APOOO SUPPORTS AFRICAN AMERICAN AUTHORS

Yasmin Coleman, owner and moderater of APOOO BookClub shows her love and support of and for African American Authors. For the Month of February, APOOO highlights and showcases authors. Please stop by starting 02/01/2008 to show love and support.

Yas, my APOOO Sister we love and appreciate you!

http://www.apooo.org/

Blessings,

angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

You Better Ask!

I am always astonished by grown folks, mostly women,
Who are moaning about what they aren't getting...
My first question is did you ask...
So many look at me as though I am nuts!
I am, but that's a blog for another day...
I tell them of course not,
But if you want something from someone,
You need to ask for it, otherwise your chances of getting it are nil...
On a job, if you are feeling underpaid and overworked, asking for a raise,
Is not the end of the world...worse case scenario, you will be told no, which will leave you with some decisions to be made...or you might even get one...
I learned this in my twenties,
I was working in retail management and discovered that a male counterpart,
With less seniority was outearning me,
For several days I was fuming, I talked to my mom about it,
She asked, 'What did they say?"
"What did who say?"
"Your bosses of course, surely you asked?"
Of course I hadn't but I did and recieved an immediate raise, hadn't gotten one because I hadn't asked...
The same is true in relationships...
So many women tell me, "He didn't get me what I wanted for my b'day (fill in other event)"
The first question I ask is, 'Did you tell him what you wanted'...
"Well, no...why should I have to do that."
After I get done rolling my eyes, I say, 'You should do that to get what you want...because obviously, not asking isn't working for you..."
Many say, "That isn't very romantic"...
I tell them it can be, because it sure isn't romantic to get something you don't want over and over again,
And complain about it...whereas...
Asking for and getting what you want, can become real romantic, with a Quickness, but hey don't listen to me, though I know that if you always do, what you always did, you will always get what you always got..."

So if you really want something, YOU BETTER ASK!

smooches,
angelia

Can You Imagine...

I have the most vivid imagination....
I know you are rolling your eyes, saying, 'Of course you do, you're a writer and I read some of your stuff,
and saying your imagination is vivid is some understatement..." Giggling...
True, but that is not what I mean...
What I am talking about is I have always been able to 'Imagine the Possibilities'...
Had I not, not one of those stories would have seen the light of day,
Because before we can put our creative imaginations to work,
We must imagine we can...
This morning as I was coming across the bridge, the stars and lights were twinkling,
The St. Johns River was lapping, lazily below me and I thought about the people I am closest to...
Those I abundantly value....
My do or die peeps,
And there was one resounding similiarity...
They were all people who imagined the possibilities and either acted, are acting, or will act upon them...
Because imagining something is just day-dreaming, if those possibilities are not actualized...
One way to get me to become Black History in your life,
Is to not imagine anything beyond your existence,
ORRRRRRRRRRRRR, and this is a big or...
Try to discourage me from excercising my imagined possibilities...
A Sistah will get ghost on you, quick...
Because those who don't imagine, dream...and execute,
Scare me...
They don't want to do anything, and by default will stand in your way,
UH, UH...so sorry...gotta go...
Since starting to write, I have had a few relationships get real, ummm. Quiet...shhhh
Because once they started to question, why I wanted or needed to do something else,
Mother had to pack up her imagination, and glide away...
Because I know for sure...
How cool it is...
Imaging Love...
Imagine Fun...
Imagine Being...
Imagine Doing...
Imagine Having...
Then seeing it all Become Real,
Now can't we all Imagine That!

Smooches,
Angelia

Is No Not Clear Enough For You?
@
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
http://www.apooo.org/
http://www.amazon.com/

Change...

According to popular opinion, change is hard...
That is for true...
But in this very early new year, change is definitely afoot,
We can see it quite clearly in the political arena...
If we are all honest, and we must be...
A year ago manywould have been quick to say, no way,
If anyone had told us how well Barack Obama would have done in Iowa or South Carolina...
Change is a afoot...
Also in the writing game,
I see changes,
Though it is slow, more people are coming out, talking about the state of African-American literature,
And what we can do about it,
And that change will be most difficult,
Because it involves taking our hearts out of it and thinking with our minds and wallets,
One of the major ways to exact a change in a Capitalist world is with the wallet...
And since so many seem to feel we are selling ourselves short with some of what's hitting the shelves,
The only way that will change is if the consumer decides to stop consuming,
Many ways it's like drug wars, a war no one can hope to win, as long as people want to get high...
Otherwise, as in any arena, we will always get what we have always gotten...
Personal change for many is also underway,
I can attest to that,
Aging changes things,
Circumstances changes things,
Opportunities changes things,
The biggest challenge from a personal standpoint,
Is whether we are willing to embrace change, making it work for us,
The most stagnant thing...
Is when one digs in, refusing to change because of fear,
Or hanging on to what was,
Thinking it will come back, if we hold on tightly enough,
Can't think of a single case where that actually occurred....
This is not to say, one should change for change's sake...
But to grow, prosper, expand...
Change we must...

Blessings,
angelia

angeliavmenchan.com

Visually Prepared...

Appearance has been an ongoing theme in many of my conversations this past week...
The first one, one Tuesday, a co-worker asked if I spent a lot of time on my 'Look'...
'Looking' at her I asked what she meant,
She told me that I was always pulled together...never falling apart...
I thanked my ancestors...
I told her that no I spent very little time on my "Look",
Though I did believe in being "Visually Prepared"...
"Visually Prepared" for what, she asked...
For whatever...
I told her that I had been raised by people, who told us that first impressions were important,
And could hardly ever be changed...
I can remember, as a kid, being outside playing and if we were going somewhere,
My mom would call us inside to 'spruce us up', wash our faces, rebraid our hair, change our clothing if necessary....before she took us anywhere...
We were taught when we were going to school, on interviews or to work,
To look our very best, because while surely what we knew and what our credentials were,
Were more important, that many times people couldn't see or hear that if they couldn't get past the surface...sad but true...
I have seen so many young, qualified people not get hired because of very superficial things,
Baggy, unironed clothing, purple hair, too much makeup or jewelry...and often times they had great credentials, but the potential employer never got to know that...
One of my biggest challenges as a Job Corps Counseler was getting my kids prepared to go on interviews after they had been educated and vocationally trained,
Many just couldn't accept that they had to dress or carry themselves in a certain way to be hired, or even taken seriously...it was as my elders said, 'A tough row to hoe.'
Another person said, "Angelia, I can never tell what is going on in your life from the way you look."
HUhhh...
She elaborated by saying, "Well with many people, if they are sad, mad or something is awry, it shows in their appearance. But not you, either your life is always together or you never let them see you sweat."
"It's all a part of the preparation and the workplace is not the place for showing sadness, madness or any other thing. If I am going through something to that extent, I will stay home..."
'Oh, Okay...' She walked away, smoothing her hair...
What I know is, fair or unfair, we are all judged on our appearances and that in order to get in the game and make a difference we have to be prepared, educationally, credentially, personality and sometimes visually...
We may not like it, but it is what it is...

Blessings,
angelia

Angelia Interview With Shelia Goss,,,Listen!

First I want to so thank Shelia for being gracious enough to inteview me and allow me to RAMBLE...
Her support of authors is amazing and I am truly grateful...Thanks Sister Shelia

http://www.espot.podcastpeople.com/posts/18329

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Success and the Dream

A big question for many writers I am sure,
Particularly ones who are successful in other arenas, prior to the writing is...
Do I sustain the success or go for the dream...
I may be assuming a lot...
Going out on a limb, but what the heck...
I think most writers who truly love to write would chuck it all,
If they could write full-time, selling enough books to pay the bills...
But...
When said writer is successful, already, raking in nice dinero...
Me thinks (hell, I know)...
It is a bit more difficult to throw caution to the wind and be like NIKE,
And just do it...
I am often asked the question,
When are you going to stop crunching numbers and just write full-time...
I get a bit shifty-eyed when asked because sometimes that is a burning question...
One that rides on my shoulder and in my heart all the time...
'Oh in a few years is a good one'
'I'm not far from retirement is another one'
'A girl loves her shoes' is always good for a chuckle....
But the straight, flat-out truth is that having been raised by folks,
Who taught...
'A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush'
Not to mention...
'Security is nine tenths of the law'
Causes a sista to pause...
Think about...
Adding a bit more to the 401K...
While still typing away....

Just More Ramblings...

angelia
angeliavmenchan.com

What Happened...

I wasn't sure I was going to do a Martin Luther King day blog,
Still am unsure if that's what I am doing...
But for several days, since Wednesday in fact, after a conversation left me completely bewildered, one of those back and forths about those who do and those who don't...
I have asked myself what happened,
I think back to the early seventies, when so many of us were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed,
As we headed off to college, government jobs or other employment opportunities...
There seemed to be so much enthusiasm and hope...
For at least a generation...
But something occurred somewhere in the interim that set everything on it's ear,
At least in our communities...
Was it social programs, drying up...
So many of my friends started work with those programs and went on to progress up the career ladder in ways their parents and ancestors hadn't been able to...
Or was it the way we came to accept things that were once unnacceptable...
I can remember the first time I saw a young girl pregnant in school...
I didn't know how to feel, she was one of the purest minds I knew, she and I were always in competition in our predominately majority school for some academic success, we were often the victors,
I can remember years later seeing her, beaten down by too many kids, men and substances and wondering what went wrong, the shame on her face still leaves me with a visceral, painful sensation...
Wondering if how easily people accepted her choices at such a tender age, helped to propel her to where she went...I don't even know, I am of course simply rambling...
Many say that choosing to take prayer out of schools was a begin of the decline...
I don't know if that is it either...I do remember loving the early sixties, those Wednesdays when Ms. Ivey came to the school to teach us bible passages and having to remember verses for the next Wednesday, we all seemed to enjoy it and get something from it...
Or maybe it happened when the neighbors were no longer allowed to correct and chastise children, without fear of being cussed out by the kids or their parents...
I can remember walking home from school past so many folks who knew me and who I knew took a vested interest in what I did and how I did it and wanted me to succeed,
I can even remember some my associates who slept around, did drugs and drank, profusely applauding the fact that I didn't and being glad about me being me...
So what happened, I am sure I don't know....
There are so many more of us these days, who are more successful, at least materially and on paper...but that seems to be more a dividing issue than an empowering one...
I simply want to know, What happened?
I do know that to fix it, we had all better be prepared to get involved in any small way we can...

Blessings,
angelia

She So Controversial!

It seems that I am a controversial woman...smiling, gleefully...
Don't mean to be, but before I could attach woman to myself as a label, at twelve or thirteen...
Folks were saying that about me, seems that knowing one's own mind, speaking it when asked,
And dancing intensely to one's internal music makes one controversial...
I am pretty quiet, until engaged..
I rarely seek folks out...not my nature...
If I walk past a conversation, even if I know the folks, I usually walk on, unless asked to stop,
But will engage intensely on topics that inspire me,
Well, it seems that is even more true in my writing...
Honestly,
When writing, I rarely if ever think about what folks 'will think or say' even at book six,
When they have thought and said plenty...
I remember my first book, there were those who took exception to Black's salty language,
And my choice of using slang and words such as androgony in the same book, seems some feel that one who uses slang shouldn't even know what androgony means! Lawd, how limited we be...
Anyhooo...
So I patiently explained that though, Black was an educated, well-read, millionaire, the brother was about it, straight from the hood, no apologies...and he knew how to handle himself corporately, yet when he was with his peeps...he spoke differently...
Then the woman decides to write short, love stories, running the gamut from older woman/younger man, interracial, woman who loves a woman, to the dreaded bug-a-boo, black hair love....YOW!...She too much...
Of course, when she pins her best-selling book to date, Cinnamon's Universe and allows this woman to do whatever her heart leads her to do, oh my goodness...the sisters loved her, but the brothers, said, 'I know doggone well you aren't saying what she is doing is okay'...well she laughed in a few faces...because those same brothers had applauded Black's prowess...and I told them I am not saying a thing....the woman is writing books...giggling....
Now lo and behold, she chooses to write young adult, emerging women's fiction...
Where she chooses to write about a young woman, Malaaka Green, who loves herself, values herself, loves God, has fun, makes intelligent choices, is straight up good people, role model material...and a handful of people can only see that the child is abstinent because she is a Christian....Ms. Controversy is now a holy-roller....honey hush...
So I am going to straight up tell you who she is...
She is a WRITER...
Who feels that she can write about anything she chooses to...
Because good, bad or indifferent she has been given a voice,
And knows there are many stories to be told and most of them...
Are not in straight lines but all over the place...
And what she knows for sure is that if they are talking it is a good thing,
WONDERFUL...so let the conversation flow...

Blessings,
angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

It Has Been Spoken...

The power of what we say manifests itself in so many ways...
I have wayyyyyyyyyyyy too many conversations with folks about why some do and others don't...
One of the most frequent ones are about young people...
Which leads me to think of my progeny...my sons and my niece...
They are the coolest people, and my heart soars simply thinking about them...
They, all three were and are a handful in their own ways...
But they are cool people...awesome...
I am often asked how is it possible that my mother, who only has three grandchildren could have such great ones...educated, honorable, in their twenties and no children they can't care for...travelling, soaring, growing...
And I tell them all the standard stuff,
But a lot of it, was what was SPOKEN to them...
And what they were allowed to SPEAK...
We always talked with them, not to them...
We allowed them to have opinions and to voice them, respectfully...
And we said words to them that made them know they were some kind of special...
The Sunday before Christmas I sat at dinner with my husband, my sons and one of my sons girlfriends,
My eldest said, 'Mama was tough, had high standards and would bring it when necessary, BUT, she always,
Listened to us, allowed us to speak and even when she didn't agree with us, she would tell us why. It was never just because she was the parent." I couldn't even speak...
On Christmas day those three young adults and my niece were sitting outside my aunts house...
I walked out to listen, they immediately engaged me, they were talking politics,,,who they were going to vote for and why...we bantered, argued, agreed and disagreed, then we segued to music, I felt honored to be in their presence...and so glad that at twenty-two, twenty-three and twenty-eight they wanted me there...I didn't stay long...but I did not leave without telling them how awesome I knew they were...I loved seeing their faces wreathed in smiles...
So it isn't the only answer, by a long shot...but we can allow words to embrace, to chastise, to correct and to love our children, because simple words, such as I love you, I value you, you are so cool, SPEAKS VOLUMES...leaving young people with a legacy, the world can't change...

Blessings,
angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

Why Qualify?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DR. KING!!

Why do we have to qualify things to do with us?
I ask this question, ironically on the birthdate of Dr. Martin Luther King...
I love listening to young people, they have the freshest language and are always inventing....
However, a few days ago, at church I was walking the halls and a group of young men passed by,
At the same time a young lady sashayed past,
I knew their necks would swivel in admiration, she was a goddess, stunning...
BUT,
What they said startled me...
'She sure is pretty and fine to be so dark'
Surely, I had heard wrong, but another chimed in,
'Yeah, she fine alright but she too dark.' I was stunned, could not believe that in 2008 young men were,
QUALIFYING...
A young sister's lovliness, based on her skin color,
Not only that but these were young men born in 1991 at the very earliest...
I couldn't even respond,
In talking to one of my girls, she laughed in my face when I expressed my shock...
Telling me I might not know what it was to be QUALIFIED with my brown skin and curly hair...
She hurt my feelings, no one had said that to me in thirty years...
But I listened to her...then she asked me hadn't I ever been QUALIFIED and I realized I had...
For different reasons...
Mostly by folks who would say things like 'Smart for a Black Girl"
My first experience with that was in sixth grade...
For the prior five years I had been cocooned in the warm embrace of a neighborhood Negro school,
Where I was nurtured, valued and cared for...
But once moving over,
I found myself the topic of conversations and a lot of what looked like awe, surprise even a bit of anger...
Didn't mean a thing to me, I was just doing, what I was doing baby...
The first time someone articulated it to me I was in ninth grade,
My English teacher, Mrs. Weaver handed me a stack of Black Literature as I sat in the library...saying...
'Angelia, please read these, you read so well for a Black girl.'
Glancing at them, I handed them back, respectfully, saying..
"I have read all of these, but thank you, and Ms. Weaver I don't mean any disrespect, but I read well, PERIOD.' Her eyes held mine, mine held hers...finally she nodded walking away...
I know she meant no harm and meant for me to feel proud, special or something,
But I knew right then and there, I was not going to allow anyone to QUALIFY me...
Please///
Because when someone has to add a handle to something in that way,
They are in some way trying to diminish what you have and who you are...
When I see that young man again, I plan to tell him that, the young woman is BEAUTIFUL...PERIOD...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

To What Extent...Self Promotion...

A young writer, whose work I read recently sent me an email asking,
"How much do I promote myself?"
After giving it some thought, I told them it depends on who you're trying to reach...
I also told them when online to be very careful, because many see self-promotion as spamming, especially when the emails are sent out over and over again...
I can recall a couple of years ago, when I was a virgin writer, I was in a literary group and one of the members sent out a scathing email about people who are always promoting,
The email could have been a bit more tactful. but I learned a lot from the intent,
Basically it said, Please tell us in the header that it's a promotion and please don't send it out day after day, after day...also they helpfully suggested that if you have a tagline on your email those who are interested would see it and check out your website, blog, etc. I never forgot that, and I try to promote in that way...
Because what I have learned is that mostly people purchase what they want to, from whom they choose to and many times book purchasers, purchase at the recommendation of others...
I know in recent history, considering how busy I am, I rely on other readers to suggest books to me, I also have a soft spot for new writers and will give them the benefit of the doubt, but even in those cases, usually someone has 'told' me about their work...
Now local, on the ground promotion is something else, altogether...
There are the tried and true places, newspapers, libraries, radio spots...
But in that case, much of it again comes to what others are saying about your work...
The best kind of promotion is to get your books in the hands of readers and give them something to talk about...
After listening, I was then asked another question,
Then why do I see so much about your book everwhere ,
I smiled, happily...telling them,
'That comes from putting in work and being patient, most of the stuff, you see about me these days is based on building a readership and having many of those readers blast me and my work of their own accord. Most of what you see out there has cost me nothing. Also, I have People...folks who believe so much in what I do, they are working while I am sleeping, Thank God. Writing , for the most part is not an overnight venture. There is a lot of trench work and being able to take criticism, learning from it, constantly trying to provide what readers want and being patient. With my first book, I literally threw buckets of cash out there and gained no more from that, far less in fact than I have from each book thereafter. So having said all of that, you must promote yourself to the extent that is comfortable for you and palatable to those you are promoting to. However, don't take it personal when things take a while to come to fruition. That's sometimes just a part of the busines. Also, overnight sensations come and go, longetivity is about always putting in work, and finding what works for you."

blessings,
angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

Feeling the Love...

I am really feeling the love...
People have been so supportive...
I can't say enough how great it feels to be appreciated...
So I just wanted to take a minute to say, Thanks, Gracias' and Merci Beaucoup...
I am taking a breathing, resting, time out today,
Going to read a bit,
Sleep a bit,
Chill a-lot...
On my reading list for this weekend is...
Still Living on My Feet by Tichaona Chinyelu - Just Completed 5*****Poetry
Stacie and Cole by rm Johnson -YA
Marriage as Advertised by Jerome J. McCarthy
Sweet Georgia Brown by Cheryl Robinson
No Girl Needs a Husband Seven Days a Week by Nina Foxx
Suite Embrace by Anita Bunkley

Blessings,
angelia

Get your copy of IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
signed - free shipping
http://www.apooo.org/
http://www.amazon.com/
http://www.bamm.com/

Caught Up!

I have been involved in some scintillating conversations and debates of late...
One of the ongoing themes has been, "People get caught up"...
The proponents of the caught up defense is this...
When someone does something they know is inherently wrong...
They just are 'caught up'...
Well. these folks have been catching heck from me...
Because I struggle with the 'caught up' concept...
I have a tendency to believe that most, right thinking folks, who know better...
Can sometimes, if they choose to, not get 'caught up'...
Seems to me that right before you sign a tax return, you know is wrong....
Pop the trunk...
Or before you take off that last shred of clothing in a clandestine situation....
You see where I am going...
Now I am not saying that we don't all do things we aren't supposed to...
Let me tell you, there have been times when this sister has walked into a situation,
Eyes wide open, knowing I had zero business doing it...
And I own that...
My thing is I struggle with the 'caught up' defense...
Because that seems to be mostly what it it...
A defense after the fact...
It seems we can do any ole thang...
So long as later on we can look someone dead in the eye and say...
'Come on. you got to forgive me, I just got 'caught up'...
I 'on know about all that...
Cause at a minimum,
Seems to me once someone recovers from being 'caught up'...
Flashing lights, sirens or somethin'...
Must go off, before one gets 'caught up' in the same old situation...
Again...
But as I said earlier, I 'on know...

Blessings,
angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

Discretion...Please...

I have always found myself fascinated by the shock on folk's face when they discover someone has been telling their business....particularly fascinated when they are the ones who started telling it....
The best way to have a secret kept is not to ever tell it...
I am often asked why I have so little drama surrounding me....
And I tell folks it's pretty simple, I do unto others as I would have them do unto me,
And mostly I mind my own business...when someone tells me something, confidentially, I try to be like Fort Knox...
Highly important for me is I am very careful about what I share and with whom...
I can talk all day long, but am very careful about what I put out there,
Because I know that once it hits the air it is up for grabs...
Sometimes I flub it...
Most recently I made an off-hand comment to someone,
We were actually talking about one of my books,
And I was glib about something, trying to be frivolous for a minute or two...
And every single time that person gets the opportunity to mention it,
They do, making sure there is an audience...it's actually amusing, because as my kids say, 'It ain't about nothing'
However, there is a lesson in there...for sure...
I have three major rules of thumb about who not to over-share with...
#1 THE PERSON WHO TELLS ALL THEIR OWN BUSINESS...
Anyone who tell the most intimate details of their lives can not be trusted with your business. In many cases they can't help it, they simply don't have what it takes not to tell it. So unless you want it out there...proceed with great caution....
#2 THE PERSON WHO IS NOSY OR PRYS...
This person will ask the most unbelievable questions, they always want to know the most intimate, minute details of everything. They literally froth at the mouth while asking. You have to wonder why they want the information and what they plan to do with it. I don't ask anything, my motto is, if someone wants me to know something, they will tell me...period. And I expect the same in reciprocation....
#3 THE PERSON WHO ALWAYS BRINGS IT
The Bringer is always ready to tell you negative stuff about someone, usually someone you care about, your man, your friend or a family member and they often say things like, "I'm not trying to gossip', 'I wouldn't put up with that if I were you', 'I'm just looking out for you' or something along those lines. Unless, this person has a proven track record with you, proceed with extreme caution because sometimes this one is "Misery Loving Company'....in drag....

The beauty is that if any of these things occur, it's really easy to change...just stop it, already, become quiet, and you will usually find those folks not talking to you any longer, they will move on to more fertile ground...honestly....

Smooches and Blessings,
angelia

Easy Prey

My girls are weighing heavy on my heart this morning,
Sometimes they look in my eyes, asking, "Ms A. Why?"
Why are we so compromised, victimized, non-legitimized...
Of course I tell them how wonderful they are, how young black women are setting the world on fire,
Making things happen,
Filling up college classrooms, and boardrooms across the country,
And they are mostly happy to hear that,
But....the disenfranchised, poor girls know that in many cases they are not represented in that group I just mentioned,
It is extraordinarily difficult to look them square in the eye and say ....
Babies you are compromised, victimized and non-legitimized because to a sick world,
You Are Easy Prey...
You are living in a situation where people know you don't have much...
So they offer you small bits of nothing...
So they can take away something...
Most precious...
Predators know you are lonely and sad,
And would be mighty glad...
To feel arms around you...
Any arms...
So with slick messages...
Soft voices,
And compromised Integrity...
They wiggle into your soft, vulnerable places...
Attacking that which is sacred...
Probably not even realizing how much damage they are doing,
Because in many cases they are so damaged themselves....
That is why it is so important to say NO...
To realize that giving up that which is most valuable,
For a coke and a smile, is never worth it,
And that there is no price on what God has given you,
And if there were, no one would have enough to pay it...
It is so hard to say it, BUT SAY IT I MUST....

LOVE, PEACE AND BLESSINGS,
angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

The Growness...

This morning on my way to work, I was listening to Mary J.
Grown Woman is the most fun song, and I love what it's saying...
I love being a Grown Woman...
To me being grown means handling my business,
Being responsible for myself,
Not holding anyone responsible for what ails me or goes awry in my life,
Accepting my own madness,
I had some awesome role models,
I always remember the women in my life,
They handled whatever needed to be handled, while keeping their business close to their chests,
And looking awesome while doing, and enjoying life at the same time....
Grown does not mean funless...by any means...
My mom had five sisters and they were there for each other in so many ways,
They had open hearts, arms and ears when it was necessary,
But they also respected the other's right to not talk when it was mandatory,
That is my way,
I have a few confidantes,
But the women I value most are those who know when to pull you close,
Or allow you to remain removed if that is what sustains you...
No digging, prying or peeping....
That is about the Grownness,
To really grow, there are times when we have to pray about it, then work it out from a private place,
There have been times at work, online and other places,
When I have literally cringed when someone is spilling all,
I want to ask if they really know what they are doing,
However I usually mind my own grown business,
Because I know that usually that is coming from a place of neediness,
That usually goes away with maturity,
When we become real grown, we know that mostly no one can do things for us,
That while advice might work, every situation is a different one and what works for the goose,
Probably want work for the chicken...
Sometimes I ask myself what is going on that so many people remain so 'Young' in how they react to things,
And I am left to conclude that sometimes in this youth obsessed culture when we do everything we can, not to Age outwardly, that it might be the same mindset that keeps us from maturing inwardly...
Not sure, just thinking out loud...
But I would say to anyone who is hanging onto YOUNG at the cost of becoming GROWN,,,
Don't Be Skurred...
Because embracing the woman in you and owning onesself and not holding anyone accountable but that self is a wonderful, delightful way to live....it's FREEDOM!

Love and Blessings,
angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

GIRL POWER!

The theme of my new book tour has become, 'Saying No To Others, Means Saying Yes to You'...I wrote it in my book and on my dedication page and it works...people are feeling it, and simply, it's the truth. For whatever reason, women are taught they must say yes and acquiesce to whatever we are asked to do. Be it for our parents, our mates, our children, family and friends we feel that saying no is negative.
Well I am here to tell you that saying NO is not only neccessary it is empowering...because once we say no and stick to it, we start to own ourselves...
I have been asked how did I learn this and I tell them I for whatever reason always knew...
As a fifteen, sixteen, seventeen year old in the early seventies, when 'Free Love' reigned supreme, and it was cool to get high or drunk, I knew that didn't work for me....
Having a town full of people know me carnally wasn't an option...
Also, being inebriated and out of control was not either...
I didn't have a speech for anyone, many of my closest friends, felt and did differently and I allowed them to, they also respected me for my choices...
I really didn't have to say no a lot, my rep spoke for itself...
I had lots of dates and male attention, but they knew it was all about dancing,
talking, having fun and taking me home...intact, at the end of the night....
Talking to a woman the other day about my book, she asked me if my just say no theme in "Is No Not Clear Enough For You?, going to set back women's sexual power...
I looked at her, waiting for the punchline...when none was forthcoming....
I had to tell my sister, that saying no to teenage sex is not setting back a damn thing, except unwanted pregnancy, chlamidia, Hiv and other communicable diseases. I had to unleash on her the facts that most new cases of HIV is African-American women, that a great percentage of single parent households are led by teenaged girls, which translates in many cases to poor disenfranchised women, who many times spend the whole of their lives POWERLESS, waiting on babydaddies to dole out change for their children....Negress Please...
She smiled....nodding as though those things had never occurred to her...
So I continued by saying that to own onesself, the ability to say no to anything that isn't right for you is TRUE POWER, be it sex, drugs, poverty, or compromised opportunities and in Malaaka Green, I simply wrote a sixteen year-old character who saw what was going on around her and decided that the only person who would be responsible for Malaaka was Malaaka, she never tells anyone what to do, she simply knows that to compete in this world, she needs to do what fills her spirits and leaves her with clear cut choices....What in the World is More Powerful than that?

Blessings,
angelia

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
www.authorsden.com/angeliavmenchan

What about the boy?

Does anyone care about how things impact a boy?
Anyone who knows me or has spoken to me or read anything I write know I am an advocate for the girls...if ever there is a case where a young woman is being wronged and you need someone to fight the good fight,,,call me...I am so there...
I am also a mother of sons, two smart, funny, God-loving, law-abiding, ain't got no children cause I'm not married sons, love my mama and daddy and don't care who knows sons, get me some more education cause I got a brain boys...
And what I know for sure is that in many scenarios, no one seems to care how things impact them or there is an assumption that no one cares about them or their feelings, well, I am going out on a limb, people do...
I will paint a couple of scenarios...that I am pondering...
Why in an interracial pairing if the boy is Black or Hispanic and the girl is White,
Is the assumption automatically, what will HER parents think?
Do the parents of Black or Hispanic boys not get a thought, are they not allowed to be the ones who don't think it's always a good thing, or are they supposed to be so glad their sons are 'mixing' it up and that a mix will only 'improve' something...surely not?
Or what about the case when two youngsters are mutually fooling around and a girl becomes pregnant...
Does only the girl's family get to grieve about lost opportunities...
Or could just possibly the boy's family feel the same way...
Maybe they had dreams for their child that transcended early parenthood as well...
Now I truly must touch on the Black American Princess thang...
When parents are running around thinking, saying that a young man isn't good enough for their princess...does at some point it ever occur to them or to anyone that the King and Queen of a Black Prince might be going through something also?
I ask this based on a conversation my son and I had...
Someone said something to him, that called into question what they thought his worth was, without ever knowing a thing about him beyond his hip, afro-centric appearance...
Looking askance he was trying to figure out what they were talking about....
Then it dawned on him they meant he should fit some stereotype...he wondered based on what...
The fact that he speaks several languages...has owned a business since puberty...
Has always had a high GPA or could it be (light bulb moment)
That the assumption is, every Black boy is immediately assumed to be something less...
Than the best, which I am left to assume transcends to the scenarios above?
Damn! What about the boy?

angelia

Reader Eccentric...

The past couple of weeks I read a lot of books, non-fiction, fiction, romance, poetry, AA authors, non-AA, newspapers and magazines...
Someone called me an Eccentric Reader...
I am, I read what I want, when I want...
I curiously asked the person, what made me eccentric,
They told me because I didn't choose...
Choose What?
Choose to read only AA, or only mainstream or only literary, romance,,,what?
They said, 'Yeah'
I said, 'No'...
I told them I read as I live,
I have a diverse group of people in my life...
From everywhere and anywhere,
All they have to be is honest, open and willing...
And my heart and arms are open to them,
The same is true for books,
It simply has to grab me, touch me, make me think, smile, cry gasp...FEEL,
And I will read it,
Feel the same about music...
So yea I guess that makes me a Reader Eccentric,
If you need to give me a title...
I refuse to give myself one or anyone else one for that matter...
I guess that is why when I see topics online about certain types of books,
I steer clear of those...
Simply because I know on any given day,
I am open to reading all of it...at least once...
Because I know, you can hardly ever tell a book by it's cover...
And a risk to open the pages, just might change how you feel...

Blessings,
angelia
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

Let's Get It Started...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY...
Mama's been resting up, now she is revved and ready for action...
Woke up ready for the newness...
Kissed my man good morning...
Went to church, gave thanks and praises for a New Year...
Came home and broke bread with those I Love and Who Love Me!!
Now we know it don't get much better than that...
I just have to tell you how happy I am with my new work,
Is No Not Clear Enough For You...is doing it's own thing...
As I prayed it would...
And prayers are answered...
It's time to get the show on the road...
Take it on tour...
Angelia Vernon Menchan Style...
Feels so good to say that...
So as I venture out, keep me in prayer as I will you all....
And you know I will tell you all about it...
Errry step of the way....

LOVE, PEACE, AND A BLESSED NEW YEAR!!!
angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
www.authorsden.com/angeliavmenchan
http://isnonotclear.blogspot.com/