Something we all need are support systems…those people we know are going to be there, no matter what occurs…those do or die people…from around age thirteen, I became the support system for a gang of people…some of which should have been mine, but that is another story for another day,,,
Part of who I am and what makes me the me I am is doing all I can to support others, be it my man, my sons, other family members, my friends…however, there are times when the supporters need support…and listen up, you have to listen really carefully….because supporter suck…at asking for support…they suck bad at it…because once a reputation is born…well you know…
I was talking to my man this morning, telling him I was a bit weary and he said…’I know…’ so I asked him, ‘Do you really…’ I could see him thinking…”what does this woman want me to say…” so shoot, I told him…
I told him that sometimes it is hard being a wife, mother, grandmother, budget analyst, deaconess, mentor, writer, publisher, bottle-washer, etc. I know he was thinking, “But, baby, no one tells you to do all those things…’ and he is absolutely right, but they sure do EXPECT it…and I own that too…about two years ago my team of five at work had dwindled to two…and most of the slack I was picking up…worked like a machine until one day I walked into my supervisors office and imploded, or maybe exploded…he was stunned and his exact words were…”Didn’t know you were stressed…you seemed to handle it so well…” At that moment I was mad at my mama, my aunts and my godmother, all those women who had taught me to work so hard and never let them see me sweat…because I realized in that moment that I had taken on too much and all I needed to do was say something….whew…from then on I was better, but I confess, I am still not there...a couple weeks ago one of my mentees got a new job and she sent me a message asking if she could ride in with me…my first response was sure…but upon thinking about it and weighing it I knew I should have said no…because it would mean leaving home at 5 am instead of 5:30 and on days when I wanted to work from home, having to get up anyway…so after much prayer…I told her I couldn’t do it…felt as though I had lost ten pounds…felt a bit guilty, but so much more powerful…baby steps…
There are a couple other things I need to scrape off my plate…but ii need to pray about it…and follow the guidance I am given…but in the mean time, beloved, if you see an aging diva struggling, feel free to offer some assistance…I assure that I will graciously accept….
Now go and purchase your copy of RE-RAMBLED: Food and Thought @ amazon.com or bn.com
angelia
12 comments:
Oh Angelia, I'm sure I will be you in my later years. My mother will tell you that I rarely ever ask for help. I may vent about something, but as for requesting help not my style.
I'm not quite sure what happened within my mental space so long ago, but I've been like this most of my life. I loathe asking for any type of help. Maybe I will change my mind one day.
BTW, I'm not afraid of saying "NO." I do it all the time. For every time I say yes, it's because I can and want to not. Not because I feel obligated or guilty. I guess that also goes with me not asking for help. If I can find a way to do it all, so should others.
Good for you Jen,
I can say no to many things, but anything I see as my RESPONSIBILITY...therein lies my struggle...
Smooches!
angelia
You are so true about supporters asking for help. How ca we when we are the ones doing the supporting.
Good of you to tell her she can't ride with you after you already said yes. In our eagerness be to supportive sometimes we respond to someone's need/request without thinking.
Others don't expect us to break and when we do they are shocked, as your boss was.
Be Blessed
Angelia, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this matter. Sis, the Lord is really working on me with this. I can give support like running water and I'm ok with that, but when I don't get it return, that's when the issues begin for. As I said the Lord is working on me and constantly reminding me that I can only control me and not others.
@Threadingalong...I had to for my own self...
@Jamie,
that is what I do darling...as best I can...
angelia
I really needed to read this today. Over the past year, I have been bombed with other people problems - and I have handled/solved them all. After taking the cruise, I realized how tired I really have been and i have been struggleing just to get back to some type of normal.
It is NOT my responsiblity to care and support so many and yet I don't have the same. Its scary aall the time... Can't say that I am getting there but I know I am pointed in the right direction.
Thanks for the Food for Thought/Smack in the Face :-)
Hey 'Cilla,
you know how I do...
kisses!
angelia
Angelia, I've struggled with saying no in the past but realized that some people will drain you dry if you let them.
Before I could even get out of the bed this morning, I got a phone call and had to tell someone no.
Sometimes I do find myself explaining why I say no to the person, when in fact, I don't owe them an explanation.
Shelia,
I know...@sighing@
It is hard to support a supporter. My grandma is one. Will complain that folks don't help or offer help. I offered to buy her lunch, she tried to pay, I said no, then asked what she wanted. Indecisive. SMH. It was like pulling teeth. Love her.
I don't have a problem saying no. Some look at me as mean. I am more standoffish. I know sometimes I need to be more helpful at times. I just know I don't want to get caught up in it. It is bad enough folks come to me when they need something, I rarely do that to them.
Thanks for this post. I came to this conclusion a while back and started to implement it. It works. I'm not there yet but better. I have learned that instead of getting mad at my husband for not offering to help with our toddler as much as I would like, I can just ask! Magic!!!
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