I have always been under the impression that when someone asks for a favor,
That the askee…has refusal rights,
Because a favor to me is, ‘please can you do such and such and if you cannot, I understand…’
But it seems that I am totally misguided,
It seems nowadays when someone asks for a favor,
The only acceptable answer is yes,
Such as,
Can I use you?
Umm, sure absolutely….
All jokes aside,
I have found myself in the situation a lot lately,
Where someone asks for a favor and they are already making plans,
Based on my saying YES…
One case that sticks out in my mind is;
Last week a co-worker left an envelope on my desk,
In said envelope was a letter asking me,
If I would fill out the attached,
It also said, ‘If you choose not to, please do not discuss with anyone and dispose of…’
After reading it,
I knew that in good conscience,
I could not fill out the form,
First because of my role in the organization,
A bit of a conflict,
And because if I had done it honestly it would have not been totally favorable,
So I shredded it and went on with my day,
A few days later,
I was asked about it,
I explained my position and was told,
‘I can’t believe you, of all people wouldn’t do that for me…’
I knew what he meant,
He was using my race and gender,
Being a black female in a predominately white male agency,
But I was going to make him say it,
‘Me of all people…?’
His face colored and he said,
‘You know, you are such a civil libertarian….and my friend’
I hooted with laughter…good save,
‘Well, be that as it may, I didn’t feel it was appropriate, and I followed your instructions, and for the record, ‘my friend’, remember that a favor is a voluntary activity and that friends don’t compromise friends in such a manner…’
He nodded and looked away,
I walked away…
Haven’t had a conversation since,
But of course we will,
Or heck maybe we won’t…
I just wish folks would understand,
That using the ‘friendship card’…
Is just not good business…
And that a favor is just that,
A favor…
BE PEACE!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com
7 comments:
Last year, a very good friend was promoted to a Directors position. She informed me that she would advertise for a Lead Investigator and the salary and she wanted me to apply for the position. I though lonnnggg and hard about it and decided not to post for the position. Several weeks later, the position was posted and everyone talked about how I was a shoe in for the position. I never said a thing. Instead another friend that we both know applied and was given an interview. this friend bragged about how she did not plan for the interview 'cause she knew she would get the position. She did and now my friend, the director, is kind of sorry that she gave her the position.
I did not apply because I valued our friendship and I did not want to jeopardize that relationship. It has also caused her some crediablity issue and concerns, as Director, with regards to this friend.
Makes you wonder... was it really worth the favor?
Great post Angelia :-)
'Cilla,
thanks for sharing that, that is what I mean, gives truth to the saying, 'A friend in need is a friend indeed,' thus if you dont meet their needs, then what...
angelia
I never considered any of my co-workers friends, after one of these "Friends" almost cost me my life. literally.I was misdiagnose after I contracted viral meningitis.I was sent home after i was told i had a sinus infection. I was getting worst as the third day of the virus reek havoc on me. I was so sick, my head was busting open, the light was so offensive and my throat felt horrible,I throw up and lost 10pounds in those 3 days. I called my "Friend" and asked her to take me to the hospital, she said ok a half hour went by I called her back she said "Oh i forgot I loaned my mom my car" excuse me but how in the HELL do you forget where your car is, it took her 30min and for ME to call her back to "remember" she loaned her car to her mom. So from that day on, when someone would refer to me as a friend I'd nicely tell them, I'm not your friend we are co-workers and I don't have to be your friend on my application it did not say anything about friends, when I go home I don't think about you or this job...That may sound cold but I learned a lesson I was there to work not make friends. I respect people who respect me, but on the job friends not,I don't like the clicks or little gossiper, back stabbers and hater....none of them payed one of my bill's or kept me warm at night.I was so much more productive just being a co-worker.I only participated in job related incidents, I use to buy everything the co-workers would sell for themselves,children and church,when i brought something in to sell for my grandson they all cried broke, mind you we all got payed the same time...I cut that out I went to work did my job and left everything about my job on the job, now I work for myself...
Gayle,
my sister, I hear you, I remember when I was working for Job Corps, one of the women told me that she resented that I wasnt there to be friends...I was like, 'Woman, we are supposed to be here to help these young people...uhn uhn uhn...
angelia
I need to send this to several people. Would dispute a lot of assumptions and B.S.
Dera,
it sure would...
angelia
Thank you so much for this post! I learned a long time ago that work life and home life should not mix. Yes I can be your "friend" at work but that doesn't mean I want to hang out with you after work and you knowing all my business so you can share it with everyone else we work with.
It is best to leave work at work and home at home!
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