Transforming....

Last night as I was finishing up my rough manuscript,
I thought about the subtitle of my new book,
Shae's Story: A Woman's Transformation:
And I thought about my own transformation,
Especially this decade,
So much has happened,
I lost my mother,
Released my children from the nest, freely,
Wrote a few books,
Got my spiritual house in order,
Now I once again sit on the cusp of transformation,
Understanding that a lot of what I have been doing has been simply,
A time consuming expenditure of precious time,
And while I would do most of the things I have done, the same way,
There are many things I have learned that I need to do differently,
And in different ways,
In order to bring different, better results...
Last month,
I was in Atlanta, having lunch with a friend,
We were talking about our work journey,
All that we had been through,
The promotions, the job changes,
The people who have come and gone,
I looked into her serene, beautiful, fifty-something face,
She smiled, I smiled,
And she said something that touched me and probably propelled me in some way,
She said, "Isn't it nice to be in this place where it is no longer about schmoozing, networking or proving...where we can simply do our best work and go home at the end of the day to men who love us, knowing our kids are doing their own thing?"
My exact words were,
"Yes ma'am, it really doesn't get much better than that, let's allow the youngsters to do it!"
We both looked at the significantly younger woman sitting with us,
She was smiling, ready to take it on....

Smooches,
angelia

Write, Again...

Yesterday I wrote eight chapters of Schae’s Story…
Sat down and wrote until I was done with what was in my head…
I usually start writing a book right at the point, I am ending another…
So, I actually started to write this book in November,
I wrote a few chapters, sat it down and moved on,
For the past five months I would pick it up sporadically,
Write a few pages, sit it down, sometimes for weeks,
And it wasn’t because I didn’t love the story,
I do,
Not because my muse wasn’t working,
Or the story wasn’t there,
Wasn’t that at all,
I knew where I was going,
It was basically the aforementioned,
Over-scheduling and over obligated,
Yesterday for the first time in years,
I woke up with a clean calendar,
I was stunned by all the red ink, but pleased as punch,
Of course I had to go to work,
But other than that I had de-listed myself,
Had given myself room to do what I loved doing,
And though it had been a bit scary at first,
Because reinvention ain’t easy,
But it sure is necessary,
Yesterday I sat at my desk,
Eating my barbecue chicken during lunch,
And read the newspaper,
While listening to music,
Instead of answering a bunch of emails or working on tasks,
When I got home,
I didn’t go check emails, or even open snail mail,
Don’t owe a bunch of folks so mail could wait,
I sat on the couch for about an hour with my head back,
Chilling,
After a leisurely evening,
When I came to a place where I was tired,
I didn’t force myself to go further,
I went to bed…
Because I knew tomorrow was another day,
I could get used to this…

Love and Blessings,
Angelia
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

Slowing Down...

Those of you who come by Ramblings regularly have probably noticed my posts have slowed way down the past couple of months,
And that saddens me a bit, because Ramblings is one of my favorite things to do,
It allows me to clear my head, share my thoughts and at times even vent,
Every now and then I have even said things that made sense,
Well as we (women) are sometimes inclined to do,
Once we become overwhelmed and tired,
We give up those things we love to do,
We continue to meet our obligations,
And say yes to the multitude of things and people that cross our paths,
That has certainly been true in my case,
Somewhere around the end of the year,
I felt myself running out of what I needed to sustain myself,
But I continued to say yes to everything and sundry,
That came along,
At work I have been doing the job of three for over a year,
Anytime anyone called with a project my hand was the first to go up,
And don’t let a young person have an issue,
Mama was on the case,
On the other hand,
I was writing sporadically, convincing myself that I needed to slow down,
When writing fills me with unbridled joy!
I was allowing books I would have devoured at one time to pile up on my floor and on my shelf, spilling over, unread,
In all arenas the things that filled my soul and gave me joy,
Were going undone,
Filled with have-tos,
The final straw was last week when I was too tired to get out of my bed for three days in a row,
I went to the doctor and she told me I was exhausted, dehydrated and running on empty,
She complimented me on clear eyes and nice skin,
Telling me that everything else was suffering,
Then because she knows me,
She asked about writing, mentoring and reading,
Tears filled my eyes,
Because I hadn’t been doing any of those things,
In the quantities required to sustain me,
I had become an automaton,
A machine,
I knew I needed to regroup, reassess and get me back to where I needed to be,
I also knew that ironically I would have to do what I have been telling others to do and had even written a book about,
I would have to say YES TO MYSELF, WHILE SAYING NO TO OTHERS…


Love and Blessings,
Angelia
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

All About Love! Susan L. Taylor

On Friday I went to a booksigning, for Susan L. Taylor, Essence Magazine, Editor Emeritus, and she was as gracious as she was regal and beautiful. I wasn't feeling especially good on Friday, fighting off fatigue and a viral infection. Everything in me told me to skip it, I could go by Gateway Bookstore and pick up the book anytime. But something motivated me to get my butt up and out. Originally, I was more interested in hearing about the mentoring challenge that had been issued in the state of Florida and which she was supporting. Anyone who has ever met me, talked to me or read my books or blogs know that I am a believer in the mentoring process. However, once she took the floor and started to speak, to share and to speak openly, I was no longer tired. Her message resonated within my overworked and extremely tired mind and heart. She spoke openly of her own experiences of being a woman, a mother, a wife, a former wife and a person in constant search of the light. It was clear the other seventy or so other people in the room was as touched as I, especially in a room filled with sisters. Something that brought a round of chuckles was when she spoke on how low she was feeling at a certain point in her life but how well she looked, the words, 'No one knows better how to look good when feeling bad caused every sister in that room to go, mmm hmmm. Today I finally picked up the booked and started thumbing through it and immediately I was taken in...the words of this sister truly touched my spirit...So thanks Ms. Taylor for being a committed warrior in this fight to save us and our children...Bless You and may you continue to Walk in Light!

Blessings,
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

Just Above My Head

I try to live Just Above My Head,
Staying spiritual and focused and not getting caught up or out,
Most days I'm successful,
When I struggle, I keep it to myself,
I'm not one for talking about, going around sharing it,
Because what I know for sure, is that sometimes add fuel to a fire,
And usually once I have prayed about and slept on it,
Things improve with rapidity...
What's interesting is that it has caused me to be labeled,
As Stoic, somewhat unemotional,
This morning I read a blog that touched on authors and reviews and how,
Sometimes authors will go to great lengths to have a review changed,
I was pretty astonished,
That has never occurred to me,
My understanding has been that when one places,
Themselves out there, the inherent risk is that someone will not feel what you have done,
A couple of months ago,
I recieved an email about a review I received,
I went over, read it, and moved on,
It was average,
Not bad,
Not great,
Once I read it, I was asked why wasn't I upset,
For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what I was to be upset about,
At that moment the unemotional word was tossed my way,
I had to ask would it have been better if Ihad shown my behind,
Acting up over words on a page,
I don't think so,
On the flip side, I went to an awards ceremony on Monday,
I received an Honor Award for job performance,
I was pleased, thanked the folks who had nominated me,
But once again,
People took exception to the fact that I wasn't cabbage patching,
In the hallways,
The word Stoic was used to describe my behavior,
Absolutely Fascinating...
I have come to the conclusion that in these days of reality TV,
Tell all biographies,
Talk show confessionals,
And everyone getting their fifteen minutes of fame via the Internet,
If one isn't just totally out there,
Sharing everything with everyone,
Saying look at me please,
Then they are missing out on something,
Well, give my portion to someone else,
I plan to continue to live,
JUST ABOVE MY HEAD...

Blessings,
angelia

Staying Connected...

I was talking to a young person recently and her question for me was;
"Why is it so hard to stay connected, once you have moved on?"
"Moved on how?"
"Just being different, wanting more, needing more, seeking better...growing."
I smiled because I felt her pain,
It is very difficult once you step out on that path that takes you places,
That possibly no one close to you has ever gone,
I told her that had been my story all my life,
Before I ever left home, I was always dancing to internal music, planning my departure,
Once I did leave,
I made a concerted effort to hold on,
Sometimes it was by the skin of my teeth,
Other times, try as I might I just couldn't do,
The effort was to emotionally costly,.
What I did tell her is to try really hard with those she really and truly loved,
And would want to visit and revisit and carry with her through her life,
But to also learn that a big part of growth is change,
And sometimes changing may unfortunately mean changing people,
I have seen the carcasses of people, who try to hold on,
Past the statute of limitations and all that's left is an exhausted frame,
Or they wake up one morning,
Wondering who the hell the person staring at them from the mirror truly is,
Because they are spending inordinate amounts of time trying to be all things to all people,
Or downsizing their dreams for fear of selling out or getting brand new...
I reminded her that the greatest truth is truth to self and to never allow anyone,
To stop her from striving for her best self,
And that when people try to rain on her parade,
To put on a slicker and carry a very large umbrella,
Because the surest sign that you are doing well is when the it's pouring down,
All around you,
But you discover you have found a way to stay dry,
And whenever possible take the high road, the route is more scenic and serene,
Because the low road is always full...
She looked at me smiling, saying,
"I think I understand all that"
'If you don't today, one day you will'
GODSPEED!

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Community Mothering...

Sometimes overlooked are the women who mother all the kids in their community whether they gave birth to them or not. I was community mothered and I am a community mother. My mom, Ora Lee gave birth to me, but a handful of women formed who I am. Mama Lee taught me to stand up for what I believed in and felt was right, even when others felt differently. I was allowed to have a voice so long as that voice was respectful. She would often tell me, ‘Speak your mind, but don’t forget who the mama is!’ To the day she died, she always made me know she was proud of me and my choices.
My Aunt Elouise taught me that hard work and financial integrity takes us a long way. Her mantra was to wake up early, get the work done, because that left more time for play. Also, that anything you purchased should be paid for and early. Finally, my godmother, Ms. Eva, was my role model for loving and nurturing children that we didn’t give birth to. All of the kids in the community were welcomed into her home. We sat at her feet allowing her to read to us and tell us stories of her extremely interesting life. She also was a realist, understanding that young people would always make mistakes and they needed a safe, loving place to go when they colored outside the lines.

I have found myself to be a community mother as well. I gave birth to Maurice II and Malik, however, my nieces and nephews are also my children. I find it my absolute responsibility to chastise them when they go astray and to applaud them when they do what they are supposed to do. The same has been true of any child I run into who needs an ear to listen, a heart to love or a few sharp words to correct. As a community mother I believe in tapping into those gifts a child has and working with them to hone them and when they find it, reminding them that to get anything done, they have to follow the credo, ‘Don’t talk about it, be about it.’

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we truly lived by the concept of it taking a village to raise a child and community mothered those, most in need. Oh what a legacy, indeed!


Love and Blessings,
angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
Is No Not Clear Enough For You?

Do You Know Those People...

Readers constantly ask me if I know the people in my books...
Millionaires like Black...
Women in love with two, unable to choose like Cinnamon,
Flawed but loving men like Brown,
Women who love women like Alexandra,
Sad young sisters who confuse love with sex like Kim,
Totally powerful, in charge of themselves young sisters like Malaaka,
Reformed bad boys like JacQuan,
And I say, Of course I do,
We all do,
Many people are in serious denial about the people in their lives,
Who their friends and families are,
Or from whence they have come,
Something that always calls me to belly laugh,
Is when I hear people, mostly Black Folks,
Who say,
'I dont know anyone like that'...
I say Negroes Please,
We all know all kinds of people,
Many of them are in our families,
Or friends, or live within us,
And denying them don't make it any less so,
There are so many folks who store many things in their closets,
Other than designer clothes and shoes,
Dealing with complicated situations as they go through this miasma,
Called life,
So what I have done is, and will continue to do is,
Listen to,
Remember,
Respect,
Embrace,
So that I can write about,
And give voice to those,
Who others pretend not to know,
And that's the Fictionalized Truth...

Smooches and Blessings,
angelia