STEREOTYPICALLY...

Last night as I watched the news I was forced to think stereotypically,
Not personally, but, because I knew that many people watching would,
Law enforcement was on the lookout for a seventeen year old black male,
Who had allegedly robbed and raped a woman with the help of two accomplices…
I cringed at the senselessness and brutality of the crime,
But I also cringed because what I knew was that the face of the alleged perpetrator was the face that many in the country automatically see or think when they hear, of the crimes committed and I knew that many innocent young, black men will feel the brunt of that crime photo…
It took me back to when I was a young girl,
It seems that everything I was taught to do was anti-stereotypical,
I was taught to speak properly,
To do as well or better than anyone,
To always carry myself well,
To not act out in public,
In essence to not act in any way that would be considered,
Stereotypically, ummm Black…
Of course no one said that,
But we knew,
One day as an adult,
I watched a young girl dance in Target,
The music was playing and she was dancing to the beat,
I smiled,
But thought,
‘Mama would have jerked me silly…’
That would not have been appropriate Negro behavior,
At least not in public,
I remember asking my mom when I was about nine,
It was the mid-sixties,
Why we were so concerned about what white people thought,
She looked at me as she was prone to do,
Seems I was always shocking my mom with my audacity,
She sighed,
And said,
Nothing…
I realized then that my usually verbose mother could not articulate to her child,
That one of the things that would shape and form us was the opinions of white folks,
Because their opinions of us would determine in many cases what schools we got into,
And whether we were hired or not,
I can remember thinking, quite innocently it turns out,
“That surely white folks can tell the difference between us, we are all different aren’t we?’
As I aged I was disabused of that notion,
As I sat in many classrooms and workplaces as the only black person,
I was constantly startled by how narrowly, superficially,
And umm, yes stereotypically we were viewed,
And by supposedly liberal, educated folks…
And I guess I was saying all that to say,
That anytime a black face is splashed anywhere for any reason,
That in 2009,
There are those people who will see that one example as being indicative of all…
Sad, but stereotypically TRUE…

BE BLESSED!

angelia

Quietly...

Yesterday a friend mentioned how quiet I was,
We were at a luncheon and a lot of buzz was going on around me,
I was eating my lemonade cake...ummm and minding my business...
I kissed her face, telling her you know me,
When I have nothing to say, I don't fake the funk,
She said, 'I know and I love it...' Smooches...
I sit still and stay chill...
Nothing to say is nothing to say,
This morning I was talking to my son and we talked about our sameness,
How when we are done, we are done...
We move on as quietly as possible,
No hullabaloo...or boo hoo hoo,
Just move on,
Fold up our tent and step...
A bit later I was talking my husband, man, baby father,
And he and I touched on our sameness,
How we try to stay focused on self and us,
And leave other folks to their madness...
I am telling you the God's truth...
Something I discovered a long time ago,
Is that focusing on my business and business of my family,
Is more than enough to keep me busy,
Fill my days,
And my nights...
And it is so DAYUM PEACEFUL...

BLESSINGS!
angelia

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Sometimes we need reminders of how good we have it,
We can get bogged down in the minute details of living,
Or we can listen to the talking heads around us and believe that there is nothing but gloom and doom…
But as we all know, if we got up this morning,
It is a good day, and there are so many things we take for granted,
Yesterday I was talking to an associate and she mentioned how she rarely got a good,
Night’s rest,
I laughingly said that I fall asleep before my head hits the pillow and usually,
Don’t wake up until seven hours later, unless I have had lots of water,
She smiled, saying, ‘Must be nice…’
I was puzzled and it must have shown on my face,
I was thinking about how nice it would be if I got nine hours, :)
She told me that to feel so comfortable and relaxed that I could climb in bed,
And sleep through the night without tossing and turning or thinking and worrying all night must be nice,
I thought... it is,
With the exception of when my kids were out late,
I have never spent much time tossing,
I say my prayers, turn it over to God and go to sleep,
But I accepted what she said and thought about the blessing in it,
That with all the stuff that is going on in the world,
I can crawl between my sheets and rest,
Is a blessing,
To not have to be so consumed with ‘stuff’…
And I am grateful for that,
To have a home life that is filled with love and peace,
Is a beautiful thing and is nine-tenths of the law,
Because when that is working,
The other stuff doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal,
THANKS BABY, I LOVE YOU FOR THAT…

Be Blessed,
Angelia

www.angeliavmenchan.com

BLESSINGS...

When we have to ask, ‘What is in it for me…’
Might be a good time to not do a thing,
Blessings come in spite of us,
Not because of us,
I can remember years ago,
Someone saying how they were going to be blessed,
Because of all they had done for someone,
I didn’t say a word,
But I knew that blessings don’t usually work that way,
If you are moved to do something for someone,
Or assist in some way,
The real blessing is that you are in a position to do it…
Because you could easily be in the position of needing it done,
I can recall a situation that I was in where every time,
I had to do a certain thing, I felt put upon,
My heart wasn’t in it and I was doing it because I felt,
I was supposed to and there were people in my ear,
Reinforcing that notion,
One day I decided to remove myself from the situation,
It was difficult but right,
Because I knew I was doing a disservice to myself and the person,
I had become resentful and felt manipulated,
And I knew the person deserved better,
So I sat down with them, explaining my position and my feelings,
I was surprised when they told me I had hung in longer than they expected,
I would love to say that it didn’t alter our relationship,
It did, but that was okay and necessary,
What I got from it was that sometimes we have to know when to move on,
Or remove ourselves because if we spend anytime at all thinking about how we might be blessed by it, we might be blocking our blessings and those of someone else….

Love and Peace,
Angelia

WHEN...

Knowing when to say when,
Letting go when it’s time is hard,
Mountain climbing in high heels hard,
Not eating ice cream in the summer hard,
Not looking at a fine man hard,
Hard…
But know we must,
Because there is nothing sadder,
Than someone who holds on past the statue of limitations,
Hanging by their fingertips,
Clutching madly to something that is already gone,
Or that was never there,
Sad….
The other night, I had gotten my latest book,
Mrs. Black? back from the third proofreader,
And the question that was written in the margins,
Was, ‘Why did the woman hang on so long and why was she finally done?”
I smiled at that, because I had anticipated that as one of the questions,
I would surely be asked when I took my show on the road this fall,
And my answer would be,
She hung on until she could hang on no longer,
Women hang on for a variety of reasons,
One of the main ones being that they really believe things will get better in time,
And in many cases that has born itself out,
I know many marriages that are decades and decades old,
Where they went through some thangs,
But now things are great and couldn’t be better,
But in every case that took a mutual wanting to do better,
Be better,
Growing up instead of just growing old,
However, when one there is one partner,
Who has absolutely nothing vested in change or betterment,
And is fine with the status quo,
The day might come when the other will simply open his or her hand,
And say WHEN...

MRS. BLACK? Coming 09/11/09

Be Blessed!
angelia

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REVIEWS FOR SCHAE'S STORY: A Woman's Transformation

5.0 out of 5 stars A Woman Coming of Age, November 17, 2008
By
Jennifer Coissiere (Georgia) - See all my reviews When a forty plus year-old woman decided to change all that she knew and thought was correct in being a kept woman to someone totally opposite from who she was, is she having a mid-life crisis or is she coming-of-age? Schae Jackson was the person who women loved to hate, but men loved to be around behind closed doors. In Schae's Story: A Woman's Transformation by Angelia Vernon Menchan, Schae woke up one morning and decided it was time to live her best life now. Schae loved the finer things in life. For many years, she had no problem giving away the only thing she had worth selling as long as she was compensated appropriately. Realizing her life was more valuable than gold, Schae began her spiritual walk. Although some people questioned her ability to stay focused, Schae taught them all, while learning for herself that it was and is okay to mess up and ask for forgiveness. Now that she has changed her ways, her dreams of being in love and loved seem possible; the question is would she find it in the right man? Or would she fall back into her old ways. I am not in my forties; I am not even close, but I truly enjoyed every word of Schae's Story: A Woman's Transformation. I found myself trying to guess the ending, but I was pleasantly surprised to the very last page. Many women, young and old, can relate to the realness of the different issues that arose throughout the book. Men will find that all women do not believe the stigma that is placed on them. I recommend this book to everyone, because I believe men and women alike will find something they can relate to or appreciate. Jennifer Coissiere APOOO BookClub


5.0 out of 5 stars She's Done It Again, December 16, 2008
By
Rhonda T. Gilbert "RTG" (Ocala, FL USA) - See all my reviews(REAL NAME) I absolutely loved this book. Especially the relationship between Schae and her mom Geraldine. I read this book from front to back in a 24 hour period. I couldn't put it down. My husband said he hates when I read a good book, because everything else (chores) go lacking until I'm done with it.(LOL) Angelia, you are truly a blessing, you always have your characters giving back, that has inspired me to give even more of myself. Because of your books, I intend start a mentoring program in my church. I can't wait for the next book. Eagerly Waiting, Rhonda Gilbert

Role Playing....

Yesterday was a day for epiphanies,
I love and unlove those days,
Love them because they are tied to my growth,
Unlove them because they hurt like a twelve letter cuss word!
It reminded me of something Ms. Alberta Brown wrote in my yearbook when I graduated from high school…
Ms. Brown was the ultimate educator,
Tall, slim, light brown, verbose, pumps and pearls, take no prisoners,
Assistant Principal…
I dug her,
Anyway,
She wrote;
Learning begins in the cradle and ends at the grave…
For real,
And one thing I have had to learn and relearn is what my role is in the life of those I love,
I was my mother’s daughter,
My husband’s wife,
My children’s mother,
And recently I became a grandmother,
And the only role I have to love her,
Give her what little bit of me she is willing to accept,
And most importantly to remember that her parents are her parents,
Which means I am left with a great deal of time to do those things that feed my soul,
Go to my church for the word,
Hang out with my man,
Sit quietly in a corner,
Read a book or five,
I read five this week and am working fervently on six,
Write as many books as I want to,
About any subject I feel like,
And you know why,
Because when you play your role,
Know your place and accept your position,
It frees up a bunch of time to just,
BE YOU….
I LIKE THAT….

BE BLESSED!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

Other folks thoughts of you are not your business…

IN A BLINK---

Things change quick…
On a dime…
In the blink of an eye…
I have been accused of being calculating…
I am, I must confess,
Because I think and re-think things,
Before I do them,
Because one thing I know for sure is that once a thing is done,
It can’t be undone,
We can say we are sorry,
We can cop, the old, ‘I am just human thang…”
Lord, is that tired,
But we can’t undo it,
So many things have happened around me lately,
That I know would have had different results if only some thinking had gone on,
Don’t get me wrong,
Spontaneity is a beautiful thang,
If you are walking down the street and you see a flower stand,
Please impulsively purchase a bunch and give them to someone you love,
On the other hand,
If you feel the need to cuss someone out,

Tell them off,

Slap the taste out their mouth,

Kiss someone else's wife or husband,

Think about it,
Your desire to wreak havoc,
Will probably pass and you will save yourself and someone else,
A lot of pain…
Because once you say those words,

Or do that thing,
They are out there,
I recall years ago,
Someone was telling me how sorry they were,
And all I could think was this,
‘We are never sorry until we have done someone wrong…’
And you know what sorry don’t change much,
Sorry I beat you up,
Doesn’t unbeat you,
Sorry I cheated on you,
Doesn’t uncheat you,
Sorry I killed someone,
Doesn’t unkill ‘em,
Just thinking,
Pausing,
Praying,
Before acting can make a huge difference,
Because it only takes the blink of an eye,
To change one’s life,
FOREVER….

BE BLESSED!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

FORGIVENESS...

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with someone about forgiveness and being human,
It was also intense,
Because this person's premise,
Was that no matter what a person does,
We are supposed to forgive them...
I totally agree,
Where we parted company was on after forgiving a person,
Are we supposed to allow them back in our lives,
Their answer was yes,
My answer was not necessarily,
My reasoning is that we should forgive everyone as we wish to be forgiven,
But we can choose who we want to roll with,
And forgiving someone does not mean condoning a behavior,
And some behaviors have no qualifying,
I can forgive a rapist,
But I am surely not going to roll with that person,
What I find most interesting about the whole premise is that people,
Only talk about forgiveness or all people being human,
When it is someone they like,
Or someone that is close to them,
Or if it is of some benefit to them,
No....we are supposed to forgive all,
And surely it is harder,
But ultimately more spiritually beneficial to forgive someone,
You don't really feel...
Because heck most of us can forgive those we love,
But the true work is in forgiving those who have tresspassed against us,
But having enough sense to know we don't necessarily have to have them around us,
To be forgiving...
But that is just me thinking out loud...

BE BLESSED,
angelia

LOOKS...

One of the best things that writing has done for me is given me a forum for dialogue with people,
When I decided to write, all I wanted to do was tell stories,
Amazingly and blessedly they have been stories that people want to read and characters they can believe and relate to…
Recently I was talking to a woman about Schae’s Story and she touched on how she was able to relate to the Jenelle character, Schae’s sister…but for different reasons,
She confessed to me that she was the very dark-skinned sister to a biracial older sister and how her mother and family had doted on her sister…
How she had spent her life dealing with ugly remarks about her appearance,
I could feel the pain and see it in her eyes, she said it was so painful that she had vowed to have children with a white guy to ensure that her kids didn’t look like her…I was stunned into silence, didn’t know what to say…
But I thought about it,
And thought about it,
And was amazed how deep to the bone those kinds of hurts go,
And how in some cases, people never transcend them,
Not just issues of skin hue,
But issues of looks period,
Unfairly or not, we are judged at least on first impression,
By what we look like…
I remember years ago a friend said to me that looks didn’t matter,
I looked in her lovely face and said,
‘The only people that looks don’t matter to are those who have some, in the same way that money don’t matter until you’re broke…’
Last night as we were driving home from church,
My conversation was on my mind,
So for the umpteenth time, I asked my man,
‘Why are looks so important…’
He said, ‘Baby they just are, they are usually all you have until you get to know someone…after that they don’t matter…as much…’
I know he was right,
But it made me think about all the young girls who navigate through life,
Feeling it is unfair because they don’t look a certain way,
And how it manifests itself in behavior that is a cry for help,
Many girls who don’t feel pretty enough, give themselves away in the hopes,
It will bring what they are looking for…
And of course it doesn’t,
It just leaves them with another set of circumstances to overcome…
That is why as parents we have to teach our children, our daughters, granddaughters, nieces,
How valuable they are and how the world will see them as they see themselves,
Also, make them feel beautiful inside,
Because what comes from within,
Shines without…
Because to be valued,
One must first value oneself…

LORD, DO WE HAVE OUR WORK CUT OUT FOR US...

BE BLESSED!

SCHAE’S STORY @ http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

Workin' It...

Work is well, work…
I have had a plethora of jobs all over the world,
Some I loved, some that were quite trying…
But one thing I always understood, was that work was work,
When at Job Corps, I worked hard,
As a counselor the work never ended, there was always a new kid with a new issue,
And some mornings I woke up, tired as a junkyard dog,
But I couldn’t wait to get there,
But I knew it was work,
Years earlier, I had managed a small bookstore,
And that was pure fun,
I made sure books were ordered and booksellers worked,
But mostly I read books and talked about them with the customers,
Had never read Eugenia Price, but since I was in a community filled with retirees,
I got on board, it was fun, but it was work…
What I have discovered is that when people get work confused,
It makes for strange bedfellows, umm cubicle fellows,
When people start treating their jobs,
Like it is their living rooms,
It can only lead to problems,
Because the work starts to mingle with the personal,
And the two become so entwined it confuses,
And when one falls apart it affects the other,
Most importantly if affects those around you,
I have seen it over and over,
People get all buddy-buddy,
And things are glorious,
They stand in one anther’s door,
Take lunch together,
Tell all,
And then one day…
They aren’t talking,
To each other,
And in many cases they start to talk about each other,
And the intent of why they are there…
To work,
To get a job done,
Is lost in the fray…
So, if I’m saying anything in this ramble that is of any use,
Whatsoever,
It is this,
Work is work,
And personal is personal,
And it is never good to get the two confused…
But hey, that’s just me…

BE BLESSED!

Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com

When To Say When...

How much is enough?
I was thinking about that this weekend while reading several books that were parts of a saga and while working on a book that has recurring characters in it.
As a reader, I have read a lot of sagas over the years and I love them so long as there are new characters and wonderful back-stories,
And for those who don’t know, back-stories are the stories about the other characters in the beginning book, fully fleshed out…
As a writer, I’m not as sure,
When I wrote Brown’s Possession, book three of a trilogy I felt that I was done with the Black, Brown and Cinnamon triangle…though,
And here is the catchall,
My most fervent and faithful readers asked about them all the time,
Over and over again, as though they knew them.
So I added bits and pieces of them to other books,
But it didn’t seem to be enough,
So I sat down a few months ago and penned,
Mrs Black?
When I was done I wasn’t sure if I would even publish it,
It sat on my computer for months,
Then I fished it out to pre-readers,
Proofreaders and the message was loud and clear,
They wanted it published and then the question became,
When is the next one…
And when are you going to write a book about,
Aura,
Alexandra,
Margaret,
Etc.
So I guess enough is enough when the readers don’t want to read about them,
Or when I run out of stories about them…

MRS. BLACK? Coming Soon!

angelia

Love Don't Love Nobody...

'It takes a fool to learn that love don't love nobody...'

I can remember years ago hearing Luther sing those words and thinking,
'Now that is the truth...' Love is the most wonderful thing we have going,
But love alone don't love nobody...it takes so much more than that,
When I talk to young people and they tell me how in love they are with Tyrone...or Shanieka, I always ask, 'What else do you have in common...'
They alway look at me as though I am crazy...and as if though I can't remember a thing about love....well I quickly disabuse them of that notion...
I know LOVE, yes indeed I do,
But I know love has to still be there when you don't look as good,
In your tight jeans, or he isn't quite as fine in that tank top as he once was,
It has to be there when someone loses a job,
Or when the kids are acting up,
Or when you don't want to be bothered with anyone and your butt is on your shoulder...
Or when he wants to hang out with his boys, and he gets home way later than,
You feel is appropriate...
People alway look at me like I am nutso, when they find out I am married to a man, I dated in high school....broke up with for years...then got together and married...
I told them that as unusual as that may sound to them,
That is a part of what makes us work...
We knew each other,
He knew more about me than how I looked,
I knew more about him than the sweet nothings he whispered in my ears,
We knew each others history...
I knew his people, he knew mine,
And most importantly before we jumped the broom,
We had discussed things like raising kids,
Finances,
Plans and goals for the future...
Because though we were mere babes...
We both knew that we needed more than love to carry us through,
And to sustain us...especially when we were feeling...
That Love Don't Love Nobody....
Have a Great Weekend...

Angelia,
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

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SOCIAL SKILLZ...

A few weeks ago an email went out asking participants in a group, how many social networks they participated, in…
Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc.
One woman, a popular romance novelist, immediately said none,
She indicated that she was in a few writing groups but beyond that she found the others to be time-wasters…
For awhile I was concerned about her safety, because folks get rabid about their socializing…
I honestly admitted that I had a presence on Myspace,
But rarely ventured over there,
Never quite got it…socially unskilled I guess,
I do have a slightly larger presence on Facebook
Periodically I post something,
And I respond to those things that appeal to me,
Rarely do I play the games or quizzes,
Not really my thing,
But it’s cool,
I also twitter,
Find it funny to post little viginettes,
And a way to small talk with those people I know,
Or respond when something tickles me or catches my interest,
But by no means am I one of those people who tweet all day,
Or respond to every tweet or follow everyone or get twisted about who follows me,
Maybe I should, but I don’t,
Which is what brought me to this,
Someone told me in no uncertain terms that they were going to un-follow me,
I was unsure how to respond,
So I said,
Okay…
Didn’t even ask why,
I am sure they had their reasons,
I have un-followed someone,
But didn’t feel the need to say anything,
They were tweeting a lot of misogynistic and sexual stuff,
And I just wasn’t interested in reading all that,
So I stopped following ‘em…
End of story…
Maybe I am lacking in a certain set of social skills,
But it seems to me we get way too serious and twisted about,
Oh yeah, I am going to say it,
Simple stuff…
There are greater issues and bigger goings on,
If only we were as passionate about them…

LOVE PEACE and BLESSINGS!
Angelia

http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/

When To Stay...

Have you ever just quit something, didn’t really give it a chance,
Immediately knew it wasn’t for you,
I did that once in my life,
I had temporarily moved back to my hometown and a friend encouraged me,
To take a job that I knew was wrong for me,
I knew it, nothing about it appealed to me…nothing…
I didn’t think I would be hired, but as luck would have it, when I went in to apply,
The manager was a woman I had worked with years before,
She hired me on the spot,
I worked for a week and was as tense as I could be,
The job wasn’t for me,
I didn’t like the atmosphere, nothing worked,
And after a week I didn’t go back, I thanked the manager and walked away,
My friend told me about myself,
She felt that I had thought I was too good for the job,
Heck, I don’t know maybe she was right…
But in many ways it felt good and right, to just quit…
But different, because I am naturally inclined to stay,
Try to work it out, see the good in it…
That is one of the reasons why I still attend my church,
A year and a half ago,
The bottom fell out,
I was in a spiritual battle…
Couldn’t believe what had occurred,
Had serious church hurt…
I struggled mightily with going,
But I knew I had to,
Because faith isn’t about me or other people,
It is about God…and the church doesn’t matter,
It is the Word that counts and I am so glad I stayed,
Because my spiritual growth has been amazing and we are all as a congregation,
Headed to a better place,
Many ask me why I stayed and I told them that when we hop around,
Going here, going there,
Leaving jobs,
Relationships,
Churches,
What we fail to realize is that many times nothing changes,
Because we take ourselves with us everywhere we go,
And until we work on ourselves,
Nothing else works,
And discovery that you can make in no matter where you are,
The circumstances be damned,
Is a beautiful thing…
For real!

LOVE PEACE and BLESSINGS!
Angelia

www.angeliavmenchan.com

RELAX AND LET IT GO...

To free yourself, you have to let some things go,
As hard as that may seem, it is the only way…
I listen to people talk about things that sound so current,
So fresh, that it feels as though it is happening as they speak,
However, you will find that it is years and years old,
But is so current in the heart and mind of the person it is always fresh,
All I can think is how burdensome that must be,
To have to deal with all that life and the world throws you on a daily basis,
And to still try to process through a bunch of old, smelly stuff,
Must be a lot like being a plumber…
I always think of the lyrics to a song from back in the day,
‘IF IT DON’T FIT, DON’T FORCE IT, JUST RELAX AND LET IT GO…’
Don’t know why that resonated with me but it did then and it does now,
And one thing I know for sure is that a lot of stuff that happened and is over,
Didn’t fit, so in order to survive and be free, it had to go,
And in some cases people had to go,
Because you can love, love, love a person,
But not want to spend anytime with them because you know that as sure,
As the sun rises and sets if you spend more than a minute around them you are going to get dragged down their memory lane, and will have to hear about all the pain someone caused them,
Years ago, or about all the people they can’t forgive,
And it isn’t just the negative stuff,
Some people hold so tight to their glory days,
They are stunted from doing anything today,
Years ago, I can recall sitting across the table from someone who had been a high-school,
Football superstar,
Life was hard for him, hard…
But all he talked about was those days,
My heart ached for him, because it was sad to see that all he had was a few memories from over twenty years past…
And that he didn’t realize that most of the people around him thought him pitiful,
Because he told the same stories over and over again,
I understood,
Because as sure as you don’t focus on making today a good day,
And doing the little bit that you can in preparation for tomorrow,
All you have is yesterday…
And the truest thing about yesterday is that it is gone,
We can learn from what we have been through,
Where we have been and things that have occurred,
But every day is a new day, that takes new thoughts and new actions,
And as I told my Job Corps graduates all those years ago,
It isn’t where you’re from or even where you might be,
It’s what you do while you are where you’re at…
For real…

LOVE PEACE and BLESSINGS!
Angelia
www.angeliavmenchan.com