We are what we allow…I know you are saying come again…well you know I plan to…we are what we allow…allow someone to treat you a kind of way and that is who and what you become…I encounter so many people, especially women, who buy into what their boyfriends, husbands, children, even parents say…and then they become that thing…
“You are fat and ugly, and no one will ever want you but me”…the man you love telling, you believing…might not be true, usually isn’t but buying into you have thus become…fat, ugly…
Don’t allow that, the first time someone says that to you, you have the unequivocal right to say, ‘No I am not, and don’t say that to me again…otherwise you and I will not be able to coexist peacefully…’ and then if it continues, move on…hard yes, necessary YES…
“If you don’t marry who I say or do it the way I did it, you are no longer my daughter, my son…” Ouch to heck…very painful…however as an adult you have the right to say…
“Mom, dad, I love you, God knows I do, however as an adult I will have to marry this person or have this career or raise my child this way because this is how God is directing me…” this of course doesn’t mean marry the first drug dealer or serial killer you meet, this is just common sense, grown up owning your own business…because you have my word that anyone who sends negative messages to an adult is trying in some way to control you…
Significant others do it because they are fearful that they may not be deserving of you and thus need to control and demean you…
Parents do it because they think they know best, when in some cases they have messed up their own lives, and what we as parents have to learn and accept is that our kids have as much right to mess up and learn from their mistakes as we did…
Many have asked me over the years how I learned to own myself and I tell them honestly, it was by learning that people who have my best interests at heart may advise me, but they don’t demean me, they may give their opinions, but they don’t tell me what to do, they may disagree with me but they don’t stop talking to me because we don’t agree, and they don’t say they love me and treat me as if they don’t…life is too damn short for that…so to be who God wants us to be we must, we have to be who HE determines us to be, not them…just RAMBLING…
BE PEACE….
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com
8 comments:
**Snif***
dont cry...:}
Fortunately for me I have always been me in every way possible. I don't allow for controlling and I don't control. I quickly lose respect for anyone who tries to make me be someone I am not. I cannot follow will only lead.
That's the thing I teach my children. They need to be leaders because following can lead to them losing themselves into others realities.
Wow...Jen, my hat is off to you, because I have certainly been controlled a time or two, even liked it at the time...whoo hooo...
angelia
We are sometimes controled the most by the very people who claim to love us.When I learned what true love is I took control of myself.If you don't love me like I love me,you can't and won't control me,love is notabout control.You can love me but never will you ever control me again...Smooches
anonymous...whoever you are :]
it is almost always those we love, no one else cares enough to even try...
angelia
Thank you so, so MUCH for posting this. I'm 46 years old and still struggling with the demeaning crap my dad dumped on me as a child.
Again, thank you. {{huggs}}
any time Tammy, thanks for stopping by...
angelia
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