The theme of my new book tour has become, 'Saying No To Others, Means Saying Yes to You'...I wrote it in my book and on my dedication page and it works...people are feeling it, and simply, it's the truth. For whatever reason, women are taught they must say yes and acquiesce to whatever we are asked to do. Be it for our parents, our mates, our children, family and friends we feel that saying no is negative.
Well I am here to tell you that saying NO is not only neccessary it is empowering...because once we say no and stick to it, we start to own ourselves...
I have been asked how did I learn this and I tell them I for whatever reason always knew...
As a fifteen, sixteen, seventeen year old in the early seventies, when 'Free Love' reigned supreme, and it was cool to get high or drunk, I knew that didn't work for me....
Having a town full of people know me carnally wasn't an option...
Also, being inebriated and out of control was not either...
I didn't have a speech for anyone, many of my closest friends, felt and did differently and I allowed them to, they also respected me for my choices...
I really didn't have to say no a lot, my rep spoke for itself...
I had lots of dates and male attention, but they knew it was all about dancing,
talking, having fun and taking me home...intact, at the end of the night....
Talking to a woman the other day about my book, she asked me if my just say no theme in "Is No Not Clear Enough For You?, going to set back women's sexual power...
I looked at her, waiting for the punchline...when none was forthcoming....
I had to tell my sister, that saying no to teenage sex is not setting back a damn thing, except unwanted pregnancy, chlamidia, Hiv and other communicable diseases. I had to unleash on her the facts that most new cases of HIV is African-American women, that a great percentage of single parent households are led by teenaged girls, which translates in many cases to poor disenfranchised women, who many times spend the whole of their lives POWERLESS, waiting on babydaddies to dole out change for their children....Negress Please...
She smiled....nodding as though those things had never occurred to her...
So I continued by saying that to own onesself, the ability to say no to anything that isn't right for you is TRUE POWER, be it sex, drugs, poverty, or compromised opportunities and in Malaaka Green, I simply wrote a sixteen year-old character who saw what was going on around her and decided that the only person who would be responsible for Malaaka was Malaaka, she never tells anyone what to do, she simply knows that to compete in this world, she needs to do what fills her spirits and leaves her with clear cut choices....What in the World is More Powerful than that?
Blessings,
angelia
IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
www.authorsden.com/angeliavmenchan
14 comments:
'Saying No To Others, Means Saying Yes to You'...
I love it! And that woman talking about setting women's sexual power needs to understand the key word is "women". Teenagers are still young and need to develop the kind of self awareness, preservation and estime that would help them have real sexual power when they are old enough to handle it. Imagine what the numbers for women of color and HIV/AIDS would look like if we really started teaching young women the power of "Saying No To Others, Means Saying Yes to You." Great post, sis! Go on and spread that girl power!
Gwyneth
So I continued by saying that to own onesself, the ability to say no to anything that isn't right for you is TRUE POWER,
AMEN...that's POWERFUL! Just like I don't let anyone steal my joy I don't believe I should let anyone still my power. The only thing I have control over is me...and you best believe that as a work in progress I'm always striving to do me without hurting anyone else...but if me saying no...when it's right for me...hurts someone else...then that's their issue and not mine.
That is my mission Gwyneth, my absoulute mission that is why I am taking this tour to schools, girl centers, youth camps, job corps and anywhere young women are who need to hear the message! And that is exactly write sexual power is for women, grown women...
Yas,
that is exactly correcto...we had better say no and own ourselves...
Blessings, and Love
angelia
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I recently learned the power of saying NO. I needed that small word so much... it ain't even funny. OH Lawd, when I said it to my mother, I thought she was gonna choke slam me, but I found out that while I'll always be her little girl, I am also a grown woman and she must accept that too. It's worked so far.
Thanks Mama Deep...for the validation
G-Nice
G-Nice,
that is what The Deepest Mama is here for...
smooches,
angelia
letta sista know if you are ever in Cleveland! We have a few young women's groups that would surely be inspired by you!
Hopefully,
in the next year I can make that happen...thanks for an idea!
blessings,
mama deep
I'm glad no one was preaching this whan I was a teenager....I would have stayed a virging until I was 19 Hold up! "scratching my head" I was 19 when I finally got me some ...lol
Anyway I appreciated your words of wisdom and will definitely pass them on...
Mr. Slish,
You are too funny...glad you stopped by...
blessings,
angelia
Excellent stuff! There is so much power in 'No.'
Big thanks to Gwyneth for pointing out these excellent blog entries on her blog too.
THANKS, KimberAn,
I appreciate your comments and Gwyneth is AWESOME...and so SUPPORTIVE...
blessings,
angelia
Those words are powerful and every woman should take heed. How can we be there for other people; if we continue to let them use us up. How can we truly love someone else, if we neglect ourselves?
Shelia,
that's my mission, to get the word out there...
blessings
angelia
Empowered! What I find so awesome about this piece is its authenticity. Still I find that men understand "No" perfectly - in fact they are used to it. It's women who have the hardest time with other women telling them "No." Still I've learned to "SAY YES" to me If my "girlfriends" are offended then I remind them of the Dr. Seuss quote.
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