WHAT SAVED ME~

Someone close to me who knows me asked me what saved me,
I didn’t have to give a spiritual answer,
Because I knew the saved they meant wasn’t about my salvation,
But about me and my survival,
As my birthday approaches I think about my good childhood friend Sandra,
She was two days older than me and some even said we looked alike,
I was tall and she was short,
But she and I had the same reddish-brown complexion,
The same curly, wavy hair,
The same smart mouths,
And the ability to laugh at the absurd,
But the difference is that ten days before her birthday and twelve before mine,
She has been dead for several years,
Too many men, too many substances and too much life,
And I am here,
We lived next door to each other for a couple of years,
But at twelve, my mama moved us,
But even when living side by side we saw life differently,
My head was stuck in a book,
While she ran the streets,
My mama watched me like a hawk,
No one seemed concerned about her whereabouts,
She thought looks and boys brought happiness,
I already knew better than that,
So when we separated,
Our lives separated,
I would see her every now and then,
She dropped out of school,
Went to Job Corps,
Came back and had a good job,
But the pull of the WORLD,
Was in her,
I studied hard,
Ignored my raging hormones,
And lord knows they were raging and men were looking,
But~ I~
Stayed focused on what I needed to do,
No matter what was going on around me,
But what mostly saved me,
Was knowing at such an early age,
That ultimately the only person responsible for me was me,
And that having sex before being ready to deal with what that all meant,
Or drinking or drugging would not lead to a good place,
I wasn’t blind and didn’t feel invincible,
I could see where too much of all that could lead,
It was plenty obvious~
And I knew me,
I knew that anything that I indulged in I would probably do to excess,
So I decided to simply not partake until I was better equipped to deal with it,
What made me like that,
God only knows,
But I am so GRATEFUL~
Because I know for sure that instead of living this amazing life I am living,
That I too could be beat down by life,
Or lying in a grave somewhere,
Due to choices~

BE PEACE~
angelia