SELF-LOVE~

I know you see my title, ‘Self-Love’,
And is probably wondering,
Lord, what is Angel going to say….
Well, I am going to pontificate,
Just a bit about love of self,
I love me…
I do, I do, I do…
And feel that everyone should,
And am astonished that folks take issue with those who love ourselves,
Because self love to me,
Being in touch with my spirit,
Taking care of myself body and soul,
Not allowing anyone to treat me any old kind of way,
And taking the time to rejuvenate,
If that is conceit and arrogance,
I confess…
The other day I was sitting across the desk,
From someone who I work with,
We are friendly and was once ‘friends’,
However, over the past couple of years we have worked well together,
And coexisted peacefully,
But no more girl-talk or sharing,
And I always knew why,
But finally she admitted it,
MY CONFIDENCE BOTHERED HER,
Yes, she did,
She said it…
She admitted that because she didn’t love herself,
She was unable to stand being around someone who loved herself as much as I did,
She couldn’t understand why a woman older than her,
Could be happy with who she was,
My heart fluttered at that,
Because I loved her growth,
I love her…actually,
But I had to remove myself,
Because self love involves not allowing anyone to rain on your parade,
Or bring you to down to a level,
With which they are comfortable,
No, No, No…
She explained a bit of why she was that way,
And I got it,
Because we allow other folks to play a number on us,
Making us feel we aren’t beautiful enough,
Smart enough or Good enough,
And to that I have always said,
No Way, No How…
I am good enough just as good made me,
And though I may not think like him,
Or look like her,
I am me and me is just fine with ME…

AMEN!

Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

PARENTISM AND GROWNNESS

Parenting is the hardest job, bar none,
Those people who don’t feel they will be good parents and choose not to,
Are to be applauded,
Because why knowingly do something, you know you aren’t ready for,
And allow the casualty to be a child,
When I became a young mother,
There was a plethora of things I didn’t know,
For real,
As such I was overprotective with my eldest,
And thirty years later the residuals of that are still evident,
Six years later when I had a second child,
I was much less protective,
Ultimately more permissive,
The residuals of that are still evident,
So many mistakes and missteps,
Thanks be to God I was being covered in prayer,
By those who loved me,
However,
There is one thing that I absolutely, unequivocally got,
And that was this,
‘ONCE I DECIDED TO BE A MOTHER, I WAS GROWN…’
I knew that my husband and I had created these beings and it was on us,
Totally to provide for them,
Raise them and teach them,
Anyone who knows me will tell it,
I was always mama,
We recreated our life in such a way,
That we did without, so they could have,
We also didn’t involve our parents,
In our parenting schematics,
We knew that if every time,
We didn’t have something,
We went to them for it,
Then we were in essence children raising children,
And we need to send messages that being grown was hard work,
But when you get in the grown business,
Work you must,
Sometimes I look around me and I am shocked,
By the numbers of young adults who live with their parents,
Not because they have fallen on hard time necessarily,
But because if they live at home, they can do whatever they want with their money,
Have cell phones with unlimited usage plans,
Drive in late model cars,
Get their hair and nails done weekly,
And dress the kids in designer wear,
Honestly, that is what is occurring,
And will they go completely off, if,
Anyone questions them about it,
Or they are pursuing dreams,
Dreams that are dressed up hobbies,
Cause, you know until you can pay bills doing it,
A hobby is all it is,
Grandparents are buying diapers and formula,
And welfare systems are providing the rest,
Sadder still are the young boys who are acting out aggressively,
Because they are defining manhood based on gangster movies,
Or the young girls who are predator magnets,
Because they so desire a father’s arms around them,
And are willing to take what they can get,
People,
This parenting game is real,
And if we don’t take it much more seriously and make it about the children,
And not about us,
We are dooming these young people,
Yes we are….

BE PEACE!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

IT'S BUSINESS...

I love learning,
Even when learning is a bit…umm painful,
But oh boy, what is gained,
This morning I sat in my performance evaluation,
And bar none it was the best ever,
And that had nothing to do with high ratings…got em,
Or bonuses, will get it,
But with the fact that my supervisor and I have learned a great deal from each other,
And though it has been bumpy at times,
We respect and admire what the other brings to the table and we can get the work done,
Gotta love it~
I am now learning that as I grow my personal business,
I am going to have to learn to separate,
The personal and the business,
I have an inherent desire to always ask those related to me in some way,
To do this that or the other,
Because my feeling is that who better?
But what I have learned, quite painfully,
Is that it is not good business…
We don’t want to be in the position of asking those we love,
To step up their games,
Or egads,
To please give me my…gasp…money,
So we don’t,
And it leaves us frustrated and aggravated,
I learned that with my own son,
When I asked him to do a song for me,
He would take his time,
But when I started paying him for his valuable time,
I got what I needed and it was business…
So henceforth,
I know what I am going to have to do,
Is keep it strictly business,
When it comes to my business,
And be about the business of my business,
Because it is business…

BE PEACE!
angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

How I Relate...

I was asked the other day by someone, ‘Why don’t you hang with the girls more…’
I answered very honestly,
“I do hang, as much as I want to.”
You see I have never been much of a hanger,
I love my friends,
But I have no real desire to be with them all the time,
Or talk to them all day,
That is not conducive to who I am,
It is much the same way with all my relationships,
I love the time I spend with people,
But if it is necessary for me to call you everyday,
Hangout with you every week,
Or go away on trips with you,
I am not real good at that,
Not my thing,
My mama raised me to take care of me and home first,
And let every other thing line up after that,
And that is how I love my life,
When my kids were young,
Most of what we did was family things,
And now that it is just the two of us,
There is nothing that I love more than spending time with my man,
Week nights me in my corner,
Him in has,
And now that we have mini laptops,
We can both do our nerd things,
Together,
On Saturday mornings,
We do separate things,
Then we do our late lunches,
And Sundays after church,
We just chill.
That is not to say that I don’t love,
Going out occasionally with the girls,
Giggling it up,
But that is not my primary thing…
I love my family life,
And another thing,
Very rarely am I in any messy stuff,
Cause I just don’t get involved like that,

BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

To Your OWNSELF

One of the harder things things to do, seems like one of the simpler,
And that is be true to yourself,
For years I covered up not being true to myself, by saying I was...
Lying to myself in essence,
Because myself was what everyone knew, but there were so many layers to me,
That were unknown, because,
I just magnified the one's people liked~
My husband loved my conservative look,
So I played to that, I loved it also,
But there were times I wanted to wear Russian Red lipstick,
With my pearls and show my rather, umm excellent cleavage...
But for years I didn't,
Didn't want to make him mad,
Then one day I did,
Because what I knew for sure was that the woman he loved,
Was conservative, a bit inclined to show cleavage and loved to make her lips pop,
And if he loved me as he professed, he would deal with it,
Much the way I had when he first shaved his head~
I loves it now, but wasnt feeling it then,
But love is acceptance of all the person brings to the table...
Umm to the hmm...
Also the same was true with my sons,
I felt that I could only express what I truly liked about them,
And as such I didnt say the other stuff until they pissed me off,
And then it came out HARSH~
Then I would spend time feeling like less than a supportive mama,
Sheesh~
But being true to me has taught me that I can say,
"Son you are really talented at such and such, but when it comes to so and so, you are just,
WRONG"
Do that like that,
Heck to the no,
But do I spend much time concerned with what they like,
HECK TO THE NO...
Because what I know for sure,
Is that GOD made me unique and that trying to first please HIM,
Is my focus,
Then working on being the best person HE has made me to be,
And if I handle that,
The folks in my life should be able to accept that,
As I accept them,
Russian Red Lips and ALL!

BE BLESSED
angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

AM I CINNAMON, IS CINNAMON ME?

The question I am most frequently asked when I write books is do I know the people I write about, my answer is of course, I created them…hello…
And then…
They ask me, ‘Are you Cinnamon?’
A bit trickier,
They start running the parallels,
Tall, brown, curly hair, sassy mouth,
Former counselor, writer, oh Lord,
It must be you,
Well it ain’t,
And it is,
I don’t have two men,
That I am juggling and navigating,
And most of what has happened to Cinnamon hasn’t happened to me,
But here I will confess,
In many ways,
I am Cinnamon and Cinnamon is me,
We love hard…
When we love you, there is very little you can do,
That we can’t forgive,
How-sen-ever, (I created that word)
When you cross THAT line,
Or do that thing,
That we have told you repeatedly not to do,
We are done,
We won’t stop loving you,
But we will stop fooling up with you,
We also love the children in our communities,
We will fight to the death to defend those who can’t defend themselves,
Mess with a child and you have messed the ‘hell’ up…
For real,
And we also define our own strength,
We will not allow anyone to define our femininity,
We know that we can be lovely and strong,
That we can be powerful and kind,
We can love and support our men,
But not take any….off or from them,
Mostly because we know who we are and what we want,
And we listen first to our hearts and spirits,
And then determine what we are going to do,
And though we may not do it as you would have us to do it,
We will do it as it was meant for us to do it,
So there you have it…
Oh yeah, we both love chocolate, cute shoes, books,
Dancing, and the occasional glass of wine,
So double there…

BE BLESSED,

Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com
MRS. BLACK? @ all the other books with Cinnamon @
www.amazon.com key word MENCHAN

CURRYING FAVOR...

I have always been under the impression that when someone asks for a favor,
That the askee…has refusal rights,
Because a favor to me is, ‘please can you do such and such and if you cannot, I understand…’
But it seems that I am totally misguided,
It seems nowadays when someone asks for a favor,
The only acceptable answer is yes,
Such as,
Can I use you?
Umm, sure absolutely….
All jokes aside,
I have found myself in the situation a lot lately,
Where someone asks for a favor and they are already making plans,
Based on my saying YES…
One case that sticks out in my mind is;
Last week a co-worker left an envelope on my desk,
In said envelope was a letter asking me,
If I would fill out the attached,
It also said, ‘If you choose not to, please do not discuss with anyone and dispose of…’
After reading it,
I knew that in good conscience,
I could not fill out the form,
First because of my role in the organization,
A bit of a conflict,
And because if I had done it honestly it would have not been totally favorable,
So I shredded it and went on with my day,
A few days later,
I was asked about it,
I explained my position and was told,
‘I can’t believe you, of all people wouldn’t do that for me…’
I knew what he meant,
He was using my race and gender,
Being a black female in a predominately white male agency,
But I was going to make him say it,
‘Me of all people…?’
His face colored and he said,
‘You know, you are such a civil libertarian….and my friend’
I hooted with laughter…good save,
‘Well, be that as it may, I didn’t feel it was appropriate, and I followed your instructions, and for the record, ‘my friend’, remember that a favor is a voluntary activity and that friends don’t compromise friends in such a manner…’
He nodded and looked away,
I walked away…
Haven’t had a conversation since,
But of course we will,
Or heck maybe we won’t…
I just wish folks would understand,
That using the ‘friendship card’…
Is just not good business…
And that a favor is just that,
A favor…

BE PEACE!
Angelia

www.angeliavmenchan.com

OWN IT!

One of the things that befuddles me of late,
Is how little ownership grown people have for their own mess…
It is astounding how many, hard grown people,
Blame mama, papa, society or the infamous them for anything that happens,
To them…
Amazing,
I am not sure where it happened,
But it is a reality,
I have young adults stand in my face,
And act incredulous,
Because someone expects them to stay on a job,
Or go to a job on time,
Or be respectful to the people that have employed them,
Or parents who make ghastly decisions that impact the lives of their children,
(think balloon boy as an extreme)
And are absolutely flabbergasted that someone expects them to be accountable,
Or the masses of people who go out and buy stuff they can’t afford,
Knowing they can’t afford it,
Then don’t pay the people and wonder why in the hades,
Things around them are all jacked up,
One thing I know is me,
And I have flaws galore,
And will own them,
I am opinionated,
Sometimes impatient,
And make weird judgments,
All the time,
But the one thing,
I make sure of is that I don’t play victim,
Don’t make anyone accountable for my mess,
My mess is my mess,
And I am sure I could sit down and write up a laundry list,
Of things to blame someone for,
But, you know what,
My preference is to get up,
Thank God for being alive,
And go out and navigate this crazy world,
By working hard,
Paying my own way,
Thus being able to a certain extent to do my own thang…
Cause if I don’t the only person to blame will be,
ME,
And this is not THE BUSINESS!

SMOOCHES!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

WHERE THEY AT?

Yesterday a question was posed on FB,
The Question being; ‘Why were so many successful, got-it-going on Black women,
Single or divorced?
I loved reading the answers,
And there were a plethora of answers,
Mostly,
That there were no ‘good’ men,
Or that men were ‘intimidated’ by women who had too much,
And the brothers weighed in with,
Women didn’t want to do ‘traditional’ things anymore,
And I was so fascinated by this,
I threw one out there that didn’t get a response,
The sheer lack of men to women,
For every heterosexual brother,
There are six heterosexual sisters,
Which makes the pickings mighty slim,
By that same token I must say that this weekend I saw more,
Black female and white male couples than I had ever seen,
One at lunch,
Another at wal-mart,
And three or four at church,
So I guess some changes are afoot,
But that is not the intent of this post,
First to the ‘Good’ man thing,
There are a plethora of good men that are getting overlooked,
Mostly because the criteria is so narrow,
He has to earn more,
Be as educated,
Be taller,
Have a nicer car, et al.
Well…
This Black woman earning more than Black men,
Isn’t a new thing,
I can remember every school teacher, nurse and secretary I knew growing up.
Earned more than her man that was a laborer, butcher or janitor,
But you know what they didn’t talk about it,
She allowed him to pay for what he could and they QUIETLY handled their business,
That wasn’t an issue,
Or not one for public debate,
There might be some merit to that,
But, surely I don’t know,
Then there is men being intimidated,
I know this is probably true,
Because egads,
Sister have got it going on,
And we can’t wait to tell everyone who will listen,
As such, many men feel they aren’t trying to compete with all that,
For a plethora of reasons,
However,
There are those confident men,
Who know that to have a got it going on woman,
Is all good,
And it isn’t about what she has or he has but,
About what they can have,
And then the six to one thing,
All I am saying is that sisters just may have to stretch their boundaries and make the criteria for good men,
Loving men, honest men, men who love God and love them,
And they are out there,
And I haven’t forgotten the traditional thing,
I was just biding my time,
Sisters it is absolutely okay to cook a meal for you man,
Regardless of what your friends say,
That is your man and if you know he likes,
A ribeye and potatoes and salad,
Cook it for him erry now and then,
Then erry now and then he can cook something for you,
And take you somewhere nice,
Now don’t listen to me,
I don’t know much,
Other than that I have been married to a very ‘GOOD’ man for,
Over thirty years and one thing I know for sure,
Is all we got is OURS,
AND,
That if I take care of this,
He will take care of that…

You feel Me!

BE BLESSED!
Angelia

MRS. BLACK @
www.angeliavmenchan.com
www.amazon.com

THE CHANGE!

Change is inevitable,
The more things change, yada yada…
We have all heard the spiel,
But when it comes to changing human beings,
The only things we can change is ourselves,
If you marry someone that is one way,
And you expectation is the change them,
Sorry,
You won’t be able to,
I’m not saying they won’t ever change,
Because people do,
But the change will come from God and themselves,
Not from any power you have over them,
The same is true for your children,
You raise them,
Pray for them and discipline them,
But the bottom line truth,
Is they are going to be who they are,
And crying,
Cajoling,
Spoiling or not spoiling will not change them,
Growing up and discovering for themselves is what makes the change,
Okay and this is going to hurt, like the dickens,
Some people NEVER change,
Because you have a problem with them,
Does not mean they have a problem with themselves,
And then there is the greater world,
On jobs,
The reality is this,
There are sexists,
Racists,
Misogynists,
And the like,
And those you can’t change either,
HOWEVER,
There are laws that will make them at a minimum,
If not change,
Then change their behavior or take their madness elsewhere,
Because in this instance,
You might not be able to change ‘em,
But you damn sure don’t have to put up with that,
But the greatest place to enact change,
Is within oneself,
I am in constant evolution,
Every single day I focus on something about me that needs fixing,
And I pray fervently and ask God to better that thing in me,
Sometimes I change,
And other times I don’t,
Because there are things about us,
That God is absolutely pleased with and would like for us to continue to be,
So if there is any message in this,
It would have to be this,
We can change only ourselves,
But if the people we have to coexist with,
Aren’t good for us,
We might have to change our circumstances,
But we will not change them,
It is not our jobs,
And there is too much else to be done!

BE PEACE!
Angelia

www.angeliavmenchan.com
MRS. BLACK?

HARD-HEADED WOMAN!

I am a self-defined ‘Hard-Headed Woman’…
Now by no means does that mean I can’t take direction,
Or am obstinate and will do my own thing even if I know it is wrong,
My mama, Ms. Ora Lee, taught me that a hard head makes a soft behind,
Actually aging past forty made my behind soft, but that’s another story for another day,
Anyway…
What I mean is that I am determined and never allow naysayers to tell me what I can’t do,
I know that if it is God’s will and I work hard I can do it,
I recall back in the day,
When chaos reigned supreme around me as a teenager,
I navigated life with the knowledge that I was smart and savvy and that no set of circumstances would stand in my way…
Then as a very young woman when I decided to get married and was told that statistically we didn’t stand a chance,
I turned a deaf ear and for over thirty one years have worked on my marital business,
While raising my sons and getting myself educated and climbing this ladder or that,
That is what hard-headed women like me do,
We focus on what is real and handle our business,
And we allow those around us to say whatever they damn well please,
We are too busy…
Finally,
When I published my first book almost four years ago,
I was told by some,
My work was too narrative,
By others that I could not write about women over forty being sexy,
Sheesh; they had to be kidding,
We don’t really have it going on until we are forty,
But that too is another story for another day,
What I did as a hard-headed woman is continued to write my stories,
Own my own madness,
Seek and find those people who were interested in what I wrote about,
And tossed the rest over my shoulder like so much salt,
Because you know what,
Hard-headed women,
Know when to listen,
What to listen to,
And to whom to listen,
But they mostly know that while others are sleep,
The must grind and grind they must,
Cause there is work to be done….

LOVE AND PEACE!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

WOMAN _ISH

There is much role playing when you are a WOMAN,
I know my sisters you are saying, ‘Role-playing, no not me!”
But come on, let’s be honest,
Some mornings we get up and we don’t want to do a thing,
And some don’t, but, mostly we do,
We step into the game and play,
At work we know that there are those who really has problems with our power,
But we know that the game must be played and play we do,
Cause let’s be real,
We are responsible for half this stuff…
Then there is our love thing,
We all know that we sometimes, straight up don’t agree with his,
Man-ness…
But we want him, so we play the game to stay in the game,
Sometimes we suck down what we really want to say,
Cause for heaven’s sake we don’t ever want to be called,
Egads…an emasculator….whoo!
And then there are the children,
Back in the day kids were seen and not heard,
But nowadays they are heard and we are sometimes so damned afraid to say anything,
Like:
‘Son, you really need a job…’
Or,
‘Daughter, that man beating you up is absolutely unacceptable,
Or
‘Son, please don’t leave babies all over time, that is just trifling and you can’t afford to take care of yourself…’
Or
‘Daughter, it is okay to be alone rather than share a man who is known to be with someone else and please, please, please don’t have a child with someone that already has children he's not caring for….
Instead in many cases we say and do nothing,
Not wanting to offend or run away those we love,
Or heaven forbid, have them stop loving us,
Cause you know that is what this is all about,
That WOMAN-ISH,
That wants to be loved…

BE BLESSED!
Angelia,

READ ABOUT A WOMAN STOPPING THE WOMAN-ISH in MRS. BLACK?
@ WWW.AMAZON.COM OR WWW.ANGELIAVMENCHAN.COM

Chilling...

It it Monday, and I am grateful it is a federal holiday, my man and I have been on the road the past two weekends and though wonderfully blessed, we tired...

This Friday night's book signing was a blast, sold books hung out with family and friends and found new readers and a very talented young lady with a platinum future...Also met a poet that I am going to work with, Tony McCall...God is awesome....so I am in the zone today, but will be back at it in full force tomorrow...

GET YOU COPY OF MRS. BLACK? @ WWW.AMAZON.COM search word MENCHAN


HUGS AND SMOOCHES!
angelia

GOTTA BOOK...

Tonight I will be down south,
Ocala, Florida, birthplace,
Signing books and hanging out with friends, family and new readers,
Ready to read, 'The Fictionalized Truth'...
Mrs. Black? is talking to people and I am so grateful,
One of my fave things in the world is sitting in the room,
With a group of people who have taken the time to read my work and want to talk about it,
So I pack up my books,
And in this case bottles of wine,
And head out,
My niece Kecia,
Who adores and mad supports her Auntie Diva,
Has done the logistics,
Love you BOO!
So me and my man can just roll down there,
And do us...
BE BLESSED!
angelia
GET YOUR COPY OF MRS. BLACK? It is the business!
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http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

BUT, LOVE?

My mama told me a long time ago that love hides a mulitude of sins...

Honey Hush...

I had a brush with that this past week,

Someone who I love, love, love,

Sent me a message,

And the part of the message that caused me to reel was this,

I LOVE YOU, BUT...

Oh heck, the one thing I don't want or need is But Love,

Because But Love is filled with excuses and conditions,

Such as I love you, but, if you disagree with me, I might not love you:

Or,

I love you, but if you aren't willing to support my bad habits,

Or,

I love you, but if you don't cosign on my madness...

You get where I am going...

My thing is this if I love you, I love you, no if ands or buts about it,

However,

Loving you does not mean I agree with you,

It does not mean that if I see you wrong, I won't say you wrong, especially if you have placed yourself at my largesse...

And it certainly does not mean,

That I will allow you to say anything to me,

Just because you feel like you can,

Heck to the naw!

That message stung like alcohol in an open cut,

But you know what,

Just like alcohol in an open cut,

Once the burning stopped,

The healing began,

The wound was freshly cleaned,

and the skin started to tighten around it again,

And most importantly I learned that this was one of those bought lessons,

Because this person was someone who I pretended was different than I knew they were,

And our relationship had mostly been based on me defending their mess,

As such I had made it that I didn't really know where I stood,

Okay, yes I did,

That is why I did the things I did,

Hoping the day would never come that I would have to deal with it,

But it did come and God opened my eyes,

And showed me,

That it was time to stop the foolishness,

And allow this person to do what they wanted with their But Love,

And that all I had to do was continue to love 'em, pray for 'em, wish 'em well,

And allow God to work out the rest...

Amen...

angelia,

IF YOU HAVE NOT GOTTEN YOUR COPY OF MRS. BLACK? WHAT U WAITING FOR IT IS THE TRUTH....

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http://www.bn.com/

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WE COOL, BUT DIFFERENT?

Something that has always been a puzzle to me is this,
THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY FOLKS WHO WANT YOU TO BE LIKE, THINK LIKE, LOVE LIKE THEM…
My first inkling of this was with my family,
Someone related to me was dating a guy, who was well,
Okay, he got around,
Well lo and behold, he got around with someone I knew,
Heck, it was bound to happen,
Well the family member thought I should stop knowing the person,
Come on…okay, that passed, after all we were teenagers,
But here I am now,
With my AARP card,
And there are still people,
Who really want monolithicism (word?)
Anywho…
There are people who will actually say,
“Oh girl, you like that or her, or it?”
Surely, it can’t be because you don’t like it and you want me not to…
Come on people, surely not?
Or the case where you are sitting down to have a meal with someone and you order something they don’t eat,
The go, ‘Harumph, harrumph…’
After taking a big bite, I look up,
Then they ask, honest to God,
“Are you going to eat that…?”
I am chewing furiously, but really unsure what to say…
Wondering if the fact that I ordered it, put it in my mouth, chewing furiously and planning to pay for it didn’t clue ‘em in…
Check this out,
‘If you don’t like hummus, asparagus, kimchi, or any of the other weird stuff, (according to whom) that I loves, don’t eat it….
And guess what I will still love you and want to break bread with you…
You know why,
Because to be my friend,
All I gotta do is like you,
You can like people I don’t dig,
You can eat buffalo burgers or some other such,
You can date whoever you want to,
Praise in your own way,
Read comic books or any such thing,
Cause if I likes you, I likes you,
And the one thing you don’t need to be is a carbon copy of me,
For us to coexist and roll like that,
Because diversity is a beautiful thing,
You do you,
I do me,
We hang out,
And all is well with our INDIVIDUAL worlds,
How ‘bout that,
Cool, no?

BE PEACE!
Angelia

Mrs. Black @
www.amazon.com

WOMAN, HANDLE YOUR BIZNESS!

One of the saddest things is looking into the eyes of a woman when her marriage has ended or is ending…
Over the past couple of years I have seen a couple up close and personal,
In one case a young woman had been married for ten years to a very successful man,
She hadn’t worked in all that time, though she was educated,
And the bottom fell out, way out,
And in the blinking of an eye,
She went from high on the hog,
To well…broke and alone…
In the other case,
The marriage was heading towards three decades and kaboom,
It was over,
In sort shrift she was looking at a different life immediately,
Though this woman had worked,
It had been work and was nothing geared towards caring for herself,
Painful stuff…
And as sad as the end of a marriage,
The betrayal, the embarrassment and a mass of other things are,
One of the saddest is that these women were literally left unable to handle their business,
As they had come to know it,
Which is the point of this blog…
I am here to tell you it is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful,
To have a man that loves and cares for you,
And works and brings home the bacon,
But my sisters,
It is imperative,
Absolutely necessary to be able to take care of yourself,
Especially as we age,
Because the world does not look kindly on aging divas reentering the workplace after so many years…
And please don’t think I am saying,
Prepare for divorce or any other such madness,
I have been married 31 years, 2 months and 2 days,
But one thing I know for sure is that if my man lost his mind,
And he would have to be nuts for sure….grinning…
And left me,
Mama would cry rivers,
Cuss like a sailor on leave,
Write a blog about him for sure,
But every single day,
She would get her butt up out of bed,
And go to that job that would keep a roof over her head,
Food in her mouth,
Books on her shelf,
And cute shoes on her feet…
Oh yeah,
Cause the one thing I know for sure,
Is that what you know,
What you have prepared for,
And what you can do can never be taken away,
That is yours to keep….
And this may not sound romantic to anyone,
But oh it is,
It is the best kind,
A romantic relationship with,
Oneself….

TRUST…

BE LOVE…
Angelia
MRS. BLACK @ www.amazon.com

WE GOTTA TELL 'EM!!

There were some crazy things that went on at time in my childhood, but one thing for sure is I was taught some things by the women in my life, my mama, aunts, godmother and even teachers, made sure I knew how to handle myself and my business and what they were unable to provide they made sure that I had the literature to support it…amen,
As such I am so disheartened by what our young women aren’t being taught and don’t know,
Thanks to God, I have nieces, namely Charli and Kecia and their mamas knew what I knew and passed it on,
Now don’t think for a minute I am trying to imply that we can keep our girls from making mistakes…mistakes is what form us and strengthen us,
What I am talking about is this,
Reinforcing self-worth by telling them they can do and be anything and letting them know, that men bring great stuff to the table but to have one OR some of one does not in any way mean compromising who you are,
Don’t think for one minute that proving love means having sex before you are ready and it surely doesn’t mean having sex without benefit of protection and exposing yourself to HIV, HPV, cervical cancer and all the things out there,
Girls you are a treasure and do not allow anyone to convince you of any less,
And that man-sharing,
What the hell is that about?
Knowingly fooling around with a man who is married,
Or GASP…
Knowing your man is with other women and condoning that mess,
Heck to the no, that is totally unacceptable,
And please, please, please don’t confuse love and sex,
Sex is totally incapable of doing the work of love,
And don’t allow anyone telling you that you can keep him with it,
Babies, that is the one thing that is errywhere and as easy to get as the common cold…
Not trying to be mean, just trying to help,
And there are other basics,
Like knowing your bodies,
It appalls and astonishes me that women think,
That menstruation and urine are passed from the same place.
Lord have mercy on us all…
We have got to teach, nurture and empower these children,
From the cradle,
They are getting mad educated but the ways in which they are compromising themselves is unacceptable,
Physically fighting and hating other women,
Over men who have moved on,
Supporting bad habits and compromising the safety of their children,
Totally unacceptable,
And put your best face forward,
Don’t just be cute outside when you are on the hunt,
Make yourself as lovely as possible just for you,
Lovely skin,
Healthy bodies,
Spiritual minds,
And loving self is GOOD MEDICINE for whatever ails you…
Sisters we are going to have to tell these girls who haven’t been told,
It is just the right thing to do!

BE BLESSED!
Angelia

www.angeliavmenchan.com

Great Books Blog Tour - Monday

Monday: If I were stranded alone on a deserted island with only
seven books to read over the next few years, I would like to have…

The bible, I must absolutely have the Word.
My new book, Mrs. Black, speaks of an empowered woman
Waiting in Vain by Colin Channer, the man is a writing genius
Just Above My Head by James Baldwin, my favorite book of all time
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Bettye Smith, poignant literature
A Dictionary, okay I am a Word nerd...
Finally, Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss for the child in me.

BE PEACE...

angelia vernon menchan
www.angeliavmenchan.com

Keeping Secrets and Telling Lies...

I come from an old Negro tradition of not airing your dirty laundry in public,
And that is a not a bad thing,
There are a plethora of things that just straight up, dont need to be shared,
However,
I am guilty of taking it to a whole new level,
I raised my kids to believe it is honorable not to discuss anything that went on in our household,
And that is honorable but the flip side of that is that,
By teaching such discretion,
You start keeping secrets and telling lies,
There have been times when my kids have messed up,
But because of the our rules,
No one knew,
I was mum and dealt with it and we moved on and they were allowed to reform their situations,
And that too is all good....
However, once again, I say however,
It had a certain dark side,
That said, 'No matter what you do or have done, mama will keep your secrets and make it look good even if it isn't...'
That was a transgression,
Because what that did was provided such a cushion that they never,
Went,
SPLATTER, KERPLUNK HARD ENOUGH,
And as such they grew to feel that it was a right to have me,
Fix thangs...
Well no mas,
And what made me realize it was one of my children calling me out,
Because I had the audacity to say something he had said,
Reminding me, of the rules,
And what I had to remember is this,
Rules CHANGE...
And the closer I get to God the more I realize,
That I don't have to go around putting anyone on blast,
But I also don't have to go around sweeping stuff under the rug,
Or telling lies and keeping secrets as though the mess was mine...
Oh what a relief it is to finally get for myself,
That it really is not about me....

THANKS GOD, for delivering me from that!

BE BLESSED....
angelia

MRS. BLACK? @ www.amazon.com

BORN WITH A VEIL...

By the time I was thirteen, I pretty much knew what I wanted and needed to do,
Much of that was due to a certain amount of precociousness,
A great bit of circumstances,
And a the way God made me,
I can recall when I was in eighth grade,
And walking home from work, yes work...
Someone who was a couple of years older than me wallked along beside me,
She said,
"You sure are sophisticated for a thirteen year old..."
Being so young I felt insulted,
So I asked her what she meant,
She told me that I carried myself like a much older person and didn't act like thirteen year olds,
I smiled at that then and I smile now,
Because there has never been anything typical about me,
Being 'born with a veil' as they say,
I have always been a bit odd...umm different,
God blessed me with the ability to see and know things,
Sometimes that was good, other times not so good,
It made me able to always be able to see what I needed to do to live a certain way,
But it also made me obstinate and overbearing in trying to get others to see it the way,
I felt they should...
It all seemed like common sense to me,
And I KNEW, that I would see them mess up,
And that later I would try to fix it...
Well,
Just as God provided me with it,
He is now taking some of it away,
He is teaching me that I am ultimately only responsible for me,
My kids are grown and their lives are there lives to live as they live,
And that while he has given me a grandchild,
Who I adore,
That is what she is,
My grandchild,
And I have to step out of way and let the parents parent,
OH what a relief it is to finally understand,
That I can use my talents in other ways,
And that the only person I am beholden to is HIM,
and that the only person I am responsible for is me....

BE BLESSED!
angelia

MRS. BLACK? @ WWW.AMAZON.COM

CHAPTER TWO

Chapter Two

“So what are you planning to do Cinnamon, move him in my house?” Brown sat down, staring up at his wife. It was hard to look at all the pain in her eyes, pain he had caused.

“William, why are you here?”

“You’re my wife, this is my home.”

“I have asked you to leave.”

“For how long?”

“Forever…” Pain and fear raced in his heart.

“How’s that possible? We have been through so much together. I made another mistake…”

“No William, you made a decision. I told you when you decided to give up the Atlanta office that I wouldn’t go through this again. I meant that. I just have to figure out a way to tell the children. I can’t do this any more.”

“Is it because you have a backup plan? Your Black Knight is waiting in the wings. So are the two of you going to marry downtown in the square and make a fool of me?” Startled laughter flew from Cinnamon’s throat.

“Is that what this is about, your pride? Is that why we’re still married, to keep me from marrying Malcolm?”

“I love you, I’ve always loved you, but you’ve always been a lot of work. I allowed you your little indiscretion. You made love to him right up under my nose and I looked the other way. I didn’t want to lose you, but I won’t allow you to leave me and make a fool of me and all we have worked to have.”

“Negro, you don’t have a choice. I don’t think you know who you’re dealing with. And for the record Malcolm and I didn’t have an indiscretion. We had a love affair, he loves me and I love him!” White hot pain ran through Brown at Cinnamon’s words. He was shocked.

“So how do you expect me to only be with you, when you’re with him?”

“William, you were sleeping all over for almost thirty years before Malcolm ever touched me. And in almost two years, Malcolm and I haven’t shared so much as a kiss. He hasn’t had his hands on me or any other woman. He loves ME that much! Your idea of love seems to be ownership of me, while screwing someone else. How do you think I felt when that man showed up at my door with pictures of you, butt naked inside his wife?” He cringed at her words.

“I’m sure if I had wanted to, I would have been able to have photos of you with Malcolm Black!”

“As usual you’re avoiding the real issue! I wish you had, then we could have resolved this mess years ago.”

“What mess is that, is that what you consider our marriage, a mess?”

“B, it is a mess…” His heart surged at her calling him ‘B,’ that was an affectionate name she had called him since they were children.

“William, we have created a mess. For over two decades we traveled the world, in every port you had your little, ‘things,’ as a woman, a wife and the mother of your children, I chose to look the other way. What we had seemed to transcend that. However, once we moved back to Florida, I truly thought that was all over. I was so busy getting Muhammad through school, taking care of my dying mother and working, I couldn’t see what was going on. And Malcolm was there for me at every juncture. I didn’t know his feelings for me or acknowledge mine for him; but he took care of me when no one else did. I remember all those lonely nights I sat with mama and you were God knows where, doing the devil knows what. He came by with food, books and conversation. I never meant to love him, but it seemed to become inevitable. After he confessed his feelings to me, you practically forced us together, inviting him into our lives, our home. B, he told you how he felt and he also told you he would never go away, not once you invited him in. Now, I understand, you were having an affair with Khadijah and my being with Malcolm just evened the playing field in your mind. What you didn’t count on was how much he loved me! You are unable to understand that. For almost two years he and I have been running the Learning Center, we have been friends… that’s it, just friends. However, your latest little indiscretion changes everything. William, I want to be loved, cared for and honored by a man who places me first after God. William Brown, it seems you aren’t that man.” Swallowing down a lump, Brown stared at his wife. He didn’t know what to say. There was nothing he could say.

“William, please leave, I need some peace. I need you to come by tomorrow so we can talk to Aura.”

“What are you planning to tell her?”

“The truth… that her mom and dad are separating after over three decades of marriage and that while we love her and each other, it isn’t enough to sustain us any longer. She’s almost thirty years old, she’ll be fine.”

“What will we tell our families?”

“I only have Aunt Gladys to tell. You can tell your family whatever you want to, I don’t care.”

Not knowing what else to say he reluctantly walked from his home. His heart felt as though it were going to fly from his chest. He never thought Cinnamon would make the decision to divorce him. They had been through so much.

God, please give me the strength to deal with all of this. I know you frown on divorce, but God I can’t go on like this. I have stayed faithful and true to that man to the best of my abilities. I know I stepped out of your will, when I was sexually involved with Malcolm but God, I also know I have asked for and received forgiveness from you. I’m going to need you ever so desperately to get me through this. I love William, but I’m too tired to go through this again. Amen.

What in the world am I going to do? I don’t know what I was thinking getting involved with that woman. For the past year, our lives have been almost platinum. I know Cinnamon has been true to me even though she was still close to Malcolm Black. We enjoyed helping raise our granddaughter and it’s been so awesome. God, why in the world did I allow myself to fall once again into the trap of my own lusts? I can’t imagine getting up everyday without Cinnamon in my life. I love and need her and God, though I’m ashamed to admit it, I can’t live in this town and watch the two of them. It would kill me.

MRS. BLACK @ WWW.AMAZON.COM
WWW.ANGELIAVMENCHAN.COM