UNAPOLOGETICALLY, A SISTA!

This morning I stood in the mirror staring at my brown, shiny face…yes over fifty and face is still shiny…thought about what it means to be a SISTA…a BLACK woman…reminded of something my mama used to say, ‘I have been Black three times, I was a black baby, then a black child, now I am a black woman…’ WORD…and there are so many definitions and connotations that go with all that, that has nothing and everything to do with who I am, we are…

Yesterday, when I got home I sat down with my essence magazine and there was an article on Desiree Jones, the former social secretary of President Obama….she resigned from her post recently and the article explored the whys and the where-to-fores…mostly though it made the point that Desiree had been harshly judged and criticized mostly because she was unapologetically, a black woman…wow, unapologetically, that is fierce and so is Ms. Jones, when she got there, she was already successful, accomplished and mami is beautiful and flyyy…oh yes she is…and I know that flies in the face of what so many can and want to deal with…it seems that so many want us to not be so us, sometimes our men, our children and oh my God, the world at large…STRONG…PROUD…SHARP-TONGUED…AMBITIOUS…Yep it is true and it is hard, because we are also VULNERABLE, FRAGILE, PAINED….but within all that we shouldn’t have to apologize for being who and what we are and what we bring and are willing to do to have what we need and do what we must…

Made me reflect on my life, the many times I sat in classrooms and lecture halls and was the only sister there…and though no one really messed with me…there were whispers…’who does she think she is…attitude…haughty…uppity…different…’ Hmmphh…it also at times made me hide much of who I was or what I brought….for years dressed overtly conservative, face scrubbed clean of makeup…convinced myself it was enough to just be considered smart, egads, who needed to stand out in a crowd…dammit, I was already five’ ten” was that not standing out enough…ha…

By the time I got to the job I have now, 40 had come and go ne and I was tired of apologizing for being a Sista…check this…I can recall walking in almost eleven years ago, two inches of curly hair, my signature gold bracelets, bright red lip gloss and a slightly snug dress…there I was in an office of 99 percent Caucasian, jeans wearing, ubersmart folk and they didn’t have a clue…their first thing was to try to place me in the ‘typical black box’…that didn’t work…didn’t fit any of the stereotypes they could come up with…and I must admit that my demeanor indicated…”I was looking for a job when I got here and I can look for another…”

Once it was discovered they weren’t smarter or even more educated, then there was the big, ‘Let’s be friends…you are an acceptable black woman, not like the other one…’ now come on, what would that make me if I fell for that…I did learn to coexist peacefully and make some relationships that were real, but I was refusing to be tokenized and trotted out…no siree…as such, there were remarks made, questions asked…”Why do you dress up all the time…” My answer, “I want to…” Then there was, ‘Oh my God your son is so tall…do he play basketball?” My answer, “Umm sometimes but he mostly does music and has a 3.8 GPA…” "Ooo what a big ring..." Answer, "Yeah, nice ain't it..." SHEESH~

After being unable to change anything about an already grown, unapologetically Black woman, some chose to leave me alone and say what they had to say amongst themselves, the others accepted and appreciated and treated me accordingly because they realized as I had always known it was about the work, my capabilities and didn’t have a doggone thing to do with the color of my skin, my lips or the curve in my hips…Yes, I am unapologetically a SISTA…but I am also unapologetically hardworking and willing to earn my money…fair and square…so THERE…

Angelia…
www.angeliamenchan.com