MOTHER WIT - PREORDER

MOTHER WIT by Angelia Vernon Menchan and Dera R. Williams discusses and explores the complex, sometimes troublesome, yet ultimately, loving relationships between mothers and daughters, stepmothers and stepdaughters and those who are bound to them by love. The five stories are at times dark, yet light, uplifting and heartbreaking. However, most importantly they are stories tied together with hope that explore and reveal intense female ties.

WHEW~~

Every night this week has found me zzzzzz’d out before nine pm. Sunday it was before eight, and no wonder, most weekdays I am up by 4:30 in order to be at my office by 5:45. Now mind you, no one is making me do this. I am able to start work any time before nine and can even work from home if I choose to. And sometimes I do. But I get up and get at it, because I am a true get it done early woman. Have always been, probably always will be, but this morning…my first thought was to just stay in bed. Of course, I didn’t I, got my shower in, my coffee in, got dressed and got to it…but by the time I sat at my desk, read my work and personal emails I knew this would be an early day. Just reading some of them word me out. My goal is to get this stuff off my desk, and be home by noon, so I can take a nap and prepare for a meeting and church tonight.
2010 has been a prolific year for me in so many ways, wrote and published the anthology Women Writes in January, wrote and published Re_Rambled: Food and Thought in April and Mother Wit is less than two weeks from publish date…not to mention working ten-twelve hours days for the past couple of months on my day job…and why? Because I know that God has blessed me to be able to do all this and there is so much to be done. I will confess though that sometimes it is way too much…and sometimes never enough…But I am praying my way through that, and a good place to start will be with that nap, later…..
BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK…
Angelia

GENERATIONAL ISH....

Yesterday after church and dinner with friends I got home and was so tired I could barely move, but it was a good kind of tired. On Friday I had celebrated my man’s birthday with family, on Saturday I had gone to a new venue to sell my books and was pleasantly surprised and very pleased about the response and I completed the process of book number ten, of which I am very pleased, Mother Wit with Dera Jones and I.

However, as I lolled in my bed, thoughts ran through my mind, thinking about my children, your children, the world’s children, particularly African-American children and it occurred to me that in so many cases, those of us in our fifties and sixties and even older are working circles around young people. And before someone says; ‘It’s the economy stupid,’ I am going to say, no not just that.

For years and years I have noticed it. In prior generations almost always the current generation was more educated and ultimately out earned and were more successful than previous generations and in my humble opinion that is as it should be. However, I am very concerned now, because while there are many, many young people doing well and becoming educated. There are way too many who are underemployed, unemployed and undereducated to the point that even if they get jobs, they are earning pittances, which makes them unable to take care of themselves or anyone else. Or, they have such sporadic work histories, leaving jobs at the first problem, or feeling it is okay to dress or say anything on a job they chose to. And I am not bashing, I am simply trying to understand how this all transpired. Is it because we gave them too much, made is all seem so easy or do they think it just doesn’t matter?

I can remember growing up and everyone worked, man, woman and child. People didn’t buy things they couldn’t afford and it seems we all understood that we would start out with less and work our way towards more. Now it seems that some young people feel they are entitled to the best world has to offer and they want it right now…

The other day I mentioned not understanding this and was basically told, not to judge, just love and that people who don’t know, cannot do. Well, I am sorry, but many of the people who I am addressing to do know and were raised to do, they had simply for some reason decided they are owed something. And they were all LOVED. I am guessing that maybe the prosperity of our generation perhaps allowed us to overindulge our children and didn’t allow us enough time to explain or teach how important, ‘the work’ aspect of life is, but surely I don’t know…just RAMBLING out loud.
BE PEACE~
RE-RAMBLED: FOOD and THOUGHT @
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YOUTUBE BOOK REVIEW

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BROWNGIRLSPEAKS 07 20 2010
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NOTORIUSSPINKSTALKS 07 21 2010

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BOOKSONTHETRAIN 07 22 2010

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GLAMAZINA'S NATURAL HAIR JOURNEY 07 23 2010

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BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK~~~

angelia

It Is None Of Our...

I am always startled when I am confronted with busy-bodyness and taking too much to do with someone else’s business…this weekend I was sitting next to someone who whispered to me, ‘She is looks too old for him…” I looked at the person who was saying it and she went on to say, “I don’t know how old she is but she looks too old for him, not sure why he married her.” I ignored the conversation, but when it was said again, I said, “ He probably loves her, she loves him, the look happy and besides what does that have to do with anyone other than them?” My whisperer turned up her nose and looked at me as though I were a traitor…

I’m sorry, though I have opinions much the same as anyone and they aren’t always nice and flattering my goal is to keep that kind of mess to myself and not share it and spread it around, because that kind of stuff is just, well mean and none of our business…at all…and life is so short to be consumed with, well I want to cuss here, but I will say ‘Stuff’…too short.

I am really unclear on what makes people think they are the arbiter of good taste or that it is their responsibility to hand-pick friends and relationships for others…I have my own theories but I will keep those to me….I will just say something I have said many times before, ‘If we all focus on our own stuff, surely that will keep us so busy as to have no time for anyone else’s business at all.’ Also, if a person doesn’t ask us who they should marry, date, talk to or coexist with it is easy to guess, they really, really don’t care to have our opinion and unless we pay their bills, take care of all their needs and can save their very souls, we might just want to accept that it is just NONE of our Business…
BE PEACE~~~

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Blessings~
angelia

Whatcha Know For~

Do you ever think of yourself and what you are known for? I do, all the time, mostly because people like to tell me…recently I spoke to someone from my hometown, had seen them only a time or two since leaving almost 35 years ago and they told me they were proud of me for writing and that they always knew I would do something like that because I was ‘known for being smart and bookish’…I smiled and thanked them and wondered, “What if I hadn’t been known as smart and bookish and still wrote books, wonder what they would have said?” Yes, I’m always wondering such things, probably why I make up characters who provide me with answers.

It also made me think about one of my books, SCHAE’S STORY. Schae was known for being a woman who had many men and was all about money, but, when she found Christ and started to live a better life, no one was trying to hear all that and reminded her constantly what she was ‘known for’. I talk to so many people who are stuck on who and what people used to be known for, they cannot see what the person has become good, bad or indifferent and they judge the person forever by that criteria. I love being known as smart and bookish, I am, but sometimes I am other things, like irritable, and opinionated, and divaish…yes, I know me. And my point is those things don’t make me any less or any more, they simply mean that I am a complex HUMAN~

What really gets me is when people say what Christians should be like, I often tell them that Christians are like any other person, with the difference being they are always working on doing better and continually immersing themselves in the WORD and believing prayer. I know of a woman who is in her 80s and there are still people who cannot get over the person she was in her forties…I am serious about this. The woman is devout and lives her life as best she can, but, the old stuff just never goes away.

I actually understand why that is, because it boils down to, IF YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED, PROSPERED, PROGRESSED OR TRANSFORMED, it is hard to accept or appreciate the fact that others have.

Years ago as a Job Corps counselor, I was astonished by parents who didn’t want their children to prosper, they constantly reminded them of ‘who they were and where they came from..” But, with prayer and understanding I came to realize they were just scared, scared that if their children outdistanced them, then they wouldn’t love them or respect them or something…and you do know that at the end of the day we all want to be loved and respected, particularly by those we love and respect. So if ever someone feels the need to remind you of who you are and it is less than flattering, remember, they probably don’t know you at all and they are speaking from a place of their own pain…Be gentle with them….

BE PEACE~~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

BUT, I Want It!

One of the hardest things today for so many is to understand that wants and needs aren’t the same, we have gotten them so confused in our minds, that they blur together…fortunately, I learned early on…growing up we had all our needs met and many wants, but the wants we received was on my mom’s terms not ours…I can recall wanting a movie projector for Christmas when I was twelve…mama said, ‘Maybe’…and I knew better than to ask again, I also knew that my grades would have to stay tight and the next months leading up to Christmas I would have to be on my Ps and Qs…about age 13, I discovered my love for shoes…mama and I were in Belk’s school shopping and some really snazzy alligator loafers caught my eye…I wanted those loafers, mama looked at me like I was crazy and told me I better get those $15.00 Bass Weejuns, which was a lot of money at the time and really good shoes, that I had really loved prior to seeing the others…she told me; ‘People with jobs get those kinds of shoes which were twice as much…’ three week later I had a job….and though I have made some financial missteps since then, I have never forgotten to not confuse what I want with what I need…I need somewhere to live, and food and water….I want four books a month and new shoes, regularly…and I know that when something more important is due such as property taxes or such, that shoes and books will have to wait…if I cannot afford both…and blessedly due to my own person frugality and moreso, God’s favor I can…

This is a message that I am continually imparting to the young people in my life, that they have to first focus on what they need and then conquer wants; it seems so hard for them to understand that eating out is a luxury not a need…also that good shoes that cover your feet are just as good as designer ones (touche’), or that if you know how much you are going to have each month, spending more than that is foolhardy…because even that isn’t promised to you…and I totally understand…

We live in an I want it and I want it now world, everything is quick, fast and in a hurry…and until recently all you had to do was want a credit card, a house or car you couldn’t afford and bam, there is was…however, once you had those things; oftimes you were living inside without necessities while rolling through the hood showing off wants….the madness has got to stop…

Listen up, learn to pay your bills on time, make sure if there are fifteen days between paydays, that you purchase fifteen days worth of food when you have money and that a meal out will usually pay for two in, and if you continue to work hard, save a little bit and do without all the luxuries that aren’t really important, you will discover that in time, you can have your needs and your wants met without doing without…anything…through God’s grace…trust me on this one, been there and done all that…

SMOOCHES~~~
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

NEW REVIEW FOR RE-RAMBLED

From Debra Owsley of Simply Said Accessories:

I love common sense; it’s the voice of reason amongst the madness. Just remembering the core values you were taught as a child, makes life easier, less stressful and brings less drama. Do unto others as if you were the others, is just common sense. I remember clearly listening to my Mom and Grandmother rambling on thei...r” ism’s”. I also remember rolling my eyes saying what do they know. But I also clearly remember how even to this day, when they just made sense. Observing the obvious, and how the core values always kick in.


I just got finished reading
Angelia Menchan’s, Re-Rambled. She should have subtitled it “life in common sense”. I really loved her random discussions and observations on life. I laughed because I have often thought the same things and had these conversations in my head. Angelia’s thoughts are reminders of our core values. I found myself naming people at the end of each essay who I could dedicate it to, as well as adding an “ism” that I was reminded of from my core. This book is a treasure, of what makes just makes sense.

5 Stars

http://www.amazon.com/RE-RAMBLED-Food-Thought-Ramblings-Special/product-reviews/0978783573/ref=cm_cr_dp_all_helpful?ie=UTF8&coliid=&showViewpoints=1&colid=&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

Be the peace you seek
http://www.angeliamenchan.com/
http://acvermen.blogspot.com/

UNDER THE COVERS...Pretty Packages

How often do we pick up the wrong thing or assume some thing because of how something is packaged…we have all been guilty of this…

For instance, most of us will see two bags on a table, one is pretty, shiny , large and has a huge, red bow…the other is a brown, crumpled paper bag, half the size of the other…most like if told we can have either one, we will take the big, pretty one…because the assumption is the bigger and prettier, the better…but sometimes, the big, pretty bag is filled with junk, pretty junk mind you but junk, non-the-less and the crumpled bag is crumbled because it is filled with such good stuff, it has been opened over and over again, just to enjoy the wonders inside…you know what I mean…

You see him across the room and he is so, foine…tall, dark, handsome, driving the best car, flossy…but after getting to know him, you can never account for where he is…missing in action…see, here is the thing, a lot of folk like big, pretty thangs and will share them with you…for real…

Now, the one who is unassuming, average looking, goes to work every day, can’t dribble a ball that well, gets no play, but he is known for his kindness, his willingness to put in work to make it work…but how will one ever know that if one can’t get past the brown bag thing…

On the flip side, we all know we have passed by a youngster who looks all thugged out, pants sagging, hair nappy according to our standards and we assume he is a bad boy….then one day by chance we are blessed with a conversation, and the young brother has got it going on, in college, working a job, no baby-mamas and so well-read it makes your eyes water…but of course if you can’t get past the cover of that book, you will never know…

Same with books…I hear so many people say ‘ooooo, I want to read that so bad, the cover is so, HOT…’ then later on you ask them how was it or what it was about and they shrug and have no answer…can’t even remember in some cases…because they were taken in by just another pretty package…

Now in no way am I implying that every pretty package is empty, oh no, not at all…most are filled with goodies…what I am saying is that we must sometimes, every now and then chose that less obvious thing and allow ourselves to be caught up in and taken away by, what is inside the packages, rather than being swept away by what it looks like it might be…

BE PEACE…
Angelia
www.angeliamenchan.com

THEY TAUGHT ME~~

This morning, driving in for some reasons I thought about the educators who were in my life, I remember Ms. Vereen, my first grade teacher, she was a family cousin as was tough as nails, I remember her spanking me because I read the whole book instead of the two pages she told us to read…guess I was showing off I had been reading since four…well it taught me not to show off because she pulled me to the front of the classroom, pulled up my literal dress and popped me on my butt…today she would end up in prison…how times have changed, I was just glad mama had put on my ruffled panties…

In second grade, Mrs. Jones was my teacher, she also had a blood tie to my family and she was the one who taught me elocution and placed me in every play that came along from 1st through 5th grades…she also gave me a scholarship from her sorority when I graduated from high school and I hadn’t seen her in years…so grateful to her…

Third grade, my teacher was Mrs. Andrews, she was my pastor’s wife and what I remember most was her wanting to past me from 3rd to 4th grade immediately and my mama not allowing it, didn’t want me rushed, I am still not over that one…so as a bonus she allowed me to tutor 1st and 2nd graders…

Fourth grade found me in Ms. Holt’s class, she was only about 23 at the time as so pretty, dark brown skin, shoulder length hair and mini-skirts and she allowed us to listen to soul music in her class…she also taught me a hard lesson, she was having a spelling bee and giving $10 to the winner, she would not allow me to participate…me or Lester, w e had to go to the library…ummph, but a good thing came from that, I learned that we have to work hard for stuff and not always take the easy route, because me and Lester could spell any words…

By sixth grade I finally had male teachers, two in fact. Mr. Isaacson was a young white man fresh out of a Wisconsin college and was out of his element in an inner city school. But, he would always tell me I was going far…called me, Angelia Vernon, girl genius…haa haa haa…

And there was Mr. Allen, he was the flyest teacher ever, wore the coolest glasses and suits…he had come with me from my old school…and he didn’t play, for a brief period I tried to fit into a different environment by hiking up my skirts and acting all ‘fast’, he cold stopped me in my tracks by telling me how I would end up and threatening to tell my mama…Scared straight….
After that I was pretty much ready for anything because I had been nurtured and educated by educators who cared about me, wanted better for me than I knew to want for myself and were willing to give it to me ‘straight-no-chaser…’

Man, am I grateful for them…and I Thank God for them and for giving me enough sense to pay attention…

Angelia,
www.angeliamenchan.com

WHOLENESS...

Most of us have periods of brokenness, it is important to our growth to get through that, always working to become whole…however, something occurred to me and continues to occur to me and that is many people, way too many, revel in their brokenness…they embrace it and treat it as a badge of honor, to always be able to walk around with stuff going on and someone to blame…because you do know that blaming others allows you to stay broken…I know you are feeling I need to blame that person who molested me, that man who hit me, that boss who fired me…and to some extent that is true, but only for a time…because the truth is that once you turn the molester, beater in to the authorities, and find another job…it is time to get on and over it…because if you allow that blame to guide you, it will stop you cold from doing anything else except blame…I learned that at thirteen, my home life was helter-skelter and I was walking around with a chip on my shoulder and a teacher called me on it…whew…it hurt like the dickens but I started to work on me…did I overnight get transformed, umm no, but I did learn to make my own way, keep myself out of situations that weren’t good for me and to focus on a life plan that would keep me from those kinds of situations….
I am always startled when I speak to people in their forties, fifties and even older and they talk about things that are decades old as if they had occurred yesterday…not talk about it as a part of their history, but as if each and every day they get up and live in it…whew…breaks my heart…because I know they will probably go to their graves bitter and sad about things they cannot change…the only thing they can change is themselves…and that takes some doing and it also takes some undoing…
By undoing it means there are people in our lives, who though we may be tied to them by blood or circumstance we have to cut them loose…let them go, love them from afar…

that person who is always trying to remind you of where you come from in order to keep you there…let ‘em go…

The person who tells you every negative thing someone says about you, let ‘em go, because you know what they are trying to do is kill your other relationships…I had to learn this because I have had good relationships and someone will come along and tell me something the person said, under the guise that I needed to know it…and the truth is I didn’t. Everyone talks about others and if it isn’t life threatening or life altering it is probably no big deal…just idle chatter...

The man who makes you feel inferior in order to make himself feel superior…let him go…

The friend who always finds something negative to say about your appearance, in order to make herself look better, let her go…

The family members who you never hear from unless they want or need something and get mad at you and stop talking to you if you don’t give it…let ‘em go…
These are all people who aren’t whole and who aren’t interested in your wholeness and sometimes to love em, we might have to leave ‘em…

I have had to learn many of these lessons the hard way, by going through and each day I am still learning, but my mission is WHOLENESS…and I want as many people with as want to go…through God’s grace…

BE PEACE~~~
angelia

Revelations

I am always experiencing revelations...dont even have to leave home to have it happen...one of the most painful ones is the revealing of what people are about...I have a few folk in my life who know me, they know if they hint around about something for the most part I am going to do it...and alas, that is the extent of our relationship...

Here recently, I have had a couple of experiences where the person hinted and I ignored or they came right out and asked and I finally had the wherewithall to say, 'Umm, no, not going to do it, at least not like that,,," Felt freeing to me...and I knew it was right for me...

Haven't heard from them, not 'hey, hello, how you doing, go to hell, nothing, nada, and I am not surprised, because as goofy as I act, I straight knew what the relationships were and what they were about. I recall years ago having a painful conversation with a friend...we had known each other for about four years and I realized our relationship was so one sided, everything was about her pain, her life, her this or her that...she would invite me to lunch and ask me to pay, for her...after awhile I said to her, 'We arent friends...' She said, "Of course we are, Angi, you are so good to me," I remained quiet and I saw the revelation hit her...

And I only blame me, no one else because giving at times has been my quest to make good, to get people who I have to coexist with feel comfortable on some level...martyrdom at it's finest...
Well, no mas, I am tired and there are too many way too many worthy causes I need to support...Breast Cancer Research, Prostate Cancer, et. al...

BE PEACE...
angelia

INDEPENDENCE DAY

It is the 4th of July, Independence Day and I am thinking about my own independence, there are a few things that I need to be independent of and from...
These twenty pounds that I hang on to with a certain amount of defiance,
The desire to take care of those who are capable of and should be taking care of themselves...
The independence from the fear of really being successful with this book thing, yes, that is a confession...am too concerned how it will impact others...
And independent of holding myself back from all the things I love, want and enjoy...
Yep, do it all the time, try to hard to be selfless, that I ofttimes forget about myself...
This morning I got up early, real early and took all these things to the altar, asking God to free me from my fears and to allow me to realize and encompass all that he has for me...that where I am concerned that his will be done and that I relax and listen,
Shoot, I am feeling more independent already....

Enjoy your HOLIDAY...
angelia

THE FORGIVEN

Many people talk a good game when it comes to forgiving people, sounds good on paper,
A few months ago a mainstream author sent out a request for people to send in stories who had survived abuse at the hands of parents or guardians...I prayed about it and sent in a story about my stepdad, he was a man who felt it was okay to hit my mom and to then hit me, because I felt it was my job to defend her,,,and I am here to tell you, he never became a favorite person of mine, however, one day he stopped hitting my mom, I was gone by then, not sure what transpired all that, but they lived together for twenty-something more years before they died, four months apart...
Once, I had children, I knew that he would be around them, but, I also knew for whatever reason he would never hit them...or harm them, so I talked to God and made a decision to forgive him and free myself...he and I had a cordial relationship, we both loved my mama and what had transpired was over...he also had very good relationships with my sons, all they knew of him was how he treated them and how generous he was to them...I never told them any different...life went on..that is how God works...
Well, that is the story I sent in, and the author wrote me back, trying to change my mind and my story...it was so hard for her to wrap her mind around having forgiven someone who hit you...I told her that I was sorry that I couldnt make up what she wanted or needed to hear...I gave her truth, that I was angry at him and my mom for years, but that one day I knew I had to forgive them both and once I did I was free from all that pain and anger....I never heard from her again...not surprised, at all...because as I said, People talk good game...

However, I have been forgiven and have forgiven more times than I can count, and I thank God for it...which is why everything I write have elements of forgiving and compromise to make life work...many find that unrealistic, and I understand why...until you have learned to forgive or compromise...it is unrealistic....

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BE THE PEACE YOU SEEK...
angelia