Rejuvenation...

I am on a rest journey this week...
Another Christmas has passed,
It was wonderful, was with my man, my sons, a new young woman in my son's life...
Time was spent with family on all sides..
Wonderful...
Now I am just on the rejuvenation tip...
Wearing old clothes,
Hair askew,
Face shiny with shea butter,
Sitting in a corner on a mass reading journey...
Damn, life is good...
Maybe we will take in a movie or two...
Maybe not...
So while I rest, my love and prayers go out to all of you...

SMOOCHES,
angelia

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
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Please...

What makes people get so far from their own reality, they can't see the truth for the lies...
Scenario:
People living so far out of reality, they don't know what's real...
Benzes for seventeen year olds...
Who simply want loving arms around them,
And a mother saying, 'I Love You'...
When did it get to the place where we as Black Folks,
Love our kids with stuff...
We are so consumed with what the neighbors think,
What they say we have and not who we are...
When what we give our kids is based upon what someone else has and not what is in our own hearts...WHAT UP WIT' THAT??? Tell me please, this sister needs to know...
There is no one who loves nice things more than me,
But my understanding is that it's just stuff,
My idea of the perfect holiday, is sitting next to my man,
With my sons coming in and out, eating all the food, I have lovingly prepared,
Having them bring their friends by to partake,
It broke my heart to hear of a young woman who isn't going home,
Because her parents door is closed to her,
Because she doesn't live by superficial standards and lives from her heart,
And their punishment is to reject her at Christmas time,
With the message being it isn't about my love for you...
It's about ME...
Come On People...
Is that what success means,
We are working so hard, acquiring stuff, we can no longer see what's important,
It can't be just that...Can it?

Love, Blessings, and Puzzlement...
angelia

More Music...

My Sister, Gwyneth, is doing old school Thursdays with a holiday twist, she has 'This Christmas' By Donny Hathaway....a personal favorite...and the new school version by Chris Brown...a very nice version as well so stop by take a listen and enjoy...I will be back tomorrow with something witty, I am sure....HOLLA!!! BLESSINGS.....

http://gwynethbolton.blogspot.com/


Angelia

I Love Music..

I am completely functionless without music,
Right now I am listening to Alicia Keyes, David Hollister, Jill Scott, Amy Winehouse and Isaac Hayes,
What a mix...
Whenever I'm writing a book,
I find myself listening to the same music a lot,
When writing Black's Obsession, Anthony Hamilton was my muse,
While penning Cinnamon's Universe, it was Floetry and Leela James,
Anthony Hamilton again took me through Brown's Possession,
Black's theme song is, "It's not that I don't love you, I just can't stop loving her..."
Stormy Cleveland, Dave Hollister and Kirk Franklin took me through,
IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?,
I can't remember a time in my life when music wasn't playing somewhere,
Usually in my head,
According to my co-workers, friends and family,
I sing all day long,
Not even aware of it until someone calls it to my attention...
I love music,
ALL KINDS...
Today I am going to get Kirk Franklin, Jahiem and Mary J. Blige,
There will be some nice sounds this week at Casa Menchan,
What are you listening to?

Love and Blessings,
angelia

I STAND ACCUSED...

It seems that I stand accused,
Me and Isaac Hayes...I know that's Old School, but still one of my all time favorite songs, LAWD...
But I digress,
What I have been accused of is being an incurable romantic,
Not just in my LOVE thang,
But with all the people I love,
It's so funny because most of those same people often tell me how organized and practical I am...
And I am in the right situations,
But I do believe in romancing my peeps,
That includes my man,
My children,
My family and friends,
Remembering birthdays and special days,
And giving little things that say you are special to me,
Just seems to make sense,
I listen to a lot of conversations,
And I hear people say, especially at Christmas time, or anniversaries,
I am not going to get so and so anything,
They don't need anything,
Or they already have everything,
And in most cases I am sure that's true,
But to me the spirit of giving to my peeps has nothing to do,
With what they NEED,
It is more about what I WANT TO DO FOR THEM...
BECAUSE I LOOVVVVVVES THEM...damn I am a romantic!!!
With no reciprocal expectations,
And I don't just mean on holidays,
But any days,
And I will also admit how good it feels when someone does something for me,
Unexpectedly,
One day I came home, tired as a junkyard dog,
And on my porch were a bunch of flowers wrapped in plastic,
Picking them up and sniffing them, I saw a card on them that read,
For a special lady, I love you...
One of my girls, Shay, had stopped by, hadn't heard from her in a while,
Leaving them because I was on her mind and in her heart,
Put the pep back in my step...
One of my favorite CDS in the whole wide world was recorded by my son,
Entitled 'Happy Mother's Day' recorded in 2001, telling me how much he loves and appreciates me,
I listen to it all the time...
There is nothing in the world I love to sip more than Coca-Cola Classic,
Frozen slightly...
And when my man sees my eyes glazing over,
He makes sure there is one nearby,
I know I am a hopeless romantic,
I stand accused....

Love and Blessings,
Angelia

Embracing the Years...

I am ready for 2008,
2007 has been wonderful,
Many changes,
Some challenges,
And BLESSINGS, galore,
Which has prepared me for the next chapter,
The next year,
The past couple of months have really stretched me,
Forcing me to do what was the right thing for me,
Even when others felt I wasn't necessarily taking the right path,
I think of all my writing,
How in late September having written four books,
With the books selling,
Folks talking about them,
And as pleased as I was about that and what I had done,
I knew the focus of my work had changed,
I had changed,
And what I wanted to get out there more than anything was what I was working on,
IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Was more than a book, it is a ministry,,,
Never more clear was that was this week having my folks in my church,
Pull the book out and read it in the pews,
Calling me later to talk about it,
Saying how the words had touched them,
That is what this is about for me...
I am sure many have called me foolish,
Thought I was as green as grass in the spring time,
Clueless as could be,
And at points in time they would be absolutely right,
But the truer, truest truth is that when I KNOW,
I have been directed to do something,
No one and nothing can stop me,
Because ultimately I answer to a higher authority,
ONLY...
So I am going to glide on through these last couple of weeks,
Preparing myself for the new year,
And all it will bring...

Bless You,
Angelia Vernon Menchan

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU@
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This Christmas...

This is one of the first Christmases, I have barely shopped,
Only eleven days before Christmas and I feel absolutley no stress...
For years, especially when my kids were young,
I was usually done by the first week of December,
Having shopped for months prior,
This year however, I know exactly what I am getting for everyone and starting today,
I will leisurely to out and get it,
Stopping for a nice caramel macchiato when the mood hit,
Or maybe browsing book store aisles leisurely,
When I feel a slight bit tired I am going to come home,
Placing my feet up on my mom's ancient footstool,
Then I am going to venture out again,
I am truly enjoying this laid back approach to this lovely season,
Yesterday, I even stood in the post office with books spilling out of my arms,
Waiting to mail my latest,
And didn't once feel agitated...
I guess that is what PEACE ON EARTH is all about,
So what are you up to in these last shopping days, please share...
Love and Blessings,
angelia
IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
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It's The Thought...

What do you say when you recieve a gift from someone you love,
Who loves you and it's all wrong,
Do you throw it back at them,
I hope not...
Or do you pretend to love it,
Thinking, 'I would never be caught dead in this mess.'
Or do you regift it to someone else, that you aren't especially fond of,
Praying the person who gave it to you,
Never sees them wearing it?
And I am going to get this out of the way right now...
I KNOW IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS...
However,
I truly believe that when you love someone,
Your focus when it comes to gift-giving is something,
They really want and love, and that speaks to who they are...
And it doesn't have to be expensive,
Well thought out cards are a joy to read, from someone who loves you,
I am known in my families and at work as the card-picking Queen,
I will spend hours reading cards and making sure it is tailored to the recipient,
If people only knew how many cards they recieved from other people, chosen by me...
I do the same with gifts,
During the year,
I engage in conversations with people I love,
Feeling them out as to what they want,
And then at birthdays, Christmas,
They get what they want from me.
In reverse,
I make sure the people who love me,
Know what I want,
Simply because I had some years when things hung in my closet,
Unworn,
Or sat on my dresser,
So I learned to let desires slip out,
Everyone knows that books, perfume and coffee are my vices,
So I casually mention titles, fragrance names and there is a starbucks on every corner,
I know shameless hussy,
But,
I get what I want,
They get what they want,
And we have beautiful thoughts,
As we give and recieve....

Blessings,
angelia

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Available @
angeliavmenchan.com
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Disassociation...

I have struggled with this post for several days,
But since I couldnt shake it, I figured may as well put it out there,
As many of you know, most of my conversations and insights are with and come from young people,
A few days ago one of the young people in my life asked me,
"Why don't poor black folks and middle class black folks get along, even within families."
Damn!
After swallowing down a lump, I said,
"There are many reasons, with I think FEAR, being one of the bigger ones..."
"Fear of what..." This child was working me....
"Fear of association, fear of judgement, fear of many things. So many middle class Black folks are only a generation and a couple of paychecks from being poor and that is what makes them afraid. Also, when negative images are splayed all over the news it makes them afraid they are going to be associated, thus the disassociation."
"Well, it sure does feel like a dis, most of the time."
"What do you mean?"
"Well at school, the upper girls look down their noses at us, and sometimes when we are out, I see the women look like that at my mom." I felt her pain down to my very bones. "Was it like that when you were young?"
"Not so much, but there were some divisions, but what helped most, was where I grew up we all basically lived in the same neighborhoods, Drs., Lawyers, Funeral home owners, lived a few houses down for postal workers, janitors and maids. So there was more of a sense of community. Now we are more divided by addresses and zip codes so it does appear more divisive."
"What stops you from being like that?"
"Like what?" I knew damn well what she meant, I was stalling.
"All upper-acting."
"Baby, some would say that I am. But the simple truth is that I choose my associates by their hearts and actions not by the size of their houses, the cars they drive or clothes they wear. I tried to raise my kids the same way. Not only that but my family runs the gamut, some have much and always have, others have less and always will, and to disassociate myself would in many ways mean to not be with my family, that isnt an option for me. I will say, however, that I don't tolerate nonsense and don't buy into victimization."
"Oh, okay..."
"What brought this on?"
"I was just thinking about it. I see both sides. I live in the hood, around mostly poor folks, some good, some not so good. At school, I am around more uppers, some good and some not so good. And I know that it's a person by person thing."
"You are absolutely right and as long as you keep that in mind, you should be okay when you become all upper." Smiling at me, she nodded.
Out of the mouths of babes...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Who Is That Lady?

Sometimes I have to ask that question,
And ironically I am asking it about myself...
I wake up in the morning, immediately saying my prayers,
Thankful for another day,
I am a praying lady,
I am in my home with my man,
I am Mench's Lady...
I think about my sons,
And I am that Mama Lady,
Venturing off to work,
I am that Budgeting, Contracting, Personnel, rules and regulations Lady,
Taking a trip back home,
I immediately become that sister, niece, auntie, homegirl Lady,
At church, I am that spiritual, serving Lady,
Talking to my young people, I become that Ms. A, Mama Deep Lady,
Writing women's fiction, I am that acVernon Menchan Lady,
Emerging Women fiction, unleashes the Angelia Vernon Menchan Lady,
So who is that Lady?
What she tries to be is the realest Lady, her own Lady,
Who simply knows she has been blessed,
To be many things through grace, in one eccentric, slightly kooky package,
Knowing everyday is a new day,
To be whatever Lady is necessary...

Blessings,
Angelia

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Available @
http://www.angeliavmenchan.com/
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Bodycology...

What does one do when the body talks...
Does one listen...
If something is aching or hurting, you betta listen...
But this is a different kind of body talk...
It's about the gut...
My gut has almost never led me astray...
My heart has gotten me in a mess or two...
My head has even lied to me on ocassion,
But my gut....
Honey, that thing is right on time...
Do I always listen?
Mostly...
And the times I haven't I have had to pay...
I think about almost two years ago when I decided to expose my work to the world,
I joined a few groups,
'Met' some people,
And every single time my gut told me when I was in a 'Situation'
When the gut said yes...I never missed...
However...
When it roiled and rumbled, screaming NO!!!
I USUALLY LISTENED...
But, when I didn't, I paid and paid dearly, sometimes,
Being the me I am, I tossed it up to,
"A bought lesson is the best kind"
NOW I know, in this game when my Gut speaks,
I treat it like E.F. Hutton,
I listen...
There just is no sense in paying for the same lessons,
Over and over again...

Blessings,
angelia

On The Exhale

I have finally reached a point of exhaling,
For the past two years I have been burning the candle on both sides and through the middle,
I am going to chill, well in the abstract I am,
My new book, IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU? is finally done,
This book took it out of me and took me all the way to the release date to complete it,
Which technically means for the first time, I'm a bit behind on best-laid plans,
And am okay with it,
Now let me tell you, there were some moments when I wanted to throw in the towel,
Declaring that I didn't need this mess,
I must have sent that baby back a zillion (five) times for revision,
I sweated, swore and allowed tears of frustration to run down my face,
But what kept me shored up, was my man telling me,
"Baby, you know what this is. This is your best work and the one that will mean the most, so you know stuff is going to get in your way."
I walked away from and hung up the phone on him more than once,
My prayer buddy at work told me the same thing, my eyes rolled at her a time or two,
But something happened to me on Tuesday, I relaxed,
Knowing that the book wouldn't be in my hand or on the relevant sights by Saturday,
But I was done sweating it,
I sat down went through it again,
Page by Page, line by line,
Then I went to bed,
Woke up and sent it straight away to the distributor,
Went about my business,
Never checking,
And no longer tripping,
Yesterday, one day before the deadline, it was finally in the proper form,
Amen,
So, now I simply have to prepare to do the other work,
I am ready!!!

Blessings,
angelia

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Available for Pre-order @
www.angeliavmenchan.com 9.95 free shipping

Aggressive or Assertive

Aggressive or Assertive,
In the minds of some the words are synonomous,
However, when I think aggression,
I think of it as a forced strong will or opionion,
Assertive indicates a shared strong will or opinion,
Or maybe it's just what I find palatable,
As is known, I'm an observer,
And in the past few days my observations have led me to view acts of aggression,
Seeing those who don't fully understand the position,
Or didn't even read or hear the whole message before pouncing on and attacking,
On the other hand I have viewed wonderful displays of assertiveness,
Someone listening with an open heart and mind,
Then knowing full well, they had something to offer,
Assertively stating their position with facts to back up,
What was being said,
I am saying this to say,
That just like there being a thin line between love and hate,
There is a thinner line between aggression and assertion,
Just make sure you want to cross the line,
And that you leave enough room to cross back over....

angelia, assertively stating an opionion....grinning....

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
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Fear Factor

No you arent going to see any amazing stunts or death defying tricks,
That's not the kind of fear I'm going to talk about today,
I want to talk about the fear that stops us from being our best selves,
Or the fear of others that can stop us,
First off, I want to thank my mama for being a fearless woman,
Who raised my sister and I to be fearless,
Many people comment on how independent we always were,
Even as young women, when we would take of and do what we needed to do,
Or an many cases wanted to do,
Now, I will not stand here and tell you, I'm never afraid,
That would be a lie,
What I will tell you is that hands down,
I don't allow my fear to stop me or deblitate me,
I embrace that thing and make my fear work for me...
Head high, shoulders square, prayer on my lips and in my heart...
And I absolutely refuse to allow anyone else's fear to get in my way either,
And there are a great many frightened people,
I see so many, who have amazing talents and gifts to share and they are so bound, and ground by fear,
They can't move,
The fear of failure,
Well baby, let me tell you, you will fail, but as I have said on this panel, right here, just fail forward and see it as a learning curve...
Then there is the fear of success,
Fear because as we all know once we do it, it becomes an old thing,
And we have to go out and do something else,
And other folks fears, mama, daddy, sister, brother and them...
Those come from people in your life who for whatever reason,
Haven't tapped into their own potentional and is paralyzed by their fear,
That someone else might do what they have been unable to do,
Please don't allow that to stop you,
When someone says, "You are gettting so brand new."
Smile, thank them, while saying, "My goal is always to renew..."
I know this is so cliche, but there truly is nothing, "To Fear but Fear Itself"

angelia

Thoughts

This past Sunday, my pastor talked about how we allow our thoughts to rule us, manifesting in negative ways...
He so eloquently said, "A thought is just a thought"
Which caused me to think...he he he
Anywhoo...
And I have to say, per usual he was dead on...
When I have allowed my thoughts to be negative...
I would see that in my life...
However, once I realized I had absolute power over my thoughts, I was able to see that in my life also...
I can remember twelve years ago,
Sitting in a cafe, thinking about my career choices,
At that time I was a Purchasing Director at a hotel and I was 'hatin' it...
I had spent the past ten years in that arena and was tired of it...
So sitting there I said to the woman sitting next to me...
'I'm going to be a couselor", she looked at me as though I were crazy,
I know she was thinking, 'There is no money in that', considering our current world, which was,
Money, Money, More Money...
And I never let go of that thought, and twelve months and a few courses later, a counselor I was...
The same was true of writing...
Well, I have always been a writer,
But a published writer...
So I sat down, not saying anything to anyone and a writer, I became...
A learning writer, I confess...
But a writer nontheless,
All based on my own thoughts, then my acting upon them and making them happen,
Through faith and work...
Well, I'm thinking again...
And I know these thoughts will once again.
Come to fruition...
It's been proven,
So if you think it, you can be it...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
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Trilogy Review

Title: Brown’s Possession . . .A Family’s Progression (Book Three of Black’s Trilogy)
Author: acVernon Menchan
Publisher: M.A.M.M. Productions
Reviewed by: Idrissa Uqdah

It’s All About Love

To say that the books in acVernon Menchan’s trilogy; Black’s Trilogy are about a complicated love story is like saying water is wet. Complicated is the least of it. In these books the author shows the many ways that people love and why. I was intrigued by this story as it unfolded and went from one book to another with anticipation. This review is a three-book review.

The first book; Black’s Obsession introduces us to Malcolm Black, self-made millionaire who has recently returned to his Florida hometown to re-plant his roots and bond with his family. Black believes in giving back to the community and uses his fortune to set up minority-owned businesses and training programs within the Black community where he grew up. He literally re-invents the old neighborhood in the area of housing, business development and recreation. In his personal life; Black was the proverbial “player”, bedding women one after another and never settling down with any of them because of his unrequited love for his childhood friend, Cinnamon. No woman every came close to what he saw in her. The book shows us how a man can continue to love a woman that he has never had access to.

In Cinnamon’s Universe, we meet that woman, Cinnamon DuBois Brown. Cinnamon and Black grew up together and although she was a few years younger, they had many classes together and became good friends. Cinnamon was a beautiful girl and a gifted student who had skipped several grades over the years. She came from an upwardly mobile African American family and Malcolm was intimidated by them because his family’s humble lifestyle was not on the same level. Malcolm not only adored Cinnamon; he worshiped her and but yet, he never revealed his feelings to her. When she finally connected with and married a mutual friend; Malcolm left Florida and moved to New York City, heartbroken and torn. He had lost the love of his life to his friend Brown because he never declared his love for her. Soon after Brown and Cinnamon relocated to Atlanta where they have raised a family, started a business, and become quite successful also. Book Two is about Cinnamon, a woman that everyone loves and admires. Friends and family alike, depend on Cinnamon’s love and attention to make everything right in their world.

When life finds Black, Cinnamon and Brown back in Florida living in their hometown again; the story begins to get complicated. An unusual love triangle develops when Black finds that he can no longer deny the love he feels for Cinnamon. So he comes out and professes his love for his long time friend. Brown had always known about Black’s feelings for his wife but he was never threatened by it because he knew that Cinnamon was a faithful woman who valued her marriage and her family life. But everything is different now. Their children have grown up and Cinnamon has started writing for a magazine and working on her first book. She is asserting herself in new ways and is no longer the doting wife and mother. Brown knows that he has to do something to hold on to his precious Cinnamon. The final book in the trilogy Brown’s Possession . . . a Family’s Progression was just released and it continues the saga just as everything is about to come to a head. They all have to decide whether they can make this work and continue to coexist peacefully as a family.

This trilogy was an incredible read. AcVernon Menchan is a really good writer who writes from the heart. Her prose is fluid; yet down to earth. She tells a great story and has the skills of a good storyteller in the old African American tradition. A griot of sorts, she tells her stories with wisdom and old-fashioned mother wit. The entire three book set is a good investment if you are a reader who enjoys a continuing saga.

Check it out at
http://reviews.aalbc.com/browns_possession.htm

Love, Blessings, and Gratitude
angelia

CHALLENGES...

This last book has been the biggest challenge,
Publishing wise that is,
The book practically wrote itself,
My heroine was so easy, because though she is sixteen,
She is more like me than anyone I have written...
Or like I was..
But from the gate,
There has been challenge after challenge,
However, what I have learned is that when one truly ministers,
Tries to get the right message out there,
Challenges abound!!!
So every single time something came up,
I looked up,
And went back to the drawing board,
Because nothing is going to stop the message,
Nothing...
Today I was sitting in church,
And my pastor touched on it, his exact words were,
"Every success you have probably had, true success has come from a trial."
Let the people say Amen!

Love and Blessings,
angelia

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
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Thanksgiving,,,

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday,
All that's required is to spend time giving thanks for the many blessings,
We ALL enjoy,
Most importantly,
I get to 'hang out' with family and friends,
Laughing,
Talking,
Reminiscing,
And eating calorie laden food,
Guilt Free,
During the holidays,
I don't give a thought to calories,
There is real butter in stuff,
Like sweet potato pie,
Macaroni and Cheese,
And real ham in the greens,
Umm Umm Umm,
And Football,
My Dallas Cowboys are always playing on that day...
Been a die-hard fan since Tony Dorsett, baby...
Woo Hoo...
And the talk,
Sitting at my aunts house these days,
With folks running in and out,
Usually with a tight belt,
And a plate covered with foil,
While we are all talking trash about everybody,
Usually each other,
It doesnt get much better than that...
Giving Praise and THANKS!

Love and Blessings,
angelia

When Love Calls...

When Love calls, you betta answer, cause it might be a big mistake, if you decide to hesitate...
Yup, more song lyrics,
But this time I'm not talking romantic love, family love, no kind of people love,
Mother is talking about the kind of love for what you do,
In my case it's writing,
Reading, I love the written word,
Always have...
But I looooooooooooooove writing,
I've done a lot of stuff but nothing fills me all the way up,
Heart and Soul, like writing...
When I'm alone, writing is company,
When sad, it makes me glad,
When mad, it calms me down...
I feel that everyone needs that,
I remember when my kids were growing up and all the infomercials said,
'Find their anti-drug'
For my eldest it was art supplies,
Give him pens and pads and he would do caricatures for hours,
For my youngest it was music, his room was filled with keyboards,
Drums, mikes and turntables, but his happiest moments were sitting
In a corner with one of those marbled black and white notebooks, writing song lyrics,
His room and at home is filled with them,
My heart breaks when someone says they don't know what to do with themselves,
I instantly know that love hasn't called,
Or they haven't listened,
If that inner voice is guiding you to do something,
Do it,
No matter how insignificant it may seem,
Or how unimpressed someone else may be,
If it makes your heart pump faster,
Make you smile,
Cry, think, dance or move you in any way,
That is that Love Thang...

Blessings,
Angelia

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Be Blessed..

Be Blessed...
Don't live life in distress...
That is the song by Yolanda Adams that plays on my cell phone...
I believe that,
We should realize that we be blessed, (this former Ed major knows that is grammatically incorrect)
But Hey...
So I say,
We must realize,
That we be blessed,
And can't live life in distress,
Because that muddles up the blessings,
Trust me on this one...
The biggest way to mess up our blessings,
Is with our mindsets,
Allowing people to get in our heads...
We have to know about the aforementioned,
Wallking by faith and not by sight,
And stand in the space where we can reap,
What we have sown,
Not allowing those who know our mess,
To cause us stress,
Because we know that,
Our blessings are based on who we are,
And not what we do,
Or what we have done,
Or where we have been...
So I will say again,
Be Blessed....

Love and Blessings,
Angelia

What's A Sister to Do...

When women talk,
I listen,
So many of my sisters, beg the question...
What's a Sister to Do?
I'm telling you women got it going on these days,
Like nobody's business,
But in so many ways they are stuck between a rock,
And a hard place,
Wait, hold up, many these days can't get to a hard place...
If you are following me,
There are a lot of lonely sisters,
And it's hard to say why...
The one bug-a-boo...
Seems to be the aforementioned.
Sisters got it going on...
And that seems to be a problem...
A big problem,
For a lot of brothers and even other sisters,
If she is successful,
Attractive,
Can easily support herself,
How does she tread the murky waters between,
How much she is worth,
And how much she should be worth...
Does she pretend her accomplishments are nothing,
In order to get that love in her life,
That she is finally willing to admit she wants,
Or does she continue to act like she doesn't want it,
Surrounding herself with accomplishments,
And personal purchases,

When I have these conversations with my sisters,
I am stumped,
Because it all leads back to the 'having it all syndrome'
And as I have said here, having it all usually doesn't occur,
All at once,
It is a long-haul project,
Rife with waiting, patience and prioritizing,
But even when that occurs,
As so many sisters tell me,
There really, still is no proverbial, 'pot of gold'...
The question, is still,
"What's A Sister to Do?"

Love and Blessings,
angelia

You Just Never Know...

You just never know who is going to come through your life,
Or in what package they will come...
That my friends is why an open heart and mind are a necessity,
There has been too many times in recent history, very recent history,
Where I was sitting down, minding my own business and someone would just appear in my life...
I have this really weird philosophy and it's this,
When I meet you,
I automatically give you an A, 100 points,
Now it is up to you to keep that grade,
Or deduct from it at will...
So when I meet someone, I keep,
My mind and heart open,
Now don't think this means I go in blind,
No, not at all,
But I am willing to see what is up,
Because one never knows,
And I am here to tell you that in this writing game,
Especially now,
I have met some gems,
Happenstance,
Someone read my blog,
Or I posted on theirs,
They came to a festival or a booksigning where I was,
And picked up a flyer,
Then one day,
I look up and they have done some amazingly gracious thing,
Told friends about my work,
Suggested my name to a bookclub,
And when I am touched most is those times when I feel things didn't go well...
Then the next thing I know as a result of that, things are going awesome...
That is what walking by faith and not by sight is all about...
Take my word for it...
So sometime if you are standing in Target or sitting on the bus,
Or reading a newspaper in a park and someone says hello,
Say hi back,
You just never know,
What that person can bring to your life, or you to theirs,
At a minimum it could simply be a smile...
And that's always good...

Love and Blessings,
Angelia

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU...
Available December 1, 2007

DREAMING...

I dreamed about my mama last night, this was our conversation,
“Angel, you showed us all…”
‘Showed you all what?’
“How to own yourself…”
‘Not really, I wasn’t doing that at all. I was simply living my life the way I wanted to, because I saw so many of you trying to do it all, all at one time and that didn’t work for me. I knew I had to be a bit more methodical and patient.’
‘Well, you did. We talk about you all the time.”
‘Who does?’
“All of us. We were all so sure we knew the answers for all of you. We thought if you would only do what we said, how we said it, then your life would be perfect. Most of them tried to do it our way and made royal messes of their lives. But you always went your own way and did your own thing and look at you now.”
‘Well, it ain’t all that special. I simply have a personality quirk that wouldn’t allow me to try to be like anyone else. However, I want you to know that I admire and looked up to all of you and what you stood for. Those who went before me certainly paved the way. Especially you, mama you never really tried to make me be anything. You simply loved me and were proud of me even when I was goofy. It’s just that God made me unable to allow any voice to lead me except the one he gave me. And the one thing I have always understood is that I don’t really have the ability to make anything happen, but if I’m faithful and patient I can allow everything to happen.’
“My child my Angel, that is exactly what I mean.”
‘Oh…’
“Angel..”
‘Ma’am’
“It’s just the beginning…”
‘I know…’

Love and Blessings,
Angelia

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU
Available December 1, 2007

Who's Idea of Woman?

Hey Family,
this morning I am going to ramble and rant,
One of my pet peeves is how narrowly we choose to define a WOMAN,
This weekend at my booksigning, a brother who had read half of my second book raised his hand saying,
"In my mind, I could only see Cinnamon as naked at the stove." Hmm
You could hear the rumble in the crowd as many sisters took exception to that,
They had read the whole book and the other books in many cases,
However, a quiet sister in the back said,
"I agree with him, she wasn't an astute woman at all."
Okay, wasn't sure how much she had read but she didnt know the lady either...
My thing is this,,,
A woman can be whatever and however she chooses to be,
Hard-nosed, take no prisoners professional,
Who does it all for herself, she will get no argument from me,
Or,
She can stay at home raising uber kids, cooking filet and baking brownies,
And meet her man in the door in mules and a negligee, still okay with me...
In my mind, no one gets to decide what defines a woman,
As women we get to change whenever we want to, in any way that we want to...
I have been a business woman since I was fourteen years old,
Sold book reports, term papers, had a job on the weekend and was the candied-apple, making and selling queen, money in da bank, ya'll...
However, I loved dressing up on the weekends and dancing for hours with my friends,
The same has been true of my adult life,
I have a career,
And the respect of my peers and co-workers,
While maintaining a couple of small businesses,
But I love my man,
And there are days when I come home and cook him a great meal,
Because I want to,
And will serve him at the table and on the table, winking....
And will apologize to no one for being any of those,
Or all of those,
Because all I am is a woman by defintion,
Who knows what works for me,
And mine,
I will allow all people to do what works for them,
And expect the same from others,
Know this, a woman can be PAMPERED and POWERFUL,
While PAMPERING and EMPOWERING...
Don't be fooled...

Love and Blessings,
Angelia

Transition

This weekend was the perfect transition, I was wrapping up the acVernon Menchan tour at home. I explained to the packed room what I was doing, where I was going and why. It felt so right in front of the hometown. We enjoyed music, food and then the book discussion, whew...

It was so amazing to hear people's opinion's on my work. Particularly interesting was to see how everyone sees it so differently and what they take from it. The woman's opionion, the man's opinion, what turns people off in reading, what turns them on...and most importantly the honesty...I thrive on that and feel that every author should get the opportunity to meet her audience in such a setting. Nothing about the writing game feels like that. Even, when the reader does not agree with what you have done and how you have done it. I loved it...Thanks P.R.I.D.E. BookClub for bringing me back as your anniversary author, after having as a part of your celebrating author lineup last year, Felice you are a dynamo. And thanks to the bookclub members for participation, my sisters who joined me, Cynthia, Elvina, Marcia and bringing others with you. Thanks Cynthia from KUDOS bookclub for trekking many miles to see me again and just thanks to all for the love and support. Most importantly, thanks to my man for always being there for and with me, this is a partnership for real.

Love and Blessings,

angelia

I Ain't Missing Her at All...

Well ya'll,
After tonight,
I will be acVernon Menchan, no longer,
Angelia Vernon Menchan,
Has kicked her out and plans to take over from here,
She served me well,
Allowed me to have a voice,
But when time to unrobe,
Step out on faith,
No more hiding in plain sight will be allowed,
Everything I write,
And publish,
Henceforth,
Will be as Me...
Just Me...
I am so ready...
Join me why don't you,

Love and Blessings,
Angelia Vernon Menchan

IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU!
Debuting, December 1, 2007
isnonotclear.blogspot.com

Picking My Battles...

I have always carefully picked my battles,
Every fight isn't worth getting involved in,
My motto is make sure if you get involved in the war it is a battlefield,
You are willing to die on...
Talking to a few people this week in passing,
I was astonished how much mess folks can care about or be involved in,
I have a very short attention span for stuff,
I was talking to someone and they were rattling on about someone's business,
And I had to jerk myself to attention,
Because for the life of me I couldn't stay engaged,
The only reason I didn't stop listening altogether is because I cared about the talker,
I can remember as a young girl,
How folks would gather around fight,
Not this sister,
I kept it moving,
Or the way in later years, folks would get together to decide they were going to 'advise'
Someone,
Leave me out of that...
If that person wants or needs to talk to me,
They know where to find me,
Or if I am real concerned, I will seek them out and do a one-on-one,
I see that same trend in a lot of online groups,
No one has very much to say about books, or writing, or uplifting,
But let a controversial topic come along,
And honey the threads will run for days,
I guess that is why we rubberneck at car crashes,
I don't even know,
What I do know is that unless it is something,
That means something to me,
Or I am really touched by,
Or can actually do something about,
I will stay quiet,
When I go to war, I want it to be a worthy battle...

Love and Blesssing, and HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY WEEKEND TO THE REAL WARRIORS!
angelia

On the Precipice...

The first definition for precipice in Webster is; a very steep or hanging place or on the brink...
And that is where I am, have been there before, am there again,
With my writing and my new book, I am at a very steep and hanging place and on the brink of doing what I came into this writing game to do...
Why did it take five books?
It was supposed to...
Why was I so hard headed when people told me what to do,
Because I knew it wasn't time yet,
And that the slow and steady stays in the race until the end,
And is not breathless when they get there,
My best thinking is at five-thirty in the morning as I drive across the bridge,
It is dark and the St. Johns River is peaceful, and the stars and lights are twinkling,
This morning I thought about all of the absolutely amazing things that happened around me in the past month,
With no real effort on my part, other than to have written books that made people talk, think, laugh, get mad and wonder...
The support, the wonderful people, new and unexpected readers...
WOW...it has been awesome,
And is what has propelled me to the precipice,
So I am going to pray, let go and jump!!!

Cinnamon's Universe:

The discussion this weekend, sponsored by
P.R.I.D.E BookClub of Jacksonville, Florida
Dinner, Discussion and Fun with
acVernon Menchan...See You There!
November 10, 2007 5:00 pm
http://www.ariellesjax.com/

Love and Blessings,
angelia

I Just Can't Help It...

Right here on this page,
I told the world I would not write again for a year,
Maybe I should have said,
I won't publish again for a year,
And this morning, I think that is a stretch...
Stories jump inside my soul,
And won't leave me alone until they are told,
And mentally,
I have already written several chapters,
It is set-up and writing itself,
I even have a title,
My main character is fortyish,
At a spiritual crossroads,
Has lived her life,
On her own terms,
Or so she thought,
But through so many changes,
Mostly growing,
Maturing,
Wising up,
A change is in the offing,
So look for 'Schae's Story'...
In the future...

I Just Can't Help It!

Smooches,
Angelia
IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Available December 1, 2007

It's Calling...

Last week I was driving back from lunch,
All I wanted to focus on was my Jerk chicken and Acai tea,
But as is the case almost daily, my calling intervened,
Everyone knows how I feel about my girls,
Just wrote a book honoring them,
But,
I know the little I do is not enough,
And that my calling is to do more,
I have a plan that is in full action,
Anyway,
I was driving along and there was this group of young people,
Strolling along, they were near DANIEL, an organization that is about the empowerment of adolescents,'
There were probably twenty kids and a few of the workers,
This one girl was in my line of vision,
Short, ebony, lovely and walking sassily,
Already knew at fifteen or so that her body was something to behold,
Behind her was several young men,
Calling out to her,
Ahead was several other students,
She walked alone, rolling her hips,
I slowed down, never taking my eyes off her,
She looked at me, then looked again,
Something in my eye told her I was watching her,
Almost immediately her stroll changed,
Her roll slowed,
She knew that I knew...
I didn't stop that day...
But I knew right then the day was coming,
Because I am past the time when I can deny my calling,
Or compartmentalize it into weekly conversations,
My young sisters need me...

Love and Blessings,
Angelia
IS NO NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Available December 1, 2007
http://isnonotclear.blogspot.com/

Selflessness...

We hear so much about how selfish people are,
And to some extent that is true,
But there are a great many selfless people out there,
Particularly in this literary arena I am now calling home,
Just this morning, I went by Gwyneth's blog and there she was promoting a new author.
http://www.gwynethbolton.blogspot.com/
What a lovely thing to do,
And so many people have been gracious to me,
Supporting my work and my blog with no agenda,
Thanks Yasmin, my APOOO sister,
http://www.apooo.org/.
Lady Idrissa Ugdah, for loving my work and never once wavering on talking about it,
http://www.idrissaonline.com/ and http://www.aalbc.com/
Yesterday,
I was gliding through cyberspace and I stopped by RAWSISTAZ,
and there was a lovely review about my amazon short story,
Had no idea it would be there,
http://www.rawsistaz.com/
There are so many who online,
I can't name them all here without forgetting someone,
and offline have showed so much love
And support for me and so many others and in this day of so-called,
Hating,
MyFamily, Friends, Sistahs! and communities,
So I wanted to say THANK, GRACIAS, MERCI BEAUCOUP, DANKE SCHON, AND
MUCH LOVE to those who are SELFLESSLY supporting the people...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

How you know?

How you know?
I have asked that question more than a few times this week,
As I told you Black, Cinnamon and Brown have generated conversations this week,
And what people want to talk about more than anything, is how can Brown co-sign on Cinnamon's madness for Black... smiling...
Trying to explain it has been a blast...
They are just struggling with him 'allowing' her to do her thang,
Anyone who knows Cinnamon knows she is not being 'allowed' to do anything...
But I am going to say again, that relationships that WORK are the most complex,
things in the world,
I remember years ago I was volunteering at a community service organization,
There was this young man, soldier, who had a wife who had a reputation,
She was the talk of the post,
But when I saw him with her he always had love filled eyes and looked upon her with pride,
I like most, who I was in my twenties at the time,
Thought, 'How in the world can he be that happy, when she is like that.'
One day I found out, he was in the office with one of the counselors and I was in the office next door, I heard him say,
'I know what and who she is and what she does, but what I want ya'll to know is that is my woman, my wife and regardless of what she does, she belongs to me, so don't feel bad for me or for her, what we have works for us, and if it needs to change, God and time will change it.'
That blew my mind and made me look at things from a different perspective,
I had to come to the conclusion at my young age,
That other folks business,
Is just that, other folks business,
And if they like it, I love it,
And nowadays, I will damn sure write about it,
And give my readers, SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT!!

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Finding the "Pretty"...

There is an ongoing joke in my family,
They have teased me for years about trying to find 'the pretty'...
What they mean is when my kids were young they were not allowed to say someone was ugly,
I would always tell them to find the pretty,
Everyone has something,
Nice hair, eyes, teeth, skin, something...
My husband and I would also have that conversation,
I would say someone was cute and he would roll his eyes,
So today we joke and laugh about it...
I still feel that way though,
Mostly, the pretty is in the spirit,
I recall years ago working in Germany,
I had this co-worker who was tall, dark and handsome,
Women flocked in just to see and flirt with him,
He smiled and flirted back, but all he ever talked about was his wife, back in the states,
We all assumed she had to be drop-dead gorgeous,
Well,
When I met her...
I immediately started looking for the pretty,
Even I was having a hard time,
But within that day I knew she was beautiful,
Her spirit and heart was so open,
And the way she treated him was something to see,
The way she treated us was amazing,
Glancing at him I could see that he was looking at her through love's eyes,
And to him she was gorgeous,
I remember him telling me that when he was with her,
He felt like a man,
He didn't have to say another word, I totally understood that...
Over twenty-six years and I have never forgotten it,
This morning I was driving across the bridge thinking about laughing and talking with my sishtahs,
Last night,
And how lovely they are, all aging beautifully,
Holding it down,
Mostly what makes them beautiful though,
Is their laughter, we were giggling like teenagers,
And their spirits,
And that made me remember that couple,
It's out there,
We simply have to be open to looking for the 'PRETTY'

Believability...

It's hard to BELIEVE what people find believable or unbelievable,
Hard because it seems that if it's bad, negative or ugly,
People may shake their heads but they rarely say, 'Unbelievable'...
But if it's positive, good or beautiful, one of the first words that fly from lips, is 'Unbelievable'...
I have had that occur with me, talking to someone about something awesome going on in my life,
and, "Unbelievable" is the response,
But I have been in conversations where the person was going on about,
A bad situation and the crowd is embracing it, co-signing, believing it...
The word unbelievable has come up a time or two in book discussions I have had about my work,
Particularly about 'Cinnamon's Universe'...
People really struggle with the idea that a man could look the other way,
Knowing his wife is embroiled with another man,
Everything else is believable and certainly if the book had been entitled 'Brown or Black's Universe,
It would have been more believable...
When writing the book, my goal was to make the characters believable,
Black had to be a man who any woman would risk everything for,
Cinnamon had to be a woman so complex, yet loving that men would want her and make concessions,
Brown had to be bad enough for readers to understand how he could have his woman step out, but good enough for readers to believe that even with Cinnamon having Black, she would be unable to 'toss-up' Brown...
Not only that, the world is a complicated place with all kinds of relationships going on that we are not made privy to,
And it seems my job as a writer is to allow readers, people, to see that every variation of a relationship,
Of living is possible and believable...
I discovered this on my journeys around the globe,
Mostly, only Americans struggle with the concept of 'Affairs of the Heart',
Honest ones anyway,
If I had written these characters in many European countries,
The word unbelievable would never have been used...
So I am left to assume that what we find believable is what has occurred in our lives,
Or the lives of people we know,
And if we have never loved or been loved unconditionally,
Then it would be real hard to believe...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Convincing Whom..

One of my blogs convinced me to blog again...today...
I had a respondent on one of my recent blogs say, they had wondered who I was trying to convince,
When I rambled and they had concluded, I was trying to convince me...
I am not sure if convince is the proper word,
But my blogs are surely therapeutic for me,
I will go through something,
See something,
Feel something,
Hear something,
And in order to have it make sense to me, I will blog about it,
I always did, it was just called journaling at that time...giggling...
So I am not sure if I am convincing myself,
But every single time I blog about something,
I am certainly reminding myself,
Trying to enlighten myself,
Keep myself straight,
And if in any way someone gets something from it,
To Quote Ice Cube, "It was a good day"

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Enslaved...

I hear so many people say slavery is over,
Is it? And what I am talking about has nothing to do with Lincoln,
If you get your paycheck on Friday and most of it is gone by Monday on stuff like designer clothes,
Fancy restaurants and keeping up with what better paid friends have,
When necessary things are going unpaid,
You are a slave...
If you are living with your mama,
Allowing her to take care of your basic needs,
While you are underemployed and full-grown...
And not paying your child support,
You are a slave...
If you are lying beneath a man,
Who you don't love and who doesn't love you,
Because you are afraid to be alone,
Slavery....
If you are unable to go to the store for a loaf of bread,
Without being consumed with your appearance,
Well you get me...
And the most frightening thing about all of this,
Is that these messages are passed on to the children,
Which is why slavery never really ends,
If we teach our children that designer clothes,
Are more important than education,
Or allow our sons to live with us,
While driving overpriced cars and not paying rent,
Or sending messages to our daughters that if he ain't a baller,
Then don't let him become your caller,
We are not just slaves...
We are slave masters....
We better FREE....OURSELVES...
Lincoln is dead, and legislation can't help us with this one...

blessings,
angelia

So Nice...

It feels so nice to feel comfortable in your relationships...
Man to woman,
Woman to woman,
Elder to younger,
Friend to Friend,
All of those,
There is nothing more uncomfortable than always trying to work to make something work...
I know, no pain no gain...
Sometimes yes, mostly no...
As we age we discover what we love, like and hopefully what we can do without...
And as hard as it is to admit,
There are relationships we would be better off without,
And they without us,
I spent so many years in politically correct environments,
That one day I woke up in a politically correct relationships,
So tiring,
Spending so much time saying the right thing,
Keeping your face neutral, when your eyes wanted to bug,
And your mouth was dying to fly open,
Something changed for me when my mom died,
I realized that relationships should feed your soul,
And that you should feed your relationships,
I needed to be around people who laughed,
Giggled,
Messed up,
Straightened up,
And moved on, without missing a beat,
Who I could do those same things with,
So I had to go into my relationship closets,
And recycle some things, much like those clothes I was hanging onto,
What has been so amazing and heartwarming is that like my clothes closets,
My relationship closets never feel empty,
Just as I have been able to purchase new clothes,
The fulfilling relationships have continued to replace those that weren't working,
That were just hanging there...
It feels so good to laugh with, cry with, argue with, agree to disagree with those who,
I get and who get me,
Not always having to worry about stepping on oversensitive toes,
Or having to read between lines and figuring out what was meant by that,
Now I have so many places I can go when I need a hug, a kiss, a slap,
And those people know they can come to me for the same things,
Particularly beautiful is we can all sleep at night without tossing and turning about did we,
Say or do the right thing,
Because we know that even if we didn't, it will be okay,
Because tomorrow is another day,
Filled with lovely relationships...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Cinnamon, Brown and Black Speaks!

I decided I was going to keep quiet about the trilogy,
I was moving on to a different place.
Well Cinnamon, Brown and Black had different opinions.
Everywhere I go, people want to talk about them.
Read about them,
Know about them...
It's as if they are saying,
"No Lady, you don't get to unleash us on the world, then when YOU decide to do something else, you just sit us on the shelf. We will be read, we will be talked about, we will let people know you created us..."
So, I say...
Okay then, if the three of you think you are big enough, bad enough, and loud enough, then do your thing...
Black says, 'Woman you know I am the baddest brother on the planet,
Brown nods, 'After me brother, after me...
Cinnamon doesn't have to say a word, because she knows, who rules the Universe...
Black's Obsession - Book One
Cinnamon's Universe - Book Two
Brown's Possession...A Family's Progression - Book Three...
Black's Trilogy....
'Fictonalized Truths'....books exploring the possibilities...

http://www.acvernonmenchan.com/

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Appreciation...

I appreciate so many things,
I thank God for making me, this quirky, sometimes oblivious (for that I am most thankful),
Person I am...
I appreciate the family I was born into,
The Man I married,
And all who have come through my life,
There have been a few times in the past when I actually questioned the blessings,
Asking 'Why Me'...when I knew there were so many others who could have been touched as I have been...
Not long ago a friend (Emma) said to me, 'Angi, God blesses whom he chooses and my sister he has chosen you...' that calmed me right down on one of those days when I was looking at myself,
Naked, cross-eyed and upside down...
There have been so many things and so many situations that if people only knew,
They would wonder how did she come through,
On the right side, the bright side...
I know it is through that Grace and that being chosen for whatever reason...
I get tickled often, particularly these days when people say, 'You can't even know...'
Please believe I do know...so well...
What I knew more than anything though is that I am a survivor...
And all those crazy things that happened,
Or that I was taken through,
Allowed me to stand and reap as I am doing today,
Allowing no bitterness, resentment or malice to reside in my mind or my heart,
I learned a long time ago, when it is done to wipe the slate clean, because as I have been
FORGIVEN,
I must forgive,
Refusing to relive,
And for that I have mad APPRECIATION,
For Living,
Loving,
Sowing,
Reaping,
With Full Understanding that the best is yet to come...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Missin' 'Em

I am really missing my mama and my youngest son today...they are so much alike and one thing I know for sure is they love them some Angel and Mama Deep...
So many cool things are happening with this writing thing, I have a really big signing coming up in two weeks and some other things are cooking...and I could really see my mama there saying,
"that's my baby" or my baby saying, 'my mama is the female me...
My mom has been gone almost five years, she departed this earth on January 24 ,2003 almost five years after the doctor's told her breast cancer would take her...but she just wasnt ready in 1998...I was living in Oklahoma...
When I moved back to the FL in 1999...we were closer than close...I got to see her through another mastectomy in 2000, many bouts with chemo, radiation and the new miracle drug, but that didnt matter a bit...
what i really got to do is know my mama, we talked on the phone every day at 11:30 my lunch time for years, and when we didnt it meant she was here or I was there and then we would either sit on her porch or in my living room and talk about everything...whenever she talked about me to people she never said my name, just 'my daughter', damn did that woman love her angel...I miss you Mama Lee...
Many times when we were wherever we were my son was also there, that boy loved his mama, to this day his friends always tell me, 'mama deep, i never talked to a boy who revered his mama like young deep did you', they were right about it...
I can remember those days when he was a preteen and his dad would be on a trip and we would spend hours eating chicken wings and pancakes or watching six movies in a row while the snow fell, or those days we would go to purchase a book and a cd for him and two books for me and I would read his goosebumps and he would read my alice walker...or those times when he would sit endless hours with me in a hospital room with mama, saying nothing but whenever I looked up his eyes were on me, making sure i was good...
mama is in heaven and young deep is out getting mad educating, preparing to blaze trails....
and i am happy for them both because they are in wonderful places....
But damn, I miss them...

Love and blessings,
angelia

With Grace....

Not long ago, I was talking to a friend about aging, she is about six years younger than I am...
She asked why wasn't I twisted about aging...
I asked was I supposed to be...she looked at me like, 'Of course...'
Well, I am not...
It is a given that if you are born and you keep livin'...
Aging is a part of the deal...
What I have tried to do is age as gracefully as possible,
That starts with an open heart, mind and spirit...
Which is probably nine tenths of the law...
Add to that healthy food, loads of sleep, moderate excercise...
Moisturizer...
Giggles and laughter and regulars O's...yes you heard it here...
Aging gracefully is a shoe-in...
Another big reason I don't trip is because I never stop growing,
I feel that growing spiritually, mentally and emotionally is a from the cradle to the grave endeavor...
And deciding at some point, not to sweat the small stuff, and realizing that mostly it is all small stuff...
Also, the women I always admired most were the elders...
As I have mentioned I come from a long line of got it going on women,
Who loved themselves and their children, passing that 'own and love yourself' message down to us'...
To this day I love to look at a got it going on elder sister and smile,
Last Sunday I was standing at the beginning of church,
I turned to shake hands and embrace the woman behind me,
That diva was elegance personified, camel colored suit with hat cocked a bit over the eye, nice red lipstick...
And a loving smile shining from her lips and eyes...I loved it...I also noticed the man, her man, standing next to her, beaming with pride...Hello...
So accepting aging is a wonderful thing,
When it is done with Grace...

smooches,
angelia

Are You Sure It's That?

Words fascinate me, I love messing with them, and I really love when someone coins or uses a phrase that Ican apply to stuff...I will think, use and laugh about it until I am tired of it...and there is one that has exhausted me lately...but I am moving slowly today so hang in there...
One I really love is one my eldest son uses, when he is not feeling something he will say, 'Don't cosign on the madness'...I LOVE that, it speaks volumes and is really great advice in a nice, small package...
But the one that has me thinking and pondering is....
Hater or Hating...
When that first came from the rap world or the NBA, which it seems so many cool phrases come from,
I said okay...well then...
But lately I see it used to describe situations that to me has nothing to do with anything remotely tied to hating (jealousy)...
Which leads me to ask, 'Are You Sure it's That?'
It seems that when full grown people use it...
It's because someone hasn't agreed with them,
Doesn't want into their agenda,
Is simply not buying what they are selling,
Not cosigning on their madness,
And as soon as that occurs then the person is labeled a 'Hater' or deemed to be 'Hating'...
What in the world happened to plain old, difference of opinion or do your thing and allow me to do mine...
When in the world did we get to the place when anytime someone isn't in to us,
Doesn't agree with us,
Can't see it our way,
They have to be hating...
It probably isn't that deep...
Or they may be saving your feelings by not telling you why they really aren't,
Fooling up with you...
Because what I have noticed is that the first people who say someone is hating,
Are often people who have so much going on in a negative way that people just don't want to be caught up or out like that,
Which leaves me to guess it's easier and more palatable to think someone is....
Hating...
Than to look inside and accept that it just might be something else....
They just might not be cosigning on your madness...
Hmmm....

Blessings,
angelia

Weeding...

'Ms. A, why are they like that?'
"Why is who like that?"
'People.'
"Come on baby, you are going to have to give me more to work with than that."
'Why are they so nice when you are doing nothing but so mean when you tighten up your game.'
Oh Oh...
"Well, I am sure there are a number of reasons. First it could simply be jealousy or maybe it is fear, the fear that if you do real well, you will forget them."
'They should know better, come on...'
'Sweetie, no one knows better until they know. And in some ways they are right.'
"Please, Ms. A I would never get brand new on my friends." Smiling I chose my words carefully....
"I am sure you wouldn't but sometimes you will have no choice. You my child are a flower. For years your buds were being choked by weeds. Now that you are fertilizing and watering yourself, the weeds are trying to choke you out."
"Ma'am?"
"What I am saying is that it is harder to be a flower than a weed. Weeds flourish, grow without any real care. Whereas a flower has to be nurtured to grow and even with all the watering, fertilizing and sunshine, sometimes the only way a flower can really come to full bloom is to be transplanted."
"That is so hard though, I don't want to be like that, forgetting where I came from."
'I know you don't and you don't have to forget where you came from, ever. What you have to do is remember that being from a place does not define you and you can be from somewhere and not of somewhere. And blooming will allow other flowers to take up the place of the weeds.'
"Oh, I see. It is that same thing you say about surrounding myself with good people, huh?"
'That's it sweetie, also the way to always remember where you came from is to reach back once you have been transplanted and sprinkle water, sunshine and fertilizer on someone else."
'Yes, ma'am. This flowering business sure is hard.'
"You bet it is, but is sure is beautiful."

Smooches,
angelia

Stripped Down...

How often do we really look at ourselves...
Naked...
Stripped Down...
Now I don't mean just in the literal sense,
Though we need to do that also,
But I mean look at who we are,
What we want,
What do we expect,
Because to truly accept ourselves,
We have to know ourselves.
Someone told me I was intimidating,
I asked why...
Is it because I am tall...(private joke)
They said, 'No because you are confident and really like yourself''
Hmmm...
It didn't take me too long to figure that out,
A confident woman is a frightening thing,
Only because so many of us are scared to death of who we really are,
And spend so much time hiding behind superficial stuff,
We don't strip down and get naked with ourselves,
So we don't ever strip down and get naked with others,
It's like faking in bed,
No one is getting anything from that,
Least of all you...
So to become a confident, woman who likes herself,
We must see ourselves, butt naked, literally and figuratively...
I know my strengths, my weaknesses, how I look and how I feel,
What I want and what I will not allow,
When you meet me, greet me, that is what you will get,
There is absolutely no time to walk around in masks,
Playing games with people,
Trying to fool them into purchasing a package,
Filled with stuff they don't know,
And might return once they take the shiny paper off,
So strip down,
Get naked,
Look at yourself,
Accept and Love what you see and who you are,
Amazingly people who matter and who get it and want it,
Will line up in droves,
Those that don't,
Well,
Que Sera, Sera....

Smooches,
angelia

Sista Love

Sista love,
there is nothing like it, you may not have been born of the same mamas,
But she is your sista,
You can laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Die your hair with her,
And she is like Ms. Clairol, she won't tell a soul,
You can fight with her,
The next day you alright with her,
She knows your mess,
She has seen your distress,
Sometimes she puts your nerves to the test,
But you know what you have with her is the best,
When all the rest,
Is making themselves less,
Sista love...
Never takes a rest...
I LOVE YOU MY SISTAS!!!!

blessings,
angelia

Finding the Goods...

I always try to find what’s good,
In everything…
When I am writing, even when I know my character has mad issues,
I make it my business to balance it with what is good in that person,
My character Brown had serious issues, but he was a good father, took care of his family while in the midst of his issues…
When reading I look for some redeeming characteristic in the bad one,
Sometimes it’s hard to find, especially if they have been written purposely bad…
The same is true when reviewing books,
I try to find something in there that will appeal to the potential reader,
Just because something isn’t my literary cup of tea, doesn’t in any way mean it will not be someone else’s,
When written badly I will say that but will try to temper it with something that works,
The same is true in my real people life,
I will make the effort to see the good in people,
Or to see what makes them beautiful,
Everyone has something… we simply have to make the effort to find it,
Understanding all the time that it doesn’t diminish our worth,
Or beauty to see the worth or beauty in someone else,
And if we can’t find it, relax and let them go…
Yesterday I was rolling through cyberspace…
I do that occasionally when I have a little time on my hands,
Want to see what’s up…
I saw some really cool stuff, laughed a little bit, was touched a few times, and then…
I saw what I call cyber mess,
When I see that I move on past,
For the life of me, I am unable to understand why people take it so seriously,
And are feuding, fighting and being downright goofy…
I love reading excerpts, opinions and participating,
But if I see meanness, pettiness or mess,
Mama is rolling on…
I will not comment, get involved or even tell anyone about it…
Life is too short for that,
It feels like bathing in dirty water,
When a crystal spring is available…
I know this short missive from me won’t change a thing,
But I would ask people to be careful about what they ‘say’…
Because that stuff lives on and on and on….
And often the impression that is left is the OPPOSITE of
What may have been intended...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Rambler's Ramble...

Again this morning I reflect on why I ramble...
I am home in the middle of the week, tired....
I have to say '07 has been a buuussssyyy year...
Three books since last October, crazy work year, volunteerism up and going up again...
So I asked myself again last night why do I ramble,
And all I could come up with is I enjoy it,
And I enjoy the comments and feedback I recieve from people,
Beyond that I can't think of a reason,
Yesterday, I recieved so many emails off-blog about the blog, "Emotional and Unprepared"
Most were so touching and heartfelt,
And that reinforced my desire to ramble,
There has been a time or two when I have considered not doing it,
It would be one of the easiest things to let go,
But the comments from people and especially the emails let me know,
That I am on to something here, the same way I am with other forms of being there...
I love it when people come by, if they leave a comment cool...
If not cool...
I have had so many people 'pimp' my blog when I didn't even know they read my blog,
They had never left a comment or an email...
I like that...and am thankful,
Gracias' to the people who have asked me to join their blogs based on simply reading,
Ramblings...
What I know for sure is that I will not pen another novel for at least a year,
My young adult novel, 'Is No Not Clear Enough For You', will get all of me for at least a year,
I will continue my volunteerism, can't stop...
And I will ramble, a lot...

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Emotional and Unprepared...

I was asked what did I think was plaguing the young men in our community…
Causing so much violence, unprotected sex and high school dropout rates,
My answer was simple,
These kids are emotional and unprepared…
Many looked at me with questions in their eyes,
They understood unprepared to a great extent,
But emotional?
Yes, emotional.
So many see emotional as crying,
Well just because someone isn’t crying on the outside,
Doesn’t mean they aren’t bawling on the inside,
And when someone lashes out,
With their fists, their penises or a gun,
That’s an emotional response in textbook form,
It means when they don’t know what else to do,
They allow their emotions to lead them to life-defining decisions,
We will all admit that women are often more emotional than men,
And with great reason,
So if most boys in our communities are being raised by women,
Especially disenfranchised women who are in emotional turmoil themselves,
By default they get to be more emotional, because we mirror what we see,
So they aren’t crying tears because the world frowns on that,
But perpetrating, ‘Hard’…
Causes emotional turmoil which manifests itself in violent acts,
And one can’t become prepared to do anything,
When from day one the response has been emotional,
And society has immediately placed a nametag on your chest,
So young people, African American boys mostly are sitting in classrooms,
Unable to compete because they have been led to believe that they have to personify Manhood even when they are children, when in fact very few have role models to mirror,
Which define true manhood…
Anytime anyone asks what made the difference in my boys,
I immediately say their dad,
They got to see a MAN,
Someone who loved and honored their mother,
And was able to guide them on the path to being men,
Letting them know that the lack of tears doesn’t make a man,
But how one prepares to face life does,
Showing them that the best battles are won with their minds,
And with education, hard work, honoring women and staying the course when it would be easier to stop and do nothing…
So until boys are raised to be men in this manner,
We will continue to be plagued by generations who are,
Emotional and Unprepared….to compete,
Or be complete…

Love and Blessings…
angelia

Shhhhhhh...

People fascinate me and give me so much to write about…
Something I have always found profoundly and extremely fascinating are people who feel their conversation is life altering or changing….who withold it to make a point...
Stay with me I am going to clear this up,
Yesterday I observed a couple of long time friends walk past one another without any acknowledgment…immediately I was fascinated…
I didn’t have to wait long, one sat down beside me saying,
‘I’m not talking to her right now.’
I stayed quiet as is my way…so she continued,
‘She made me mad and I am not going to talk to her for awhile…’
Okay,
I didn’t ask her what her friend had done, really didn’t care, what I did ask was a question that had been on my mind for decades,
“What will not talking to her do?” Puzzlement rested on her face.
‘Huh’. So I asked again,
“What will not talking to her do? Will she get in line, apologize, what?”
‘I don’t know.’ I realized she didn’t know, but I also realized that there was something in her that sensed or needed some kind of a reaction and whether she had articulated it or not, she felt her conversation was very important to that person.
Maybe it is, I don’t know, but maybe it isn’t and she will risk losing someone she cares about by not talking to them.
Years ago, I had a work friend who stopped talking to me.
I was oblivious for weeks.
We would nod and speak in the mornings, then go to our offices and work.
After several weeks she asked me to go to lunch, I said sure.
At lunch she apologized for not talking and then told me why.
I was flabbergasted. I hadn’t noticed we weren’t talking. I had assumed we were just very busy and hadn’t had time to socialize. After all we were at work…seeing the blank look on my face, she asked,
‘Did you even notice?’ Slightly embarrassed I mumbled something about being busy, but the truth is, I hadn’t.
Not because I didn’t care, but because we were adult women and I figured we would tell the other if there were something to tell,
And as someone who goes to a quiet place when busy, tired or sad, I respect others right to do the same,
And I never assume I am so important that not talking to someone will cause them grief or anxiety and I reserve the right to not become grieved or anxious when someone is not talking to me…so after reflecting on this I said to my associate,
“Well, if you really care about her, why don’t you just tell her what is up? Work it out. Why risk ruining something good by not talking?” She looked at me as she stood, nodding. I am totally unsure if she got what I was saying or if it mattered. Maybe the power of thinking she was handling her friend was enough. But what I do know is that if the person is of any import to you, your silence may become their silence and what is gained by that?

Love and Blessings,
angelia

Word!

A friend asked me where do the words come from,
I told her my heart and my head,
Also from all the things I have gone through,
Seen others go through,
Mostly my ability to sit still and think,
So many describe me as a people person,
And to a great extent I am, but only in the sense of service,
Mostly I am a quite, quiet self-contained person,
Who rarely feels a need to mingle,
I want to mingle, ocassionally
But that is different,
Needing to mingle indicates something missing,
That hopefully can be found by mingling,
Whereas wanting to, simply means I enjoy mingling,
And would like to do so sometimes...
Therefore as an internal being,
It gives me an inordinate (all the time)
Amount of time to mentally explore,
Then to write down what is in my heart,
Or what has been imparted to me through experience,
Or through study,
As I have said before I am simply a vessel,
And why God has chosen at this time to allow me to speak, to ramble...
Without pausing, through my words,
Is of no import to me, I don't question, I accept...
I will just do as has been divined,
There were years when I was talking and saying nothing,
Caught up in superficial, politically correct conversations,
But one day as a Grown Woman I knew that all that I had seen,
Been told and taught,
Even those things I had been blessed with had to come to the surface,
Otherwise, what was the point of knowing something,
Believing something,
If you aren't sharing something,
Because an unshared gift or blessing,
Is wasted...

Love and Blessing,
angelia

A Mama's Heart...

Parenting is hard work,
I tell you truly, there are no down days, vacation times, when those children are in the house...
It is twenty-four seven,
But it's worth it, when it all comes together for good,
My youngest was a handful,
The most loving kid, excellent student...
But sometimes arrogant and downright obstinate about what he believed or believed in,
He took me there more than once,
But the thing I knew was that with his heart, his focus and his determination,
He would be a MAN,
I am watching that come to fruition,
He makes his own decisions, charts his own course,
And stays linked to his parents in allowing us to share his success,
Always thanking us for being loving, hardnosed disciplinarians,
Last night he called to tell us he had been accepted into an elite language course,
And only twenty made it and his score was one of the highest,
He is the only Black,
All I could think,
After giving thanks to God,
Is hanging in there is the truth,
And that we must never throw our hands up,
Or give up, we must plow on,
I remember being ridiculed by more permissive parents,
As being too strict,
Or having people tell me when those kids were teenagers,
To just let them go, boys will be boys,
But what I knew for sure is that since we brought them here,
It was our responsibility to stay the course,
Never wavering in our love, support or being wishy-washy,
Whew...
'Parenting is not for Punks'
Was my motto,
This morning I am a proud Mama,
So Malik, Young Deep the Dictator,
You have done your Mama Proud...

angelia

Are We Having Fun Yet...

Are we too grown to have fun?
Not me, I am truly having a second childhood...
My kids tell me that all the time, with pride in their voices I might add...
They know if they stop by, I might be blaring music and dancing all alone in my house,
Or their dad and I might be laughing so hard at something,
They can hear us when they get to the door...
Even at church I get to laugh,
Last night we had an amazing message,
But the beauty is that our Pastor is so funny,
And sometimes, last night being one of them, my side ached from giggling out loud,
How cool is that, an expository message and laughter...
I remember reading an article last week about sixty year olds having more fun,
Than forty year olds...
Someone said it is because the kids are gone...
I am a decade from sixty, and I am having a blast,
My kids are gone,
But mostly it is because there is nothing to prove to anyone,
No one to impress,
I take care of myself to be healthy to live and to laugh,
These days I take the stairs in order to keep my heart rate up,
Not just for a tight booty,
I eat mostly vegetables,
Because it keeps my skin shiny and allows me to eat those chips and ice cream,
On Fridays,
And I revel in the love of a wonderful, spiritual man who I love and who loves me,
And I take time out to play,
When I get with my young nieces,
I allow them to teach me all the latest dances...
Sometimes I read a book simply because it is fun and will make me laugh out loud,
And when I love,
And laugh,
It comes all the way from my soul and spirit,
Without regard for who is watching,
Or what they may think about my antics,
Because acting grown up is tiresome,
When you are feeling like a kid inside,
So loosen up,
Let your hair down,
Have some fun...

Love and Blessings,
Angelia

Reading Comfort Zones..

What about reading or what kinds of books take you out of your comfort zone...
Now let's forget editing, formatting and those kinds of things,
I mean when you have a well-written book in your hand, what moves you to a place of discomfort,
But will not allow you to put the book down,
I am pretty easy when it comes to book types,
My first loves are lit fiction, documentary stylye non-fiction and mainstream fiction,
But I have been known to read everything,
I will admit that I have read some erotica that took me out of my comfort zone,
Because when I came to know what erotica was it had very little to do with extremely hardcore or with violence, I love well written, heated sex scenes, but when a woman is being harmed or hurt that is uncomfortable for me...
I will admit though, I read a book like that and the writing was so tight, I read to the very end, uncomfortable the whole time...
Another thing that sometimes gets to me is overblown 'materialism', my eyes glaze over when every other page is about clothes, jewelry or rides...
I am currently reading a book, 'Love's Troubadors' that I had preconcieved notions about when I started reading, but I am really enjoying and the uber narrative style has become so cool, because the writer has made me feel her character's pain and what she is going through, I know her...
Come on fess up, I want to know...

smooches,
Nosy Angel

Comfort Zones

Comfort zones, we all have them...
We know what we like to eat...
To read...
To write...
And we do it in those ways because it is comfortable,
However to grow, sometimes we have to move from our zones...
Most of my work life has been spent in comfort zones...
I have had a variety of careers,
But that all pretty much existed in arenas where I knew,
I would do well...
Figures and Logic,
That is where I worked and what worked for me,
Maybe the corporation was different,
But if numbers and logic were involved,
I was good...
I also did not take on things I knew I didn't do well,
If I tried it and it didn't work,
I didn't do it again,
Writing a book took me way out of my comfort zone...
I had written many things,
Had even won a scholarship based on a written work,
But it wasn't the same,
Writing a book meant that I was taking a risk,
Putting myself out there on the line,
With the expectation that people would purchase,
Read and hopefully enjoy what I had written,
And since reading is so subjective,
I knew that the way my mind worked,
I was not going to write in a way that was prescribed,
The beauty of it all,
Was I was so innocent,
I wrote that first book,
Unleashing on the world without anyone's input,
And had sold a respectable number of copies before I was really,
Involved in the literary scene,
So once I was and I discovered how much I didn't know,
Enough readers had spoken, positively, encouragingly and constructively,
Allowing me to know that I could do this,
I just needed to work on some 'thangs.'
Also I came to writing from a place of some economic comfort,
I knew that if I didn't sell a book,
I could go back to a pretty nice life...
So I started out with a big plan,
To write a trilogy,
Book II was my baby,
'Cinnamon's Universe', it took me fourteen months from the publication of
'Black's Obsession'to put it out there, though it was done before my short stories,
Just held on to it,
Once I had done book II, Book III, Brown's Possession, came so quick it startled me,
Now I know why,
I had become comfortable again,
I needed to do something different,
I had told that story and needed to step once again,
Out of the zones and take a chance on what I had meant to do in the first place...
I needed to stretch,
And sprint, launch, spring out of my comfort zone,
Because I knew, there is never a time,
When Growth is not a good thing...

angelia

Sisterhood...

How many times have we heard a woman say...
I don't do women...
I have heard that so many times lately,
It is amazing,
I am led to wonder what is behind this,
I was watching a court tv show yesterday and the woman defendant said,
'I don't do females...'
The female judge was incensed,
And in short order told the woman her feelings,
To paraphrase her,
'We only hurt ourselves when we are unable to love our sisters, and always find ourselves in competition with them....'
So true...
I have longstanding, loving relationships with many women,
Though I will have to admit that I have felt a woman's wrath,
Without really understanding where it was coming from,
There have been situations where I have walked into a room of my sisters,
And immediately feel I am on Siberia,
When asking other sisters about this, they will sometimes laugh uncomfortably,
Saying,
'You know how women are...'
And I find myself thinking,
'I sure do, I was raised by a legion of women, and there are women who I can call and they will always answer.'
One of my female friends, however, was very honest,
She told me,
'Women are set up to compete with each other.'
I asked,
'What does that have to do with me?'
Smiling, she looked straight in my eyes,
'Well, you carry yourself in a way that makes people uncomfortable, you are confident, attractive and always seem to have it together and that makes people who don't feel they are those things lash out.'
Pain roiled through my gut,
Because I know the dynamics of that kind of thinking is so deeply entrenched as to be permanent,
So much of that was set up in slavery, skin color madness, hair length madness, house slave verus-field slave madness...
Divide and Conquer madness...
What is it that we can do, or say that will stop the madness of us feeling that we have to compete with another sister...and if we can't compete...
Freezing her out....
Or lashing out in a way that is detrimental to all of us,
For generations to come...
I surely don't know,
But I am open to suggestions...

Love and Blesssings,
angelia

Tagged the 1st Time

Dee Savoy tagged me about books, so here goes,

Total Number of Books Read
Too many to count by far, I have been reading since age four and has never had a 'no reading day'. There isnt a room in my house that does not have a book shelf...

Last Book Read
The Wind Follower by Carole McDonnell, this book was an epic journey into Medieval Africa and tackled so many issues regarding race, class, religion and sex. It was written as a Christian Fantasy but that classification in no way describes this book. It is well-written and complex and would make for so many interesting, heated discussions.

Last Book Bought
The Ex-Files by Victoria Christpher Murphy, I am still reading as we speak, and am enjoying. The story is about four women who are exes who are brought together to learn to handle thier issues with prayer and friendship.

Five Meaningful Books
Just Above My Head by James Baldwin is one of my favorite books of all time. I love the way Mr. Baldwin explores the dynamics of family, religious influence and confused sexuality. I have always loved how fully-fleshed his female characters are. In this book he does all these to a fare-the-well.
Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver is a book for women who are living and thinking they should be able to do and have it all. Mary and Martha from the bible are used as the examples. Mary knows that sometimes it is good to sit still, while Martha is always busy and needing recognition for her efforts. Reading this book took me to a calm place.
Waiting in Vain by Colin Channer, is a literary delight. Mr. Channer introduces us to chance love and takes us below the surface of his characters in a way that made me feel I knew them personally. And the way he writes of Jamaica had me wanting to purchase a ticket. I have read this book several times.
The Autobiography of Malcolm X is a book I first read when twelve and have purchased for every young man in my life. This book resonated in my heart in such a way that I can't even explain why it touched me. One reason has to be because it was a story of a MAN, who had so many problems and issues, but learned from the mistakes and GREW.
Blues Dancing by Dianne Mckinney Whetstone is the ultimate love story. This book touched my heart. I was amazed how this story that could have been so tragic was so beautiful and touching.

angelia