Angelia Vernon Menchan

Angelia Vernon Menchan is an author, publisher and public speaker who owns two publishing companies, MAMM Productions and Honorable Menchan Media. Mrs. Menchan is also a Budget Officer and former Job Corps Counselor. To date she has published twenty-three books of her own work, both fiction and non-fiction and more than eighty ebook novellas on amazon.com. You can access her bibliography on www.amazon.com search words: Angelia Vernon Menchan




Contact information:
Website: http://acvermen.blogspot.com
Email: acvermen@yahoo.com
Phone numbers: 904 714 2272 904 303 2679

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Disassociation...

I have struggled with this post for several days,
But since I couldnt shake it, I figured may as well put it out there,
As many of you know, most of my conversations and insights are with and come from young people,
A few days ago one of the young people in my life asked me,
"Why don't poor black folks and middle class black folks get along, even within families."
Damn!
After swallowing down a lump, I said,
"There are many reasons, with I think FEAR, being one of the bigger ones..."
"Fear of what..." This child was working me....
"Fear of association, fear of judgement, fear of many things. So many middle class Black folks are only a generation and a couple of paychecks from being poor and that is what makes them afraid. Also, when negative images are splayed all over the news it makes them afraid they are going to be associated, thus the disassociation."
"Well, it sure does feel like a dis, most of the time."
"What do you mean?"
"Well at school, the upper girls look down their noses at us, and sometimes when we are out, I see the women look like that at my mom." I felt her pain down to my very bones. "Was it like that when you were young?"
"Not so much, but there were some divisions, but what helped most, was where I grew up we all basically lived in the same neighborhoods, Drs., Lawyers, Funeral home owners, lived a few houses down for postal workers, janitors and maids. So there was more of a sense of community. Now we are more divided by addresses and zip codes so it does appear more divisive."
"What stops you from being like that?"
"Like what?" I knew damn well what she meant, I was stalling.
"All upper-acting."
"Baby, some would say that I am. But the simple truth is that I choose my associates by their hearts and actions not by the size of their houses, the cars they drive or clothes they wear. I tried to raise my kids the same way. Not only that but my family runs the gamut, some have much and always have, others have less and always will, and to disassociate myself would in many ways mean to not be with my family, that isnt an option for me. I will say, however, that I don't tolerate nonsense and don't buy into victimization."
"Oh, okay..."
"What brought this on?"
"I was just thinking about it. I see both sides. I live in the hood, around mostly poor folks, some good, some not so good. At school, I am around more uppers, some good and some not so good. And I know that it's a person by person thing."
"You are absolutely right and as long as you keep that in mind, you should be okay when you become all upper." Smiling at me, she nodded.
Out of the mouths of babes...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

6 comments:

Gwyneth Bolton said...

Great post, Angelia! Class is the last big dividing factor that we still don't talk enough about in this country, let alone our black communities. The younger sister that you mentored sounds like she has it together though. ;-)

Gwyneth

Angelia... said...

Yes, Class is a huge divider, what is real sad is how in manifests itself within families...

blessings,
angelia

JC Martin said...

I am sad to have to agree with that child. When my husband and I started dating back in our teenage years, I heard this type of thing about his family. How many people didn't care for them because they were well to do. The funny thing it included some of his family members. I could not believe it, they didn't seem well off to me because Mom and Dad both worked a job. I thought they were parents doing what was needed, taking care of their family. One view two different visions.

Angelia... said...

Jen,

Jealousy and Envy are the Cancers of the Soul, I ignore a great many comments, because you just can't entertain the nonsense and you are right, most are working people trying to have something,

blessings,
angelia

Yasmin said...

out of the mouth of babes is right.,..but sis I do remember this..."Not so much, but there were some divisions, but what helped most, was where I grew up we all basically lived in the same neighborhoods"
I miss those days...and in some regards I wish I could have them back...but unfortunately black folks today ain't the same black folks I grew up with...just because you were poor back in the day didn't mean you turned to illegal activities to get ova...folks had morals regardless of their circumstances...I look at inner cities today and think...'but by the grace of God' I'm glad I don't call them home...because black on black crime is unfortunately alive and well and killing us!
xoxo

Angelia... said...

Yas,
I miss them too...

blessings,
angelia