BEAUTIFUL?

What we see as beautiful and how we define beauty is so definitive of who we are and how we have been cultured,
I can remember being a young girl coming of age in the sixties,
And being considered pretty, but dark,
I had yards of long, curly hair and that by definition made me lovely to so many,
The but dark comment was interesting because it was in comparison,
To my lighter hued mother, grandmother, sister and aunts,
For whatever reason I don’t recall feeling any kind of bad way about it,
Possibly because I heard smart and pretty often enough,
As the years passed I recalled a friend talking about those of ‘us’,
Who were ‘light-skinned’,
I looked at her saying, ‘I’m not light-skinned, I am dark…”
She laughed and said, ‘No you are not XYZ is dark, you are right in the middle,
Hmmm…
To this day I am still startled by that,
And what those kinds of messages send,
Just this past week my husband told me that my makeup was darker than necessary,
At first I took slight offense,
But he took me to the mirror and showed that the color came nowhere close to my neck,
Or any other part of my body,
Interesting,
Left me to wonder what the heck was that about,
If anything,
Was I making my face darker, subliminally,
Who the hell knows,
I do not that I cut of those yards of hair,
Many times over the years because I didn’t like being defined by good hair,
However, I have always felt that I had a healthy self-image,
The way I define beauty is from person to person,
And I find so much beauty in people,
And it never has to do with skin hue,
Hair texture or eye color,
I will admit that I am disturbed by those who only seem to find,
Beauty in that which is the opposite of them,
The dark haired girl who craves light hair,
Or the ebony girl who wishes to be ivory,
Or the black girl who only says white people are pretty,
Or the white girl who only thinks thin girls are beautiful,
I pay lots of attention to what people say,
As a writer it is food for books,
But more true that as a humanist,
I care so much about what make people tick,
And there seems to be no better sign of a healthy acceptance of self,
Than by that which we define beauty,
A friend told me recently was that one of the problems she had with me,
Was that I thought highly of myself,
Huh?
She told me that she had been raised to never think of herself as smart,
Pretty or special,
Ouch~
What a message to give a child,
Especially when she was all those things and had spent forty plus years not knowing it,
Kids need to know they are all those things,
And that dark brown skin is as lovely as cream colored skin,
That thick bodied girls are as fine as skinny ones,
That ebony locks are as beautiful as blonde straight hair,
And that all of that should be tempered with,
You are as good as any,
Better than none,
Smart as you choose to be,
And individually awesome,
Always….

Be THE PEACE YOU SEEK~

Angelia
http://womenwrites.blogspot.com

FAIR

I love when people tell me things aren’t fair,
Of course there is that old adage,
That life isn’t fair,
But many people are of the,
All is fair in love and war mindset,
And surely we can all feel that way if we want to,
But check this,
Just because we think it’s fair doesn’t mean it’s right,
Right and fair are not the same thing,
So what if someone does you wrong,
It might feel fair to do them wronger,
But it isn’t right,
And we are accountable for what WE do,
Not what is done to us,
Sometimes,
We have to cut our losses and move something,
Get to stepping,
And please don’t tell me how unfair it is that we are taxed heavily,
For this or that,
I do feel you,
Shoot,
We all work hard for our money,
But cheating on your taxes in the name of fairness,
Doesn’t make it right,
And be assured they almost always find you,
These are simple examples to be sure,
But I just hear so many talk about being fair,
And what isn’t fair,
And not as many people talk about being right,
Or doing right,
And when you just straight up chose to do wrong,
And try to call it right,
That just ain’t fair~

BE PEACE.
Angelia
http://womenwrites.blogspot.com

Valued

If you value someone and they have done something to you, good, bad or indifferent,
Just tell them...
That is what valuing someone is about,
Sometimes I hear people talking about how wonderful someone is,
But they never tell them,
The value is in letting them know,
The reverse is also true,
If someone you love or value has wronged you,
Or you perceive it as a wrong,
Tell them that also,
They may not know,
I am very guilty of this,
Because I am so self-contained,
And busy...
Someone will be taking issue with me,
And I simply won't know,
Tell a sister and let me at a minimum,
State my position~
Now if the person is not of value,
Then not fooling with them is probably the way to go,
Because God knows that is a waste of time,
But those we value and who value us,
Really need to know when we are on track,
And off track,
That my friends is mighty VALUABLE~

BE PEACED~
angelia

http://womenwrites.blogspot.com

SHARING

Sharing is a good thing, if I have bread you have bread,
If I have water, you have water,
But there are times when sharing dishonors you and those you love,
That is when you tell your business and their business,
Without thinking about the possible consequences and repercussion,
There from,
I don’t share much, keep my business to myself,
But there have been times when I have felt close to someone and just,
Talked, too much,
In some situations it was though I wanted someone to talk me out of something,
So the words flowed,
But one day I woke up,
Because every now and then the person,
Would use my words to remind me,
That they knew parts of me that should have been kept to self,
Ouch,
But ouch in a good way because it taught me that,
To keep something good,
Sweet,
Dear,
Special,
We just have to keep that thing to ourselves,
Especially in that love thang,
Because some just want to know your business,
Check this,
If you find yourself, sharing, sharing, sharing,
And the other person is sucking it up,
Not saying much or revealing anything,
That is a sign that your talk just might not be as sacred or special to them as it is to you,
So shhhhhh,
And if you can write, sing or pray,
Then do that,
Write a story about it,
Sing a song about it at the top of your lungs,
And pray, pray your way through it,
What you need to do will be revealed,
You have my word,
You don’t even have to go through it,
I have gone through it for you,
That’s how much I love you, me….

BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~
http://womenwrites.blogspot.com

Angelia~

IMAGE~

How often do you think about your image,
What you project,
How the world sees you?
I was once consumed with what the world saw when they saw me,
Not my looks,
But did they see who I was,
Wondered if they just saw a tall, Black girl,
Or is they could see a heart that pumped blood,
And worried far too much about the state of the world and her family,
Did they see me as some kind of statistic,
Based on their own assumptions because of what they thought they knew,
Or did they see someone who had always strived to do well in school,
Be as good as she could at whatever she did,
Had been working and paying taxes since she was thirteen,
Whew that was a lot of work,
But the older I got,
The less I thought about what those around me thought,
And just focused on being the best me I could be,
I am still startled when I hear someone describe me,
Realizing that I had been so caught up in living my life,
That I hadn’t thought much about it,
Last night I was telling my husband how excited,
Jennifer, Darnetta and Shae was about their stories being published,
In WOMEN’S WRITES
And he told me it was a big deal,
To have done it,
God as my witness,
I never saw it as that,
I just knew and loved these girls,
And wanted to do something for all of us that would be reflective of that and how,
I felt about them,
He smiled at me in some kind of way,
A bone melting (for me) loving way,
But I digress,
I am not even sure where I am going with this,
But suffice it to say that years ago,
I knew that what the world saw and responded to was what I put out there,
And I made a determination at a certain point,
To offer the best I had,
I fall short all the time,
But each time I try to do it again,
And BLESSEDLY,
It is not about any kind of IMAGE at all,
It’s just me being glad to be here and in the mix,
And grateful for what I have been given…
And willing in whatever small way to give a bit of it away…
To GOD be the Glory….

Angelia
www.womenwrites.blogspot.com

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE

What I know for sure is how BLESSED I AM,
God loves me,
I have to love of a Good Man,
Relationships with my children,
An amazing Grandbaby,
My Sister, my niece, my family-in-love by marriage,
And friends galore,
I am so Blessed and even more GRATEFUL,
What I also know for sure,
Is that if I can have all this,
A really good job,
A growing writing career,
And the ability to have folk listen to what I say,
ANYONE CAN,
I fit a lot of stereotypes,
Single mother,
Lived in the hood, before we knew it was the hood,
But the hood for sure,
When I think about it now,
Umm Umm, umm...
But what I had and knew I had was,
God's Love,
Family Love,
A brain with the discernment to know right from wrong,
And to know that to do anything or be anything,
It was up to me through God's grace,
And that when I messed up,
Only he needed to forgive me,
And the only person I needed to blame was me,
As such,
It made me KNOW FOR SURE,
THAT THROUGH GOD'S GRACE AND BLESSINGS,
THIS SMALL PART OF THE WORLD IS MINE,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

angelia
http://womenwrites.blogspot.com

I AM COMING OUT!

In 373 days I am going to publish, Angelia-Woman/Child,
Yes, that is correct, on January 19, 2011,
I am writing a book about my life from ages 12-18,
Those years were some of the toughest years imaginable,
But they are also the years that made me,
They could have broken me, but through GRACE,
And whatever this that God gave me,
I made it through,
I never meant to do this,
I wrote nine books in the last four years,
And there were characters who looked and talked like me,
Cinnamon Brown,
A character who in many, many ways was the young me,
Malaaka Green for Is NO Not Clear Enough For You?
And women who I want to one day be,
Cinnamon’s Auntie Sara Dubois,
But they were all ‘Fictionalized Truths’
But yesterday during a conversation a light went off in my head,
And I knew it was time to reveal ME,
So that some young girl somewhere can see the possibilities,
Because so many think they know,
They see how I am now,
And what little bit I have accomplished,
And the assumption is,
SHE ALWAYS HAD IT EASY,
Oh honey,
Some have even had the audacity to say it to my face,
Well BABEE~
I am here to tell you,
That aint so,
Not by a long shot,
And if I am going to do this thing,
That God has decided I can do,
Then it is time to Bring It,
The Realness,
For Real!

Love and Blessings,
Angelia
Get your copy of WOMEN’S WRITES @
http://womenwrites.blogspot.com
All other books by Angelia Vernon Menchan @
http://acvermen.blogspot.com

For My MAN~

Last night after my man and I came from a meeting,
He told me he felt a bit woozy,
At first I thought he was jesting,
Because we had sat for two hours in hard chairs and I had felt dizzy upon standing,
But as I lay next to him,
I felt his heart thump a bit faster,
And he was slightly warm and said he had a headache,
As I bolted from the room,
To the kitchen to get Tylenol and water it hit me,
This is my man,
This is the father of my children,
This is the person I have loved and been married to for over,
Thirty years,
The person I have weathered so many storms with,
And celebrated so many triumphs with,
The person that can give me a look,
That immediately says, ‘Pump the brakes baby, you acting up”
And I do,
But who at the same times causes my heart to melt and my stomach to,
Flutter after all these years,
He is my LOVE~
And I want and need him to be here with me,
Because there is so much that God has in store for us together,
And I made sure I told him that last night,
And again this morning,
And sometime during the day,
I will tell him again,
I love and APPRECIATE him~

BE PEACE,
Angelia
http://womenwrites.blogspot.com
http://acvermen.blogspot.com

I KNOW ME~

I am a work in progress,
I didn’t say a piece of work,
Hee, though some might…
Haa,
Anyway, all jokes aside,
There is always something about me that needs fixing,
Or refixing and for the most part no one has to tell me my mess,
ME KNOW,
One of the things I am working hardest on right now,
Is not trying to fix things,
I became a fixer early on,
There were adults in my life that were living upside down,
So by age twelve,
I was darn good at smoothing out the edges of my life,
And running interference,
Made me GROWN early,
But thankfully it made me cautious and responsible,
Thanks be to God for that,
However,
It also made me feel responsible for everything and everybody,
It took me years to realize not just intellectually,
But actually,
That my husband and only him was responsible for him,
And when I did learn to relax and let him be,
Oh what a relief it was,
For both of us,
At work I have had to learn to delegate,
A couple years ago I was short-staffed,
Instead of saying anything I worked like an aging Diva on speed,
Got a raise, bonuses and was as tired as a junkyard dog,
So tired that after several months I walked in my supervisors office and imploded,
Heck maybe I exploded,
I will not say the words here that I said there,
I will say that I have prayed about it and been forgiven,
Sheesh~
Now my work is with my grown children and my grandbaby,
For the former I have to realize that I love them,
And support them but OWE them nothing,
And that their expectations are about them and not about me,
I also have to accept that I am done raising children,
And that I am a grandmother,
To love, cherish and spoil a little bit that Princessa of mine,
But to leave her to her parents to raise,
The same way I was allowed to do,
So, all of my PRAYER WARRIORS,
Keep your sister covered on this one,
Cause I am bound to fall short a time or two,
I know ME~

LOVE AND BLESSINGS~
angelia

GOTTA MAN~

Right out the gate I wanna say to all my sisters,
Who dont want a man, dont need a man, and who can do bad all by themselves,
this is not for you and I LOVE YOUR INDEPENDENCE,
But,
For those of us who want a man, got a man, every now and then need him,
Although we know we can DO GOOD ALL BY OURSELVES,
I just want to say this,
If you have a man and want to keep him,
Sometimes,
You must cut him some slack,
If he loves you and you love him,
And if he is going through something,
He does not need it in his face all the time,
Men dont relate at that level,
And let me tell you the World is full of those women,
Who will say what he wants to hear,
Support his dreams,
Tell him how handsome he is,
And then REAP THE REWARDS OF WHAT HE BECOMES~
Now you dont have to believe me,
But I am telling you what I know for sure~
Sometimes we have to be quietly supportive,
And know when and what to say,
To make it work,
This is not about weakness but about the right kind of strength~

BE BLESSED~
angelia

WHAT SAVED ME~

Someone close to me who knows me asked me what saved me,
I didn’t have to give a spiritual answer,
Because I knew the saved they meant wasn’t about my salvation,
But about me and my survival,
As my birthday approaches I think about my good childhood friend Sandra,
She was two days older than me and some even said we looked alike,
I was tall and she was short,
But she and I had the same reddish-brown complexion,
The same curly, wavy hair,
The same smart mouths,
And the ability to laugh at the absurd,
But the difference is that ten days before her birthday and twelve before mine,
She has been dead for several years,
Too many men, too many substances and too much life,
And I am here,
We lived next door to each other for a couple of years,
But at twelve, my mama moved us,
But even when living side by side we saw life differently,
My head was stuck in a book,
While she ran the streets,
My mama watched me like a hawk,
No one seemed concerned about her whereabouts,
She thought looks and boys brought happiness,
I already knew better than that,
So when we separated,
Our lives separated,
I would see her every now and then,
She dropped out of school,
Went to Job Corps,
Came back and had a good job,
But the pull of the WORLD,
Was in her,
I studied hard,
Ignored my raging hormones,
And lord knows they were raging and men were looking,
But~ I~
Stayed focused on what I needed to do,
No matter what was going on around me,
But what mostly saved me,
Was knowing at such an early age,
That ultimately the only person responsible for me was me,
And that having sex before being ready to deal with what that all meant,
Or drinking or drugging would not lead to a good place,
I wasn’t blind and didn’t feel invincible,
I could see where too much of all that could lead,
It was plenty obvious~
And I knew me,
I knew that anything that I indulged in I would probably do to excess,
So I decided to simply not partake until I was better equipped to deal with it,
What made me like that,
God only knows,
But I am so GRATEFUL~
Because I know for sure that instead of living this amazing life I am living,
That I too could be beat down by life,
Or lying in a grave somewhere,
Due to choices~

BE PEACE~
angelia

WE'S MARRIED NOW~

Marriage is work…
Oh what a revelation,
Which might also might explain why there are so few that last,
Because we live in a microwave, instant message world,
And no one wants to wait for anything to happen,
And we for darned sure aren’t trying to put up with anyone’s mess,
Well in marriage there is a lot of mess,
To be sure,
When I got married,
I didn’t have many female marriage models,
My mom wasn’t married,
One aunt was dead,
One aunt divorced,
One never married,
One widowed,
And one married for over fifty years,
But amongst them I never heard how to be married,
I heard much, ‘A man will be a man…’
Kind of stuff,
And I also saw, savvy-hardworking women who could do much,
So I decided that I would figure out this marriage thing based on me and my values,
I vowed to stay married,
Work through it,
And it was hard, damn hard at times,
In the early years it seemed I did all the work,
Raised the kids,
Worked part-time jobs and got some education,
Felt so one-sided,
BUT,
I was married to a hardworking man who provided well for his family,
And LOVED him some me,
No matter what we went through and we went through a plenty,
We worked it out,
We didn’t call our parents,
We didn’t talk to our siblings,
We didn’t go to our friends,
When we were broke,
We were broke together,
I remember that first couple years before kids,
On the night before payday we created meals out of nothing,
But no one knew but us,
Once we had children and were doing better financially and the kids were driving us nuts,
We dealt with that quietly also,
It was our family and our business and that is how we dealt,
Because something I knew innately is that everybody didn’t necessarily have our best interests at heart and I wasn’t going to spend time trying to figure that out,
Instead I would use that energy on my marriage,
I also inherently knew that there was no such thing as a 50/50~
Umm ummm,
Marriage is giving all you have,
All the time,
And sometimes my man only had twenty percent,
Therefore I had to come up with eighty,
And there were the days when my twenty was all I could give,
And he had to put in eighty,
And even with all that we still wanted to saddle up and leave at times,
But we didn’t,
Because what we both knew is that the devil was a liar,
And we were in it to win it,
And one of the best lessons was that marriage wasn’t about him,
Or about me, it was about US,
And thanks be to God we had an US mindset,
I can remember so many women saying they couldn’t be married to the Army,
My husband was a soldier for twenty-two years,
I told them and meant it,
‘I am not married to the Army, I am married to that man who is in the Army…’
The same way he is now married to a woman who writes books, works a full time job and has a gang of other stuff going on…
If you want that man or that woman,
You are going to have to put in work,
Now I am in no way condoning madness,
If you don’t love the person,
Want to kill them,
Or they don’t love you and want to kill you,
There might not be a whole lot that can sustain you,
Well GOD can but that is another blog for another day,
But if you do love the person and is willing to put in work,
Along with lots of PRAYER and understand that nothing lasting is built overnight,
And that there are no crops without lots of rain,
And that sometimes,
The rain is the result of a storm,
And that there are sometimes even when you want to shout from the rooftops,
You have to be really quiet,
And when you want to cuss,
You have to pray,
Or if you feel like spitting,
You need to go outside,
And know that everyday is work,
But the past ends at midnight and if you woke up this morning,
You have time to get it right,
You just might be able to be married~

Love and BLESSINGS~

angelia

AS QUIET AS IT'S KEPT~

This past week in talking about my book, Mrs. Black? it was mentioned a couple of times that the players even when not very nice were not combative,
I was asked why and other than my own truth,
Which is this,
I know for sure that most situations can be resolved without excessive drama,
Often drama is precipitated by what others think one should do and say,
As opposed to what is best,
As such when I am writing,
I write as I KNOW things can be and often are in those situations,
That no one hears about,
For instance in the case of infidelity,
A lot of people cheat,
A proven fact,
And as quiet as it’s kept,
People get past it, over it and live their lives again,
Many without divorcing or running up and down the street with a revolver,
Or beating up on anyone~
The same is true of all life,
The other day I was walking behind a newly divorced woman and she,
Was professing to her friends how glad she was not to have to do this,
That or the other,
The other women laughed,
But I didn’t because I saw her eyes,
And could feel the pain in her words,
I KNEW,
She was only saying those words to make herself feel better and to try to convince,
The Sistas,
That she was cool…
Another thing is that people think women have a monopoly on compromise,
And understanding,
Sure according to the press that is true,
But I kid you not, the PRESS don’t know it all,
There are a plethora of compromising,
Understanding men,
Who are willing to do what it takes to satisfy or be with a woman,
Even if the world thinks he is nuts,
Because some men know just like women,
That the WORLD,
Didn’t give it and the WORLD can’t take it away,

BE PEACE~
Angelia
http://womenwrites.blogspot.com

HAPPY NEW ME~

2010 feels right to me and for me. I have never felt in a better place, spiritually or emotionally. I am working fervently on my prayer and worship life,
My marriage is strong and loving,
I have decided to allow my kids to do it their way,
And to deal with whatever doing it that way brings,
My family relationships and friendships are where they should be,
Some I had to pump the breaks on and I am okay with that,
And I want to say,
No one has offered me millions of dollars.
Or any such thing,
And that is the beauty of it all,
The way I feel has nothing to do with anything external,
It is all internal and decisional,
Yesterday my pastor did a sermon on being content,
From Phillipians 4: 10-13
And I tell you, he broke it all the way down and what resonated with me most,
Was that we actually have to decide to be content,
It is not some miracle,
Or some ‘thing’ driven entity,
It is an internal decision,
To be content,
No matter what is going on in our lives,
I learned a great deal of that as a teenager,
My life was chaotic,
But I learned to navigate the world and not allow it to overwhelm me,
Or to allow me to make stupid decisions,
That I could later blame on someone else,
Though I must confess,
That a part of that was to become a fixer,
I honestly felt that I could fix the people in my life and make them be a certain way,
Or do a certain thing,
Well I cannot,
Oh what a revelation,
Because God knows I will do all I can to support,
But fix, umm uh,
My plan is to leave that to a higher power,
And I know it won’t happen overnight,
Don’t even expect it to,
But each day my goal it to work on it,
Pray through it,
And redo it when I mess up~

HAPPY NEW ME~

Angelia

Get your copy of WOMEN’S WRITES @ http://womenwrites.blogspot.com

HAPPY 30TH BOOGIE~