HAPPY BIRTHDAY DR. KING!!
Why do we have to qualify things to do with us?
I ask this question, ironically on the birthdate of Dr. Martin Luther King...
I love listening to young people, they have the freshest language and are always inventing....
However, a few days ago, at church I was walking the halls and a group of young men passed by,
At the same time a young lady sashayed past,
I knew their necks would swivel in admiration, she was a goddess, stunning...
BUT,
What they said startled me...
'She sure is pretty and fine to be so dark'
Surely, I had heard wrong, but another chimed in,
'Yeah, she fine alright but she too dark.' I was stunned, could not believe that in 2008 young men were,
QUALIFYING...
A young sister's lovliness, based on her skin color,
Not only that but these were young men born in 1991 at the very earliest...
I couldn't even respond,
In talking to one of my girls, she laughed in my face when I expressed my shock...
Telling me I might not know what it was to be QUALIFIED with my brown skin and curly hair...
She hurt my feelings, no one had said that to me in thirty years...
But I listened to her...then she asked me hadn't I ever been QUALIFIED and I realized I had...
For different reasons...
Mostly by folks who would say things like 'Smart for a Black Girl"
My first experience with that was in sixth grade...
For the prior five years I had been cocooned in the warm embrace of a neighborhood Negro school,
Where I was nurtured, valued and cared for...
But once moving over,
I found myself the topic of conversations and a lot of what looked like awe, surprise even a bit of anger...
Didn't mean a thing to me, I was just doing, what I was doing baby...
The first time someone articulated it to me I was in ninth grade,
My English teacher, Mrs. Weaver handed me a stack of Black Literature as I sat in the library...saying...
'Angelia, please read these, you read so well for a Black girl.'
Glancing at them, I handed them back, respectfully, saying..
"I have read all of these, but thank you, and Ms. Weaver I don't mean any disrespect, but I read well, PERIOD.' Her eyes held mine, mine held hers...finally she nodded walking away...
I know she meant no harm and meant for me to feel proud, special or something,
But I knew right then and there, I was not going to allow anyone to QUALIFY me...
Please///
Because when someone has to add a handle to something in that way,
They are in some way trying to diminish what you have and who you are...
When I see that young man again, I plan to tell him that, the young woman is BEAUTIFUL...PERIOD...
Love and Blessings,
angelia
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
8 comments:
I see this everyday at the high school i work at. Young ladies of a darker complexion are trying to dress more provocative to get the attention they so desire from the young men. I try on a daily basis to talk to them, encourage them, and let them know that they are beautiful inside and out no matter what their skin tone is and dressing provocative is not the way for they will only gain the wrong attention and a name for themselves; Now i can add "why qualify." I have a beautiful chocolate 9 yr old daughter whom thought i was mixed because i'm lighter than her. I told her the story of how i always said "one day i'm going to have me a chunky chocolate baby" and when she was born my prayers were answered. I'll never forget the sparkle in her eyes and the smile that brightened the room. After this she has so much confidence and when kids at school make smart comments about her complexion she tells them "I'm beautiful, I love myself, and why don't you try doing the same." Yes she's a confident, feisty little thing and i pray daily she remains that way. Thank you for this blog because now i have a little more to add when i talk to these beautiful sistas! God Bless
She sure is pretty and fine to be so dark'
Yeah, she fine alright but she too dark.
Smart for a Black Girl
Honey chile, honey chile...you took me back about 15 years when I SURELY heard all these and more...I was even nicknamed Darknetta...
Even to this day, when I go on job interviews... or speak to someone other than a black person... they are impressed with whatever falls from my mouth...and though I want to believe it's because I look like a youngin... I know the truth is... I'm an African American woman and I'm supposed to talk a certain way and only know certain things. Oh and don't let me be in my hood talking intelligently...I'm stuck up then... I done crossed over.
So many times I've wanted to scream at folks...letting them know that all black people aren't ignorant and can't speak... just as all white people aren't smart and can speak.
When people say things like that to me now, I ask them what they mean. Most have no answer, though it's apparent. While I can't be a spokesperson for ALL blacks, I damn sure will take up for myself... come hell or high water.
I know what you mean... all too well
luv ya mama deep and Happy Birthday Dr. King!
G-Nice
Sadly, its like this here too. The lighter skinned girls are automatically looked at as beautiful even when they might not be. I think because these youngsters see the women in the videos are usually light-skinned, they are associating beauty with the color oa the girl's skin.
It's up to the older women in their lives to teach them that beauty comes in all shades and sizes.
Msyonnie,
I am telling you it is mad work, we have to reinforce worth and beauty until we are speechless...
G-Nice,
I love you too baby, and we all have to stand firm in our defense of self....always
Shelia,
we do indeed have to reinforce it, and explain that people who qualify beauty in that way are often struggling with their own beauty...
Thanks all you!
Love and Blessings,
angelia
It so sad that this is still going on... Damn.
Gwyneth
Damn! is right and it's way past sad!
blessings,
angelia
My people, My people...it saddens and appalls me that some 50 years after the Civil Rights movement my people still have so much self-hate, and low self-esteem...which is what these young men and anyone who can't embrace all shades of our rainbow...in this day and time.
It saddens me that parents and so called role models don't do a better job of informing that we need to love all God's children...WITHOUT ANY CONDITIONs or QUALIFIERS.
Ladies, it appears that our work is still cut out for you...one child at a time...one nuccahead at a time...sigh.
xoxo
Yas,
it saddems me to, the thing is until people know better, they won't do better...
smooches,
angelia
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