Different...

Lately I have heard this remark from so many people, “You are so different…I have never met anyone quite like you.” In my earlier years the remark irritated me…usually it was from the lips of a person of a different race…and I took it to mean they were trying to insult other black folks at my expense… Or… It was from a man… And I was convinced he was trying to ‘game’… For some years I tried extremely hard to have some semblance of sameness… Never seemed to quite work… I don’t follow trends for clothing… Who my friends are… Cars… What I eat… What I read… And so it seems for what I write… One of the things that has touched me most when people talk about my writing… Is when they say… “How Bold…” “Refreshing…” “Never read it quite like that before…” “Damn that’s different…” Now I love hearing it…embrace it…savor it…love it… I am not trying to be different for difference sake… I am just incapable of dancing to anyone’s tune but my own… I beat my own drum…dancing til I sweat… I write my own stories…without a single regret… I probably would do it differently…if I could… I simply can’t… Love and Blessings… Angelia acVernon Menchan

Defining Beauty...

The old saying ‘Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder’…still holds true today… But when trying to define beauty…make sure you…know whose eyes be holding you… I work in an office of thirty…there are two African-Americans, myself and a woman ten years older than me…when I came to work here eight years ago I was in my early forties…real early…most of them were late twenties to my age…varying sizes and hair colors, but to all of them the standard of beauty was under thirty, skinny, large breasts and if there was some blonde hair count it all joy… I on the other hand was over forty, five feet-ten inches tall, size sixteen, could squeeze in a fourteen but honey I was going for comfort and speed…I am maintained, natural hair, loves shoes and handbags and never, ever leave the house ashy or without perfume and a pedicure…and have never since age twelve to this very day…suffered from a lack of attention from the opposite sex…but what was so fascinating to me is these women would sit next to me or stand across from me, throwing out the word fat about women who wore a size ten, old to anyone over thirty, considering injections and the like, goodness gracious…I was so damn fascinated…every now and then they would glance my way and say, “Oh that Halle Berry sure is pretty…” I would smile saying, “She sure is…” A couple of years ago, I was returning from one of my infrequent lunches with a few of them and when we unloaded they headed to the door, I had to get something from my car. I had peeped a thirty-something brother standing there chatting on a cell phone… He was a got it going on corporate type…tall, dark, foine…in a real nice suit….umm hmm…anyway…I checked out my coworkers…there was some hair swinging, and skinny behind ringing going on…he didn’t look up…I smiled to myself… They stood in the door waiting for me…I casually strolled my late forties, abundant behind to the door…he told whomever was on the phone, “Hold up…” My brother rushed over, opening the door, I nodded a thank you…he replied, “No problem, any day anytime for a pretty woman…” Those women looked at me, then at each other…then at me again…unable to see what would cause that to occur, it wasn’t in any book they had read…giggling... We climbed on the elevator, silently going to our offices…one of them just couldn’t leave it alone…she came to my office asking all kinds of questions, such as did I know him, what did he say…after several minutes I turned to her asking, “Are you trying to insult me?” Her face colored, her eyes not quite meeting mine... “Of course not…it’s just that…” “Say no more, it is just that you my dear have been sold a bill of goods about how beauty is defined. You were convinced that the young man would fall all over himself to look at you. And never at me…right?” She was purple by this time… “Well let me tell you something, that old saying about beauty being in the eye of the beholder is a great truth, and for whatever reason that young brother’s eyes were beholding me. Don’t be offended, just know this, on any given day he could have found anyone of us more or less appealing than the other. And all it will ultimately get you is an open door, and a few sweet words. We live in a very large world and in some arenas it’s your day and others it’s mine. Welcome to my world, baby girl…” I turned from her, I had work to do and I can’t spend all my damn time enlightening the masses… acVernon Menchan

Blessings...

A friend of mine told me a few months ago I was being overrun by my blessings… I smiled while acknowledging the truth of that… I have been and am blessed, over and over again… That is not to say I don’t have my trials… Because indeed I do… Sometimes I think of my early years and can relate it to an old Army commercial… There is a soldier and he makes a bold statement… “I have done more by four a.m. than most people do all day…” I can honestly say this, “I had been through more by age eighteen, than many people go through in their lives…” But we aren’t going to talk about that here and now…one day we will… What I am going to talk about relates to writing… When I started publishing my work sixteen months ago… I was as green as the rain-forest…three and a half books later I still am very lime colored…but I am learning… I joined a few literary groups…giggling... Purchased every ad that came along… Anyone selling a spot on something from forty dollars to a few hundred… I was their girl…resulted in nada…not a doggone thing… So after about six months of that… I started paying attention… Learning how to write better…listening... And then I started meeting supportive people with no agenda… I started a Myspace page… Did nothing with it…until one day…I received an invite…from Six Year Survivor…didn’t know anything about her except she was A cool sister who supported writers…didnt even know she had a review team, 'til I sent her my second book and one day it was on Amazon...what a blessing that was... Before long her support and realness…had touched me and my work… Yasmin you are my friend…and a blessing…thanks for allowing me to be a part of The APOOOBookClub review team…www.apooo.org Then one day I started a blog.... A few people trickled over, but one person consistently…Gwyneth Bolton… A sister’s whose work I loved… She would stop by my spot and send others over… Yesterday I was clicking around the dial… And there I was, my work being ‘bigged up’ by Lady Gwyneth… Thanks Sis…GwynethBolton.blogspot.com Then there are the folks who read my work…either to review or just read… Then of their own accord asked friends to carry my books in their stores… Thanks Jennifer…or decided to sell them in their stores… Thanks Lady Flava…or those who don’t know me… From a can of paint…but supports a sister anyway… I surely appreciate that… This very weekend I saw a link about African-American authors… Selling Amazon Short stories…clicked on it and lo and behold there I was my .49 cent story on full blast… I have learned that blessings are free… We get back from the universe exactly what we put out there… And patience really is a virtue… We can’t make a thing happen… We have to allow it to…thanks all… Love and Blessings acVernon Menchan Angelia

Unequally Yoked?

I spend a great deal of time pondering… That may be why I can write a couple hundred page book in several weeks… So much is going on in my head… Last night I read an article about successful women… Married to less successful men…successful as we all know is subjective… The corporate sister who marries the blue-collar brother… I had to smile at that, because this is not a new phenomenon… This story is as old as slavery…field hand, married to the cook...you feel me... It is simply playing out differently… Growing up most of the educated women I knew… Nurses, teachers, secretaries… Were mostly married to blue-collar men…hardworking, there for their wives and children men… They worked, pooled their resources, raised their children, attended church… Amen… But something occurred where public exposure… Caused some great divide… If a man and woman weren’t equally yoked, something was wrong… Those brothers were no longer choices… Now we sit on seventy percent of women, who will never be partnered… Many say they don’t want to be… They got it going on like that… There is some truth to that… But a great deal of saying what feels right… But the truth is the truth…late at night... I can understand from a purely intellectual standpoint what is up… The church says the man is the head of the household… Hard for a sister to swallow when she knows who pays what… The world says… Man, she gonna emasculate you…all that money and listening to “the man” Don’t even go there…get you a ….girl…she knows how to treat a man… Then throw in friends and family and it is a slippery slope indeed… I don’t know the answers, surely I don’t… What I do know is that if we want to be partnered… Loved…wanted…related… Being equally yoked…when it comes to money and employment… Better not be all it’s about… Shared faith, love, family goals, and a simple desire to have coffee with… Someone you love, desire, want and sometimes need…who reciprocates those feelings… On a rainy Sunday afternoon… Is a beautiful thing… I also know that his forty and her eighty… Is mighty weighty… When pooled together… And what goes on in your home… Is your business…hers and his…nobody else's Just food for thought… Love and Blessings… angelia

Part II: The Love Blog

Part II A Love Blog: True Stories You girls amaze me by how easily impressed you are…I was trying to hide the aggravation in my voice as I watched them ogling the neighborhood ‘playa’… “Ms. A what do you mean by that?” Well it seems to me that if a guy has a nice car, looks okay, can flash a few dollar bills, he can get whatever he wants from any of you. And my goodness, don’t let him be well-endowed. They all look around, passing out high fives. I roll my eyes. It’s time to talk-the-talk so one or two of them can walk-the-walk. Listen up!!! They know when I talk slow and loud, I mean business. Here is the deal. There is not a thing wrong with being attracted to a man who is smart, business minded, and can please you. You feel me. But…they are now quiet, listening, They know I don’t suffer fools…when it’s time for no foolishness… Any man who can take you in with a ride, a few dollar bills, a pretty smile and a groan or two…isn’t going to value you…And ladies all those things except the well-endowed thang, you should be able to provide for yourselves…you are all equipped with the smarts to earn enough to purchase cars, have dollar bills and go to the dentist often enough to have your own pretty smiles. They start giggling because they know I am not going to be too hard on them today. And believe this, mother is not saying it’s wrong to be cared for, it’s a beautiful thing in the right environment, under the proper circumstances. What I am saying is don’t give up your power for a ride in a car you don’t own, or for ten-karat gold jewelry that might tarnish before you get home, and certainly not for a few minutes up under an overly busy body. What I want you to do is to recognize your value, sharpen your skills, take your time…don’t settle for less than you want or that you are worth.” Their eyes and mine met. There were more than a few watery eyes. I gathered my things to leave. Knowing when to say when is very important. Also, knowing some of them thought I was a fool. My message wasn’t for them…but the ones it reached…well that’s all it was about… Goodnight Ladies… “Goodnight Ms. A….uh Ms. A.” said one of my intended targets. Yes… We know it’s all about love… Then we understand each other…holla…

acVernon Menchan

The love blog...

‘Ms. Angelia how do you know when someone loves you…” ‘Honey what do you mean?’ Lawd I am not trying to talk about this with this child, today… ‘Well I mean how do you really know?” ‘Okay, here goes, one of the easiest way to tell is how a person treats you, when there is no agenda…they don’t want or need anything from you…they just love you…’ ‘Or what they say to people about you when they don’t know you are listening.’ ‘Sometimes you can even tell by the way they are looking at you, when they don’t know you see them looking…’ Now let me tell you some things I don’t want you to confuse for love… Anytime anyone starts a sentence with, ‘If you loved me the way I love you…’ That’s manipulation, not love… Also an “Ooh baby I love you…” right when your legs are wrapped around someone… Might be love, if it was already love… But probably ain’t if ‘love’ had never been mentioned before… Now of course, you have to know this… There is no such thing as ‘making someone love you’ or ‘once I have his baby, he will have to love me’… And the biggest thing is once you are about loving yourself… It is amazing how much love…you will generate… ‘Cause you know how when someone smiles because you are smiling… Love can be just like that, people love to be around loving people…and when you heap love on yourself…you have more love to pour on others…and please don’t think sex can do the work of love…cause it ain’t qualified… ‘Yes ma’am…I love you Ms. A.’ ‘I love you too, baby…’ Mentoring is not for the faint of heart… Let me tell you… acVernon Menchan

Smart not Hard...

Smart not Hard… Years ago I was a manager at Wal-Mart…twenty-one years in fact… I had this District Manager…who just didn’t do it for me… Not one socially redeeming value…but he taught me something… I have never forgotten…every single morning he would say… “Let’s work hard not smart.” That resonated in my heart and mind and is with me to this day… I hardly ever rush… Push myself… In fact more than a few have said… “You seem to glide through life…” I take that as a compliment… What I do is plan… Research… Then execute… I don’t shuffle paper for the sake of shuffling paper… It matters not one whit to me… About someone seeing a piece of paper… That proves my hierarchy in the chain-of-command… Or if at the end of the day… Everyone knows that my idea was the innovative one… “Child Please…” What I want is a finalized…budget, procurement, document…whatever… That proves we all got the work done… In the smartest… Least stressful… Well done way… That way at the end of the day… We can log off our computers… Grab our gear… Get in our cars… Gliding home… To enjoy the rewards that our Smart work…brings us… acVernon Menchan

Is it that serious?

Is it that serious? I write books, read books, review books, love books… I have been reading since age four… There has never been a time in my life… When I wasn’t reading at least one book…usually I am reading more… And a magazine or two… I love to ride the wave with my characters… Get to know them… Feel them… But I have never gotten it twisted… They are characters in a book… I have noted lately… I guess since becoming a writer… And doing a gaggle of discussions about my work… People really get caught up… They react as though the characters in a book… Are real people… What is up with that? I am so fascinated… People will sit right next to me and tell me… What my characters are going to do next… What they are thinking… Saying things like… 'I don’t like him…' 'Can’t stand her…' And man when a character cheats…especially a woman... Woo hooo…you can almost feel the indignation and the heat flow… As though the character cheated on them… There is some mad identifying going on… Wow is all I can say…or whew… But it is so much fun… Just remember ya’ll… They are just characters in a book… Enjoy…engage… But it just ain’t that serious… Is it? Love and Blessings… acVernon Menchan

Defining Power

I think I need to define ‘Powerful Woman’..while defining me…
It seems that many people look at a married woman…
Who has a lot and decide she has no power…
No matter what she does or how she does it…
She must have it because her man is taking care of her…
That pisses me off…
The reason being because they don’t know a damn thing about
It or me…
I have been successfully married for a long time…
And I am married to a man…
Who has always taken care of his family…
And most importantly his wife…
But I want the record to show…
I am not a spoiled, pampered princess…
Who works a job, several jobs really…just for fun…cause I just need something 'cute' to do…
I am a woman who supported her man through a military career…
Raised two good ‘sons’ while he was handling his business…
At the same time…getting educated…
And creating several viable careers…real money earning careers…mind you…
Then right before age fifty, decided to write books…create a company…
To create a legacy for future generations…
Because we can call ourselves…hard workers all we want to…
But until we ‘own’ what we are doing…
It is just work…’
And it’s work for someone else…
So if I make this thing look easy…
Because I have man who supports me…
Children who take care of themselves…
And I am wearing pearls and cute shoes…
While I am doing it…
Don’t be fooled…
Mother works hard everyday…while relaxing at night...
And handles her business while she is doing it…
“Don’t let the smooth taste fool you…”
acVernon Menchan
5/11/2007

Reciprocity

This weekend I was thinking about Lauren Hill’s song ‘Reciprocity'… Lauren was singing about a man/ woman thang… She wanted him to at a minimum give what she was giving… Just a little reciprocity… What Webster defines as…mutual dependence, action or influence… Since I have a reciprocal love thang… I started thinking about other relationships… And I have to admit that I have a history of befriending…and… Embracing people… Who it is virtually impossible to have a reciprocal relationship with… The friend who never has money…so you have to pay… The friend who has had a string of bad relationships…so you can’t giggle around her… When yours is just so lovely… The white person you always have to translate what you are saying to… When you are feeling real black… Wonder why I was like that… Always feeling a tad guilty when I was with those people… As though enjoying my life was not supposed to happen… Because they weren’t enjoying theirs… I used to always say… “It just keeps me humble…” And I guess it does… But there are days when I want to revel in reciprocity… With my friends who truly get it… When I say let’s dress up and eat out… They say… “Okay, girl let’s…” Or when I am giggling, smiling and wiggling for no good reason…my friend will say… “When it’s good, it’s real good, ain’t it?” I can say… “Umm hmmm…” Or when I say…. “Hey Ms. Thang…what up…” She will reply… “Nuttin’ girl, just livin’…” Trust me when I say diversity is lovely…. But some days a sista needs some sameness… A little reciprocity… acVernon Menchan

Going Home

This weekend I am going home… Back to the hood of things…so to speak… I left my hometown thirty years ago… Never to return…not really… I have always visited… When my mom was ill… I was there sometimes weekly… But the prodigal daughter… Never really returned… Every now and then… Someone would see me and say… “Girl where you been…Mars?” I would always smile….saying… “Almost” The biggest compliment was always… “You are still the same…” I loved hearing that… But this weekend… With my three books in hand… I am going home…. Ocala’s Own acVernon Menchan… What will it all mean? If anything… I really don’t know… But it’s time… No matter how far we stray… What we may do… The day will come… When we all return home… It’s necessary…. Ocala African American Arts Festival – May 4-6 acVernon Menchan