Delayed Gratification

Delayed Gratification…waiting until your work is done before playing… That’s one definition…there are others…such as waiting until you can pay your own cell phone bill before you get one… I was looking around the other day… And every child I knew had a cell phone… I was amazed… I remember when my son got one at sixteen… I was pretty opposed… But his dad said, “He is a good kid, with great grades and most importantly he earns enough to pay his own bill.” At that point I was in… However what I see are kids with a thousand minutes… With parents and grandparents paying upwards of ninety bucks a month… For eleven year olds, who in some cases are barely passing their classes… What is up with that? And before anyone says it is to keep up with where kids are… I want you to know I never lost my children, not once… And they were sans cell phones… The same hold true for adults who own fifty thousand dollar cars… And no homes…or worse yet are thirty and living with their mamas… What happened to working hard, saving your ducats… Then purchasing the things you want and can afford… That you will get to keep with no chance of repossession… Or cutoff… I guess it went the way of delayed gratification… Why wait, save and buy… When we can wrap ourselves in debt… Pretending like we are rich…when we ain’t… When we don’t have a pot or a window… So all I am saying is a lot of things are better…and more appreciated… When we wait for them… Are prepared for them… When we get to enjoy them… Without staying awake at night wondering… How we are going to pay for them… Just call me ‘Old School’… Love and Blessings Angelia acVernon Menchan

Avoid the Drama...

People amaze me when they say, ‘I don’t know how my life became so drama-filled.’ I always think, ‘Yes you do… Because the simple truth is that most who have drama-filled lives… Are dramatic… Always got something going on… Something to say… Creating an energy around them that yells…screams...hollers.... Look at me… Talk to me… Listen to me… Never realizing, that not everything has to be said or proven… And the best power is quiet power… The kind when even when you whisper… Folks line up to hear what is being said… Because they know that you don’t expound… Just to expound… You talk when there is something to say… Joke… When something is funny… Stroke only when it feels good… And is deserved… Otherwise you mind your own business… And allow others to mind theirs… Here is a simple recipe for avoiding the drama… Stop being dramatic… acVernon Menchan

Polite..Who Me?

AM I TOO POLITE..? Quite recently I was having a conversation with someone who I'd recently met and during the conversation the observation was made that I was so polite. I smiled inwardly at that because I thought to myself that I am pretty polite but this is obviously a person that does not know me yet. The reason for her observation was because I was talking about critiquing someone’s work. I did not feel comfortable doing so because while I felt it was good work I was not particularly feeling it. And this was personal not professional. Per usual my face must have shown my conflict and my words must have sounded politically correct. Thus the comment, “you are so polite”.I can assure you that if this same person had spoken to me twenty five to thirty years ago the comment would have been “oh my god I can not believe you said that”. I spent most of those years saying whatever came to my mind. As my elders used to say, if it came up it came out. I had a reputation as not giving a care what anyone thought about what I said you either loved me or hated me. I really did not care, I was keeping it real before keeping it real was real. However as I left my twenties and entered my thirties my life was different I was married, my husband was a career soldier and I was raising two sons. I realized that the impact of what left my mouth impacted more than me. It affected the man I loved, potentially the career that allowed me to purchase cute shoes and what my sons viewed of the world particularly females. Did I stop keeping it real? Hell no I just learned to pick my battles, I learned that you sometimes have to sit still and allow an expression or a look to send a message. Most importantly I learned that the impact of what I finally said was greater when I gave it some thought and considered what came out of my mouth. Not only that I learned that I did not have a thing to prove to anyone and I KNEW that often when I was just throwing my opinions out there I was trying to prove to the world how smart I was and how much I knew.Now at my age and with my experiences, I know that there are times when I just need to plain go off on some people and let them know right out the gate that this is what is. But I also know that if I can teach, guide or encourage by being careful about what I say that is probably what I will do. Now this only works for me, you know “you do you and I do me” and together we can all coexist. This does not mean that old “you can get more flies with honey cause who the heck wants flies”. What it means is that most days I will keep it to myself unless you ask for it. Now when you come to me and ask for it you will get it straight with no chaser. I don’t think that makes me too polite, just me choosing for myself as a grown woman how I want to keep it real and doing just that on my own terms. acVernon Menchan

Do I Owe You?

What do I owe those who have less than I is a question I have pondered over and over again…I would like to say that when it comes to my elders or the babies there is never a question in my mind, if medicine or food is needed call me…if the baby has a need for books…food, call me, please call me, but that is not what I am talking about here…what is rolling around in my head is what do we owe to those…who feel we owe them…let me set this up… Scenario One: About six years ago my second cousin won the lottery. She was in her late twenties, I don’t know her, have never spoken to her to this day….but what absolutely amazed me is that so many family members, both real and imagined felt she owed them something. My mouth hung open as I heard them talk about how she should give everyone x number of dollars, I was stunned, still am…but she was a smart one…she paid her tithes, helped those closest to her who had helped her, gives to the community and kept her day job…Beautiful…she probably doesn’t have many friends, but the ones she does are the realest…I am sure… Scenario Two: For whatever reason my hometown has spawned many pro athletes, don’t know if it’s in the water, the sunshine and fruit trees…but there have been a bevy…back in the day…seventies and eighties, those that made it never came back, those that did return usually only came back after they had bottomed out…but in the past decade there have been the NFL zillionaires, these youngster have gotten paid…usually the first couple years there is a house for mama, babymamas, Escalades and Navigators for siblings (though in my humble opinion that money would have been better spent on four years of college, but I digress) and the champagne was flowing for the homeboys and the honeys. But around year two these boys learn that all that glitters ain’t gold and they start to do weird (sarcasm inserted here) stuff like invest, mature, stop the party…and all those that felt they were owed something start to say, ‘sellout’, ‘don’t give back’…you know what we sat.. Well youngsters mother says, cover your ears and find yourself a worthy charity and handle your business…reach back and give but only to those who are worthy or truly needy… Scenario Three: Now the most personal and stunning situation to me is the family expectations. It seems that no matter how old one gets these days the expectation is that anyone who has fared better, be that parents, siblings or friends should provide for them. Give them something, as though it were owed. I swear, I am telling you God’s truth. And in many cases the earning capabilities are about the same. What is different is how the money is handled. That one or two who finish school, work hard, pay tithes, save ten percent or better, wait until marriage to have children are then responsible for those who don’t do those things. Honestly. I can’t tell you the numbers of people who for years had no qualms about asking me for money. And for years I wrote checks, went to western union or put it on my clean credit card. Why? Because I felt I was supposed to, usually when they called I had my feet in a pedicure tub or was sitting in a nice restaurant having a meal and I felt that twinge of middle-class guilt. But in the last couple years I have learned to say no…because I owe no one anything…I will do from my heart if I want to, but I don’t have to. Because what I know for sure is this…if I lend you five hundred dollars every time you are in a jam, you will always be in a jam and I will be a jammee. No thanks. So if you want to talk to me about debt management, investing, filling out applications for college then call me. Otherwise just call me to say hi, hello, how are you doing? Or if you mad, don't call at all...it's 'aight... Because I can’t do it any longer…I just can’t it is bad for me and worse for you…I would be setting up dependent adults… So I am going to say what I say to my young people…if you want to be independent, do this… finish school, and if you don’t go to college (most want) get some skills or simply get a job. And once you have that job, stay on it, go to work on time, save at least ten percent, pay your bills early or on time, buy a house instead of a forty thousand dollar car, buy cars you can afford and stay out of department stores until you can afford to pay for those things, don’t have babies until you are in a committed relationship with someone who will love you and that child or children…and I promise you, one day you will discover that you can afford to do most things….and you will never owe anyone anything and most importantly…you will own yourself. I promise you that…. Love and Blessings… acVernon Menchan

Getting the love you need...

One of the most frequent questions I get these days is… “How do I get the love I need?” Honestly, Usually when I start talking to young sisters… We cover education… Spirituality… Jobs… But before it is all said and done… They always ask that… They think I know…smiling and winking… And I have a pretty simple answer… To get the love you need… Be prepared to give the love that is needed… So many women moan to me about how… They never get flowers, foot rubs or chocolate covered strawberries… And I startle them by asking… When was the last time you did something he likes… Huh? And I don’t just mean sex… I mean when was the last time… You sat with him through an entire… Football, basketball, track and field event or golf match… If you can’t remember, it’s probably because it hadn’t happened… And same breeds same… The same is true with sex… You will probably get all the foreplay and afterplay you can stand… It occasionally you remember that sometimes he just wants to ****And then go to sleep… I am telling you what I know… So you heard it here first… To get what you need… You betta be willing to give… What’s needed… acVernon Menchan

Listening to the voices...

Allowing my work to go where it takes me is probably the greatest reason why I publish myself… The voices speak to me and I have to listen… In April when I started penning ‘Brown’s Possession', I just knew what I was going to do… Sure… By Chapter Three…I knew that wasn’t going to happen… That story would tell itself… So much so that I had to change the title, just a bit… The working title is now ‘Brown’s Possession…A Family’s Progression…’ almost done ya'll... If I worked for anyone other than myself… They would probably fire my butt…try to make me tow the line...yeah right! I can only do what the muse tells me… That same muse, jumped into me yesterday…telling me what my next book (or books) would be… I was sitting in church between services… And a voice said…’your girls deserve a book from you…’ I immediately knew that the time had arrived to pen my first young adult book… I know what it’s going to be about… But I have to work on a name for my heroine… Make sure she is classy, sassy and oh so real… Well off to work… acVernon Menchan

I Did it My Way...

I have always been a go your own way do your own thang kind of girl…
I am sure it exasperated my mom…
I did what was expected of me…
My grades were tight…
Was respectful…
But I always knew my own mind…
I must have been a handful…
I am sure I have been a challenge to my traditional minded man…
He has probably wondered many times…
Lord why can’t this woman just be more…
Something…giggling…
The same has been true of my work…
When I decided to write…
I just wrote…
Didn’t ask anyone anything…
Just did my thang…
Saying…
Hey world I am a writer…
Mostly it has been good…
There have been a few who have poo-pooed my way…
Usually they were selling something…rolling with laughter…
But I just kept on doing…doing…doing…what I was doing…baby…
And in one and half years…
It is coming to fruition…
My books are selling…
Folks are asking me to show up and speak out…
Lord my hometown library known for trying to ban books…
Has all of mine front and center…
Woo hoo hoo…
I am feeling a bit like Sinatra…. ‘I did it my way…fa la la la la’…
Just don’t know how to do it any other way…

Love and Blessings…
Angelia
AcVernon Menchan

Fear of Success...

It is absolutely startling to me how many people fear success… Yep…afraid of success… Now let me say right out the gate… Success is defined for and by the individual… I personally know many folks who live modest, yet spirit filled lives… Who are happy and have no delusions of grandeur… I applaud them… The folks I am talking about are those who profess… To want a certain kind of success… And have what it takes to achieve it…opportunities…education… You know the ones… They complain every time someone in the office is promoted… Saying, “I knew I would never get the job it will always go to the…favorite… The black woman”...whatever… Then you discover they never even filled out an application or turned in a resume… Huh? Or the young person who flits from job to job… As soon as it looks like they are going to move up… They move out… Then complain about ‘starting over’… I am not sure why that is… But my guess is… This… When you are promoted… Receive accolades… Placed in a ‘grown person’s' role… There are certain expectations… Requirements… Rules and regulation that go along with it… So if you can talk about wanting it… But do nothing about having it… That comfort zone called inertia… Is a pretty good place to reside… But just know this… Some of us get tired of hearing you talk about it… When we are trying to be about it… acVernon Menchan

Feeding those who feed you...

Life comes full circle…every single time… The past couple of years found me cleaning out my friendship closets… I was making sure that like clothes… All the friendships that hung in there were ones I wore… That felt good when I put them on… And that I would wear over and over again… This whole thing started over twenty-five years ago… Though I didn’t know it at the time… I remember it was nineteen-eighty one… I was living in Germany, my husband had just received a significant promotion… I was working on my first ‘real’ job…read ‘money’… I was in my early twenties…had a one year old, beautiful, healthy baby boy… I was living honey… My mom who absolutely adored her ‘Angi’ would call me every two weeks… And I was supposed to call her the following two weeks… This was before fifty cents a minute international calls… a ten minute call was about thirty dollars… Anyway… Sometimes I would call her… Often not…one day she told me about myself… She said, ‘Baby I don’t care how far you go, or how much you get, you should always feed those who feed you,’ talk about a blow to the solar-plexus… I straightened out and never forgot that… Talked to my mom weekly from then on…daily when she was in her last days…. Well about two years ago… I found myself in a similar, yet different situation… I had all these friendships… That amounted to nothing…really… I had become friends with a gang of folks… Through convenience… Mostly their convenience… I am very self-contained, hardly ever seek out folks…but they came looking for me... My door, particularly at work always had someone in it… I was usually exhausted by the end of the day and it had very little to do with my workload… One day I had an epiphany… I was surrounding myself with folks who I fed but… Did very little to feed me… So little by little I started reducing my intake… While working on quality meals… Feeding myself from a pool of folks who fed me… It has been absolutely amazing… How with such a limited buffet… I am never hungry… But completely nourished… My mama was a wise woman… acVernon Menchan

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