
So many people I know can recall every hurtful word they have ever been called, no matter how long ago it was. And we all know that there is the word that a person of another race better never call a black person, ever. And women can say all they want to that they don’t mind being called a B***** or H*, but if said in the wrong context (not that there is a right one) by the wrong person and it is earrings off and fists balled up time. That is why we have to be especially careful about what we say, how we say it and to whom we utter it. I have learned (and I had to learn) the power of words and their impact. I spent years wounded (was called lots of names by some I loved) and became quite the wounder,(saying lots of things to those I loved).
I knew how to use words in such a way that I left my victims hurt and bloody. Never had to cuss even, just lashed them. But through growth and understanding I came to understand how those words were impacting people and more importantly how it lessened me. I venture to say I am still a work in progress, because sometimes when I feel backed into a corner, the tongue sharpens. I will say that I have come a mighty long way.
However, words also have a way of healing and repairing. I am going to venture out and say that people want love and acceptance whether they are willing to admit it or not, particularly by those we love and accept. And I am here to tell you that words said make huge differences. Sometimes, there are people who do everything in their power to rankle you and have you say something ugly. My advice for that is to place space between you. I confess right here in front of God and everybody that there are a few people I have become almost a mute around because anytime we engage it is bound to go awry. That is knowing when to hold and when to fold, or knowing when to speak and when to nod. HaH.
More importantly we need to say,I love you, I hear you, I forgive you...you are special, you are smart...I support you...and when we have to say, I cannot support that we can make it taste and feel better by how we say it. Sometimes, a simple, "I love you, but I cannot support that because..."
I know many are thinking, it is so hard not to say such and such to so and so: or to bare my feelings to him or her or them. I agree; but it is best to not block your own blessings by saying it or not baring them. And something I have learned for sure, that what we say and how we act is our own choice. Every morning before my feet hit the floor I pray to be better, do better, say better. When I fall short I simply ask forgiveness, forgive myself and move on….
SPEAK POSITIVE!
angelia
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
RECIPROCITY, adieu...
I was asked a question yesterday by someone who really cares about my well-being and it stung…because the truth still hurts…
The question was simply, “Do the people who you go out of your way for, ever go out of the way for you…”
I didn’t like the question and tried to avoid answering it…they wouldn’t let up…
Went on to say, “I see you running here, running there, supporting this, supporting that, but I never see any of these people reciprocating…” Damn, I don’t want to talk about this. However, it didn’t stop the conversation, because this person cares that much…
“I totally understand wanting to be supportive…because that is who you are, and the better to give than to receive thing is admirable… but you know what it is absolutely okay to be supported and to receive…I know you have supporters, the same people over and over…but damnit I makes me a bit mad…”
Finally, I found my voice…”I know…and sometimes it does irk me, but I cannot mandate that…I am blessed beyond measure and I know…I am thinking about changing some things, working on that…”
They looked at me quizzically, because they know me and they know that I will continue to do a lot of stuff. But, they also know that when I am done…I am done.
I guess that is why I always pay my own way, don’t l like owing anyone anything and when I decide to do something different, I won’t have any IOUs out there. I can usually fold up my tent and roll away, with a clean slate. What I also told this person who cares so much is that no one is stopping me from having or doing anything, whether they show up or not…the cupboards are still full, the blessings are still flowing. Also, I don’t keep tally boards, board with columns of ‘I did this’; ‘they did that.’ My goal is to do those things I can and to continue moving forward. I also said, ‘Because I don’t say anything doesn’t mean I’m not aware….’
But, I will say I am so glad, that occasionally someone will pull me up and remind me that reciprocity is not a bad thing…and I love and thank them for it….
Be PEACE…
angelia
The question was simply, “Do the people who you go out of your way for, ever go out of the way for you…”
I didn’t like the question and tried to avoid answering it…they wouldn’t let up…
Went on to say, “I see you running here, running there, supporting this, supporting that, but I never see any of these people reciprocating…” Damn, I don’t want to talk about this. However, it didn’t stop the conversation, because this person cares that much…
“I totally understand wanting to be supportive…because that is who you are, and the better to give than to receive thing is admirable… but you know what it is absolutely okay to be supported and to receive…I know you have supporters, the same people over and over…but damnit I makes me a bit mad…”
Finally, I found my voice…”I know…and sometimes it does irk me, but I cannot mandate that…I am blessed beyond measure and I know…I am thinking about changing some things, working on that…”
They looked at me quizzically, because they know me and they know that I will continue to do a lot of stuff. But, they also know that when I am done…I am done.
I guess that is why I always pay my own way, don’t l like owing anyone anything and when I decide to do something different, I won’t have any IOUs out there. I can usually fold up my tent and roll away, with a clean slate. What I also told this person who cares so much is that no one is stopping me from having or doing anything, whether they show up or not…the cupboards are still full, the blessings are still flowing. Also, I don’t keep tally boards, board with columns of ‘I did this’; ‘they did that.’ My goal is to do those things I can and to continue moving forward. I also said, ‘Because I don’t say anything doesn’t mean I’m not aware….’
But, I will say I am so glad, that occasionally someone will pull me up and remind me that reciprocity is not a bad thing…and I love and thank them for it….
Be PEACE…
angelia
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
SOMETIMES IT'S US
One of the hardest things to admit but the most freeing is that sometimes the problem lies within us. We are reluctant to admit and those around us, who love us don’t want to hurt our feelings. So we get to continue living in delusion…so here goes.
The reason you don’t have a job might not be because the economy is bad because you lie in bed until noon and expect the jobs to be waiting for you when you get there. Or you have quit so many jobs, that your resume is not conducive to being hired when there are so many looking for jobs. Or you are as a broke as Job’s turkey but feel too good to do the jobs being offered, nothing from nothing leaves nothing….
Maybe your books or other items aren’t selling because people are ‘hating’ on you, it could simply be because they aren’t interested in what you are writing, or they have seen or heard some of the things you are saying all over the internet and just, ‘Umm no, cannot support that.’ Because what people remember more than anything is ‘how’ you are, not what you are selling. And they may never tell you, but they will tell someone.
Maybe people aren’t supporting what you do because they feel you are always asking for what you aren’t willing to give. Or they have come to not believe anything you say, because you have dropped the ball on them many times and always have an excuse about something. Most people will only believe you once, maybe twice if you have the same old story about why you haven’t done this that or the other. They may nod and even commiserate, all the time, thinking, ‘Lying, so and so…
Does any of this sound familiar?
I know for myself that I have personally blocked my own blessings. When I first started writing there were so many things I wouldn’t do and had very good reasons for it. Hah! What I had to admit to myself was that my own fear was stopping me, not anyone else. I learned that I had to move me out of the way and get things done and I also had to learn that sometimes the blessings come through circuitous routes. Sometimes I might not sell any books at a venue, but someone who was there will come back later and ask me to do something else, which will then lead to selling books. And much of it has been how I presented myself. I have learned that if I act like I got it going on all the time and don’t need anyone, then no one will be there. Also, I learned that if my hand is always out in asking and not in giving then I end up with empty hands. We have to give to get and occasionally admit we have flaws to be seen as people worth supporting.
This isn’t a map or mandate for anyone to do anything, just the words of a woman who has learned a lot and is willing to share, because as I have said before, ‘You don’t have to go through everything on your own, you can sometimes learn and listen from those who have been there and done that…’
LOVE AND PEACE!
angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
The reason you don’t have a job might not be because the economy is bad because you lie in bed until noon and expect the jobs to be waiting for you when you get there. Or you have quit so many jobs, that your resume is not conducive to being hired when there are so many looking for jobs. Or you are as a broke as Job’s turkey but feel too good to do the jobs being offered, nothing from nothing leaves nothing….
Maybe your books or other items aren’t selling because people are ‘hating’ on you, it could simply be because they aren’t interested in what you are writing, or they have seen or heard some of the things you are saying all over the internet and just, ‘Umm no, cannot support that.’ Because what people remember more than anything is ‘how’ you are, not what you are selling. And they may never tell you, but they will tell someone.
Maybe people aren’t supporting what you do because they feel you are always asking for what you aren’t willing to give. Or they have come to not believe anything you say, because you have dropped the ball on them many times and always have an excuse about something. Most people will only believe you once, maybe twice if you have the same old story about why you haven’t done this that or the other. They may nod and even commiserate, all the time, thinking, ‘Lying, so and so…
Does any of this sound familiar?
I know for myself that I have personally blocked my own blessings. When I first started writing there were so many things I wouldn’t do and had very good reasons for it. Hah! What I had to admit to myself was that my own fear was stopping me, not anyone else. I learned that I had to move me out of the way and get things done and I also had to learn that sometimes the blessings come through circuitous routes. Sometimes I might not sell any books at a venue, but someone who was there will come back later and ask me to do something else, which will then lead to selling books. And much of it has been how I presented myself. I have learned that if I act like I got it going on all the time and don’t need anyone, then no one will be there. Also, I learned that if my hand is always out in asking and not in giving then I end up with empty hands. We have to give to get and occasionally admit we have flaws to be seen as people worth supporting.
This isn’t a map or mandate for anyone to do anything, just the words of a woman who has learned a lot and is willing to share, because as I have said before, ‘You don’t have to go through everything on your own, you can sometimes learn and listen from those who have been there and done that…’
LOVE AND PEACE!
angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
Friday, October 15, 2010
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED....
I was talking to someone yesterday who asked me to serve on a board of an agency that is about young women, I gladly said yes...young women is my ministry...
However, as I drove home, all I could think of was the upside-downdedness (I know that is not a word literatis) of this male female dynamic with the young people I I know...personally all the young women I KNOW in their twenties and thirties are making things happen, with the young men, umm not so much, the numbers are dire, actually....
Young women far outnumber young men in college, even high school graduation, and in minority communities the numbers are outrageous...
More women are becoming doctors than men...more women are climbing corporate ladders, what is up with that...
Is it the lack of fathers...surely that contributes, but what about the young men who had fathers, who were always there, why are they dropping out of school, unemployed are underemployed...is it racism...of course racism exists...
But what I am am seeing is not that in many cases...
In too many cases it is wanting easy...Walking off good jobs, not considering the children when making decisions, too many babies, in too many places...
It is feeling that the world owes something because mama always gave too much...
It is having no shame in allowing their women to pay for everything...
It is thinking with penises instead of brains...
And go on and say I am man bashing...I am not...
I am married to a hard working, MAN, who has always provided for his wife and children and only places God before them...and I know lots and lots of these men...
But far too many are not that and they have no excuses whatever,
Daddy was home...
Middle class lifestyles...
Education opportunities...
So if that is true and they still won't do,
Will somebody tell me WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED...SERIOUSLY
angelia...
However, as I drove home, all I could think of was the upside-downdedness (I know that is not a word literatis) of this male female dynamic with the young people I I know...personally all the young women I KNOW in their twenties and thirties are making things happen, with the young men, umm not so much, the numbers are dire, actually....
Young women far outnumber young men in college, even high school graduation, and in minority communities the numbers are outrageous...
More women are becoming doctors than men...more women are climbing corporate ladders, what is up with that...
Is it the lack of fathers...surely that contributes, but what about the young men who had fathers, who were always there, why are they dropping out of school, unemployed are underemployed...is it racism...of course racism exists...
But what I am am seeing is not that in many cases...
In too many cases it is wanting easy...Walking off good jobs, not considering the children when making decisions, too many babies, in too many places...
It is feeling that the world owes something because mama always gave too much...
It is having no shame in allowing their women to pay for everything...
It is thinking with penises instead of brains...
And go on and say I am man bashing...I am not...
I am married to a hard working, MAN, who has always provided for his wife and children and only places God before them...and I know lots and lots of these men...
But far too many are not that and they have no excuses whatever,
Daddy was home...
Middle class lifestyles...
Education opportunities...
So if that is true and they still won't do,
Will somebody tell me WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED...SERIOUSLY
angelia...
Saturday, October 9, 2010
LOVED TO DEATH - ROSA FERGUSON BLOGTOUR
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Rosa Elmore Ferguson is the author of LOVED TO DEATH: A Different Kind of Love Story and LOVED TO DEATH: The Truth Unfolds. LOVED TO DEATH: The City Speaks will be out in early 2011.
Born Infant Sleigh, Mrs. Ferguson, and adoptee, has been searching for her biology for over forty years. Rosa uses her writing to release the frustration and anger caused by failed attempts to find out who she is and where she came from. The author would like her readers to have a better understanding of what can happen when they become a part of an unsuccessful adoption triad.
Mrs. Ferguson is the proud mother of two sets of twins and currently resides in Olive Branch, MS with her husband.
In LOVED TO DEATH: A Different Kind of Love Story and the sequel, LOVED TO DEATH: The Truth Unfolds readers are introduced to a fictional Gaston City, Indiana and will see it through the eyes of Morosa Denise McKinley. Morosa is the adopted daughter of Morrow and Rose McKinley. Adoption, love, murder and intrigue seem to rule the day with the underlying theme being the pitfalls of adoption and what happens when a person isn't allowed to know the truth about themselves. These are the first two books in the LOVED TO DEATH short story trilogy
Follow the author along her virtual blog tour and as she chats with readers about her books and the challenges she faces in finding her roots. Enter for a chance to win a copy of LOVED TO DEATH: A Different Kind of Love Story and LOVED TO DEATH: The Truth Unfolds courtesy of the author. The winner will be announced at the end of the tour. Please visit the author’s website at www.RosaFerguson.com. .
Now, let’s have a conversation with Rosa about her books and her quest to find her biology. Leave a comment and be a part of the conversation.
Friday, October 8, 2010
WHERE IT COMES FROM
A couple days ago I was talking with an elder and she told me, "You are now where you were headed.." For the first time I didnt have to ask her what she meant, because I felt it also.
I recall being a young child and listening to people whisper about me, "she has been here before," "you know she special, she was born with a veil over her face." "Lawd, she so grown," Ouch...I didnt want anything to do with all that, just wanted to be a kid.
However, life and God always has other plans...he took me through a childhood that was sometimes filled with trauma, placing me in situations that I would say no child should be in...however, I now know that it was preparation for the work I was here to do...
No one really understood, how I walked through that mess on 20th Ave for three years with my head high and my dignity intact,and not giving in to what was going on around me, sometimes having to literally fight my way through...
Or how by thirteen I was working a job and maintaining a GPA...
Or how not completing college to get married made any sense for the smart girl...
Or going back to college with two kids, a soldier husband, and a full time job was even necessary...
Or choosing to write books that grew as I grew...
I can honestly say that sometimes I didnt know where it all came from, I was often all alone in being me...
But now it seems that day by day and layer by layer it is being revealed, God is whispering in my soul, "You waited for me, didnt take your eyes off me, didnt fall for the easy way, NOW I will breathe life into your dreams..."
That my LOVES is where it comes from!
angelia
I recall being a young child and listening to people whisper about me, "she has been here before," "you know she special, she was born with a veil over her face." "Lawd, she so grown," Ouch...I didnt want anything to do with all that, just wanted to be a kid.
However, life and God always has other plans...he took me through a childhood that was sometimes filled with trauma, placing me in situations that I would say no child should be in...however, I now know that it was preparation for the work I was here to do...
No one really understood, how I walked through that mess on 20th Ave for three years with my head high and my dignity intact,and not giving in to what was going on around me, sometimes having to literally fight my way through...
Or how by thirteen I was working a job and maintaining a GPA...
Or how not completing college to get married made any sense for the smart girl...
Or going back to college with two kids, a soldier husband, and a full time job was even necessary...
Or choosing to write books that grew as I grew...
I can honestly say that sometimes I didnt know where it all came from, I was often all alone in being me...
But now it seems that day by day and layer by layer it is being revealed, God is whispering in my soul, "You waited for me, didnt take your eyes off me, didnt fall for the easy way, NOW I will breathe life into your dreams..."
That my LOVES is where it comes from!
angelia
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Refocusing, Siztaz and Stuff!
It has been more than a minute since I had the time to ramble anything…but all things in good time…my ‘New Year’ jumped off to a running start. Spent the weekend of October 1-3 in Atlanta with my RAWSISTAZ and it was a blast. Met many of the people who I speak to online almost daily; Met Tee who has been championing my books for years and so many other of the Sistaz, I refuse to name,for fear I will forget someone and they were all equally important to me in different ways. I was also very pleased to meet LA Banks and learn what true graciousness is from someone so well-lauded and accomplished, also got to meet the amazing Daniel Black, author of Perfect Peace, They Tell Me of A Home and The Sacred Place. His reading, singing and spirit are as wonderful as his writing. And it was also great to let people know me…it is always better to feel a person in person…true sisterhood was felt and enjoyed by all of us…
After returning, the MAN and I went home to be with my mother–in-law for a medical procedure…it was awesome even to sit in a hospital waiting room and talk with family…so wonderful how there were seven of us who were there the whole day to be there…also was nice to see how attentive my MAN is to his mother…Be Still My Heart…
As for my writing, I realized that I have to refocus my energies, I am very pleased to have written 10 books in less than five years, but I know that I need to focus on getting out the message of:
RE-Rambled: Food and Thought
That is my ministry and I have come to realize that there are many young women out there and some not to young who can really benefit from me taking my time and focusing on them. So it will be….
I AM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS THING I DO…AND HAVE IT DO WHAT IT DOES!
GOD BLESS!
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
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