Angelia Vernon Menchan

Angelia Vernon Menchan is an author, publisher and public speaker who owns two publishing companies, MAMM Productions and Honorable Menchan Media. Mrs. Menchan is also a Budget Officer and former Job Corps Counselor. To date she has published twenty-three books of her own work, both fiction and non-fiction and more than eighty ebook novellas on amazon.com. You can access her bibliography on www.amazon.com search words: Angelia Vernon Menchan




Contact information:
Website: http://acvermen.blogspot.com
Email: acvermen@yahoo.com
Phone numbers: 904 714 2272 904 303 2679

Friday, October 15, 2010

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED....

I was talking to someone yesterday who asked me to serve on a board of an agency that is about young women, I gladly said yes...young women is my ministry...

However, as I drove home, all I could think of was the upside-downdedness (I know that is not a word literatis) of this male female dynamic with the young people I I know...personally all the young women I KNOW in their twenties and thirties are making things happen, with the young men, umm not so much, the numbers are dire, actually....

Young women far outnumber young men in college, even high school graduation, and in minority communities the numbers are outrageous...
More women are becoming doctors than men...more women are climbing corporate ladders, what is up with that...

Is it the lack of fathers...surely that contributes, but what about the young men who had fathers, who were always there, why are they dropping out of school, unemployed are underemployed...is it racism...of course racism exists...
But what I am am seeing is not that in many cases...
In too many cases it is wanting easy...Walking off good jobs, not considering the children when making decisions, too many babies, in too many places...
It is feeling that the world owes something because mama always gave too much...
It is having no shame in allowing their women to pay for everything...
It is thinking with penises instead of brains...

And go on and say I am man bashing...I am not...
I am married to a hard working, MAN, who has always provided for his wife and children and only places God before them...and I know lots and lots of these men...
But far too many are not that and they have no excuses whatever,
Daddy was home...
Middle class lifestyles...
Education opportunities...
So if that is true and they still won't do,
Will somebody tell me WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED...SERIOUSLY

angelia...

17 comments:

Phe said...

I want to know too!!

Shelia G said...

I wish I had the answer. Some want the world to hand them stuff on a silver platter. The world doesn't owe them anything. They don't want to work for things and will get mad if you call them lazy. I could go on and on. It's upsetting to see.

Wana said...

Great question and I wish I knew the answer. I don't think it can be blamed just on the lack of fathers being present. I think it also has to do with the lack of the "village" assisting and raising the community. That's the question. When and why did everyone get the "Don't you dare tell my child what to do" attitude and how can we get away from it.

Shai said...

How ironic. On Facebook, a local author is talking about how black women don't have enough black men to support them.

I want to know too. It is saddening how many boys/men are wandering around and doing nothing productive.

@Wana: The thing is we don't have shared values so many people don't trust others to say anything to their children.

Linda Chavis said...

I wish I knew...

Angelia... said...

Well it seems we are all a wondering...there are so many programs, et al. and still nothing seems to work...

Shai said...

It seems every single conversation, I get into about this subject, there is finger pointing and no real answers or solutions.

Sharon said...

That's a million dollar question to which I wish I had the answer.

@Wana...so true! Today is soooo different when I was growing. When we were caught doing something wrong, it wasn't wait until your mother get home....we got it right there from the neighbors.

Hope said...

Good post. I wish I knew. I do think that to some extent this behavior and irresponsibility has become the "norm" for many; so it will take very hard work by many to change things.

Angelia... said...

Shai,
I hope I am not pointing fingers, I seriously want to know it is impacting families, including my family and communities at large. I seriously would love to know what to do and as Hope says it is going to be lots of work over a long period of time...

Notorious Spinks said...

When ya'll get the answer please share with me. Pleaseeeeeeeeee!

Angelia... said...

O Notorious one, I will, I will... but I am telling you there are so many programs through where my husband works, young brothers not showing up for it. Last year there was a program for environmental jobs and microsoft offered free technical training. Hundreds of opportunities and no show. I have seen my husband almost weep at the lack of motivation and support and hundreds of thousands of dollars going to others.

Shai said...

Angelia, you have not pointed a finger. I have had online and face-to-face conversations, that have gotten heated saying it all one gender's fault and so on. Whew! SMH.

I want to know too.

D.J. McLaurin said...

I grew up in a female dominated family...my mother had nine daughters, her sisters had as many daughters, she had all sisters and only two brother...Unfortunately, I look at every male in my family down to my nephews, and they are beautiful (even gorgeous), talented, briliiant....spoiled, bratty, arrogant b*&%$es! They are an example of what is happening to the male population in gerneral...too much pampering by mothers and absolutely being "kept" by women who have in their heads that a good man equals great looks, by women who are held prisoner by the hype that there is such a shortage of available men, and that females of other races are "taking" "our" men, that if they don't keep him happy by any means necessary...going so far as to "share" him with others, turning their faces away from the truth and their pride... he will leave them for another (as if that wouldn't be a blessing). The absence of men play a large part in that women have had to take on the rearing of men...and many of us are rearing them the way we raise young women. My youngest brother can be a male model, he's so gorgeous. He currently lives in a mansion with a beautiful woman and three beautiful children...and he has not worked a real job a day in his life (other than photo-copying legal briefs for attorneys when he was younger). His wife complains that things are tight, but is so aftraid to ask him to cut back, or help out, that they now risk losing their beautiful mansion...and he still won't look for work. I love him, but I don't understand. I don't have sons, but I took my sisters son at age 13 because he was going so astray. He went into the military to get away from my husband's rules. Came out (there was a mess about that), went home to his mother...now he's living with her again, only with five children and a going-nowhere job. Another beautiful face with a wasted future. I argued with a friend of mine yesterday because she just went on a cruise with a married man, and she claims to be a christian woman. He's been telling her for three years he's getting a divorce. He has no children and no property except a house. She says his wife is fighting the divorce. Fighting what? There are no custody or property issues. Anything else, the judge will simply make a decision. He will use her as long as she allows it, because that is what we are allowing our men to do. It's a trickle down affect.

D.J.

Angelia... said...

DJ my Sista...you hit the nail on its head and oh so welll...

amen

Shai said...

So D.J. you are saying that we are loving our sons and raising our daughters and it has got out of hand?

DJ McLaurin said...

I'm saying we're spoiling our sons and teaching our daughters to tolerate less than they're worth. When we "keep" our men and take all kinds of crap off them (especially a problem when it's abuse of any kind), we train our daughters that that is acceptable and we possibly breed another generation of enablers. When we allow our sons to sleep past morning while we're up and getting ready for work or church, leave them prepared meals when they haven't earned it, turning our heads when they talk back, skip school, don't clean their rooms or perform other chores, or pretend to look for jobs...yet we buy them fly clothes and let them drive our cars...We're teaching them that they don't have to work and they have trouble holding jobs (they walk off when they're mad or show up late because they're used to being allowed to sleep late, etc.). Parents used to be a little tougher on boys because they knew girls might marry and be supported, but boys were expected to grow to be the providers. Now we train our girls to be self sufficient so that they're not trapped by trifling men, but we fail to do much about the trifling boys that are becoming the trifling men. Girls are taking the power they learned from their mothers and giving it over to their men.
The male species affect mothers differetly, and the rules aren't often enforced, even when we know what they are(just like in our relationships) because our boys take the place of our missing men in our hearts. We're wired to "care" for our men and "train" our daughters. Without our men there for balance in the child rearing, we create pampered men and pampering daughters. We've got to find replacement male role models for BOTH our boys and our girls WHILE THEY ARE VERY YOUNG INTO ADULTHOOD. It's almost useless to start trying to find a mentor for them when they are teens and largely formed.